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Post by isthisit on Feb 27, 2024 12:23:23 GMT -5
I sent my wife a video from Dr Psych Mom about how men need sex not just for a physical release but for connecting intimately and as soon as she saw the title she scoffed and said “This again?” I told her to watch it. She did but didn’t say a word after and the look on her face was of disgust. She’s pushing me more and more on leaving and I bet she doesn’t even know it. i have seen it before people that simply do not think someone WILL leave. My ex-H never considered for a moment I would leave. He made that quite clear after the event. Not considered it, then discounted the notion, nope never crossed his mind. And believe me, I could not have been more clear. “We are going to end up divorced if you do not listen..” is pretty self explanatory. For some people it may well be a tactic to avoid being the “bad guy” and instigating a divorce they secretly wish for. No-one’s sitaution is the same. |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Feb 27, 2024 12:27:13 GMT -5
i have seen it before people that simply do not think someone WILL leave. My ex-H never considered for a moment I would leave. He made that quite clear after the event. Not considered it, then discounted the notion, nope never crossed his mind. And believe me, I could not have been more clear. “We are going to end up divorced if you do not listen..” is pretty self explanatory. For some people it may well be a tactic to avoid being the “bad guy” and instigating a divorce they secretly wish for. No-one’s sitaution is the same. In our counciling sessions one of the questions that was brought up was "what's the minimum and maximum level of intimacy you would require for the marriage to last." Her minimum was talking, maximum was kissing My minimum when first asked was kissing but I later changed that to sex once a week. We haven't even kissed since then so I don't know how it can be a shock. |
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Post by isthisit on Feb 27, 2024 12:33:38 GMT -5
My ex-H never considered for a moment I would leave. He made that quite clear after the event. Not considered it, then discounted the notion, nope never crossed his mind. And believe me, I could not have been more clear. “We are going to end up divorced if you do not listen..” is pretty self explanatory. For some people it may well be a tactic to avoid being the “bad guy” and instigating a divorce they secretly wish for. No-one’s sitaution is the same. In our counciling sessions one of the questions that was brought up was "what's the minimum and maximum level of intimacy you would require for the marriage to last." Her minimum was talking, maximum was kissing My minimum when first asked was kissing but I later changed that to sex once a week. We haven't even kissed since then so I don't know how it can be a shock. I understand your point of view and would feel that way too. But never underestimate the capacity of a refuser for avoidance. I dropped the bomb on 16th January 2019. It was my birthday last week, and H gave me a card which said “from your favourite husband”. No kidding. Last year it was a card which said “to my darling wife, I will love you forever..” There so simply no hope for the man but I have learned to live with it. |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Mar 4, 2024 20:25:59 GMT -5
So had another councilling session today.
Earlier this week I had told my wife I didn't want to go on any romantic trips since we wouldn't be doing anything romantic. She didn't understand and thought a nice romantic trip would be a good way to reconnect. So I told her if we can't reconnect at home we're not going to be able to reconnect on a trip. She was angry but I had finally told her no.
In our counciling session she brought that up and the councilor explained it again in a different way why I wouldn't want to go and how it could be harmful to me. My wife, like every other time we have a session, seems to get it and says it makes sense....and then.... nothing happens. No change. Tonight we had planned to watch a show in bed cuddling but right after supper she was once again saying she was tired.
This is pointless, she simply cannot understand why sexual contact would be important to anyone since she doesn't care for it herself. I'm well aware now that she won't change and doesn't want to change no mater how much it hurts me. For f*cks sake I'm not even asking for sex tonight, just cuddles.
I've been planning and will continue planning my exit strategy.
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 5, 2024 8:14:52 GMT -5
So had another councilling session today. Earlier this week I had told my wife I didn't want to go on any romantic trips since we wouldn't be doing anything romantic. She didn't understand and thought a nice romantic trip would be a good way to reconnect. So I told her if we can't reconnect at home we're not going to be able to reconnect on a trip. She was angry but I had finally told her no. In our counciling session she brought that up and the councilor explained it again in a different way why I wouldn't want to go and how it could be harmful to me. My wife, like every other time we have a session, seems to get it and says it makes sense....and then.... nothing happens. No change. Tonight we had planned to watch a show in bed cuddling but right after supper she was once again saying she was tired. This is pointless, she simply cannot understand why sexual contact would be important to anyone since she doesn't care for it herself. I'm well aware now that she won't change and doesn't want to change no mater how much it hurts me. For f*cks sake I'm not even asking for sex tonight, just cuddles. I've been planning and will continue planning my exit strategy. Reminds me of your W, my ex W, so many women I meet today,and back to Adam and Eve and the curse on women. |
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Post by aquacat on Mar 5, 2024 9:29:55 GMT -5
Sounds like my W. She is attracted to the assertive and masculine type but wants someone who is safe and can give her security. Whenever I try to be the assertive type I get rebuffed with statements that I'm acting like a jerk. I do go work out in the gym and I do fix and repair things around the house and whatnot so I have the masculine part down, but I just don't know what she's looking for.
