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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 29, 2019 16:43:06 GMT -5
My ex love-bombed his new woman. He spends every free moment with her. I guess the Viagra is working. Wonder if she knows he likes his 350 pounds of blubber to be tied up spread eagle in chains. Not my circus. "Not my circus" All part of YOUR healing process. You would probably like to warn the other woman, wouldn't you? Sadly she will have to 'learn a hard lesson' for herself. |
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Post by baza on Dec 29, 2019 18:54:41 GMT -5
My ex love-bombed his new woman. He spends every free moment with her. I guess the Viagra is working. Wonder if she knows he likes his 350 pounds of blubber to be tied up spread eagle in chains. Not my circus. A post or two back, you mentioned your ex trying to sabotage your relationship with your kids surfergirl . If you've got any influence over him, you might be best to encourage him to spend ALL his time with her - and thus get him off your case. |
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Post by surfergirl on Dec 30, 2019 11:15:37 GMT -5
bazaHe takes the kids with him on trips with her when he has them. She bought them all presents for Christmas. They are both buying the kids. I’m waiting patiently in the wing.
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 30, 2019 17:44:32 GMT -5
surfergirl, I recall some of your kids may be old enough to decide for themselves, but surely you’re entitled to time with the younger ones? It sounds like you’re being locked out, which he shouldn’t be allowed to do.
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Post by jim44444 on Dec 30, 2019 22:15:07 GMT -5
My ex love-bombed his new woman. He spends every free moment with her. I guess the Viagra is working. Wonder if she knows he likes his 350 pounds of blubber to be tied up spread eagle in chains. Not my circus. Oh Hell, a visual I did not need. |
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Post by Handy on Dec 30, 2019 22:54:31 GMT -5
Surfergirl
..... he likes his 350 pounds of blubber to be tied up spread eagle in chains.In comparison, I am a real charmer / attractive compared to your XH.
No needs for being tied up because I give a very good foot and back rub, among a few other things.
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Post by mypaintbrushes on Jan 7, 2020 16:48:11 GMT -5
bazaHe takes the kids with him on trips with her when he has them. She bought them all presents for Christmas. They are both buying the kids. I’m waiting patiently in the wing. My ex did that over Thanksgiving break. Took our son and the new GF (whom he’d been with off and on for just a few months at that point) to his hometown. His family didn’t invite them to Thanksgiving dinner; they went to a chain restaurant for lunch instead. GF “didn’t bond” with our son in the trip. Son told me “J didn’t talk to me, and dad is annoyed at her”. Ex and his GF broke up after they got back over this (he dumped her the day after her birthday). They got back together a few days later. I can’t keep straight what’s going on and luckily I don’t have to. |
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Post by csl on Jan 8, 2020 12:59:13 GMT -5
I can’t keep straight what’s going on and luckily I don’t have to. your mantra: not my circus, not my monkeys. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 8, 2020 20:09:10 GMT -5
I can’t keep straight what’s going on and luckily I don’t have to. your mantra: not my circus, not my monkeys. Would you care to ...expand on this some more? I really like the mindset "not my monkeys, not my circus. Boundaries for me, not to change my partner/ex, but to change what I tolerate and allow to happen." (i am currently rereading Boundaries in Marriage) However, both of these ladies situations, (and mine too) involve the kids. A ripple effect, a very strong one that will last deep into the next generation. Part of the parental alienation that I post about. Things you will HAVE TO DEAL with when it's your week to have the children, and attempt to undo all the damage caused by a manipulative controller. Just more " no one believes me,unless they have experienced it themselves. Heck even I believed their lies and manipulation for years!" They ( the ex narcissist) are showing your kids "your mother/father said" I was sexless, loveless?" And now they are love bombing a new victim. Leaving the kids in a whirlwind of doubt, refusing to believe what actually happened for years during your marriage. Sad but true. |
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Post by csl on Jan 9, 2020 16:05:01 GMT -5
your mantra: not my circus, not my monkeys. Would you care to ...expand on this some more? I really like the mindset "not my monkeys, not my circus. Boundaries for me, not to change my partner/ex, but to change what I tolerate and allow to happen." (i am currently rereading Boundaries in Marriage) However, both of these ladies situations, (and mine too) involve the kids. A ripple effect, a very strong one that will last deep into the next generation. Part of the parental alienation that I post about. Things you will HAVE TO DEAL with when it's your week to have the children, and attempt to undo all the damage caused by a manipulative controller. Just more " no one believes me,unless they have experienced it themselves. Heck even I believed their lies and manipulation for years!" They ( the ex narcissist) are showing your kids "your mother/father said" I was sexless, loveless?" And now they are love bombing a new victim. Leaving the kids in a whirlwind of doubt, refusing to believe what actually happened for years during your marriage. Sad but true. The Circus/Monkeys bon mot was in reference to the Sturm und Drang of mypaintbrushes' ex and GF. The kids are her monkeys, yes.  |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2020 23:20:10 GMT -5
Late to party here, but ... my EX didn't come home one night while he was still living in our home, but after we had already agreed to split, had signed the dissolution papers, and were just waiting for the court date. I never asked and tried my best to appear completely unbothered by it. He was on a dating site before he moved out, too. In fact, he was on a dating site I believe like 2 days after we officially called it quits and signed the papers. Our divorce was final December 11th. He's dating someone now and has been for at least a month best as I can tell. I'm certain there's sex involved. I know his pattern. To spare my already bruised ego, I keep telling myself he's doing exactly to this poor unfortunate soul what he did to me. That the end result will be the same, albeit, hopefully she is smarter and doesn't hang around for as long as I did. Sex is how he reels them in ... and then he leaves to flop around on the boat without air until they die. I can't even fathom dating right now. I'm still having occasional crying bouts of sadness (not regret or doubt). Cannot even think of moving on to someone else yet. How he can being acting as he is and doing what he's doing baffles me. Then again, most of what he did in our marriage (especially sexually) baffled me so why would I think that now, just because we're divorced, he would make sense to me? I scratch my head and remind myself my peace is my priority. My peace is all I care about. I will find my peace and still know fully he is not a part of that. What he does now is not my concern. My head knows that 100%. My still bruised ego and broken heart occasionally need to be reminded.
