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Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2019 17:09:09 GMT -5
Tomorrow is the big day! I will be waiting to hear how everyone's V-day goes. Thinking of all of you.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2019 18:02:03 GMT -5
We're currently 1700 miles apart, I'm working in the SW and she's still in upper Mid-west. So, intimacy will be the usual.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 13, 2019 19:03:26 GMT -5
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Post by shamwow on Feb 13, 2019 22:15:29 GMT -5
The last time I bothered with Valentine's day it was a disaster. I arranged a romantic dinner in a rated country restaurant, with flowers delivered to the table. I bought a card. I did everything she delighted in we got home after a great romantic evening and she sauntered tovthe video to check her programmes had recorded. Then sat and watched them. I agree there is a bit of a promised bargain, you men jump through hoops and we women will make love to you. Which is why I'm not a fan of Valentine's day.
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Post by rodglw on Feb 13, 2019 23:08:53 GMT -5
Valentine’s day is just another day. We used to go out when his old boss gave him $100 to take me somewhere. But that ended up being a captured spot for me to listen to his endless monologue- which, for him is better than sex! I wouldn’t mind so much if it were a two way conversation, but it never is. His best V day gift? My ears and undying adoration. I try not to think of all those other couples that enjoy V day with intimacy. Never happened - never will.
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Post by jim44444 on Feb 14, 2019 0:49:07 GMT -5
I was at the store looking at V-day cards with all the thoughts expressed here running through my mind. There was a 30ish woman also listless looking through the cards beside me. Without thinking I said to her "This is a pain in the neck. Why don't they make one that says 'I got you this card because if I didn't you would be all butt hurt'". She laughed out loud.
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Post by lessingham on Feb 14, 2019 2:24:23 GMT -5
A happy secret valentine's day to one and all. May you find unexpected joy and who knows, may you get lucky!
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Post by lessingham on Feb 14, 2019 5:13:50 GMT -5
Just been refused sex! Par for the course
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 14, 2019 6:07:44 GMT -5
I gave up the Valentine's Day ruse somewhere about six years back. I'd raised the suggestion of us doing something special, maybe just the two of us going out for a rare dinner together. She seemed in agreement at the time. Then the day arrived and she packed a bag and decided to go visit her sister on a whim. I stared wide eyed and asked incredulously "really?" She nodded and pecked me on the cheek on her way out the door. Yes really. I am sorry that your refuser abuses you this way. When people we once admired, loved and truly gave our all too, reject us, it becomes a time for being thankful for tribulation. A time to understand that YOU ARE NOT the one who has problems with intimacy and sex. In fact you probably are quit good at giving!, and being codependent. Tribulations are meant to be tipping points. You can treat V day as VICTORY Day! A day that you treat as any other day, however, when your W returns, take a male friend, one of your family members, an elderly neighbor, a coworker, etc... out for that rare dinner, on a whim. Start giving to yourself.... you deserve it!!
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Post by twotimesone on Feb 14, 2019 10:44:52 GMT -5
Just the the heck of it, I spent $20 for dozen roses to see what my W's response would be. She says a thank you, but didn't get a "Thank you." Didn't get any, instead my W wrapped a few single roses to give to my son's roses. Guess, I am planning to outsource to see someone else soon to get my "Thank you."
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2019 13:12:39 GMT -5
We don't regularly celebrate Valentine's Day. I don't require much, just a little acknowledgement is appreciated though. Last few years, cards weren't even exchanged. This morning prior to leaving, upon my wishing him a Happy Valentine's Day he said, "Oh, yes, Happy Valentines Day. Is tomorrow Friday?" I said, yes. He asked if we had plans. I said no. He said, "Oh good, then I can take my sweetie out to dinner." That was nice. We will see if it happens. For my part, in the spirit of good will and considering his efforts as of late, I bought him a card yesterday, his favorite chocolate bar, and a candle. Taped to the card envelope was his 'little blue pill'. Last 'fight/discussion' he asked that I leave him these 'hints' to remind him of what I'm expecting and/or needing since clearly the thought of sex doesn't cross his mind nearly as much as it does mine. So I did. Will see what happens when he sees it when he gets home. I don't expect that pill to be taken until tomorrow night when his (exhausting - whatever) work week is over and the kids are out of the house. If anything materializes, though, I will take it. I just keep speaking up, pressing the issue, and hoping for the best. As always, time will tell. In the meantime I was online looking at properties for sale in case we do crash and burn and I decide to downsize and sell my home. One foot here and one foot there ... yes, it's exhausting, but clearly I'm not ready to give up, just yet. Sending hugs to all who need it today. You're all wonderful and deserve much happiness.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2019 15:37:25 GMT -5
I'm going to take the refuser's point of view on this briefly. Since my SO avoids sex, always has (well, except for the bait period early on) and I have an understanding of why (intimacy avoidant) I can imagine V-day is pretty stressful. I don't remember a time in 29 years of marriage where V-day was romantic. She doesn't like the romance piece either and I haven't put in an effort in decades so that's on me. Long ago when I did put in an effort, I think the quid-pro-quo was too thinly disguised the entire day, i.e. I did these romantic things therefore now we can have sex. That's not really the recipe is it? That was never my intention but that's almost certainly how she felt.
