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Post by isthisit on Apr 1, 2024 17:18:34 GMT -5
So, we have another counciling session tomorrow. I have no idea what we're going to talk about. Its been a few weeks now since the idea of a shower together was brought up and she said it would be something she'd be willing to do. Multiple opportunities have come and gone with her rejecting everything I suggest. At this point I don't want to try anymore. She's says she's open to trying things and that she's "heard" me but the reality is that her actions are clearly saying my needs don't matter to her. The best we've done in 3 months of "trying" is 2 minutes of kissing once, and a few cuddle sessions while watching TV. The only question I need to tackle now is do I live as roommates until my son is done high-school or do rip off the bandaid and just leave. The other option is to find a "friend" without her permission(shes already rejected this idea). I know some here encourage this, but I think when she finds out, that arrangement would be used as ammunition against me with family and friends. So I'm not yet willing to go there. I am sorry your missus wasn’t willing to meet you half way in resuscitating your marriage. But you are wise to draw your conclusions on her behaviours and not her words. I agree with you about the disadvantages of playing away at this stage in the proceedings. If you were to be found out, history would tell the tale of morally dodgy dad and poor victim mum, when the truth is far from that. Many may disagree, but for me, you would play into her hands very nicely in that scenario. (If it came to light.) I guess another factor to consider is whether being sneaky is something which appeals to you or not. For some this might be exciting, but maybe not for everyone. It’s a horrid situation in which to find yourself, I wish you well with your choices. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Apr 1, 2024 18:41:10 GMT -5
So, we have another counciling session tomorrow. I have no idea what we're going to talk about. Its been a few weeks now since the idea of a shower together was brought up and she said it would be something she'd be willing to do. Multiple opportunities have come and gone with her rejecting everything I suggest. At this point I don't want to try anymore. She's says she's open to trying things and that she's "heard" me but the reality is that her actions are clearly saying my needs don't matter to her. The best we've done in 3 months of "trying" is 2 minutes of kissing once, and a few cuddle sessions while watching TV. The only question I need to tackle now is do I live as roommates until my son is done high-school or do rip off the bandaid and just leave. The other option is to find a "friend" without her permission(shes already rejected this idea). I know some here encourage this, but I think when she finds out, that arrangement would be used as ammunition against me with family and friends. So I'm not yet willing to go there. I am sorry your missus wasn’t willing to meet you half way in resuscitating your marriage. But you are wise to draw your conclusions on her behaviors and not her words. I agree with you about the disadvantages of playing away at this stage in the proceedings. If you were to be found out, history would tell the tale of morally dodgy dad and poor victim mum, when the truth is far from that. Many may disagree, but for me, you would play into her hands very nicely in that scenario. (If it came to light.) I guess another factor to consider is whether being sneaky is something which appeals to you or not. For some this might be exciting, but maybe not for everyone. It’s a horrid situation in which to find yourself, I wish you well with your choices. You use the phrase "find out", m76. Just making sure you are aware of the third option. Informed outsourcing. She doesn't consent, but she is aware. No secrecy involved. She can even request parameters (never in the house, dates only 20 miles from town, no redheads, etc.) As I've said elsewhere, this undermines a lot of the sanctimonious righteousness the refuser hopes to enjoy if the refused opens the marriage in secret. "How'd you find out?" "He told me in advance that he was getting a mistress." "He what?  Why???!!!" "Uh....." If she wants to throw mud, she'll at least know the truth. Truth you can share with anyone you figure will be receptive. Non-consensual celibacy was the price she demanded to keep your marriage together. Is she ready for that truth to be the story people know? Or...does she do the right thing and ignore your sexuality? Just like she's been doing for years without complaint. |
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Post by lonelyhubby on Apr 2, 2024 6:57:25 GMT -5
Forced celibacy is NOT an act of love.
