|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Mar 4, 2024 6:14:00 GMT -5
Why are you selling your happiness and emotional health for 30 pieces of silver? Likewise, if I give my wife 10 years of savings, then that is 10 years longer that I must work to have the same quality of retirement. I may not be so attached to the bank balance, but I’m very attached to having my retirement years. DC DC---you are a pretty savy money guy, but I think you have this wrong. Sounds like your plan is to stay and not be seperated from your treasure because of retirement concerns. So you endure years, perhaps additional decades of misery and when you retire what do you have. The refusing hateful W is still there making you miserable. If you seperate/divorce then you will probably be seperated from an even larger piece of wealth. My thoughts are it is best to take the hit early in the asset accumulaton process, rather than later. |
|
Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
|
Post by Missingout on Mar 4, 2024 7:37:16 GMT -5
The retirement issue is a valid one, on a case by case basis. My ex refused to work. As far as I know, she's still not working, but at least she's no longer extracting money from me. If I had stayed, I never could have retired. I could never accumulate savings to a point she wouldn't find a way to blow it. But, I have a friend whose wife does work. His retirement is more secure, and he will spend his declining years in a separate bedroom with his porn rather than work a few extra years. I hope we all find our happiness, whatever it looks like. Hesus !!!! I do not want this..This is not my happy and can't fathom anyone could want this. |
|
|
|
Post by ironhamster on Mar 4, 2024 8:06:48 GMT -5
The retirement issue is a valid one, on a case by case basis. My ex refused to work. As far as I know, she's still not working, but at least she's no longer extracting money from me. If I had stayed, I never could have retired. I could never accumulate savings to a point she wouldn't find a way to blow it. But, I have a friend whose wife does work. His retirement is more secure, and he will spend his declining years in a separate bedroom with his porn rather than work a few extra years. I hope we all find our happiness, whatever it looks like. Hesus !!!! I do not want this..This is not my happy and can't fathom anyone could want this. I'm five years out from a brutal divorce, and for most of that time I get more sex in a week than I did from my then wife in any given year. I've rebuilt financially. I enjoy my work, my hobbies, and my social life. I'm finding my happiness. But, we all reap what our choices create, for better or worse. |
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Mar 4, 2024 17:43:43 GMT -5
Likewise, if I give my wife 10 years of savings, then that is 10 years longer that I must work to have the same quality of retirement. I may not be so attached to the bank balance, but I’m very attached to having my retirement years. DC DC---you are a pretty savy money guy, but I think you have this wrong. Sounds like your plan is to stay and not be seperated from your treasure because of retirement concerns. So you endure years, perhaps additional decades of misery and when you retire what do you have. The refusing hateful W is still there making you miserable. If you seperate/divorce then you will probably be seperated from an even larger piece of wealth. My thoughts are it is best to take the hit early in the asset accumulaton process, rather than later.
I sincerely appreciate your comments and the general challenge by others. The fact is that (drumroll...) I finally left. But my story is not yet at a point that I'm ready to share the details here.
The theme of my own thinking / reaction / comments here is that it's not an easy decision financially, and the impact of financial sacrifices extends way, way beyond the bank account. Like, being in a position to retire at 52 but now having to work another decade (because she's actually taking 20 years of savings). That is a gut-wrenching achievement to have ripped from your grasp, and enough to give anyone serious pause.
DC
|
|
|
|
Post by isthisit on Mar 4, 2024 17:47:51 GMT -5
DC---you are a pretty savy money guy, but I think you have this wrong. Sounds like your plan is to stay and not be seperated from your treasure because of retirement concerns. So you endure years, perhaps additional decades of misery and when you retire what do you have. The refusing hateful W is still there making you miserable. If you seperate/divorce then you will probably be seperated from an even larger piece of wealth. My thoughts are it is best to take the hit early in the asset accumulaton process, rather than later.
I sincerely appreciate your comments and the general challenge by others. The fact is that (drumroll...) I finally left. But my story is not yet at a point that I'm ready to share the details here.
