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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 17, 2019 22:33:57 GMT -5
Even before my life became a sexual wasteland, I was never high on V-Day. Buy me something or you don't love me. Or buy me something and I'll have sex with you.
Oh, for years I did buy the traditional V-Day stuff, but a couple years I stopped. I don't even acknowledge the day. Why should I? It feels more like an anniversary of a tragic event or something, and only serves as a nice reminder that other people....many, many people, have healthy sex lives. And while those people are having sex on that day, I will be spending it the same way I spend every other fake holiday, real holiday, and special occasion.
So here is my annual middle finger to you, Valentine's Day. A vile gesture to all the boxes of chocolates and the stuffed bears and the diamonds and the adult stores that will undoubtedly be filled with expectant boyfriends and husbands. You'll never get another cent off of me so long as I am in this SM.
Do you still open the wallet on V-Day? Is it appreciated? Do you spend it jaded and pouting in a corner like me?
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Post by baza on Jan 17, 2019 23:07:05 GMT -5
You know my history (in an ILIASM deal for ages, been with Ms enna now for coming up 9 years) Would it surprise you to know that Valentines is not a day of any significance in Ms enna and my deal ?
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 17, 2019 23:41:49 GMT -5
You know my history (in an ILIASM deal for ages, been with Ms enna now for coming up 9 years) Would it surprise you to know that Valentines is not a day of any significance in Ms enna and my deal ? Interesting. Maybe it's not that big of a deal to couples outside SMs, either. Do you celebrate it at all? Acknowledge it?
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Post by isthisit on Jan 18, 2019 0:10:38 GMT -5
Usually even during the happiest of times we were pretty ambivalent about Valentine’s Day. I viewed it as commercialisation in its most crude form to be honest, so was always pretty cool about not being suckered in. V day is just a few days before my birthday so I was happy to make a bigger deal of that. Somewhat ironically as the nature of our M declined V-day became increasingly awkward as an expression of a sentiment which was diminishing before my eyes. This year the Gods have been kind and V day is that last day of the UK half term. So, on 14/2 I will be flying to India with my lovely children and my lovely mum for an adventure! This will also encompass my birthday (which is actually the same day as mum’s too) so I know that for once, I will be guaranteed two great days. I simply can’t wait.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 18, 2019 0:13:03 GMT -5
By the final years of my 34-year marriage, I didn't bother celebrating V Day because it seemed like just a sham.
I've now been with my post SM lover for 5.5 years. We do celebrate V Day and it is fun. If theater rehearsals prevent our celebrating it on the actual day, we celebrate it some other time. And yes, sex is involved, but it's sex for the joy of having sex, something we typically do several times a week. It's not sex out of obligation.
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Post by baza on Jan 18, 2019 0:38:56 GMT -5
You know my history (in an ILIASM deal for ages, been with Ms enna now for coming up 9 years) Would it surprise you to know that Valentines is not a day of any significance in Ms enna and my deal ? Interesting. Maybe it's not that big of a deal to couples outside SMs, either. Do you celebrate it at all? Acknowledge it? We 'celebrate' (by which I figure you mean have a root) quite often. I guess a particular root might happen - coincedently - to fall on February 14th sometime since 2010. But I just checked our calender and see it falls on a Thursday this year. Just for fun I have circled that date with a red pen and noted "root" on it. I expect that when Ms enna see's it there will be great hilarity. But I'd make this observation (from my ILIASM deal). In my ILIASM deal, certain dates - like birthdays, anniversaries, Valentines days and suchlike - were big deals to me. Because they marked an important time and thus were almost certainly going to be the trigger that made my missus wake up to herself.... .... but they never were such a trigger. I kept waiting for a cosmic event, or a reeeaaallly important anniversary to be the agent of change that was going to wake her up. That never happened. FWIW, I think waiting on a significant date to trigger a change in your spouses behaviour is a policy bound to fail. In my ILIASM deal (or at least the last 2 decades of it) I never saw a particular date make one iota's difference. The resolution of my (your, anyones) ILIASM deal is NOT going to hinge on some arbitrary date.
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Post by ironhamster on Jan 18, 2019 6:39:12 GMT -5
I never had a specific date make any difference in my ILIASM deal, either. Valentine's day, father's day, ...
I do have in my memory that I got some obligatory sex after requesting it for my birthday, but my memory is hazy, there. If it did happen, it was far from a regular birthday occurance.
For Valentine's day, I never liked it and was clear early on that I would not celebrate it. My fiance then wife was adamant that if I was not going to celebrate Valentine's day, that I had to do something ahead of that, so that was our compromise.
The day afterward was special to me, though. It is the holiday called Half Price Candy Day.