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Post by toughtiger on Apr 2, 2024 9:02:22 GMT -5
So, we have another counciling session tomorrow. I have no idea what we're going to talk about. Its been a few weeks now since the idea of a shower together was brought up and she said it would be something she'd be willing to do. Multiple opportunities have come and gone with her rejecting everything I suggest. At this point I don't want to try anymore. She's says she's open to trying things and that she's "heard" me but the reality is that her actions are clearly saying my needs don't matter to her. The best we've done in 3 months of "trying" is 2 minutes of kissing once, and a few cuddle sessions while watching TV. The only question I need to tackle now is do I live as roommates until my son is done high-school or do rip off the bandaid and just leave. The other option is to find a "friend" without her permission(shes already rejected this idea). I know some here encourage this, but I think when she finds out, that arrangement would be used as ammunition against me with family and friends. So I'm not yet willing to go there. I am in same boat........... had many many many talks ........suggested counseling he said he would do only one session like that would do anything at all ...... he has tried a few times to hold my hand but seriously hugs/ cuddles and holding hands simply is not and will not be enough now...... living as roommates is something i thought i could do too .... but in reality it is draining.... if you think about leaving be honest with your high school age son ( they are old enough to handle it and understand} and simply be honest about why not sugar coating it........just that this is no longer a marriage and you deserve to be loved and wanted. Being upfront and truthful is easier then telling after the fact as a defense to whatever they think is reason or whatever she tells him, |
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Post by toughtiger on Apr 2, 2024 9:12:15 GMT -5
You use the phrase "find out", m76. Just making sure you are aware of the third option. Informed outsourcing. She doesn't consent, but she is aware. No secrecy involved. She can even request parameters (never in the house, dates only 20 miles from town, no redheads, etc.) As I've said elsewhere, this undermines a lot of the sanctimonious righteousness the refuser hopes to enjoy if the refused opens the marriage in secret. "How'd you find out?" "He told me in advance that he was getting a mistress." "He what? Why???!!!" "Uh....." If she wants to throw mud, she'll at least know the truth. Truth you can share with anyone you figure will be receptive. Non-consensual celibacy was the price she demanded to keep your marriage together. Is she ready for that truth to be the story people know? Or...does she do the right thing and ignore your sexuality? Just like she's been doing for years without complaint. I often wondered what these ladies who think forced celibacy is OK if they had this type of conversation with her girlfriends .....i know they don't ..... they do not claim to be asexual or just done unless ALL friends are the same .....unlikely. I know for a fact ......many women lie about how great things are after i had already heard the H version of sleeping as far away in house as he can and barely speaking to her...... Also single or women not getting any at home would be willing to make a FWB thing with spouses they know are starved of intimacy too .......... if they know M is a possible Friend ..... |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Apr 2, 2024 9:23:35 GMT -5
You use the phrase "find out", m76. Just making sure you are aware of the third option. Informed outsourcing. She doesn't consent, but she is aware. No secrecy involved. She can even request parameters (never in the house, dates only 20 miles from town, no redheads, etc.) As I've said elsewhere, this undermines a lot of the sanctimonious righteousness the refuser hopes to enjoy if the refused opens the marriage in secret. "How'd you find out?" "He told me in advance that he was getting a mistress." "He what? Why???!!!" "Uh....." If she wants to throw mud, she'll at least know the truth. Truth you can share with anyone you figure will be receptive. Non-consensual celibacy was the price she demanded to keep your marriage together. Is she ready for that truth to be the story people know? Or...does she do the right thing and ignore your sexuality? Just like she's been doing for years without complaint. I often wondered what these ladies who think forced celibacy is OK if they had this type of conversation with her girlfriends .....i know they don't ..... they do not claim to be asexual or just done unless ALL friends are the same .....unlikely. I know for a fact ......many women lie about how great things are after i had already heard the H version of sleeping as far away in house as he can and barely speaking to her...... Also single or women not getting any at home would be willing to make a FWB thing with spouses they know are starved of intimacy too .......... if they know M is a possible Friend ..... There's actually a woman friend that I've been talking to a lot. We play some video games online and talk about a lot. She knows of my pending separation and my current emotional unavailability/depression. She's dropped hints that she'd like me to come over to her place under the guise of showing me some of her movies/games. I've been saying no mostly because we work together and I know once that door is open there's no going back. |
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Missingout
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Post by Missingout on Apr 2, 2024 9:28:18 GMT -5
Fack it. Jump in and find another job🤣😂. Just kidding.
