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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 3, 2022 10:29:47 GMT -5
I am still here after 6yrs or so. Before that I was on EP for a couple yrs. And then that site closed the doors. It was at the EP site that a couple members gave me the tough love I needed to realize there was little chance of fixing my SM. And they were right. I am now divorced for what will soon be 7 yrs.
I think Drycreek hit aa lot of the right notes in the difference between the two sites. I would add that perhaps the people who mostly visit and sift for answers to their own SM are changed from the members that were on EP. When ILIASM get a new posting, it seems that OP doesn't hang around long. A couple 2-3-4 posts and then they are gone. It took me much longer to recognize the intimacy was over and would not be back, except for the quarterly reset.
I doubt there is much that we can do other than perhaps post on other boards so people will know this site exists. I did that a couple times On Similar Worlds, but I don't think it has a SM section anymore.
If this site is sinking, I will probably go down with the ship. Where else can I post my jabs at liberals and progressives and the occasional bit of Dark Humor?
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 3, 2022 10:55:37 GMT -5
Thats what I'm saying. Lets send out the "mayday mayday" before it sinks. This site might just be the respite that many need but cannot find on traditional relationship and marriage forums. I did a basic search on sexless and got countless hits across different platforms. Destination sites like this one and others like Reddit, twitter, youtube,quora, facebook and others I may not be familiar with. If we focus some effort. We can engage with communities some of us already engage in or not, and get the word out. If this site is sinking, I will probably go down with the ship. |
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Post by deadzone75 on Oct 4, 2022 15:05:28 GMT -5
DryCreek you make some very insightful points about this being a destination site. Still the question remains is there a collective desire among the users that are active here to raise the profile of the site? I think its a worthy effort and would be happy to spearhead some of it. If there are others interested, please state your interest in the thread here. and I'll get a messaging thread going to go into some awareness campaign ideation/brainstorming... There's interest. There's little time, or there'd be more frequent episodes of * REFUSED* I'd pitch in, but I'll be a relative slacker., fair warning. I'd want more people to show up because it seems almost no one doesn't appreciate having found this site. (A few folks lamented the tough love message they got. Those same people had harsh words for some veterans here and a few stopped showing up much. Stopping that collateral damage might be good.) How much traffic is of interest? What's the goal? What do we hope to get out of more folks showing up? What did EP provide that we miss? It may affect which efforts are pursued. That's a good point. New faces do show up, but most (not all) will tell their story, and after some of the vets take their time and effort to respond, you never see those new faces again. It's kind of...what's the point if you don't even know if the person is legit or not? I think the real power lies with the old timers. Personally, I don't get around much in other online communities in the way that would bring traffic here. For some reason, this place just clicked back in the day, people were connected, and you couldn't wait to get back in here to visit, or vent, or fantasize. Now you might get short bursts, but it kind of feels like returning to your high school when you're 25. Still, I doubt I'll ever leave entirely. |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 4, 2022 21:46:44 GMT -5
The go-go years? Glory Days? The wonder years? The golden era? Sorry. Just being silly. For some reason, this place just clicked back in the day, people were connected, and you couldn't wait to get back in here to visit, or vent, or fantasize. |
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Post by sadkat on Oct 4, 2022 23:37:18 GMT -5
I have been on this forum since 2018 and was never a part of EP. I came to ILIASM knowing I needed to leave my M so it took very little convincing, although it did take a bit of tough talk to help me understand that hope was in fact dead and I wasn't being selfish. The guidance and support I received was invaluable. Although firm, the guidance was also respectful and compassionate. I will be honest, we lost a great deal of compassion on this site during the Covid years. We also lost our benevolent administrator who "reminded" us to keep things polite and made sure we stayed on topic. This forum should only focus on ILIASM issues. Topics like politics and the endless disection of Covid treatment strategies have no place here. I would be happy to come back (and contribute) on a routine basis as long as the membership sticks only to the reason we are here, an administrator actively ensures no-one strays, and we work together to welcome the newbies and make them feel comfortable contributing. We need an active administrator- any ideas?