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Post by workingonit on Jan 18, 2019 8:00:05 GMT -5
Valentines day is one of those Hallmarkian holidays that I do not believe in. Really though it has never bothered me that my h is not into birthdays or annivesaries, etc. He used to randomly do sweet things for me instead. But I imagine actually celebrating some of those milestones would be nice.
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Post by sadkat on Jan 18, 2019 9:53:53 GMT -5
In the past, my h did acknowledge every holiday by buying me a little (or big) gift. It was his way of showing me he “loved” me. It used to give me hope that things would improve and he’d want to have sex again. But- they never did improve but just got worse with time. Now, if he does make an effort to give me something, I don’t have much enthusiasm or hope. I’ll be on a solo trip this Valentines Day so won’t need to suffer through the polite “thank you” for my gift. I’ve been watching the Sopranos. Those of you who’ve watched it- remember when Tony gives Carmela that huge sapphire ring?? Well, I could be Carmela- I’m seeing my life played out by just watching her (except h is no gangster and his “affairs” are all online). It really sucks!
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Post by Handy on Jan 18, 2019 13:05:27 GMT -5
Deadzone75
Do you still open the wallet on V-Day? Is it appreciated? Do you spend it jaded and pouting in a corner like me?I started out doing something a little special. To me it was usually a crappy day at work (time of the year, shitty jobs and little money because we worked on commission) so I wasn't in the mood to be extremely generous. My W was a SAHM so money was in short supply from Nov. until April. I almost never got why cards were valued so I didn't want anyone to spend $1 to $3 on a card, two candy bars would have been more valuable in my mind. The card: "OH, that is so nice" then the card goes in the trash bin a few days later. I would enjoy a candy bar, nuts, etc much more but some people are card people and don't get turned on with a food item. I also felt some manufactures used V-day to get people to buy things the people really didn't need or get some people to buy over priced things so the company could over charge people (suckers).
I did usually give my W a generous foot rub or something similar. I had almost always hoped it would lead to making out and later having sex but I understood if that didn't happen.
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Post by h on Jan 18, 2019 15:29:23 GMT -5
I haven't had a good V-Day since our first year of marriage. I have always made the obligatory purchases and activities (dinner, movie, gift) but never got any intimacy in return after year 1. This year may be different since she is aware now of how close our marriage was to ending. We had a pretty big argument before Christmas and have been trying work on things so maybe this V-Day will be better.
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Post by WindSister on Jan 18, 2019 15:43:15 GMT -5
Valentine's is not a day we acknowledge either. (I'm post SM..in a happy relationship, marriage, for 5 years now... for new readers). We have sex regularly so there's no need to make a big deal about Hallmark Holidays. Tonight we are going to celebrate the start of a long weekend with a couple whiskeys, and planned massages with oils. Haven't done that in a few months, my husband texted me it's all he can think about. We have both learned tantric massages.... I highly recommend. Valentine's may or may not bring sex, but I can tell you it definitely won't bring disappointment either way. Been there, done that, never again.
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Post by deadzone75 on Jan 18, 2019 16:08:13 GMT -5
Valentine's is not a day we acknowledge either. (I'm post SM..in a happy relationship, marriage, for 5 years now... for new readers). We have sex regularly so there's no need to make a big deal about Hallmark Holidays. Tonight we are going to celebrate the start of a long weekend with a couple whiskeys, and planned massages with oils. Haven't done that in a few months, my husband texted me it's all he can think about. We have both learned tantric massages.... I highly recommend. Valentine's may or may not bring sex, but I can tell you it definitely won't bring disappointment either way. Been there, done that, never again. I am so envious of your tantric exploration. Although, if I want to put a positive spin on my SM, I am kind of practicing Tantric right now, in a way. I am certainly drawing out the length of time between actual sex, and I am certainly building up lots of sexual energy. It's against my will, of course, but I'm grasping for a silver lining here.
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Post by flounder on Jan 18, 2019 19:09:01 GMT -5
More out of habit really. Here’s some flowers,a card(usually something funny and not romantic),dinner out and then home and off to bed.
My wife will probably come to bed about 3 or so. I’ll get up for work at 5 and start getting the kids ready for school.
Same shit,different day.
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Post by workingonit on Jan 19, 2019 18:10:39 GMT -5
Valentine's is not a day we acknowledge either. (I'm post SM..in a happy relationship, marriage, for 5 years now... for new readers). We have sex regularly so there's no need to make a big deal about Hallmark Holidays. Tonight we are going to celebrate the start of a long weekend with a couple whiskeys, and planned massages with oils. Haven't done that in a few months, my husband texted me it's all he can think about. We have both learned tantric massages.... I highly recommend. Valentine's may or may not bring sex, but I can tell you it definitely won't bring disappointment either way. Been there, done that, never again. You are simply one of my heroes and I am so glad you still are here to share your simple yet profound wisdom and experience with us. *sigh* A tantric massage AND a text that it is all he can think about?? So dreamy....
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