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m76
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Post by m76 on Mar 5, 2024 9:37:20 GMT -5
Sounds like my W. She is attracted to the assertive and masculine type but wants someone who is safe and can give her security. Whenever I try to be the assertive type I get rebuffed with statements that I'm acting like a jerk. I do go work out in the gym and I do fix and repair things around the house and whatnot so I have the masculine part down, but I just don't know what she's looking for. I realize now I've gone too far the other way. I had a one on one with my councilor. Since I do everything around the house, take care of the kids, make dinner, and up to now haven't demanded sex, I've created an environment that's too comfortable for my wife. She's been comfortable with her needs being met for so long she simply doesn't see mine as important. |
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Post by aquacat on Mar 5, 2024 9:39:20 GMT -5
Sounds like my W. She is attracted to the assertive and masculine type but wants someone who is safe and can give her security. Whenever I try to be the assertive type I get rebuffed with statements that I'm acting like a jerk. I do go work out in the gym and I do fix and repair things around the house and whatnot so I have the masculine part down, but I just don't know what she's looking for. I realize now I've gone too far the other way. I had a one on one with my councilor. Since I do everything around the house, take care of the kids, make dinner, and up to now haven't demanded sex, I've created an environment that's too comfortable for my wife. She's been comfortable with her needs being met for so long she simply doesn't see mine as important. I'm sure if I saw a councilor they would tell me the same thing. I'm a great provider but a lousy alpha male. Unfortunately I was conditioned that way even as a child. |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Mar 5, 2024 9:41:38 GMT -5
I realize now I've gone too far the other way. I had a one on one with my councilor. Since I do everything around the house, take care of the kids, make dinner, and up to now haven't demanded sex, I've created an environment that's too comfortable for my wife. She's been comfortable with her needs being met for so long she simply doesn't see mine as important. I'm sure if I saw a councilor they would tell me the same thing. I'm a great provider but a lousy alpha male. Unfortunately I was conditioned that way even as a child. Yep raised to take care of everyone else's needs first.. push your own needs down and never complain. Well, that sure turned out great. |
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Missingout
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Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Mar 5, 2024 11:29:25 GMT -5
Sounds like my W. She is attracted to the assertive and masculine type but wants someone who is safe and can give her security. Whenever I try to be the assertive type I get rebuffed with statements that I'm acting like a jerk. I do go work out in the gym and I do fix and repair things around the house and whatnot so I have the masculine part down, but I just don't know what she's looking for. I realize now I've gone too far the other way. I had a one on one with my councilor. Since I do everything around the house, take care of the kids, make dinner, and up to now haven't demanded sex, I've created an environment that's too comfortable for my wife. She's been comfortable with her needs being met for so long she simply doesn't see mine as important. Same. In my eyes she should give a blowjob and unlimited sex for this... Doesn't make sense. Terrible team player . |
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Post by aquacat on Mar 5, 2024 12:01:19 GMT -5
I realize now I've gone too far the other way. I had a one on one with my councilor. Since I do everything around the house, take care of the kids, make dinner, and up to now haven't demanded sex, I've created an environment that's too comfortable for my wife. She's been comfortable with her needs being met for so long she simply doesn't see mine as important. Same. In my eyes she should give a blowjob and unlimited sex for this... Doesn't make sense. Terrible team player . I would just have to hope for the sex. She thinks BJs are disgusting. |
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m76
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Post by m76 on Mar 5, 2024 13:21:08 GMT -5
Same. In my eyes she should give a blowjob and unlimited sex for this... Doesn't make sense. Terrible team player . I would just have to hope for the sex. She thinks BJs are disgusting. I can't really argue that...you couldn't pay me to put a cock in my mouth. Lol. Flip side, I'd go down on my wife in a heartbeat if she asked. |
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Post by ironhamster on Mar 5, 2024 13:23:21 GMT -5
Same. In my eyes she should give a blowjob and unlimited sex for this... Doesn't make sense. Terrible team player . I would just have to hope for the sex. She thinks BJs are disgusting. Sex should be an enthusiastic exchange. I think, once you realize she isn't enthusiastic about having sex with you, it won't be the emotional boost it once was. |
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Missingout
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Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Mar 5, 2024 13:32:38 GMT -5
I would just have to hope for the sex. She thinks BJs are disgusting. Sex should be an enthusiastic exchange. I think, once you realize she isn't enthusiastic about having sex with you, it won't be the emotional boost it once was. Yep I've have not had that boost in some time. |
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Post by aquacat on Mar 5, 2024 14:41:11 GMT -5
I would just have to hope for the sex. She thinks BJs are disgusting. Sex should be an enthusiastic exchange. I think, once you realize she isn't enthusiastic about having sex with you, it won't be the emotional boost it once was. Yep, and unfortunately I haven't had that emotional boost in quite a long time. She doesn't say it but I can tell that sex is just a chore for her. |
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