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Post by greatcoastal on May 11, 2016 14:48:12 GMT -5
This morning at my men's bible study someone brought up all the problems they were having with raising their stepdaughters. Several of the men said, " puberty is the time when they need there dad the most. You should be hugging your daughter, because if you don't there are plenty of 14 yr old boys waiting to dump there testosterone on them! I chimed in with, " my controlling spouse informed me two years ago, not to hug or kiss my daughters anymore, that was wrong. They are getting to old for that" I call that her, " old school ways of thinking" i told the guys, " yea, my wife has my daughters giving her a good night kiss and a hug, while they wave at me from across the room and say goodnight" . " then my daughter feels like she can hug me in private, when mom's not around" SICK ISN't it! One of the guys said," ask your wife who she would rather have hugging your daughter, you or some 15 yr old boy?" A book that was recommended for me is titled, " She Calls Me Daddy" I plan on reading it. All thoughts, comments, advise, are welcome. ( except for any shallow comments about bible study) Geez GC, your wife really PISSES me off. I have a 15 year old daughter, and I give her big snugs nearly every night. Sure things change as daughters get older, but not hugs and kisses. Heck, I hug and kiss my son all the time -- sometimes as punishment -- but everyone needs these things. I'd say they're even more important for teen aged girls than they are for boys. When my daughter gets dressed up or fixes her hair, I fawn all over her, and she still lights up (the fact that she does just slays me). Sometimes I'll come home from work all anxious, mad or otherwise preoccupied, and I notice her looking at me out of the corner of her eye or walking around more than normal as if to get noticed. When I see that, I have learned to look for what changed: Hair, nails, new shoes, etc., and make sure I make a big deal over it. She'll even ask me which nail polish I like best. These are special relationships. That is like... SUPER HELPFUL! when I worked in Child care at a mega church they changed policy and would not allow any men to hold children over the age of two in your lap! the staff, knowing me for years, pulled me aside and said" this does not apply to you, we trust you!" Erg...Just the stereosation of men in general, I let them know this is discrimination, and resigned a year later, changed churches too! Probably an insurance/ getting sued policy more than anything. Thanks again! |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 14:50:46 GMT -5
Our twins will be 21 this Sept, they still get hugs , both Son and Daughter, they'd actually be pissed off if they didn't get one. Though I'm still waiting for them to take their poor old Dad out for a pint  #Thread Hijack I have twins as well. Boy and girl 15 years old. I'll be PMing you. Did yours get along when they were teens? Mine are fighting like cats and dogs for the past few years. They used to be so sweet together. My daughter is still sweet, but son is a bit of a jerk to her. They're both very attractive, and my daughter still compares attractive boys as not being quite as attractive as her brother. But the son is deriding the daughter all the time about everything -- especially the things she's most sensitive about. It really bothers me. |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 14:58:12 GMT -5
That is like... SUPER HELPFUL! when I worked in Child care at a mega church they changed policy and would not allow any men to hold children over the age of two in your lap! the staff, knowing me for years, pulled me aside and said" this does not apply to you, we trust you!" Erg...Just the stereosation of men in general, I let them know this is discrimination, and resigned a year later, changed churches too! Probably an insurance/ getting sued policy more than anything. Thanks again! I understand the deal in institutions -- particularly a mega-church. The world has become a sick place, and they have to keep even the specter of impropriety as far away as they can. But the home is a different thing altogether. Within the walls of the home, we practice absolutely no political correctness other than to explain to the kids that it does exist outside and its become a fact of life. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 11, 2016 15:01:09 GMT -5
Ok, thank you. If you have raised these girls birth (or 2yo - which is close enough for me) Then these are YOUR daughters. I think it is totally out of line that she wants to deny them physical contact with their father. This is not a sex thing - boy's need to be huged by their fathers as well. Told and shown, that their fathers love them. I hug my sister, my niece and my godchildren. It is one of the purest expressions of love. IMHO , She is WAY out of line. the guys said, " you should give that book to your wife to read". I told them, " it will just collect dust, like all the other books I've gotten about making your husband happy, and having a fulfilling marriage!" we all get a laugh about it! |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 11, 2016 15:11:00 GMT -5
Ok, thank you. If you have raised these girls birth (or 2yo - which is close enough for me) Then these are YOUR daughters. I think it is totally out of line that she wants to deny them physical contact with their father. This is not a sex thing - boy's need to be huged by their fathers as well. Told and shown, that their fathers love them. I hug my sister, my niece and my godchildren. It is one of the purest expressions of love. IMHO , She is WAY out of line. In my wife's defense I should have been more specific, " she didn't want me to kiss them on the lips anymore". Which quickly led to a decline in hugs. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 11, 2016 15:12:14 GMT -5
the guys said, " you should give that book to your wife to read". I told them, " it will just collect dust, like all the other books I've gotten about making your husband happy, and having a fulfilling marriage!" we all get a laugh about it! I'll trade you mine. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 11, 2016 15:22:19 GMT -5
the guys said, " you should give that book to your wife to read". I told them, " it will just collect dust, like all the other books I've gotten about making your husband happy, and having a fulfilling marriage!" we all get a laugh about it! I'll trade you mine. We will be trading dust! |
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Post by wewbwb on May 11, 2016 15:28:38 GMT -5
Well at least their "like new"  |
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Post by wewbwb on May 11, 2016 15:48:01 GMT -5
I chimed in with, " my controlling spouse informed me two years ago, not to hug or kiss my daughters anymore, that was wrong. They are getting to old for that" I call that her, " old school ways of thinking" i told the guys, " yea, my wife has my daughters giving her a good night kiss and a hug, while they wave at me from across the room and say goodnight" . " then my daughter feels like she can hug me in private, when mom's not around" SICK ISN't it! One thing is your wife has a low libido, has a dry vagina, has a small mouth, is easily nauseous, has arthritic hands, and she doesn't want sex, can't fuck, blow job or hand job you, and another thing entirely is to allow her to control how you express your fatherly love towards your children. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, I don't mean to offend you... But is there's a limit to the amount of bullshit you can tolerate? WOW! - I LOVE YOU! Please come to my house? |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 11, 2016 15:52:03 GMT -5
You are on fire today! Hahaha ( nothing wrong with that) yes I have been like a frog in a frying pan having the temp turned up a little at a time. I blame much of that with my church going mentality, ( not religious beliefs) being a passive, nice guy, to everyone else, putting myself last. Giving in to the " happy wife happy wife mentality" as a friend told me, " you have become everything your wife wanted you to be, now she doesn't like what she created, and she blames you for it!"
