Encouragement From the Other Side
Jul 26, 2018 8:56:42 GMT -5
JMX, greatcoastal, and 13 more like this
Post by flashjohn on Jul 26, 2018 8:56:42 GMT -5
I know almost all of you are in marriages or relationships where your sexual needs are going unmet. Some of them are capable of improvement, but some are not. If yours has been improving, good for you. But this is for those people who have had enough, want to get out, but are hesitant. You may be worried about finding a job, having a place to live, or being lonely. I just thought my story might help you.
I got married in 1988. My fiancé and I had been together for 2 ½ years before that. We did do some foreplay, but we had left intercourse for marriage. Both of us were very excited about the prospect of having all the sex we wanted after the wedding. There were times I had to remind her that we had to stop so we could be married before we had sex. At least, I thought she wanted to have sex after we were married.
However, after I proposed, something funny happened. The limited sexual activity we did have began to slow down considerably. I didn’t question it, but just thought it was because she wanted to make our honeymoon very special.
After the wedding, we flew to a larger city and checked into a very nice hotel. I was very excited about having sex with my new wife the first time. However, she informed me that sex was not going to happen that night because she was too nervous. Two days later, no sex had happened. Then went to a tropical destination, and I had still not had intercourse with her. She did allow me less than an inch of penetration on one occasion during the entire week-long honeymoon. Also, she made this statement, “I don’t see why the honeymoon has to be about sex, sex, sex!” I was blown away by this statement since it was the exact opposite of what she had been telling me for 2.5 years. I now look at pictures from my honeymoon and feel so sorry for the sad kid in them.
After the honeymoon, we finally did have full intercourse a few weeks later, but not the fun, uninhibited sex I was told that I could expect. She had never given me a blowjob, but told me that she would after the wedding. That never happened. She also used to enjoy me giving her oral sex, but that stopped immediately after the wedding. Starfish sex was all I could have, and only when she wanted it, and on her terms. Somehow, we conceived two daughters. They are wonderful.
Sex happened about 6-8 times a year, and was very dull and boring. I was rejected 95% of the time that I approached her. I finally stopped asking in 2005 because the rejection is too much. Masturbation was my primary sexual outlet. She was also extremely verbally abusive. She did stop hitting me in 2004 because I told her that if she ever hit me again, she was going to jail.
I felt that I could not leave my daughters because of the way my wife was. She was very verbally abusive to them and sometimes even physically abusive. I had to get between her and them on several occasions. I also did not want to be a part-time dad.
In 2010, she had a full hysterectomy/Ooectomy (removal of uterus and both ovaries). The doctor told her to come back in 3 months to have her hormones checked. She refused. Her behavior escalated exponentially. Her verbal abuse was worse than anything I had ever seen. She would ball up her fists and I would remind her that if she started throwing punches, she was going to jail, and she would unclench them. Also, all sexual activities stopped completely. She refused to even talk about the matter.
I endured more and more abuse through 2015. At that time, my youngest daughter was graduating from high school. I also found a job in another city where we had lived before. I really thought that a change of location would make a difference. I was wrong. When my youngest daughter left for college, my wife did not temper her anger at all. What little restraint she had was now gone. She would scream at the slightest provocation, and tell me that I was a horrible husband, all of her friends had better husbands, and she could easily find another one.
In January of 2016, we had a discussion. I told her I was very depressed about not having sex for 6 years, and no prospect of sex in my future. She told me that it was all my fault, and I should be happy and fulfilled in a marriage where sex never happened again. That was the last straw.
I rented an apartment, and got some furniture. I took a day off from work and moved out. Even with all of the abuse, I was crying because the emotional impact of the decision was tremendous. For a few weeks, I was a basket case. But then I started feeling better. My divorce has been filed, but my refuser is doing everything she can to delay it.
A few months later, I met a wonderful woman. She is 8 years younger than me and thinks I am wonderful. She is amazed at how considerate and kind I am. I love to buy her gifts, surprise her with flowers, etc. My refuser did not like that at all.
As to sex, it is incredible! She has never had multiple orgasms before me, but certainly has them now! We have sex every night before we go to sleep and every morning before we get out of bed. On the weekends, we may have sex as much 9-10 times a day. She has told me that she never imagined that she would find a man as wonderful as me. I guess living in a sexless marriage has made me into a very attractive man.
And yes, I know that twice a day and sometimes 9-10 times a day is hard to believe. When I was in my misery of a DB, once a month would have sounded wonderful, and any more would have made me ecstatic. I really would have never imagined having sex every day, much less twice or more. But I assure you that it is happening even though I am 53 years old. I have no idea why I can perform better now than when I was 25, but I can. Maybe God has decided to help me make up for lost time.
