Longing to legit post in THIS thread

You may be surprised to learn that your kids may have already known how unhappy you are.  When I filed, my kids (who are younger) were disappointed and sad, but they said they expected it was coming at some point based on how my ex and I weren't getting along.  It wasn't a fun process to have to do and, in fact, it may actually be harder telling them than filing for divorce, but once it's done it's done and you can start moving on. 

My ex did something similar right after I told her that I had filed where she rounded all three of my kids up (my youngest was 11 and my oldest was 17) for a "family meeting" and said "Dad has something to tell you!".  Mind you this is like 5 minutes after I told her I had filed.  No "let's tell them together or figure out how we tell them".  She sat there scowling at me and acted like it was all my fault.   She didn't participate, she didn't admit any fault, she blamed all of it on me and sat there hugging my two youngest (girls) while I had to tell them and she acted like the victim in all of it.  That for sure was the absolute hardest part for me.  The actual filing for divorce was a weight off my shoulders and a relief.  That feeling is how I knew I was doing the right thing.

I can tell you being almost two and half years down the road from that point now, it does get better.  Just make sure you are in a good place mentally and take care of yourself first for awhile.  I had five years to prepare before I finally decided to file.  It certainly hurt me financially to wait five years to file, but I know I wasn't ready to file earlier and it gave me five more years with my kids every day, which I look back fondly on now.  Two of my three kids are doing very well and I have very good relationships with them.  My middle child took it the hardest and it doesn't help that my ex continues to play the victim.  I've been fighting with my ex for two years to get my girls into some counseling to help them process everything (why my ex doesn't want them to go is beyond me), and I think that is finally coming to fruition.  However, it's been a long legal battle to get it done, but I won't ever give up on my kids.

Stay strong, keep the faith.  It will all work out.  You will meet someone amazing and wonder "where has this person been all my life".  Keep an open line of communication with your kids and allow them to ask questions if they have any.  In the end, most kids just want their parents to be happy and around when they need them.

My guess?
A counselor will moderate any venom your wife is feeding into their ears.
A therapist will attempt to nurture a more productive, healthy relationship to both parents unless the alienated parent is a psycho.

This could be the opposite of what your ex would prefer. An impartial third party is counterproductive to her cause.

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How to explain sexlessness to the kids.
This needs it's own post. It's a sh*t move by the refusers, but silence helps them. Both before and after a split (or opening of the marriage).

The questions kids have will be uncomfortable and having good, appropriate answers would help anyone on your and Dallasgia's journeys and everyone like you two.


Spitballing...
We've just heard about giving bad news to an 11 year old.
This child knows about romantic love, in all likelihood.
A suggested approach might be:

In all sorts of movies, the hero and love interest struggle through some adventure or hardship. Overcome it together, perhaps only because of each other's help, and kiss on the lips, and it lingers... or they press faces together hard. Maybe several times in rapid succession.
This is passion. This is romantic love. This is adult love.
Snow White would not wake up if Prince Charming had given her a peck on the cheek. She might have stirred momentarily enough to sneer and mumble, "*pffft* please."

Passionate kisses are not happening in sexless marriages, commonly.
If they are, you can explain, that kind of kiss is accompanied by more intense love that follows after the movie is over. (Sometimes during and sometimes only because a pizza was just delivered)

Those kisses and/or that intense love have not happened the way they are supposed to in houses with husbands and wives; married mommies and daddies.
That love is what almost everyone wants and your mommy and daddy can't make it happen again, even though we've tried. A lot.
We're lonely and need a prince and princess who kiss us that way. We may not find him and her, but we need the chance to try. Marriage is part of the deal and if mommy and daddy are married, princes and princesses won't find us.

This needs to happen so "Happily Ever After" can still be possible.
Does that make sense?

Let the refuser explain:
They are not lonely, only the refused spouse is.
Kissing passionately isn't important.
Happily Ever After is a fairy tale and immature.
Being unhappy in marriage, forever should be expected of you.