The theme of my own thinking / reaction / comments here is that it's not an easy decision financially, and the impact of financial sacrifices extends way, way beyond the bank account. Like, being in a position to retire at 52 but now having to work another decade. That is a gut-wrenching achievement to have ripped from your grasp, and enough to give anyone serious pause.
DC
Heavens above. Good for you GC. Please tell your story when you are ready. But..that sailor/shore leave thing is in the pipeline then? 😉 |
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Mar 4, 2024 17:59:27 GMT -5
I sincerely appreciate your comments and the general challenge by others. The fact is that (drumroll...) I finally left. But my story is not yet at a point that I'm ready to share the details here.
The theme of my own thinking / reaction / comments here is that it's not an easy decision financially, and the impact of financial sacrifices extends way, way beyond the bank account. Like, being in a position to retire at 52 but now having to work another decade. That is a gut-wrenching achievement to have ripped from your grasp, and enough to give anyone serious pause.
DC
Heavens above. Good for you GC. Please tell your story when you are ready. But..that sailor/shore leave thing is in the pipeline then? 😉
Perhaps! Should I check flights to your area for next weekend?  It could be the best 3 minutes in recent memory!
|
|
|
|
Post by isthisit on Mar 4, 2024 18:04:04 GMT -5
Heavens above. Good for you GC. Please tell your story when you are ready. But..that sailor/shore leave thing is in the pipeline then? 😉
Perhaps! Should I check flights to your area for next weekend? It could be the best 3 minutes in recent memory!
Three minutes? Why do I always get the three minute guys? ☺️ BTDT escaped and I’m not going back. Alas, you will need to find another port for your frenzied shore leave. |
|
Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
|
Post by Missingout on Mar 4, 2024 20:43:56 GMT -5
Perhaps! Should I check flights to your area for next weekend? It could be the best 3 minutes in recent memory!
Three minutes? Why do I always get the three minute guys? ☺️ BTDT escaped and I’m not going back. Alas, you will need to find another port for your frenzied shore leave. Wait... What? DC you are out? I have been reading old threads on here studying and I thought... Nevermind I'll keep reading and catching up on everything... CONGRATS!!!!! |
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Mar 4, 2024 20:54:58 GMT -5
Wait... What? DC you are out? I have been reading old threads on here studying and I thought... Nevermind I'll keep reading and catching up on everything... CONGRATS!!!!! Thanks! I’m out but not quite out. Making the escape is different than getting it officiated and cutting ties. I’ll have a long tale to tell once it’s done, but that may be months more yet and I don’t want to hijack this thread. This is the first I’ve mentioned it here… I was waiting to do a big reveal; more details in the future. I was hardcore in the “grin and bear it” camp of staying, but I couldn’t do it. DC |
|
|
|
Post by isthisit on Mar 5, 2024 0:35:26 GMT -5
I was hardcore in the “grin and bear it” camp of staying, but I couldn’t do it. DC Or is it that you realised you shouldn’t do it? Big difference in mindset and one I was far too slow to grasp. |
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Mar 5, 2024 7:06:07 GMT -5
I sincerely appreciate your comments and the general challenge by others. The fact is that (drumroll...) I finally left. But my story is not yet at a point that I'm ready to share the details here.
The theme of my own thinking / reaction / comments here is that it's not an easy decision financially, and the impact of financial sacrifices extends way, way beyond the bank account. Like, being in a position to retire at 52 but now having to work another decade (because she's actually taking 20 years of savings). That is a gut-wrenching achievement to have ripped from your grasp, and enough to give anyone serious pause.