My exit plan has to do with the age of my children. If I was to pull out today, I would need a 6 bedroom house to provide for all of them. By waiting two more years I will have my two daughters to provide for they will be 15, and 16, that is my plan.
I greatly appreciate a good swift kick in the butt!
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 16:09:08 GMT -5
You are on fire today! Hahaha ( nothing wrong with that) yes I have been like a frog in a frying pan having the temp turned up a little at a time. I blame much of that with my church going mentality, ( not religious beliefs) being a passive, nice guy, to everyone else, putting myself last. Giving in to the " happy wife happy wife mentality" as a friend told me, " you have become everything your wife wanted you to be, now she doesn't like what she created, and she blames you for it!" My exit plan has to do with the age of my children. If I was to pull out today, I would need a 6 bedroom house to provide for all of them. By waiting two more years I will have my two daughters to provide for they will be 15, and 16, that is my plan. I greatly appreciate a good swift kick in the butt! GC, I think the only mistake you've made is your selection of a spouse. Being a decent human being ALWAYS puts you in a position to be abused, and evil ALWAYS has the upper hand against restrained reason. The nuclear option is always restrained reason's last resort. It's frequently evil's first. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 11, 2016 16:09:55 GMT -5
WOW! - I LOVE YOU! Please come to my house? Someone needs a scolding? Yes my W (although I'm thinking that ship has sailed) But since you're here..... |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 16:28:47 GMT -5
Again, I'm not saying that you have to divorce. I'm saying that while you can live with being sexless, you must not tolerate that she tells you what is and what is not appropriate. In my opinion hugging your children is healthy and normal, NOT HUGGING them because wife/church/god says "you shouldn't" is perhaps "perverse". Fiery, I think you read it wrong. His wife is the only one complaining. Not the Church or God. This sort of threat or even hint of this threat from his wife seems to me as an immediate checkmate. What I read is a not so veiled threat to accuse him of being a pervert. Were I in his shoes, I would be extremely cautious with this woman and get away from her immediately. greatcoastal, am I reading this right? Is your wife the breadwinner in this case? Are you the primary caretaker? If so, I'd divorce her, take custody, and have her paying child support and palimony for as long as the courts will grant it. At that point, if she follows through on this threat, I'd weather that storm and sue her into the middle of the next century. I hope I'm wrong about all this. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 11, 2016 16:42:29 GMT -5
greatcoastal , am I reading this right? Is your wife the breadwinner in this case? Are you the primary caretaker? If so, I'd divorce her, take custody, and have her paying child support and palimony for as long as the courts will grant it. At that point, if she follows through on this threat, I'd weather that storm and sue her into the middle of the next century. I hope I'm wrong about all this. No your not wrong. When we had our first child 18 yrs ago, we decided I would stay home and she would work. My wife has an 8-5 m-f work schedule her income rose to 3x mine. While I was working retail, not knowing my schedule from day to day, holidays,evenings, weekends, five different stores. Also if she misses a year from work she will be behind in the technology. My profession, not so much. so I have been a stay at home dad for 18 years doing homeschool for 9 yrs. I have spoken to lawyers, with our role reversals things are very much in my favor. We are in the top 5 percent income wise. I would remain in the top 30 percent after a divorce. One of my concerns is that three of my children are adopted from China. They have all been abandoned at one time in their life. I have to take that into consideration. I am actively seeking employment. Lawyer says it makes no difference what job I get or if I am not working at all it's the past 24 yrs that matter. |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 16:49:47 GMT -5
greatcoastal , am I reading this right? Is your wife the breadwinner in this case? Are you the primary caretaker? If so, I'd divorce her, take custody, and have her paying child support and palimony for as long as the courts will grant it. At that point, if she follows through on this threat, I'd weather that storm and sue her into the middle of the next century. I hope I'm wrong about all this. No your not wrong. When we had our first child 18 yrs ago, we decided I would stay home and she would work. My wife has an 8-5 m-f work schedule her income rose to 3x mine. While I was working retail, not knowing my schedule from day to day, holidays,evenings, weekends, five different stores. Also if she misses a year from work she will be behind in the technology. My profession, not so much. so I have been a stay at home dad for 18 years doing homeschool for 9 yrs. I have spoken to lawyers, with our role reversals things are very much in my favor. We are in the top 5 percent income wise. I would remain in the top 30 percent after a divorce. One of my concerns is that three of my children are adopted from China. They have all been abandoned at one time in their life. I have to take that into consideration. I am actively seeking employment. Lawyer says it makes no difference what job I get or if I am not working at all it's the past 24 yrs that matter. I hear you about the abandonment thing. I would expect, based on what I know of you and your wife, that your kids may not miss this witch much anyway, and your relationship with them would be clear to the court if it ever came to that. I'd just caution you to be careful with this woman. I sense she's keeping her powder dry for something. |
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