It's the problem with all "expectation holidays", I'm sure in a mismatched libido life the LL person dreads it greatly.
Ugh. She texted me happy v-day first thing this morning which was cute. I'm 1700 miles away so it was safe which is sad.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2019 15:43:33 GMT -5
I gave up the Valentine's Day ruse somewhere about six years back. I'd raised the suggestion of us doing something special, maybe just the two of us going out for a rare dinner together. She seemed in agreement at the time. Then the day arrived and she packed a bag and decided to go visit her sister on a whim. I stared wide eyed and asked incredulously "really?" She nodded and pecked me on the cheek on her way out the door. Yes really. Classic way to avoid intimacy. My wife would have put it in some category of urgency or family need so I couldn't complain or i'd be the jerk.
One time about 15 years ago I made all of the arrangements for a little BNB cabin that wasn't too far from our home. Booked the cabin, lined up sitter for kids, etc. Neat little place that we had stayed in once when we were home shopping. When I unveiled the, "Hey, let's have a little time away." she flooded me with reasons why we couldn't possibly get away that weekend. They weren't real objections, just minor hurdles and I had covered all of them. I cancelled the cabin and the sitter and haven't tried since. It still hurts just writing this which is a bit of a surprise. Ouch.
I feel you.
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Post by flounder on Feb 14, 2019 17:05:01 GMT -5
Happy Valentine’s Day all.
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Post by angeleyes65 on Feb 14, 2019 17:05:10 GMT -5
Even before my life became a sexual wasteland, I was never high on V-Day. Buy me something or you don't love me. Or buy me something and I'll have sex with you. Oh, for years I did buy the traditional V-Day stuff, but a couple years I stopped. I don't even acknowledge the day. Why should I? It feels more like an anniversary of a tragic event or something, and only serves as a nice reminder that other people....many, many people, have healthy sex lives. And while those people are having sex on that day, I will be spending it the same way I spend every other fake holiday, real holiday, and special occasion. So here is my annual middle finger to you, Valentine's Day. A vile gesture to all the boxes of chocolates and the stuffed bears and the diamonds and the adult stores that will undoubtedly be filled with expectant boyfriends and husbands. You'll never get another cent off of me so long as I am in this SM. Do you still open the wallet on V-Day? Is it appreciated? Do you spend it jaded and pouting in a corner like me? When I was dating and first married and things were good with my ex we celebrated we didn't go out because it was too busy and he had the patience of a gnat but we did cards, lingerie had sex. Then I just really didn't think it was a big deal I would get a little something for the kids. . Funny enough after our marriage became a sexual wasteland and the very first time I outsourced I came home to chocolate covered strawberries. I had so many emotions. Guilt, anger because we were celebrating a romantic holiday but had no romance, anger because after all those years together he didn't know I don't like chocolate and fruit together. And guilt because I broke my vows. Anger for the same reason Every year after that I got flowers even after I left him. To me it was like he wanted it to look to other people like we had a love life. Now that I'm out my lover when I we were married to others and I both said Valentine's day is not a big deal. But now that we are out he surprised me with a wonderful card and chocolates last year. So this year I got him something and he got me flowers. I would have been ok if we didn't do anything but even after 7 years together almost 8 (1.5 legitimately) everything we do just seems so natural and easy and joyous. So I guess I can say I go back and forth on the Valentine's day. It's not a big deal but if we celebrate just because we want to that's fine if we don't because every day is full of attention and affection that's fine to. Anniversaries and vacations are what really made me jealous of other couples when I was in a SM.
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