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Post by h on Feb 4, 2020 20:19:13 GMT -5
I don't know about everyone else, but in my case going through the empty motions is preferable to the alternative yelling, agruing, and fighting that would ensue. It's the lesser of two evils. The fighting isn't worth the headache. A cheap card and a nice dinner (that I will get to enjoy also) is worth keeping the peace. That's just my opinion though. You could go out and dine alone?? (That way you wouldn’t have to listen to her argue;-) That would just delay it until I got home and then it would be worse. Not worth it to me. Easier on my blood pressure to just go along with it until I can afford to actually act on my true wishes.
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Post by lessingham on Feb 5, 2020 4:03:20 GMT -5
I was reading my paper yesterday and there were several articles on lingerie for Valentines Day, or rather evening. We men bitch about the hoops we are expected to jump through but women are society pressured to be sexy and put out on V Day. As some of the better feminists said, women's liberation also liberates men. A refusal to dance to the commercialisation of Feb 14th liberates all.
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 5, 2020 5:30:23 GMT -5
H said: “ don't know about everyone else, but in my case going through the empty motions is preferable to the alternative yelling, agruing, and fighting that would ensue.”
I’m trying to understand how a person whom you don’t love and whose actions show they don’t love you can by telling coerce you into empty living gestures on a day that is supposed to be a time to show mutual love. Why not just cut to the chase and say the marriage is just a business deal or a child rearing collaboration, not a romantically living union? It’s the truth. If she denies it, leave the house. It’s beyond me why a spouse who doesn’t seem to love you would pitch a fit over not celebrating Valentine’s Day. Surely she should realize that if she has to yell to get Valentine’s Day acknowledged, there’s no romantic love left.
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Post by h on Feb 5, 2020 10:21:09 GMT -5
H said: “ don't know about everyone else, but in my case going through the empty motions is preferable to the alternative yelling, agruing, and fighting that would ensue.” I’m trying to understand how a person whom you don’t love and whose actions show they don’t love you can by telling coerce you into empty living gestures on a day that is supposed to be a time to show mutual love. Why not just cut to the chase and say the marriage is just a business deal or a child rearing collaboration, not a romantically living union? It’s the truth. If she denies it, leave the house. It’s beyond me why a spouse who doesn’t seem to love you would pitch a fit over not celebrating Valentine’s Day. Surely she should realize that if she has to yell to get Valentine’s Day acknowledged, there’s no romantic love left. In my own case, my W is delusional. She honestly does (or at least believes she does) feel romantic love for me. The problem is that she doesn't think sex is a necessary factor in romantic love. She thinks that romance only requires the stereotypical Valentine's Day elements: fancy dinners, flowers, and other non-sexual gestures like a typical Disney hero would bestow on his princess. From her perspective, making me a nice dinner, buying me an expensive gift, or spending time with me doing some non-sexual activity together is her expression of "romance" towards me (especially if it's something burdensome or inconvenient for her to show she disrupted her life for my sake). In her mind, romance must end before sex starts and the two are mutually exclusive separate things. I will never be able to change her view on that. To that end, keeping her satisfied with the relationship is a simple, direct, predictable, and nearly thoughtless task thus obviously being preferable to the alternative. You are correct that I really don't feel much for her anymore, but I just don't like fighting, especially when I have nothing to gain from the fight. It's not worth the effort.
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Post by Handy on Feb 5, 2020 19:43:22 GMT -5
H like a typical Disney hero would bestow on his princess. but I just don't like fighting, especially when I have nothing to gain from the fight. It's not worth the effort.
H I completely understand where you are coming from. My W thinks she loves me but in her way and thinks just loving me is enough so she shouldn't have to do anything concrete to show her love but expect me to do concrete things for her because according to her it is too difficult for her and it is easy for me to do things.
NSM Why not just cut to the chase and say the marriage is just a business deal or a child rearing.
I understand this too, just get your real feelings out in the open and go from there. Get your opinions out and don't try to prove anything for or against your positions.
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