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Post by bozodeclowne on Jun 23, 2020 11:38:18 GMT -5
I think the only value in a relationship agreement is in its creation. That is, two partners are openly communicating their needs/desires, recording them and perhaps even hoping each will take some of the spirit of that process and begin making the changes necessary for the relationship to survive. Does that sort of thing ever work? I have no idea.
To me, it seems too close to the sort of consequence/reward model used with children. "You can't have any pudding if you don't eat your meat." Wouldn't that cause more resentment in the refusing partner, like the terms of the agreement are just more chores to complete? It might jump-start someone whose libido is more of the "responsive desire" type, but only if some basic level of desire is there in the first place.
I never really wanted to spell out "this is exactly what I need", as I felt that might turn into yet another checklist where the bare minimum would be done. My strategy did not really produce success, so perhaps this agreement thing is worth a shot for some couples?
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Post by lessingham on Jun 27, 2020 3:34:35 GMT -5
So far the one minute rule has got me more blow jobs than the rest of my marriage. Either a triumph or a sad indication of my sex life. I got the idea from a porn star. She said in real life her lovers got five minutes of oral, then she stopped. But five minutes of mind blowing oral, if they did not come, their oroblem.
Found a sexless marriage agreement in a book I bought years ago so will try that.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jun 27, 2020 6:24:48 GMT -5
So far the one minute rule has got me more blow jobs than the rest of my marriage. Either a triumph or a sad indication of my sex life. I got the idea from a porn star. She said in real life her lovers got five minutes of oral, then she stopped. But five minutes of mind blowing oral, if they did not come, their oroblem. Found a sexless marriage agreement in a book I bought years ago so will try that. I think the group is hoping you prove us doubters wrong, I know I am. You never answered the question about a quid pro quo for the 1 minute blowjob. Do you do something for her? I have enjoyed giving oral to my partners since I was a freshman in college, some 52 yrs. ago. And as a favor to the group how about sharing this "sexless marriage agreement" or the title and author of the book. |
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Post by saarinista on Jun 27, 2020 15:13:14 GMT -5
So far the one minute rule has got me more blow jobs than the rest of my marriage. Either a triumph or a sad indication of my sex life. I got the idea from a porn star. She said in real life her lovers got five minutes of oral, then she stopped. But five minutes of mind blowing oral, if they did not come, their oroblem. Found a sexless marriage agreement in a book I bought years ago so will try that. I find that kind of deal making pretty nasty. How about going on longer if your spouse doesn't come in 5 minutes? Sheesh. For some of us, I think the problem is not just that our partners aren't into sex as much as it is that they are mean and selfish. I'm guessing that toxic attitude carries into other parts of these relationships, which is a pity. |
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Post by Handy on Jun 27, 2020 16:55:48 GMT -5
Lessingham
So far the one minute rule has got me more blow jobs than the rest of my marriage.
So, you are saying it happened? I was thinking your W's one minuet would get put off indefinitely, just to keep you quiet.
Sassrinista, I go along with the not into sex and the selfish parts. It is difficult for me to say much about purposely being mean, although the end result certainly is there.
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Post by ScottDinTN on Jul 1, 2020 1:10:38 GMT -5
Lessingham, sounds like you are trying a new form of communication. A few have been negative about it but I say go for it! Couldn't be worse, right? At least you are talking about it instead of fighting. Good luck!
Follow up reports expected. 🙂
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Post by mirrororchid on Jul 3, 2020 6:33:45 GMT -5
So far the one minute rule has got me more blow jobs than the rest of my marriage. ... So that would be... two? I so want yours to be Oprah's Book of the Month. |
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Post by lessingham on Jul 5, 2020 3:06:20 GMT -5
The relationship agreement floundered. She wanted a no masturbation or porn watching clause. I sain no and that was that. Sigh.
But the blow jobs continue, she likes the non pressure of the short time.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 5, 2020 3:43:52 GMT -5
Lessingham, do the below jobs result in a climax? If not, how do you cope with the lack of release?
Out of curiosity I asked post sm partner whether how he felt about having one minute bjs in an otherwise sexless relationship. He said, “I would be angry.”
