Update: got home early Sunday morning and he was still sleeping. I made coffee, and hung out in my room for a bit. He woke up, stuck his head in the doorway and said "oh, hi". I wished him good morning. We avoided each other for the next couple of hours.
I popped in his room and asked if he wanted to talk about any of the details before I picked the oldest up from her slumber party. His answer: "I don't know."
The rest of the day he spent cleaning up the backyard, pressure washing around the pool and fixing the flower beds.
We ate dinner as a family, watched Game of Thrones and Silicon Valley together, went to our respective rooms and went to sleep.
Yesterday he asked if I needed help with older daughter during the day and insisted I drop her off at his work before my appointments - being helpful. Later, he walked down the hallway to leave for work, paused, turned around and came back to my room: "I am leaving for work. Have a good day." He hasn't done that in months.
Home after work, he was cooking and cleaning and following me around, talking to me about work, the yard, etc. a lot of these conversations were framed in "future" things. I was too baffled to say much, and truly, wanted to shake him off my tail. I was busy making my vegetables for dinner and he was following me around the kitchen, inching closer.
Bizarre.
This is what happens when you shred your cred, people. Full-court press of niceness.
I felt sorry for him. I still love him even though I cannot do it anymore. I am sad to hurt him. I am sad it is over and the family has to break up.
Recognizing his pattern and my own, I am still moving forward. But damn, it does feel wrong sometimes. Trying to learn new behaviors I expect of myself through this is very, very hard.
"Boy, it must suck to be you!"
