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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2016 8:28:39 GMT -5
I will pose one thought for you to ponder about your wife, greatcoastal - "She is who she is. If SHE wanted to change she would have." Focus on YOU. She will respond to the change in your energy. Don't "announce" that you're going to "do xyz" or change "abc behavior." Just do it. Then, take 30 seconds to celebrate the fact that you did something different, stick with it, and move on. W may not like or understand what's happening, but she really doesn't get a vote, anymore. You've already given her all the "votes" to this point, and it's brought you to the place you're in right now. Different, might be a pleasant surprise - but, it WILL be different. |
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2016 9:19:29 GMT -5
I do not agree. The world is no more and no less sick than it ever was. Humanity is still humanity. Those institutions should be counteracting the stigmatization of men, not propagate them. They should be, if they were Christian, give the benefit of the doubt and promote 'love thy neighbour'. This is why I call sects like the Assembly of God and the Megachurches "Church of Hatred" in my mind. They are divisive. They set people against each other, they shun and discriminate. To me, that is not in the spirit of the New Testament. And then you find out just how many sexual predators hide in the ranks of their clergy and it all becomes even more bizzarre. Good points. I do not agree. The world is no more and no less sick than it ever was. Humanity is still humanity. Yup, I say this all the time. It's just tough to keep a historical perspective much beyond our (my) own span of experience. Thanks for reminding me. Those institutions should be counteracting the stigmatization of men, not propagate them. They should be, if they were Christian, give the benefit of the doubt and promote 'love thy neighbour'. Woah, spoken like a serious theologian! Again, I stand corrected. I guess the political correctness that saturates the western world -- and that I try to keep out of my home -- has soaked into my own mind. Again, I stand corrected. This is why I call sects like the Assembly of God and the Megachurches "Church of Hatred" in my mind. They are divisive. They set people against each other, they shun and discriminate. I'm going to part with you here a little maybe. Have you ever attended an Assembly of God Church? I haven't either, but I've know many orthodox Pentecostal Christians, and haven't known any of them to be particularly hateful or discriminatory. With regard to "The MegaChurches", these are not at all as monolithic as you seem to be indicating. From my perspective, they range from Joel Osteen's ministries which are completely unorthodox "Word of Faith" or "New Age Self-Help" organizations to quite orthodox non-denominational and even denominational ministries that are supporting communities and building schools. But even with the unorthodox "Nutty" churches, I haven't experienced any "Hatred". Maybe you can explain what you mean by "Shun and Discriminate". Maybe you're confusing some of the Nazi organizations that preach race based messages? None of these are even remotely "MegaChurches". They're self contained little movements with a very limited geographic scope. They don't garner large followings. I could espouse genocide and eugenics in the name of Darwin and general practical atheism, but today, I'd be hard pressed to garner a following or convince anyone that I'm an Orthodox Atheist. To me, that is not in the spirit of the New Testament. And then you find out just how many sexual predators hide in the ranks of their clergy and it all becomes even more bizzarre. This "Predators in the Ranks of the Clergy" is big news these days, and I'm not dismissing it AT ALL. But the church -- even or especially the Roman Catholic Church -- is addressing it. But it seems in addressing it, they've gone all the way to the politically correct over-response you mentioned in your second point. Even the specter of having a pervert hiding in the ranks of a church has them taking actions that limit freedom and good will in the name of "Perception". |
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2016 9:32:36 GMT -5
You guys make me sad, doubly and triply sad. My father has never hugged me. I don't think my mother has hugged me since I was about 6. I don't have kids to hug. Well, I had my niece and nephew, and I still hug my nephew when he's over from the states. My Sister in Law (who is American) has turned into one of those prudes in her 50s and 60s, and it's obviously passed over to my niece, who seems distant and somewhat misandrist now. Those women you describe are just sick, sad excuses for an emotionally healthy human bean, in my opinion. Cold, self-centered, with the attitude "I'm not having fun, nobody else should have fun". <gag> Petrushka, next time I'm in the UK, I'll bring a bunch of sweet loving kids/family by and give you a bunch of hugs. Heck, I'll hug you myself along with my brother and sister in law. They're such sweet folks. Except my nephew at Oxford that's become a bit of a bitter vegan atheist. I'm hoping he grows out of that. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 12, 2016 9:36:43 GMT -5