Wtf is wrong with your wife that she thinks she has the right to forbid your masturbating especially when she is a refuser?
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 5, 2020 10:01:12 GMT -5
I can see one glimmer of positive in "the one minute" agreement. It can be similar to edging. Not climaxing IS a good thing, IF you know that you can build up your sperm and later release.
However the sound of someone giving me a bj and hating it, sounds difficult and more rejection. It also sounds like a new alibi for the refuser. "I did my part"...no matter how fake it was.
One major part of experiencing the full extacy of a bj, is feeling your cock is being worshiped. That she desires all of it, and constantly wants it. That just the sight and feel of it has her wanting more and more... including you pleasing her!!
This porn star who says "she gives 5 minutes and then stops" I would assume, then goes on to other avenues of sex with her partner. Much porn is acted out that way. First the bj to arouse each other, than the oral to the woman, then the cowgirl, etc, then the final bj. Even if that includes ,continuing later in the day.
Her " demand/request" to forbid you from masturbting should be answered with a counter agreement, that she will gladly, joyfully, lovingly, GIVE you a hand job whenever you feel the need to masterbate. Turn it back on her and watch her continue to refuse your needs while selfishly considering her needs only. ( and continue the controlling)
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Post by lessingham on Jul 6, 2020 3:25:16 GMT -5
I agree it is not perfect, but it is a journey. I doubt if any woman here started her blow job history with a full on 30 minute lock jaw event with swallowing.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 6, 2020 5:08:15 GMT -5
I agree it is not perfect, but it is a journey. I doubt if any woman here started her blow job history with a full on 30 minute lock jaw event with swallowing. Most males cannot last for 30 minutes , if what one reads is to be believed. I fondly remember my 1st bj, I was 19. I remember it being around 10-12 minutes and she spit out all my little swimmers. In fairness it was her 1st bj also. And of all the bj's I have experienced over the decades only a few women have swallowed. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Jul 6, 2020 6:40:22 GMT -5
Lessingham, do the below jobs result in a climax? If not, how do you cope with the lack of release? Out of curiosity I asked post sm partner whether how he felt about having one minute bjs in an otherwise sexless relationship. He said, “I would be angry.” Wtf is wrong with your wife that she thinks she has the right to forbid your masturbating especially when she is a refuser? The masturbation and porn prohibition is commonly cited by devout Christians who see orgasm with the images of other women as adultery. If the nude woman was in the room with him, but he never touched her, would less devout women agree? Further defining the line is left as an exercise to the reader. The thought occurs... would it be similarly upsetting if the nude images were of the wife? I would expect Christian wives to be repulsed by the request for nude photos, so perhaps we have no answer and maybe never will. Such images are very, very dangerous in the wrong hands, so it's not just piety that could give many people pause. Unless lessingham wants to offer that compromise. Is masturbation with the image of one's wife still abhorrent? If so, that makes for an interesting subject on what suggestions she might have for your frustration other than, "Tough it out, ya big baby." Is there any acceptable sexual behavior for you or is celibacy her only answer? |
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Post by saarinista on Jul 6, 2020 15:19:24 GMT -5
I agree it is not perfect, but it is a journey. I doubt if any woman here started her blow job history with a full on 30 minute lock jaw event with swallowing. But lessingham, haven't you been married most of your life to her? And she is just now coming around to oral sex? And what about PIV and other sexual activities? I still hear a lot of denial in your narrative. Correct me if I'm wrong. 😕 It sounds to me that your wife's biggest problem is not her aversion to sex. It's an aversion to being kind, considerate and respectful of your needs as her husband and in fact a human. That's not so great. 😬 |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 6, 2020 17:39:09 GMT -5
The relationship agreement floundered. She wanted a no masturbation or porn watching clause. I sain no and that was that. Sigh. But the blow jobs continue, she likes the non pressure of the short time. You haven't as yet answered the question of what you agreed to do to or for her as part of the agreement. Surely there is some thing that she derives pleasure from sexually. or if not sexually some thing like back rubs or body massages. |
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