To the Core-Why do you stay?

Is she bigger and stronger than you? Or is she packing a 9mm? 

Here's a thought that might help some of the stayer high earner guys. To wit: as loathsome as your wife might be, at least she wasn't SO disgusting that she decreased your earning ability, right? Maybe if you look at a it that way, it will be easier to give her some of the earnings she didn't stand in the way of if/when you bail?

Another thought: the longer you stay, the longer she'll have UNFETTERED access to ALL of the marital assets. However, divorce filing will halt her ability to financially encumber the marital estate by her sole action. As I understand it, once the filing is in, bills incurred after that date are credited to the divorce settlement. She can't legally run out and spend whatever the hell she wants to on her own, as she currently can!

Any decent women with half a brain (like me) know that any guy we meet going forward will be broke due to divorce laws. That's why we are working (or trying to) and reasonable about what we can expect financially from a future man.

I would avoid any future woman who won't sign a prenup or who doesn't get it that divorce is financially punishing for affluent men. Stay away fron gold diggers. Always good advice, actually. Marry a responsible, dutiful woman.

Or just don't get married. I'm not sure I even want to again. Maybe I don't even want to get divorced that badly. Maybe I just wanted to play around. I don't know. I'm so tired of seeing the moochery of some wives, I'm not sure I want to go there again. Meh.

Look. Could I envision getting married again? Yeah. Will it happen? Heck, I'm not sure whether it makes sense to get divorced at this point.

My main thing is finding a decent job so I have a life focus other than... nothing? Also, I can't afford to leave my husband without a job. Nor would I want to.

It's tough when things other than just marital sex are bad.

I think that humans will usually take what they perceive to be - "the easy way out".

What does happen in some instances, is that the persons "perspective" changes .... that is to say that what may have been seen as "the easy option" changes, and what appeared to be the "hardest option" actually holds the potential to be a more life enhancing option.

This tipping point is where one's focus may move from "short term gain for long term pain" to "short term pain for long term gain".

Your focus subtly shifts to a longer term .... to "what is in my longer term best interests".
And, almost certainly, choosing what is in your longer term best interests, is going to involve some very significant short term pain.

Yet, as far as your future goes, the leaving option may actually be the "easier" option.
And humans usually choose the easy option.

The tipping point is way more likely to be based on your perception of what's in your longer term best interests changing, rather than what the easiest immediate option is.

The situation you are in isn't likely to change much .... but your perception of the situation may indeed change - a lot.

Seems to me Brother @tooyoungtobeold2 , that you've moved past the fear of "not being to find someone else" and would be fine being alone.

That is pretty impressive progress in your thinking, moving on from a "fear" based choice.
"Fear" based choices seldom work out well longer term.

And, if you have truly gotten over the resentment of your ILIASM deal that's another big step forward.

Your thinking may yet clarify further given more time, but if you have gone over the fear and the resentment hurdles then you can make you next choice without those two matters muddying the water.

Let's hope that you don't come down with a really serious ailment. Unless you are a "whiner" and are milking your back problem for all it's worth, and perhaps deserving of her being cross about the whole thing, this example of how your spouse responds to your broken condition should be an eye opener for you. 

I do not whine and I am not ever going into a home. I'll totter off Beachy Head first