I do not agree. The world is no more and no less sick than it ever was. Humanity is still humanity. Those institutions should be counteracting the stigmatization of men, not propagate them. They should be, if they were Christian, give the benefit of the doubt and promote 'love thy neighbour'. This is why I call sects like the Assembly of God and the Megachurches "Church of Hatred" in my mind. They are divisive. They set people against each other, they shun and discriminate. To me, that is not in the spirit of the New Testament. And then you find out just how many sexual predators hide in the ranks of their clergy and it all becomes even more bizzarre. Good points. I do not agree. The world is no more and no less sick than it ever was. Humanity is still humanity. Yup, I say this all the time. It's just tough to keep a historical perspective much beyond our (my) own span of experience. Thanks for reminding me. Those institutions should be counteracting the stigmatization of men, not propagate them. They should be, if they were Christian, give the benefit of the doubt and promote 'love thy neighbour'. Woah, spoken like a serious theologian! Again, I stand corrected. I guess the political correctness that saturates the western world -- and that I try to keep out of my home -- has soaked into my own mind. Again, I stand corrected. This is why I call sects like the Assembly of God and the Megachurches "Church of Hatred" in my mind. They are divisive. They set people against each other, they shun and discriminate. I'm going to part with you here a little maybe. Have you ever attended an Assembly of God Church? I haven't either, but I've know many orthodox Pentecostal Christians, and haven't known any of them to be particularly hateful or discriminatory. With regard to "The MegaChurches", these are not at all as monolithic as you seem to be indicating. From my perspective, they range from Joel Osteen's ministries which are completely unorthodox "Word of Faith" or "New Age Self-Help" organizations to quite orthodox non-denominational and even denominational ministries that are supporting communities and building schools. But even with the unorthodox "Nutty" churches, I haven't experienced any "Hatred". Maybe you can explain what you mean by "Shun and Discriminate". Maybe you're confusing some of the Nazi organizations that preach race based messages? None of these are even remotely "MegaChurches". They're self contained little movements with a very limited geographic scope. They don't garner large followings. I could espouse genocide and eugenics in the name of Darwin and general practical atheism, but today, I'd be hard pressed to garner a following or convince anyone that I'm an Orthodox Atheist. To me, that is not in the spirit of the New Testament. And then you find out just how many sexual predators hide in the ranks of their clergy and it all becomes even more bizzarre. This "Predators in the Ranks of the Clergy" is big news these days, and I'm not dismissing it AT ALL. But the church -- even or especially the Roman Catholic Church -- is addressing it. But it seems in addressing it, they've gone all the way to the politically correct over-response you mentioned in your second point. Even the specter of having a pervert hiding in the ranks of a church has them taking actions that limit freedom and good will in the name of "Perception". You guys go and post this on " off topic" take it somewhere else. Discuss your Anti- America and Anti -religion on another forum this is about how family affects your marriage, and how to deal with family issues, like hugging your daughter. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on May 12, 2016 10:03:08 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2016 10:10:14 GMT -5
You guys go and post this on " off topic" take it somewhere else. Discuss your Anti- America and Anti -religion on another forum this is about how family affects your marriage, and how to deal with family issues, like hugging your daughter. Understood. Please accept my apologies. |
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Post by deborahmanning on May 12, 2016 12:57:38 GMT -5
Hey, I can be rude.  Your wife is like so fucked up, man. You should ditch the bitch, totally, or your daughters are going to be like frigid and fucked up too, dude. OMG, a guy who can code-switch. So hot. where do you live??  |
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Post by SweepyBear on May 12, 2016 13:07:51 GMT -5
Passes the tea and biscuits, now lets all have afternoon tea  |
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Post by deborahmanning on May 12, 2016 13:15:06 GMT -5
Yes exactly. So how's your favourite football team doing?
