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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 9, 2019 19:47:43 GMT -5
greatcoastal - I’m very glad your daughter is ok! Car accidents are traumatic for anyone but especially so for new drivers. It’s good that you were there to help her deal with it. I’m sure she’ll need more of your support as days progress. My daughter has recovered very well lately.  Sore ribs from the airbag deployment, and a fear of driving again. That will take some coaching, which I am eager to help with. It's been an interesting event, especially my approach verses my now ex, concerning my daughters rights to have transportation to college and a soon future job. Especially when her 4 older brothers where given the same opportunities. ( ie: transportation provided for them, while they worked and saved for their own car when they became 18 yrs. old) Once again.... My ex is showing her manipulative control, because money is involved. Money =power= control. The divorce gives me an opportunity to now do things my way, my rules, with my money. My ex tells my daughter, " you wrecked it, you don't get another one." ( I cringe! RRRGGHH knowing her income and the 2 to 300,000 dollars that she hid and kept. We are talking about spending 2 to 5 thousand for a loaner car. One my other daughter will also use a year from now) It was an accident. That's what it's called an accident. Where it occurs is one dangerous tricky, very poorly laid out intersection. A part of town that we never travel in. My own car was recently totaled from a hail storm. my insurance will give me an excessive amount to replace it, or I keep it (it runs excellent mostly all superficial cosmetic dents) and have enough left over to get a car for my daughter, and work out paying for the insurance. All without any interference from the ex. Maybe I need to post this under raising children? One of my sons is ready to sell his first car and upgrade to a newer one. His old car would be a good loaner car for my remaining 2 daughters. |
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Post by hopingforachange on Apr 10, 2019 7:07:34 GMT -5
Sorry to hear about your daughters accident.
I'm a cheap person and would take the insurance money and keep driving the hail damaged car. Heck, I would use it as an opportunity to learn paintless dent repair.
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 10, 2019 8:09:24 GMT -5
Sorry to hear about your daughters accident. I'm a cheap person and would take the insurance money and keep driving the hail damaged car. Heck, I would use it as an opportunity to learn paintless dent repair. About the car, I managed to buy it with high mileage, so I got a low price. Over the past 2 yrs I put very low mileage on it, so it's value , 2yrs later is the same. I didn't lose a penny, as far as the car decreasing in value over time. I went on craigslist and did some research. I can purchase the same car, a year newer, with only 10,000 miles on it ( vs the 70,000 on mine) and get a hybrid instead of my regular engine, all for $1500 less. ( the $1500 can go towards a second loaner car) Or I keep my hail damaged (mostly cosmetic dents) car and pocket $6500, to put towards a loaner car (in my name only) for my daughters. AS far as my ex is concerned and her selfish, double standard attitude towards a car for our daughter? I am trying to see this for what it's worth. An opportunity to do what I would normally do, and at the same time gain plenty of ' points' with my daughters. I will even suggest to my daughter, " once that loaner car is here it's yours to take anywhere. You won't need to drive any car that is in your mother's name. You tell her to take your name off her insurance, and that you owe her nothing. The car in the accident belonged to both of us for over 5 yrs. It was worth very little." |
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Post by sadkat on Apr 10, 2019 8:19:00 GMT -5
greatcoastal- I’m glad your daughter is recovering well from the accident. Sounds like you’ve done some research on car options. I know your daughter would appreciate having access to another car- they value their independence at this age.
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 10, 2019 9:08:29 GMT -5
greatcoastal - I’m glad your daughter is recovering well from the accident. Sounds like you’ve done some research on car options. I know your daughter would appreciate having access to another car- they value their independence at this age. You are right, they do value the independence. She also does not need all of that stress financially for someone just beginning to enter the workforce, while attending H.S. and college, and dating at the same time. That accident was stressful enough. ( another difference between me and my ex, and what we value) She has enough on her plate. ( don't we all!) I am very thankful for her positive attitude toward working and saving for her own car. Far to many of her friends expect to be given a car. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 12, 2019 8:06:43 GMT -5
Sorry to hear about your daughters accident. I'm a cheap person and would take the insurance money and keep driving the hail damaged car. Heck, I would use it as an opportunity to learn paintless dent repair. I plan on looking into DIY repair. Recently, after the hail storm, their are now signs and trailers, mail, flyers, etc...popping up all around town for hail repair for cars. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 5, 2019 20:25:06 GMT -5
Today is my wedding anniversary. it would have been 27 yrs. Instead, I now count the years we are apart. This makes 2 yrs. ( a year and a half since the divorce)
The good news is how little thought I gave it! My thoughts where, " look what day it is?. It almost went right on by me without a thought. . Sad how the day ended up having so little meaning. Too many bad thoughts that outweigh the good".
This morning I was filling out my time card for work and it occured to me, when I saw the date.. " It's my wedding anniversary', A short fleeting moment.
Instead I find myself feeling very glad about my decision to end the marriage! A very good day back at work after being closed for 5 days due to Hurricane Dorian. (All is well) Much to do, happy busy hands!
And later in the day I now go home to such a different environment. No more SM. No more controlling narcissist.
Instead my woman (girlfriend) wants sex with me daily. What a HUGE turn around from my years of nothing!! We get along so well, and so easily!
My 6 children have been another story...much of that I chalk up to their late teenage years of independence, parental alienation from my ex, and just changing times and the lack of communication that occurs in a family today.
