Reset Sex?

A refuser offers reset sex as a way of trying to make it seem like "things are better now". Its called that because it technically "resets" your sexless status to no longer sexless. The problem with it is that they universally lose interest in sex afterwards, and the relationship goes back to being sexless, although technically its not because they gave in once. (like a bucket of blue paint is no longer technically "blue" after a single drop of red paint gets added)

The catch 22 is that if you don't take them up on the reset sex, then in your refuser's mind, that makes YOU the refuser. Bottom line, its a tactic to try to control the "sexless" argument in their favor.

This answer is better then my babbling.
Ignore my post.

Run with that thought!

If you don't want his hands on you then don't take the reset. It will probably be so unfulfilling anyway.

Instead channel the opportunity to refuse him.
I never got that opportunity.

If I would have gotten the chance to refuse his advances I would have said something to the effect of:
"Who the fuck do you think you are? We haven't had sex in 2 years and now you think I'm going to just give it up because you want to?! Just so we are clear, I do not plan to ever have sex with you again which is more courtesy than you ever showed me because you made a unilateral decision to withhold sex and never let me know. Also so we are clear, in spite of the fact that we won't be having sex ever again, I do not plan on being celibate for the rest of my life like I have been for the past 13 years. So what are your thoughts on another man fucking your roommate?"

But if you are anything like me...which i suspect you are...you are so bloody delighted at the opportunity you take it.

Happened to me on saturday night. I kid you not, totally impersonal, he bent me over in the bathroom, jigged it in and out for 10 seconds, and then was off. Hardly what i would call sex! But that means, in his eyes, that we ARE having sex. I know it will be an awfully long time before its likely to happen again. Which is why i had an impromptu outsource on Monday. Very exciting and rampant...but its not like being in a relationship with intimacy. It was a fuck. A mighty fine and filthy one but nonetheless just a fuck. Sneaky, quick, no time for basking in the glory and no time for round 2.

I am still waiting for the handprint on my arse from Mr Outsource to disappear properly though ha ha!

Be ready next time! I'm sure you will have that opportunity.

That's funny!! I can so appreciate the logic with that statement but sometimes we need to sacrifice in order to teach a well deserved lesson in rejection.

Gotcha.  For sure, control is a theme in our marriage.  Mine likes to mess with me - he'll tell me to make all the decisions b/c he doesn't have time, then he'll come in once all is said and done and complain about it and berate me for my choices.  Nice.  And, he's famous for saying yes to things (let's get a puppy, go on this or that trip, remodel the house), letting me plan it all out - and then changing his mind, effectively pulling the rug to from under me and usually reducing me to tears.  Control indeed.  So that would make a lot of sense.

I can't figure out if it's within my rights to refuse him, when it's hurt me so badly over the years.  Wouldn't that be sinking down to his level?  I'm trying to take the high road and not sure if my refusing is out of line with that or if it's OK simply because we're now at a place where the marriage is broken beyond repair and I've just finally had enough.   Sorry, talking out loud here.  I think it's the latter.