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 2, 2024 9:50:28 GMT -5
I often wondered what these ladies who think forced celibacy is OK if they had this type of conversation with her girlfriends .....i know they don't ..... they do not claim to be asexual or just done unless ALL friends are the same .....unlikely. I know for a fact ......many women lie about how great things are after i had already heard the H version of sleeping as far away in house as he can and barely speaking to her...... Also single or women not getting any at home would be willing to make a FWB thing with spouses they know are starved of intimacy too .......... if they know M is a possible Friend ..... My X belonged to a soriety where 1/2 or more of the women were not married and a # of the other women were refusers. My X ask me "why couldn't I be like other husbands and learn to do without"? When she began refusing her soriety sisters reinforced her right to do with her body as she saw fit. I have never heard of any man speaking positively about refusing his wife sex. I also had sex with a # of married wives with whom I was friends. The long term friendship got me the invitation into their bed. Being the good friend that I was I never said no. When it comes to finding a FWB my thoughts are that a married female friend is likely to be a man's most likely success option. |
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 3, 2024 11:32:39 GMT -5
I often wondered what these ladies who think forced celibacy is OK if they had this type of conversation with her girlfriends .....i know they don't ..... they do not claim to be asexual or just done unless ALL friends are the same .....unlikely. I know for a fact ......many women lie about how great things are after i had already heard the H version of sleeping as far away in house as he can and barely speaking to her...... Also single or women not getting any at home would be willing to make a FWB thing with spouses they know are starved of intimacy too .......... if they know M is a possible Friend ..... There's actually a woman friend that I've been talking to a lot. We play some video games online and talk about a lot. She knows of my pending separation and my current emotional unavailability/depression. She's dropped hints that she'd like me to come over to her place under the guise of showing me some of her movies/games. I've been saying no mostly because we work together and I know once that door is open there's no going back. Kick that door open and run through it, man! Normally I'd advise discretion when it comes to mixing work and pleasure (rich, as I've slept with a few co-workers in my life), but not in this case. Fuck the job; you can find another one if it became an issue. This girl wants to give you attention, wants you in her house AND loves video games?? It's a sign if there ever was one!! There is already no going back...no going back to a happy marriage where your wife will ever touch you of her own free will. If I may be so bold, I dare say she will never act like she even likes you, much less loves you. She will keep you in endless counseling sessions that lead to nowhere for the rest of your life, with promises of maybe possibly holding your hand two weeks from now, for really real this time. And worry not about being "the bad guy". In terms of divorce proceedings, watch your back of course, but I guarantee no matter how things end, you WILL be painted as the villain anyway. Family and friends may never know that the marriage fell apart because she refused to touch you, because she became full of deceit and lies and cared nothing for your well-being. And that's okay, because YOU know the truth, and so does that girl who loves video games. |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Apr 3, 2024 13:12:59 GMT -5
There's actually a woman friend that I've been talking to a lot. We play some video games online and talk about a lot. She knows of my pending separation and my current emotional unavailability/depression. She's dropped hints that she'd like me to come over to her place under the guise of showing me some of her movies/games. I've been saying no mostly because we work together and I know once that door is open there's no going back. Kick that door open and run through it, man! Normally I'd advise discretion when it comes to mixing work and pleasure (rich, as I've slept with a few co-workers in my life), but not in this case. Fuck the job; you can find another one if it became an issue. This girl wants to give you attention, wants you in her house AND loves video games?? It's a sign if there ever was one!! There is already no going back...no going back to a happy marriage where your wife will ever touch you of her own free will. If I may be so bold, I dare say she will never act like she even likes you, much less loves you. She will keep you in endless counseling sessions that lead to nowhere for the rest of your life, with promises of maybe possibly holding your hand two weeks from now, for really real this time. And worry not about being "the bad guy". In terms of divorce proceedings, watch your back of course, but I guarantee no matter how things end, you WILL be painted as the villain anyway. Family and friends may never know that the marriage fell apart because she refused to touch you, because she became full of deceit and lies and cared nothing for your well-being. And that's okay, because YOU know the truth, and so does that girl who loves video games. The temptation is there and given my current circumstances I don't think I'd feel guilty about it at all. But I'd still rather make the clean break when I'm ready and be free to do what I want. More update. So after our last session our councilor called my wife out for not following through on the promise of a shower together. And we actually did that last night. It was nice, touch was above the waist with some kissing. I was hard as a rock the whole time but she ignored that part. After we cuddled in bed for a bit. It seems that just as I'm ready to call it quits, she'll offer something. I know it's breadcrumbing and a shower really doesn't provide much but I won't lie, it was really nice to be naked with skin on skin even as limited as it was. |
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Post by deadzone75 on Apr 3, 2024 13:25:34 GMT -5
