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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 5, 2024 15:21:24 GMT -5
Reminds me of your W, my ex W, so many women I meet today, and back to Adam and Eve and the curse on women. Wow! Bless her! Makes sense. If her man can lead an army, and she can lead him, she has an army without having to put in the work of finding, organizing, and deploying the soldiers. Sure, why not? Sounds nice. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 5, 2024 16:52:54 GMT -5
Wow! Bless her! Makes sense. If her man can lead an army, and she can lead him, she has an army without having to put in the work of finding, organizing, and deploying the soldiers. Sure, why not? Sounds nice. Makes sense in her world...her selfish world of 'my way,my needs, what I want only, what suits me,at the present, my FEELINGS, my self esteem,my need for always being entertained, and receiving constant attention!! He can lead the army and be RESPONSIBLE for what goes wrong, pay the bills,his time, the physical labor, put his life on the line... you know all the committed ,boring stuff! But she'll gladly take the credit and receive more attention. |
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Post by isthisit on Mar 5, 2024 18:53:49 GMT -5
I realize now I've gone too far the other way. I had a one on one with my councilor. Since I do everything around the house, take care of the kids, make dinner, and up to now haven't demanded sex, I've created an environment that's too comfortable for my wife. She's been comfortable with her needs being met for so long she simply doesn't see mine as important. Wow, this is familiar, I was like a girl version of you. I gave, and gave and gave some more, hoping being just that bit more perfect would get back the H I had married. All those choices bred was complacency in him and he stopped seeing what was in front of him. After I dropped the bomb, H was throughly confused about why I had been so unhappy. Unbelievably, he uttered “I don’t get it, we are in the same marriage and I am perfectly happy so why aren’t you?” FFS where do you start with that? That’s when I realised that he really isn’t ever going to get it and I had to accept that and stop dementing myself trying to get him to understand. Today he vacillates between being an abandoned victim to tearfully expressing regret about his choices. Changes nothing for me, go live your life H. |
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Post by isthisit on Mar 5, 2024 19:00:53 GMT -5
Sounds like my W. She is attracted to the assertive and masculine type but wants someone who is safe and can give her security. Whenever I try to be the assertive type I get rebuffed with statements that I'm acting like a jerk. I do go work out in the gym and I do fix and repair things around the house and whatnot so I have the masculine part down, but I just don't know what she's looking for. Your wife likes the idea of the assertive masculine type. The reality is that one of these men would have called out her shenanigans years ago which would be likely to displease her mightily. I would argue she doesn’t know what she is looking for. If she did, she would appreciate you more than she does. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Mar 5, 2024 19:58:47 GMT -5
Sounds like my W. She is attracted to the assertive and masculine type but wants someone who is safe and can give her security. Whenever I try to be the assertive type I get rebuffed with statements that I'm acting like a jerk. I do go work out in the gym and I do fix and repair things around the house and whatnot so I have the masculine part down, but I just don't know what she's looking for. Your wife likes the idea of the assertive masculine type. The reality is that one of these men would have called out her shenanigans years ago which would be likely to displease her mightily. I would argue she doesn’t know what she is looking for. If she did, she would appreciate you more than she does. The Dad Starting Over podcast floats the idea that women like this crave pushback. They want limits to be set. It demonstrates strength and a sense of a world that is understood and within his control. Firm boundaries she can expect him to hold and she can hold with him and that will protect them both. A man who cannot say "No" to his wife will be hard pressed to stand up to adversity in a difficult world. The same thing punishes vulnerability in men. Weakness or signs of delicacy in any way are frightening. How plausible? Not sure. |
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Post by aquacat on Mar 5, 2024 21:58:51 GMT -5
I think it’s too late to change it in my marriage. Lately my W has gotten an attitude with me and I, standing up for myself, have calmly told her I don’t appreciate the verbal or even physical thing she does and she responds by getting even more upset with me. I don’t think she likes me growing a spine to her.