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Post by deadzone75 on Oct 5, 2022 1:37:33 GMT -5
The go-go years? Glory Days? The wonder years? The golden era? Sorry. Just being silly. For some reason, this place just clicked back in the day, people were connected, and you couldn't wait to get back in here to visit, or vent, or fantasize. The Golden Age of ILIASM? Those were the days. I never missed a day on here. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 5, 2022 6:02:27 GMT -5
... Topics like politics and the endless dissection of Covid treatment strategies have no place here. I would be happy to come back (and contribute) on a routine basis as long as the membership sticks only to the reason we are here, ... Even in "Off Topic?" Maybe remove that category? Would it help to have some type of Disclaimer that Off Topic category can delve into confrontational areas? Or just ditch it? I've got a nutty little focus group email list I can vent in, so I could live without it. That'd make the difference? (could we even request such a thing?) |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 5, 2022 7:51:30 GMT -5
I checked out of social media during COVID. Did something happen here that I clearly missed? A specific incident? Or just the division of opinion that popped up everywhere? I personally don't mind diversity of opinion. But you are correct that a disproportionate amount of off topic discussions is not becoming of a "destination" site like ILIASM. I will be honest, we lost a great deal of compassion on this site during the Covid years. We also lost our benevolent administrator who "reminded" us to keep things polite and made sure we stayed on topic. This forum should only focus on ILIASM issues. Topics like politics and the endless disection of Covid treatment strategies have no place here. ? |
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Post by angeleyes65 on Oct 5, 2022 8:27:51 GMT -5
I was on the experience project for what seemed like years got off before it shut down. I found out about this version of the forum just as I was divorcing in 2017 or there about could have been 2018. It makes me sad to see it dwindling. I feel like it was a great support system for both staying and getting out. And even though I eventually bailed out of depression. I came back to offer whatever insight I can to give the support I got over the years. It's always nice to know you aren't alone.. I am all for boosting the site. I'm not very tech savvy so may need some hand holding but will do what I can. I am on no other marriage/ divorce/sexless sites because I'm out but willing to join if that's what is needed.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 5, 2022 8:37:21 GMT -5
I have been on this forum since 2018 and was never a part of EP. I came to ILIASM knowing I needed to leave my M so it took very little convincing, although it did take a bit of tough talk to help me understand that hope was in fact dead and I wasn't being selfish. The guidance and support I received was invaluable. Although firm, the guidance was also respectful and compassionate. I will be honest, we lost a great deal of compassion on this site during the Covid years. We also lost our benevolent administrator who "reminded" us to keep things polite and made sure we stayed on topic. This forum should only focus on ILIASM issues. Topics like politics and the endless disection of Covid treatment strategies have no place here. I would be happy to come back (and contribute) on a routine basis as long as the membership sticks only to the reason we are here, an administrator actively ensures no-one strays, and we work together to welcome the newbies and make them feel comfortable contributing. We need an active administrator- any ideas? Honestly speaking, if the site only allowed postings specific to SM I probably wouldn't be around long. I log on most every day looking for something new. Postings by new members is somewhat infrequent now. I'm guessing a new SM post only appears every couple of weeks now as an average. That means there isn't a lot to respond to. My thoughts are that the current membership seeing even less traffic would gradually drift away since there would not be much to see. I'm thinking that would lead to the end of this forum pretty quickly. |
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Post by h on Oct 5, 2022 9:16:54 GMT -5
I'm still here. I've recently started trying to raise awareness over on the Medium platform under my familiar handle "H" and I put the site link at the end of most of my comments. I also wrote a few standalone articles there too to draw attention.
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Post by deadzone75 on Oct 5, 2022 11:14:59 GMT -5
I think this thread alone is proof that there is still life here. It has almost triple the replies of a normal new thread around here in any category. I will agree with Sadkat that this place did seem to take a nosedive during COVID, but I think it was already heading the wrong direction at that point. I think it was kind of like a perfect storm: a bunch of people losing interest in the site, not getting laid, and suddenly on house arrest. That's not a good recipe. I think we were maybe all headed for a break, anyway. I was not on any other SM site before ILIASM, and while this place didn't ultimately lead to my departure of my SM, it did change my life. It's safe to say no other site could have given me what I found here. I do think we need an admin, if only to keep away the annoying spam. While it's not fun to see our members arguing or threatening to leave, I think striking any category would be a mistake. A disclaimer would be fine for politics, or whatever people are most offended by today, but I liked the Off Topic category for those days when I just wanted to talk about a movie or something other than how horny I was. We are all horny adults here.
As stated above, I think resurgence is going to take input on multiple categories. And here is when I once again draw attention to what a perv I am, because I found the Sexually Speaking category to be a huge factor in the life of the site. I mean, you gotta talk about what you aren't getting...the very thing that you are missing that sent you here in the first place. Yes, countering the fact of your spouse not wanting to touch you with your fantasy, or looking back on the "good 'ol days", was very important to me.
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Post by baza on Oct 5, 2022 21:01:11 GMT -5
Just out of interest .... over the past 7 years
In September 2016 there were 33 new members who joined
In September 2017 there were 30 new members who joined
In September 2018 there were 27 new members who joined
In September 2019 there were 11 new members who joined
In September 2020 there were 15 new members who joined
In September 2021 there were 15 new members who joined
In September 2022 there were 12 new members who joined
I'd suggest that covid (during 2020, 2021, 2022) had bugger all to do with the paucity of new members.
The decline was already underway pre covid.
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Post by sadkat on Oct 5, 2022 21:17:28 GMT -5
deadzone75 is correct in saying this thread generated a lot of input and there is still interest. I'm confident we can revive this forum as long as we agree on basic ground rules and follow them. I'm not opposed to a separate folder that is off topic. The jokes are just fine. I am more concerned about the divisive nature of some of the threads where politics are discussed. These days, we are so polarized that even family members refuse to talk to each other. We don't need that on a site that's supposed to be supportive of people who come here confused and vulnerable. I am not proposing to eliminate any of the categories; just that we establish norms/ground rules that we all agree to abide by. I unfortunately have limited time but am willing to do my part to keep this forum alive. Can we start with finding the "rules of the site"? I clearly remember reading them when I first joined. Perhaps they are in the "welcome" folder? mirrororchid- you seem to do well finding your way around here. Would you mind looking for them and posting them in a comment here? I suggest we all read them and tell each other honestly what we agree with and what we don't. We do need an admin to keep us in line. Perhaps ModHatter will help us with that? What do you all think?
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 6, 2022 4:58:57 GMT -5
This post does much of that. It may not be the only one. iliasm.org/thread/3/guidelinesIt's my recollection that members were quick to accommodate objections, but by the time the offended parties spoke up, they'd had it, and left. So an admin intervention may be too late. This sample seems to limit the Off Topic category: Examples of inappropriate content:
...Political discussions
Dick pics
Unsolicited advertising -- mention of products or websites unrelated to the topic of the thread or purpose of this Forum....So, there has been some breakage of the political Guideline. I'd hoped those crestfallen by such discussions could simply not click, but some posts like COVID could spark interest only to go in a political direction and like catching your spouse in a pony costume, perhaps you can't think of them with respect after that. I compartmentalize. But not everyone can, and it may hurt the environment. Given the delicate mindset that can haunt new visitors here, avoiding additional injury to the sensibilities in order to allow them to spend useful time here may be a necessary cost? |
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