Role Call ... who is still here?
Jan 8, 2023 8:37:29 GMT -5
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angeleyes65 and angelwanderer like this
Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jan 8, 2023 8:37:29 GMT -5
Damn. Well written. And very accurate if my opinion means anything.
Have to ask though. PTSD?
I'm here too.
I'm a lurker AND a participant, around since EP days, currently on sexlessmarriage.yuku.com (similar site)
My sexless marriage lasted 10 years and now I'm free of the marriage but suffer a kind of PTSD.
I've watched plenty of people come and go from forums like these. Most are looking for answers to their own sexless marriages -- for some kind of key that unlocks a secret door -- and some are brave enough to say who they are and how they feel. (There is a smaller cohort hoping to find a partner who is in a similar situation.)
New Arrivals as I See Them:
Our sexless partners create a problem in our lives that is not unlike those experienced when marrying an alcoholic (or equivalent) where the spouse is causing problems in the marriage but is either unaware of them or unable to do anything about them. Our love for our partners and our belief in their ability to change for the better doesn't falter, but we're affected each time we give them another chance and then they fail. The cycle keeps going, ruining us bit by little bit.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the thing I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
We can't change our spouses. If change is to happen, it'll come from within us (not them) and we need mountains of courage to do it (whatever your 'change' means to you). Peace to accept the situation helps a great deal, and so too does knowing the differences between what is changeable and what isn't. All three lines pack a powerful punch and can be applied to any part of life. I couldn't change my wife, so I changed me instead. In the end, life got better. (Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!)
Fairy tales are nice but they're for books and children's stories. We have to be fair to ourselves. This isn't Kansas and never will be.
I think there are a lot of people out there suffering silently, those we don't know about -- not just the lurkers -- but those who haven't yet done the online research to find this place. -A
Have to ask though. PTSD?
I'm a lurker AND a participant, around since EP days, currently on sexlessmarriage.yuku.com (similar site)
My sexless marriage lasted 10 years and now I'm free of the marriage but suffer a kind of PTSD.
I've watched plenty of people come and go from forums like these. Most are looking for answers to their own sexless marriages -- for some kind of key that unlocks a secret door -- and some are brave enough to say who they are and how they feel. (There is a smaller cohort hoping to find a partner who is in a similar situation.)
New Arrivals as I See Them:
- Knowing they aren't the only one's suffering matters a great deal.
- Getting words out fulfils an emotional need.
- There is no quick fix to find anywhere among the pages.
- It's easy to offend readers, taking only a word to do it.
- Not everyone wants to date.
Our sexless partners create a problem in our lives that is not unlike those experienced when marrying an alcoholic (or equivalent) where the spouse is causing problems in the marriage but is either unaware of them or unable to do anything about them. Our love for our partners and our belief in their ability to change for the better doesn't falter, but we're affected each time we give them another chance and then they fail. The cycle keeps going, ruining us bit by little bit.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the thing I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
We can't change our spouses. If change is to happen, it'll come from within us (not them) and we need mountains of courage to do it (whatever your 'change' means to you). Peace to accept the situation helps a great deal, and so too does knowing the differences between what is changeable and what isn't. All three lines pack a powerful punch and can be applied to any part of life. I couldn't change my wife, so I changed me instead. In the end, life got better. (Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!)
Fairy tales are nice but they're for books and children's stories. We have to be fair to ourselves. This isn't Kansas and never will be.
I think there are a lot of people out there suffering silently, those we don't know about -- not just the lurkers -- but those who haven't yet done the online research to find this place. -A
