Post by mirrororchid on May 18, 2020 4:24:31 GMT -5
Dang. Sorry, man.
Your tone suggests she did too much damage emotionally to repair even if she did earnestly offer a "reset".
Her separating finances suggests she sees the writing on the wall and is okay with it.
Was she hoping you'd do this? The refuser may (almost) always be the one that holds on to the marriage unless perhaps they find someone they don't want to refuse. I've seen those.
The refusers wait, hoping the other will break the vows first.
Apocrypha talks of both spouses suffering, but I'm unsure both spouses do. The refuser may be filled with ennui or abstractly discontented, but the sexless marriage is fully accepted at least some of the time. Perhaps both do suffer and the difference in magnitude seems insulting to the refused. "Acceptance" is one of baza's options, but given the refuser's lack of hunger/misery, some (most?) of them could go the duration to the finish line coffin and bathe in the accolades of having pulled off the "death do we part" marathon. (That sounds like a super lame prize when I put it that way. The world's most boring race where not even the participants are enthusiastic. Humdrum mediocrity is considered a triumph. BLAH!)
Sounds really good that you're building a social network to cushion the blow and build a takeoff runway. The separation of finances is commendable. I'd expect more fireworks from your wife. That's part of what leads me to think she expected/wanted this.
As heroes say, looking furtively left and right with squinted eyes, in movies only 55 minutes in: "That was too easy."
I think padgemi was the one to recommend getting all your financial info together. It's a good idea for making a will too, so it's not wasted effort if a miracle comes along to keep the two of you together. He had an exhaustive list of prep he had to do when he pulled the trigger. It deserves a post of its own.