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grower
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Post by grower on Jan 17, 2020 10:08:05 GMT -5
I feel you whynotm3, I am in the process of getting divorce and
while my W has assured me up and down that nothing has ever gone
on, and I have allowed here to have time with her "friends" sometimes
over night and weekends. The other week I got a wild hair to check
phone and text logs on her phone. Imagine my surprise that a many
where to a guy that I don't even know. Made the mistake to confront her
about it and of course full denial that anything physical was going on,
yeah must of hit my head falling off that turnip truck. A week later
some I get home and my son informs me she was off doing something. I
text to confirm her plans, am told she is doing stuff her female buds.
I follow up to do a drive by of guy address only to she her car rolling
out. This is a son of one of her older friends and she assured me that
she was dropping him and his mom off after going to eat. I call BS.
Pretty sure it's all lies, in order to save face with family and friends.
But any further investigation just makes me feel like some insecure fn
loser. Time to move on. Work on me, fuck her, but not literally.
The real issue is how do I learn not to "Give a Shit" what she is up to.
Divorce is somewhere in the future. I don't need to waste my time and energy on someone who
has been the worst partner ever while making out like it's my fault, and I have hung in there kidding myself
that maybe something would some how change. I have do what I can to save myself and
be a positive force in my sons life. He needs it, because she is the pessimistic,
negative, life sucks for me, why do only bad things happen to me, I am a victim,
my way is the only way,overly judgmental asshole and I can't stand it any more.
Lets try to flush the crap out of our lives, It is certainly not all our
fault and we desire some happiness and at least for me that has not been
with her. I want to release the anger and resentment and wish her a good
and happy life. Ain't got that figured yet, but if I can get through divorce
without getting totally screwed I will be going in right direction.
Found myself listing to "Oh Happy Day" on my phone and hope
to "wash my sins away" , maybe happy days are to come. Just
appreciate the moments, beautiful winter sunsets here in FL.
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Post by baza on Jan 17, 2020 23:10:03 GMT -5
Dunno if this will help Brother grower , but back in the day my then missus developed a great liking for the slot machines. I joined a support group called GamAnon - a support group for those affected by the gambling in the dynamic. At one meeting, after a particularly lively week, I was recounting how I had several times gone out in search of my missus to 'catch' her in the act of gambling on the machines. I detailed how I went about my search (it was very clever) and how I did actually catch her several times. I was quite pleased with the exhaustive work I had put in to this project, and was half expecting the membership to heap praise on me for my sterling efforts. That didn't happen. The group leader for this meeting asked me several questions. GL - "baz, how much time did you invest in driving around all these venues ?" baz (after a bit of thought) - "err .... probably 5 hours over the week" GL - "Did you find her ?" baz - "Yep" GL - "Have you also found her in the past ?" baz - "Yep" GL - "And what difference has all the chasing around done, what difference has catching her in the act made, what benefit has come of this investment of time and energy you've made ?" I had to admit that there had been precious little benefit to anyone. That was something of a turning point for me. Anyway, to the point. Your missus may be having an affair with another bloke. My missus was having an affair with the slot machines. Me knowing that didn't make any material difference. There were better things I could have been doing rather than chasing around after her. Like working out how to get away from her, as an obvious example. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2020 20:29:10 GMT -5
grower I'm trying not to care or worry or think about what my EX is doing but most days it is a struggle. As baza said, it serves no healthy purpose though. My head knows this. I can still see his checking account so I can see how much money he's now making and all those dinners for 2. I need to stop spying on his bank account because it changes nothing and often just fuels my anger and hurt. Flip side, I try to use that as validation that I made the right decision. Everything my gut told me about him is being proven true by his actions now. While I have not been able to stop myself completely, I have been spying far less often. I imagine eventually I will be able to stop spying completely. The more focused I am on me, the better I feel and the less interested I am in him and what (or who) he's doing. I am imagining it's just going to take some time.
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grower
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Post by grower on Jan 21, 2020 8:57:58 GMT -5
Thanks, i have also come to the realization that there
is nothing to be gained in worrying, spying or investigating
any of the W activities. Need to keep my eyes on the prize of
the divorce. This ship has sailed and that "no sex" was just
a part of a very crappy marriage. One thing I always thought was
at least there was honesty, but that is now in question, but it
doesn't really matter at this point. I don't know if yall have
lived and dealt with a always pessimistic, critical, drama filled
person, but I am now to the point of when her mouth opens it's like
"OMG what the fuck now", both me and my son have gotten to the point
of not wanting to do things because there is always going to be some
issue. Throw in some alcohol and it can go sideways in a second.
I have held out hope over the year, as taking my commitment to heart
and as part of our pre marriage discussion my one real desire was to
she at least be on board to try for a kid. She gave my that and I
have always told myself that I would uphold my vows. Now that she
wants the divorce with ok terms so far, I need to forge ahead asap
before something changes.
I am not an asshole, a sarcastic dick maybe. So move ahead, It is certainly
going to be a much less stressful life on the other side. Thanks to
all the fellow SMers. Make the most of your day
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