So if you are on the fence, please realize that if you decide to leave your DB, your life will not be over. You will get past the hard part and there may be something absolutely wonderful waiting for you.
I got married in 1988. My fiancé and I had been together for 2 ½ years before that. We did do some foreplay, but we had left intercourse for marriage. Both of us were very excited about the prospect of having all the sex we wanted after the wedding. There were times I had to remind her that we had to stop so we could be married before we had sex. At least, I thought she wanted to have sex after we were married.
However, after I proposed, something funny happened. The limited sexual activity we did have began to slow down considerably. I didn’t question it, but just thought it was because she wanted to make our honeymoon very special.
After the wedding, we flew to a larger city and checked into a very nice hotel. I was very excited about having sex with my new wife the first time. However, she informed me that sex was not going to happen that night because she was too nervous. Two days later, no sex had happened. Then went to a tropical destination, and I had still not had intercourse with her. She did allow me less than an inch of penetration on one occasion during the entire week-long honeymoon. Also, she made this statement, “I don’t see why the honeymoon has to be about sex, sex, sex!” I was blown away by this statement since it was the exact opposite of what she had been telling me for 2.5 years. I now look at pictures from my honeymoon and feel so sorry for the sad kid in them.
After the honeymoon, we finally did have full intercourse a few weeks later, but not the fun, uninhibited sex I was told that I could expect. She had never given me a blowjob, but told me that she would after the wedding. That never happened. She also used to enjoy me giving her oral sex, but that stopped immediately after the wedding. Starfish sex was all I could have, and only when she wanted it, and on her terms. Somehow, we conceived two daughters. They are wonderful.
Sex happened about 6-8 times a year, and was very dull and boring. I was rejected 95% of the time that I approached her. I finally stopped asking in 2005 because the rejection is too much. Masturbation was my primary sexual outlet. She was also extremely verbally abusive. She did stop hitting me in 2004 because I told her that if she ever hit me again, she was going to jail.
I felt that I could not leave my daughters because of the way my wife was. She was very verbally abusive to them and sometimes even physically abusive. I had to get between her and them on several occasions. I also did not want to be a part-time dad.
In 2010, she had a full hysterectomy/Ooectomy (removal of uterus and both ovaries). The doctor told her to come back in 3 months to have her hormones checked. She refused. Her behavior escalated exponentially. Her verbal abuse was worse than anything I had ever seen. She would ball up her fists and I would remind her that if she started throwing punches, she was going to jail, and she would unclench them. Also, all sexual activities stopped completely. She refused to even talk about the matter.
I endured more and more abuse through 2015. At that time, my youngest daughter was graduating from high school. I also found a job in another city where we had lived before. I really thought that a change of location would make a difference. I was wrong. When my youngest daughter left for college, my wife did not temper her anger at all. What little restraint she had was now gone. She would scream at the slightest provocation, and tell me that I was a horrible husband, all of her friends had better husbands, and she could easily find another one.
In January of 2016, we had a discussion. I told her I was very depressed about not having sex for 6 years, and no prospect of sex in my future. She told me that it was all my fault, and I should be happy and fulfilled in a marriage where sex never happened again. That was the last straw.
I rented an apartment, and got some furniture. I took a day off from work and moved out. Even with all of the abuse, I was crying because the emotional impact of the decision was tremendous. For a few weeks, I was a basket case. But then I started feeling better. My divorce has been filed, but my refuser is doing everything she can to delay it.
A few months later, I met a wonderful woman. She is 8 years younger than me and thinks I am wonderful. She is amazed at how considerate and kind I am. I love to buy her gifts, surprise her with flowers, etc. My refuser did not like that at all.
As to sex, it is incredible! She has never had multiple orgasms before me, but certainly has them now! We have sex every night before we go to sleep and every morning before we get out of bed. On the weekends, we may have sex as much 9-10 times a day. She has told me that she never imagined that she would find a man as wonderful as me. I guess living in a sexless marriage has made me into a very attractive man.
And yes, I know that twice a day and sometimes 9-10 times a day is hard to believe. When I was in my misery of a DB, once a month would have sounded wonderful, and any more would have made me ecstatic. I really would have never imagined having sex every day, much less twice or more. But I assure you that it is happening even though I am 53 years old. I have no idea why I can perform better now than when I was 25, but I can. Maybe God has decided to help me make up for lost time.
So if you are on the fence, please realize that if you decide to leave your DB, your life will not be over. You will get past the hard part and there may be something absolutely wonderful waiting for you.