DC
This sounds really positive for you DryCreek. I know the financial hit is a kick in the gut but later when you have time to process it, I think you will be glad you bit the bullet now. I experienced the same thing decades ago,when my 1st W decided to go. But I lost 1/2 of everything and then had a whopping child support payment every month. So it could always be worse. Best of luck going forward.... |
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Mar 5, 2024 10:41:41 GMT -5
I was hardcore in the “grin and bear it” camp of staying, but I couldn’t do it. DC Or is it that you realised you shouldn’t do it? Big difference in mindset and one I was far too slow to grasp. It was many things… a lot centered around my retirement era. I realized that, although we were in the boat together, I was the only one rowing. She had been living her “retired” lifestyle for more than a decade and was unwilling to consider any austerity that would enable me to retire sooner - my retirement would gain her nothing, and would cost her conveniences. So, she expected me to continue working as long as possible to fund her lifestyle. I also realized that we didn’t have the same aspirations for how to spend retirement together. And ultimately, that all I could look forward to in retirement was more time spent with someone who considered my affection as a liability. I couldn’t tolerate the entitlement attitude, the lack of gratitude, and the contempt. DC |
|
Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
|
Post by Missingout on Mar 5, 2024 11:24:20 GMT -5
Or is it that you realised you shouldn’t do it? Big difference in mindset and one I was far too slow to grasp. It was many things… a lot centered around my retirement era. I realized that, although we were in the boat together, I was the only one rowing. She had been living her “retired” lifestyle for more than a decade and was unwilling to consider any austerity that would enable me to retire sooner - my retirement would gain her nothing, and would cost her conveniences. So, she expected me to continue working as long as possible to fund her lifestyle. I also realized that we didn’t have the same aspirations for how to spend retirement together. And ultimately, that all I could look forward to in retirement was more time spent with someone who considered my affection as a liability. I couldn’t tolerate the entitlement attitude, the lack of gratitude, and the contempt. DC My wife had the same concept. She thought I was to work till I couldn't. I don't remember agreeing to this. I wanted to work as a team to have a early retirement. That all went south when she decided to not work at a 25 year job she had and blow through her retirement and pension upon doing so. She blames me somehow that she spent the money on us. She paid for our 20 year anniversary vacation house and I paid for the flights. Which was total 5k. I asked where did the other 100k go? I'm not a mathematician butt.... She had no answers. Anyways DC I'm very happy for you and hope to have what you will have this year |
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Mar 11, 2024 20:07:33 GMT -5
I tried hugging spouse as a gesture as he is now going into surgery Friday and he was weird about it told me "he does not know what to do as I complained once about him petting my hair like i was a dog" this happened a couple of years ago ........ he scratched me behind the ear. He acted like he did not even listen then accused me of lying about it ....now it is reason for an awkward hug?  ? nope he is just running out of plausible explanations. What's the latest with the surgery? Did he need much care from the surgery, or after? How awkward was that? Do you have a time line/escape plan that is coming soon? |
|
|
|
Post by toughtiger on Mar 11, 2024 22:50:26 GMT -5
I tried hugging spouse as a gesture as he is now going into surgery Friday and he was weird about it told me "he does not know what to do as I complained once about him petting my hair like i was a dog" this happened a couple of years ago ........ he scratched me behind the ear. He acted like he did not even listen then accused me of lying about it ....now it is reason for an awkward hug? ? nope he is just running out of plausible explanations. What's the latest with the surgery? Did he need much care from the surgery, or after? How awkward was that? Do you have a time line/escape plan that is coming soon? his procedure was called an abulation it either freezes or burns nerves in heart that are mis-signals causing a-fib..... they send a catheter up through the groin... same day you are released if you are not bleeding etc... very tricky as most a-fib patients take blood thinners... i was made to feel like his uber driver not hi spouse .... sad but true i was ready if things had gone bad and he did not make it. after surgery he had some bleeding i was sitting there as a pretty young nurse was applying pressure for 20 minutes to his groin LMAO had 3 plus nurses checking his groin every 15 minutes i realized have not seen that area for years ..... Went home he has not followed instructions but seems to be much better since he feels better and stronger......... he thinks all the time he he treated me like crap is gone now ... all OK while i do know that when i am ill or in moods i am not great to everyone but i owned my being less then great and apologized........ he pretends it NEVER happened. my online friend had a surgery and may not be ready to for me to meet up with him,,, has been a bit quiet..... i have a business trip coming up may be able to find a chance to have a bit of fun.... i have really shored up my funds since having my new job..... really happy with job so really want to stay in this area do not think he will move out may be roommates for awhile but i am no longer kidding myself it will revert to being a marriage. |
|
It could be the best 3 minutes in recent memory!
? nope he is just running out of plausible explanations.