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Post by SweepyBear on May 12, 2016 13:19:33 GMT -5
Badly, as usual  |
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Post by deborahmanning on May 12, 2016 13:31:16 GMT -5
But to get back on topic: my son is 11, preadolescent. He's still physically affectionate -- he'll run down the stairs to me when I come home from work, and gives big tight hugs, and either H or me will sing to him every night before he goes to sleep. We've been singing the same three songs to him since he was a baby, and it's only when he has friends over that he no longer wants this. But I am worried that his dating life, which is imminent, will be compromised by the fact that his dad and I do not touch each other. It's already a bit tough to talk about the sexual dynamics he sees in TV shows and music videos. He's innocent, but soon those hormones will be kicking around and making him think unusual thoughts. I've let him know he can ask me any question, but.... so far he hasn't. (Except "how much money did you get from that project", which is sensitive enough but not what I meant.)
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Post by SweepyBear on May 12, 2016 13:41:03 GMT -5
Kids do grow up very quickly these days, having Boy/Girl twins i got to see both sides of the coin as it were. Now they are 20 and at University, the sex talk never really happened as such inasmuch that it was a gradual explaining of things and always keeping the conversation door open. When the question of the kids having sex with their partners, we took the approach that its better for them to do it in the safety and comfort of their own home instead of somewhere not ideal or safe. Even now, our son gets called " Mummy's little chocolate soldier" all 6ft4" oh him in front of his Uni mates and they love it tbh, our Daughter regularly gets called "thing" its a bit of an in-joke  but she is always our little princess, though one that farts and drinks boys under the table.The trick is, I think, to let kids be aware that their Parents love them, but they need to respect us to be treated like adults and hugs will ALWAYS be there in good or bad times |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 13, 2016 10:32:06 GMT -5
Thank you Rhapsodee! I teach my kids how to paint too! I will be reading that more in the future! some of the things my daughter has asked me to do with her, that might surprise you. take her shopping to get " certain types of (first) clothing. I asked her why don't you go with your mom? She says, " she never has time, she always forgets, and she is way to picky about it. Same thing happened about her bathing suit. She said " you are a lot more fun to be with! once I find a good deal on wet suits for my daughters, I am going to take them up to Blue Springs for a day. Mom can stay home, she complains about long rides and being outdoors. My budget dictator wife keeps me from buying new wet suits, I should just do it anyways. If I had my own paycheck I would. I am so withdrawn from years of being rejected when I want to spend money. Just being honest about it! my daughter and I also discussed that she is happy that she has my " skinny family jeans" not her moms side. like her overweight older brother! I asked her last night, " how do you feel about me hugging you?" She said, " I like it, I don't mind". I then asked, "what about me kissing you on the lips?" She said, " that feels a little weird, but I don't mind a kiss on the cheek!" Trying to put her at ease I told her, " my mom kissed me all her life, it felt weird when I was a teenager, but when I was older it had new meaning!" She said, " yea, I guess so". I think she understands! |
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Post by Rhapsodee on May 13, 2016 10:51:03 GMT -5
My family always kissed on the lips. My husbands did not. He thinks it's inappropriately incestuous. He wouldn't allow me to kiss our children on the lips, not even when they were babies. It still makes me sad that I had to give it up. Hugs are always acceptable.
I think it's really great for you to go with your daughter to shop. She obviously has a healthy body image.
Check Costco for wet suits. We got ours there whenever we had a bummer summer and it was too cold to be on the beach without a wet suit.
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Post by tamara68 on May 16, 2016 3:51:17 GMT -5
When I was a child my mother hugged me a lot and she has never stopped doing that. I have often sat on her lap and she would sing me old songs from her youth while I held her close.
Last year on the evening just before she died, she could not speak but was still somewhat conscious. I said to her she was such a loving mother and told her 'do you remember when I sat on your lap?' And she looked at me understanding. I sang my favourite old song to her and I could see, despite her dementia, she recognized it and remembered it and was comforted.
My father has never cuddled me when I was a child, only recently since my mother's illness got worse, he got more hugging.
My husband cuddles our daughter and I have cuddled her endlessly but now my husband has influenced her so much that she hardly cuddles me any more. I am not clean enough to cuddle according to him.
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Your wife is like so fucked up, man. You should ditch the bitch, totally, or your daughters are going to be like frigid and fucked up too, dude.
but she is always our little princess, though one that farts and drinks boys under the table.The trick is, I think, to let kids be aware that their Parents love them, but they need to respect us to be treated like adults and hugs will ALWAYS be there in good or bad times
