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Post by mirrororchid on Apr 10, 2023 4:37:22 GMT -5
Northstar Mom is right. It's ALL marital property. Even inheritance can be in jeopardy. I recall one case where a spouse opened up a bank account using a few dollars of marital money, then deposited the inheritance they received. The attorneys successfully argued that the WHOLE account was marital property because the funds were comingled. There's no way to determine which dollars in the account were inherited and which were marital so they were all marital as the law goes. Don't expect the law to be fair. Expect lawyers to be evil incarnate. Just know that the precedence become the rules. You might have more available than you expect, even if you have to pull some strings to get it. Wow. Great warning to share. Sounds like your best move is to open an account with a check a friend has written out to you. The seed money isn't your money, their money, or collective yours. It is a "stranger" 's money. Riffing off Northstarmom, Dallasgia, if you have no card in your own name, maybe there needs to be one. Your hubby might cancel any you use? Getting derailed mid process could get you off balance again. |
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Post by shamwow on May 7, 2023 16:52:48 GMT -5
Northstar Mom is right. It's ALL marital property. Even inheritance can be in jeopardy. I recall one case where a spouse opened up a bank account using a few dollars of marital money, then deposited the inheritance they received. The attorneys successfully argued that the WHOLE account was marital property because the funds were comingled. There's no way to determine which dollars in the account were inherited and which were marital so they were all marital as the law goes. Don't expect the law to be fair. Expect lawyers to be evil incarnate. Just know that the precedence become the rules. You might have more available than you expect, even if you have to pull some strings to get it. Wow. Great warning to share. Sounds like your best move is to open an account with a check a friend has written out to you. The seed money isn't your money, their money, or collective yours. It is a "stranger" 's money. Riffing off Northstarmom, Dallasgia, if you have no card in your own name, maybe there needs to be one. Your hubby might cancel any you use? Getting derailed mid process could get you off balance again. I would suggest opening a credit card in your name in any case. You will need to build a credit history post divorce anyway. Right now you are married and there is an income you can reference. You will get a better deal than doing it post divorce with little to no income of your own. |
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onempty
Junior Member
I'm almost free...
Posts: 66
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by onempty on Jun 2, 2023 8:10:20 GMT -5
When my divorce was just about to happen I took half our bank acct $ and put it in my own acct and I also changed my paycheck direct deposit to my own acct. I told the ex I did this and that the other half was hers. I thought I was being fair while protecting myself. She told her lawyer and her lawyer quickly got a court order making me put the $ back and refrain from doing that again until it all got settled. Good luck in all of this. It sounds like a miserable situation you need to get out of ASAP.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Jun 2, 2023 8:50:48 GMT -5
When my divorce was just about to happen I took half our bank acct $ and put it in my own acct and I also changed my paycheck direct deposit to my own acct. I told the ex I did this and that the other half was hers. I thought I was being fair while protecting myself. She told her lawyer and her lawyer quickly got a court order making me put the $ back and refrain from doing that again until it all got settled. Good luck in all of this. It sounds like a miserable situation you need to get out of ASAP. I did the same but no issues but we did a no fault divorce cheap and quick while he did not want the divorce he couldn't stop me from leaving. I told him he can do it friendly and cheap or messy and expensive. I let him stay in the house and left him with the bank act with the auto pays set up. He was happy about that. One issue I had was the utilities were in my name since I was more available when house got done. I should have changed it all over before moving because hard to get him to do it. I had to threaten to call and shut everything off |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 9, 2023 12:07:51 GMT -5
When my divorce was just about to happen I took half our bank acct $ and put it in my own acct and I also changed my paycheck direct deposit to my own acct. I told the ex I did this and that the other half was hers. I thought I was being fair while protecting myself. She told her lawyer and her lawyer quickly got a court order making me put the $ back and refrain from doing that again until it all got settled. Good luck in all of this. It sounds like a miserable situation you need to get out of ASAP. I'm guessing you didn't consult an attorney before doing this. Often what you see as fair and reasonable is not what the law prescribes. If you think about it, this is fair... There have been no judgements on who gets what yet. You making a unilateral decision (even one you think is fair) should be a no-no. Until you have that final divorce decree, any actions you take on what is "fair" is a mistake and can make you appear as manipulative in front of a judge. This, then, can impact future decisions the judge may make in your case. It reminds me of a scene in the movie 300 where one of King Leonidas's officers worries he might be killed talking to Xerxes, the Persian King. Leonidas says to pray that the Persians do somethibg so foolish since then all of Greece will rise up. In a divorce you don't want to be the one doing foolish things (moving lots of money, keeping kids from the other parent, etc...). Judges don't like that and it may prejudice your case. Oh, and yeah, in a divorce one should retain an attorney AND follow their advice. |
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 10, 2023 0:30:42 GMT -5
We are bound by the law, but there's nothing fair about the law or the courts. In general, the spouse that busted their ass earning the income for the home gets screwed, and the spouse that stays home with the kids gets to keep their lifestyle that they "have become accustomed to." Generally the guy gets the short end of the stick, but I have a lesbian friend that has been hit hard by the support issues, and another woman whose husband chose to not do well for himself even though he very well could have.