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m76
Full Member
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Post by m76 on Mar 5, 2024 22:04:06 GMT -5
I think it’s too late to change it in my marriage. Lately my W has gotten an attitude with me and I, standing up for myself, have calmly told her I don’t appreciate the verbal or even physical thing she does and she responds by getting even more upset with me. I don’t think she likes me growing a spine to her. She sounds like a narcissist. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 6, 2024 2:56:29 GMT -5
I think it’s too late to change it in my marriage. Lately my W has gotten an attitude with me and I, standing up for myself, have calmly told her I don’t appreciate the verbal or even physical thing she does and she responds by getting even more upset with me. I don’t think she likes me growing a spine to her. Narcissist don't like when you grow a spine, they loose control. Especially when you do it front of the children ( in my case teenage-soon to be adults) get ready for them manipulating the family against you. Convincing the kids "dad's just a mad angry,person". They see enough of the truth ,to sadly not trust or like either one of you anymore,but have to make a choice. Love them enough to be willing to loose them,so you can give them a better example, hopefully for a better future for them,and they will,eventually come back around. |
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Post by aquacat on Mar 6, 2024 8:02:01 GMT -5
My W apologized to me today and made some excuse as to why she had an attitude yesterday and took it out on me. Whatever.
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Post by csl on Mar 6, 2024 8:02:22 GMT -5
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Post by csl on Mar 6, 2024 8:12:51 GMT -5
Sounds like my W. She is attracted to the assertive and masculine type but wants someone who is safe and can give her security. Whenever I try to be the assertive type I get rebuffed with statements that I'm acting like a jerk. I do go work out in the gym and I do fix and repair things around the house and whatnot so I have the masculine part down, but I just don't know what she's looking for. I realize now I've gone too far the other way. I had a one on one with my councilor. Since I do everything around the house, take care of the kids, make dinner, and up to now haven't demanded sex, I've created an environment that's too comfortable for my wife. She's been comfortable with her needs being met for so long she simply doesn't see mine as important. True story from an old post of mine, by a guy on a different marriage board: Now, hie thee over to YouTube and find Bob Newhart's "Stop It" video. The, "Go, thou, and do likewise." |
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m76
Full Member
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Post by m76 on Mar 6, 2024 8:13:43 GMT -5
My W apologized to me today and made some excuse as to why she had an attitude yesterday and took it out on me. Whatever. My wife is like that too. In the heat of the moment her first reaction is always defensive meaning she turns it back on me. Usually later that day or the next she'll apologize recognizing that I was correct. But that only lasts until the next discussion. |
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Post by DryCreek on Mar 6, 2024 8:45:39 GMT -5
My W apologized to me today and made some excuse as to why she had an attitude yesterday and took it out on me. Whatever. I see potential here. Her introspection (regardless of quality) is an essential skill; maybe the door is open for a discussion. Having the ability and willingness to be self-critical tells me that improvement may be possible if she’s willing to have frank discussions with you. Or maybe I’m just projecting because mine would never take accountability so no progress was possible. DC |
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 6, 2024 9:10:50 GMT -5
My W apologized to me today and made some excuse as to why she had an attitude yesterday and took it out on me. Whatever. I see potential here. Her introspection (regardless of quality) is an essential skill; maybe the door is open for a discussion. Having the ability and willingness to be self-critical tells me that improvement may be possible if she’s willing to have frank discussions with you. Or maybe I’m just projecting because mine would never take accountability so no progress was possible. DC It reads to me like she is only being polite. She acknowledges her bad behavior on this instance, but come tomorrow or the next dsy that behavior will mainfest again. This says to me the behavior is so ingraned in her personality that it is unlikely to change. even if counseled by a 3rd party. I don't see her making the mental shift required to foster respect toward aquacat. Maybe I am too jaded at this point, but after seeing this sort of behavior on the part of refusing wives for so many years here, I don't see much to be optimistic about when it comes to progress. |
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Post by aquacat on Mar 6, 2024 10:40:00 GMT -5
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