Kick that door open and run through it, man! Normally I'd advise discretion when it comes to mixing work and pleasure (rich, as I've slept with a few co-workers in my life), but not in this case. Fuck the job; you can find another one if it became an issue. This girl wants to give you attention, wants you in her house AND loves video games?? It's a sign if there ever was one!! There is already no going back...no going back to a happy marriage where your wife will ever touch you of her own free will. If I may be so bold, I dare say she will never act like she even likes you, much less loves you. She will keep you in endless counseling sessions that lead to nowhere for the rest of your life, with promises of maybe possibly holding your hand two weeks from now, for really real this time. And worry not about being "the bad guy". In terms of divorce proceedings, watch your back of course, but I guarantee no matter how things end, you WILL be painted as the villain anyway. Family and friends may never know that the marriage fell apart because she refused to touch you, because she became full of deceit and lies and cared nothing for your well-being. And that's okay, because YOU know the truth, and so does that girl who loves video games. The temptation is there and given my current circumstances I don't think I'd feel guilty about it at all. But I'd still rather make the clean break when I'm ready and be free to do what I want. More update. So after our last session our councilor called my wife out for not following through on the promise of a shower together. And we actually did that last night. It was nice, touch was above the waist with some kissing. I was hard as a rock the whole time but she ignored that part. After we cuddled in bed for a bit. It seems that just as I'm ready to call it quits, she'll offer something. I know it's breadcrumbing and a shower really doesn't provide much but I won't lie, it was really nice to be naked with skin on skin even as limited as it was. This is by design. She will offer you something to keep you there, and never offer everything. If I showered next to someone and they ignored my erection for the entirety of said shower, I wouldn't speak to them again for days. Your W has set your expectations at a subterranean level. That's the spell you'll have to break, or else she'll be able to keep you on that fishing hook indefinitely, and she'll only need to wink at you to do it. |
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Post by isthisit on Apr 3, 2024 14:02:15 GMT -5
More update. So after our last session our councilor called my wife out for not following through on the promise of a shower together. And we actually did that last night. It was nice, touch was above the waist with some kissing. I was hard as a rock the whole time but she ignored that part. After we cuddled in bed for a bit. I won't lie, it was really nice to be naked with skin on skin even as limited as it was. She showered with you and ignored your erection? Good Lord. What was the point of the shower if there was no action? It does seem that she showered with you because the counsellor told her that she should as she has agreed to it, rather than she wanted to. And her ignorance of your erection is as clear an expression of her disinterest in intimacy as it is possible to achieve. Soapy loveliness is such a joy, that woman is simply broken. And you are exceptionally patient to see the silver lining with all of that. I’d be super grumpy to put it mildly. |
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Missingout
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Post by Missingout on Apr 3, 2024 14:10:44 GMT -5
The temptation is there and given my current circumstances I don't think I'd feel guilty about it at all. But I'd still rather make the clean break when I'm ready and be free to do what I want. More update. So after our last session our councilor called my wife out for not following through on the promise of a shower together. And we actually did that last night. It was nice, touch was above the waist with some kissing. I was hard as a rock the whole time but she ignored that part. After we cuddled in bed for a bit. It seems that just as I'm ready to call it quits, she'll offer something. I know it's breadcrumbing and a shower really doesn't provide much but I won't lie, it was really nice to be naked with skin on skin even as limited as it was. This is by design. She will offer you something to keep you there, and never offer everything. If I showered next to someone and they ignored my erection for the entirety of said shower, I wouldn't speak to them again for days. Your W has set your expectations at a subterranean level. That's the spell you'll have to break, or else she'll be able to keep you on that fishing hook indefinitely, and she'll only need to wink at you to do it. Not sure how this works? Shower with hardon that is ignored? Dammit this is why we don't shower together because she knows we're curling toes if we're taking a shower together. |
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Post by isthisit on Apr 3, 2024 14:20:45 GMT -5
It seems that just as I'm ready to call it quits, she'll offer something. Not sure how this works? Shower with hardon that is ignored? Dammit this is why we don't shower together because she knows we're curling toes if we're taking a shower together. Actually, this has just reminded me that at the end of the marriage, I was also victim of this. I persuaded H to take a bath with me. So, there we were in the two person tub, opposite each other all warm and slippery (me more than him 😉) with limbs entangled…. Sexy for me, and that damn man fell asleep. He woke up in cold water. Alone. And with a very bad tempered wife. Clueless about why I was annoyed. He got kicked into touch pretty soon afterwards- shell shocked I had had enough. |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Apr 3, 2024 14:26:01 GMT -5
More update. So after our last session our councilor called my wife out for not following through on the promise of a shower together. And we actually did that last night. It was nice, touch was above the waist with some kissing. I was hard as a rock the whole time but she ignored that part. After we cuddled in bed for a bit. I won't lie, it was really nice to be naked with skin on skin even as limited as it was. She showered with you and ignored your erection? Good Lord. What was the point of the shower if there was no action? It does seem that she showered with you because the counsellor told her that she should as she has agreed to it, rather than she wanted to. And her ignorance of your erection is as clear an expression of her disinterest in intimacy as it is possible to achieve. Soapy loveliness is such a joy, that woman is simply broken. And you are exceptionally patient to see the silver lining with all of that. I’d be super grumpy to put it mildly. In fairness to her, we had agreed in advance this was to build up comfort and there would be no touching below the waist. Although I was hoping that being soapy and naked together might stir up some arousal in her. |
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Why???!!!"