So, yes, I recommend you take Shamwow's advice and listen to your attorney, who sees this day after day and knows the biases of the judge you will be subject to. Divorce is a terrible process, but at some point it's better than the miserable alternative.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Jun 14, 2023 8:50:12 GMT -5
We are bound by the law, but there's nothing fair about the law or the courts. In general, the spouse that busted their ass earning the income for the home gets screwed, and the spouse that stays home with the kids gets to keep their lifestyle that they "have become accustomed to." Generally the guy gets the short end of the stick, but I have a lesbian friend that has been hit hard by the support issues, and another woman whose husband chose to not do well for himself even though he very well could have. So, yes, I recommend you take Shamwow's advice and listen to your attorney, who sees this day after day and knows the biases of the judge you will be subject to. Divorce is a terrible process, but at some point it's better than the miserable alternative. I have to say as a former stay at home mom I look at this differently. One he wanted me to stay home with the kids. While I appreciated the time with them he had alternative motives I discovered later. But we also bust our butts with kids, house, yard, and the list go on. But basically had I not stayed home he could not have worked the OT to make the big bucks . That's why he asked me to quit when I went back to work when layed off. But had we split when I was staying at home my income would have been low and we would have had to pay child support so yeah he would have got hit hard. As it is when we split I gave him the house and took 1/2 his 401k since all those years I didn't have one or couldn't afford to put into it and figured we would retire together and have his. Besides my personal items and the guest bedroom set half the 40lk is all I took. We did uncontested and split the lawyer bill which cost is each less than $800 with qdro form and court cost |
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Post by mirrororchid on Jun 15, 2023 4:52:48 GMT -5
In that more innocent (naïve) time, Angeleyes' childcare services might have been dismissed.
In the 21st century, having 24-hour childcare with a staff-child ratio of 5:1 or less would be exorbitant.
You cannot compare a stay at home parent to child care which is/was expensive pretty much anywhere you go, regardless of quality.
Assuming you can even land a slot. Angeleyes' defense grows more true by the year as the higher education levels achieved by women will plausibly leave them in the higher earning spouse role. Are SAH dads going to tip over into the norm? Not impossible (but not inevitable, given women's hefty bias in pairing up with men with higher incomes than they have)
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Post by dallasgia on Jun 15, 2023 11:06:55 GMT -5
Update
Recording here for my record.
I do not exaggerate when I say he has not spoken to me in months. He just returned from a 10 day trip in which zero words were spoken.
I’m completely cracking under this hideous situation. I had found that money bag again while he was gone - why is he so reckless in hiding it? - it was tossed up on a high dusty cabinet invisible in a little used room. Anyway, now contents are 12k.
In the meantime I found a flat rate attorney - 7k unless goes to trial.
I didn’t touch the money during his trip but today he was being what I call “aggressively silent” slamming doors, arms puffed out, stomping around and I just snapped. I snuck to that bag and retrieved 7k and emailed the attorney to inquire if I can stop by today and pay cash.
I feel like a robot - moving through disconnected actions. Carrying out decisions for someone else’s life.
I mean sexual alienation for a decade - that alone- is grounds for divorce - right?
I’m so beat down and confused. I’m drinking already at 10:30 am.
Planning on going one state away to my moms for a few days. Try and get myself mentally straight.
What can he confront me with?
You stole the money I stole?
It’s cash for Christs sake - can I just deny in a performance of a lifetime.
Oh ya, I overheard him telling someone on the phone yesterday that he was preparing to purchase a new boat for the lake house. Mind you I have not been to said lake house in over 3 years because I am scrounging around working 3 jobs to make my side of the marriage work financially all
The while he is squirreling away cash and planning to buy an ehfing boat.
I may be on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
DallasG
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 15, 2023 11:38:33 GMT -5
diallasgia: Please see an individual therapist, too. That kind of support and insight will be invaluable.
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 15, 2023 11:56:30 GMT -5
Are you close enough to your mother to have an open and honest conversation about your situation? A sympathetic ear would be a good thing for you at this time. The way you are feeling is totally understandable.
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Post by dallasgia on Jun 15, 2023 12:07:44 GMT -5
Are you close enough to your mother to have an open and honest conversation about your situation? A sympathetic ear would be a good thing for you at this time. The way you are feeling is totally understandable. For real. She has been witness to too much in this house. Her greatest fear is that she wouldn’t live long enough to see me escape. I am an only child after my brothers suicide - we have weathered the storms. To her credit she minds her P’s & Q’s and has basically bit her tongues in his presence for years. I am not a big enough person to ever have that restraint. |
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Post by dallasgia on Jun 15, 2023 19:17:30 GMT -5
I did it.
I feel like I’m an actor in someone else’s life.
Like I’m detached from reality.
But, I did it.
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Post by jim44444 on Jun 16, 2023 8:46:07 GMT -5
I did it. I feel like I’m an actor in someone else’s life. Like I’m detached from reality. But, I did it. By "did it" I assume you met with the lawyer. Be prepared for a rough ride when your H finds out. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 16, 2023 10:26:18 GMT -5
I'm guessing like Jim44444 that you saw an attorney and have started the process of seperating yourself from your H. Good for you and the best of luck going forward.
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