Here's to new beginnings!
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Post by saarinista on Sept 22, 2019 21:47:14 GMT -5
greatcoastal I'm so glad for you. What a wonderful turnaround your life has taken! It goes to show that there is always hope. May the good times continue for you and your woman.
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Post by workingonit on Sept 24, 2019 21:06:08 GMT -5
Your story is one of amazing inspiration! I am so happy for you!
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 27, 2019 20:57:50 GMT -5
Pardon me while I brag a bit. Or better yet...share some hope about opposite land!!
My girlfriend/woman and I just got back from a wonderful day together! As a birthday present, She purchased tickets for me to see Les Miserables at the Dr. Phillips Center in Orlando. (I took her there to see Dear Evan Hansen)
It's so wonderful to just be my true self and feel so welcomed and accepted! No more stress over jumping through hoops and an always moving goal post, like I tolerated for too long with my now ex!
So,so many of the smallest details, that make a BIG difference in how I enjoy being with her, compared to the cold roommate status that my ex was quite complacent with for far too long.
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Post by jim44444 on Nov 1, 2019 19:18:08 GMT -5
greatcoastal, I am glad that you are enjoying life as it should be lived. Are you still painting? I remember you as quite talented.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 2, 2019 21:51:34 GMT -5
greatcoastal , I am glad that you are enjoying life as it should be lived. Are you still painting? I remember you as quite talented. Thank you for the compliment and the question! No more painting. When I used to paint ,it was mostly 'alone time'. Hours at the paint desk, listening to the radio, and being 'available' for my kids while they did their homeschool. I need a good 2 to 4 hrs at a time while I sit down and paint. Now my time is spent working, and being with my woman! We do ' other things' together!  There are times when we sit together on the front porch, or in the bed, and we are both on our computers. I still have my paint supplies. Maybe one day in the future I'll give it another go. Maybe my woman would like to paint with me? |
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 9, 2019 15:30:31 GMT -5
I now find myself marveling at so,so many of the little things that others would take for granite but after years of enduring my SM ,I am now so appreciative.
I do wonder if it's part of the first few years, and if it will soon settle or faze? Or will my joy and gratitude remain?
I have an elderly neighbor,(79) he asks me to help him ,lift and move things( engines for cars he's working on, appliances he's repairing, etc..) His elderly wife drives him crazy! He avoids her by being outside, every day. We share a fence. There is a Bougainvillea and several Hibiscus bushes lining the fence on his property.. An invasive vine has made its way all throughout the fence and the bushes. Long traveling vines (one inch thick just below the ground. With 5 -6 ft shoots growing up from it every foot.)- (Cape Honeysuckle)
We had nice Florida fall weather ,70 degrees and decided to trim it all back and dig out lots of those roots!
My woman and I where both in a squatting position digging, trimming, and pulling up roots when she fell backwards right on her butt! ( I fell too) We laughed!! I so enjoyed the simplicity, and the beauty of her presence. I stood on one side of the fence, her on the other, I moved and lifted branches and said " here trim this one. Lift these up, while I hold this one,etc..." I then realize" Hmmm..I've got her standing between lots of branches and the fence, with me right here on the other side! Time for some kissing!!"
All that dirt, digging, cutting, sweating calls for a good shower afterwards. More time together!
I look back and remember the very few, rare times,I had together like this with my ex. Climbing our Magnolia tree together and lining it with thousands of Christmas lights. Laying bricks together, and building a planter box around my mothers mailbox.
They were in the bait and switch times during the beginning years of the marriage. After the last child was born, most all of our time spent together revolved around " the children". Intimacy/ touch/ caring/ praise, was given to the children, not to me her spouse.
WE also spoke with 3 of our 'fence neighbors' today. Something my ex and I rarely ever did together anymore, since we did so little together.
It feels like starting over again!
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 5, 2020 18:12:34 GMT -5
Today is my wedding anniversary. it would have been 27 yrs. Instead, I now count the years we are apart. This makes 2 yrs. ( a year and a half since the divorce) The good news is how little thought I gave it! My thoughts where, " look what day it is?. It almost went right on by me without a thought. . Sad how the day ended up having so little meaning. Too many bad thoughts that outweigh the good". This morning I was filling out my time card for work and it occured to me, when I saw the date.. " It's my wedding anniversary', A short fleeting moment. Instead I find myself feeling very glad about my decision to end the marriage! A very good day back at work after being closed for 5 days due to Hurricane Dorian. (All is well) Much to do, happy busy hands! And later in the day I now go home to such a different environment. No more SM. No more controlling narcissist. Instead my woman (girlfriend) wants sex with me daily. What a HUGE turn around from my years of nothing!! We get along so well, and so easily! My 6 children have been another story...much of that I chalk up to their late teenage years of independence, parental alienation from my ex, and just changing times and the lack of communication that occurs in a family today. Here's to new beginnings! Another wedding anniversary. Glad to report that today is practically identical to last year. The day went right on by without giving the ex marriage any thought. 3 years apart now. My woman and I are still quite happy together! |
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Post by ironhamster on Sept 14, 2020 15:56:50 GMT -5
I had not even thought of my wedding anniversary until reading this. I don't know if I'll ever forget that day, but you can damn sure bet I'm trying to.
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Sore ribs from the airbag deployment, and a fear of driving again. That will take some coaching, which I am eager to help with.
