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Post by greatcoastal on May 11, 2016 13:37:18 GMT -5
This morning at my men's bible study someone brought up all the problems they were having with raising their stepdaughters. Several of the men said, " puberty is the time when they need there dad the most. You should be hugging your daughter, because if you don't there are plenty of 14 yr old boys waiting to dump there testosterone on them!
I chimed in with, " my controlling spouse informed me two years ago, not to hug or kiss my daughters anymore, that was wrong. They are getting to old for that" I call that her, " old school ways of thinking"
i told the guys, " yea, my wife has my daughters giving her a good night kiss and a hug, while they wave at me from across the room and say goodnight" . " then my daughter feels like she can hug me in private, when mom's not around" SICK ISN't it!
One of the guys said," ask your wife who she would rather have hugging your daughter, you or some 15 yr old boy?"
A book that was recommended for me is titled, " She Calls Me Daddy" I plan on reading it.
All thoughts, comments, advise, are welcome. ( except for any shallow comments about bible study)
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Post by wewbwb on May 11, 2016 13:46:02 GMT -5
Well, before I respond, can I ask are these your daughters or step-daughters?
I'm a little confused.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 11, 2016 13:50:05 GMT -5
Well, before I respond, can I ask are these your daughters or step-daughters? I'm a little confused. Sure, ask away! These are my own two daughters I am talking about, now ages 12 and 13. My 12 yr old was adopted from China when she was two. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 11, 2016 14:01:47 GMT -5
Ok, thank you.
If you have raised these girls birth (or 2yo - which is close enough for me) Then these are YOUR daughters. I think it is totally out of line that she wants to deny them physical contact with their father. This is not a sex thing - boy's need to be huged by their fathers as well. Told and shown, that their fathers love them.
I hug my sister, my niece and my godchildren. It is one of the purest expressions of love.
IMHO , She is WAY out of line.
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Post by wewbwb on May 11, 2016 14:12:08 GMT -5
Furthermore greatcoastal I applaud your church for having a men's support group.
I tried to get one started where I went - but they decided yoga was a better fit.
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Post by JMX on May 11, 2016 14:15:05 GMT -5
My MiL thought it strange when my sister and I (after a raucous family Christmas party) climbed up into our daddy's lap and snuggled him. We were in our 20s. None of us hold back affection and are all rather touchy-feely. My dad hugs his brothers, friends too. My mom is a hugger.
She never told me this - she told my BIL who told me. His response - "well, mom, welcome to the nuclear family we never had."
I say something is wrong with my MIL. Something is wrong with your wife.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 14:19:36 GMT -5
This morning at my men's bible study someone brought up all the problems they were having with raising their stepdaughters. Several of the men said, " puberty is the time when they need there dad the most. You should be hugging your daughter, because if you don't there are plenty of 14 yr old boys waiting to dump there testosterone on them! I chimed in with, " my controlling spouse informed me two years ago, not to hug or kiss my daughters anymore, that was wrong. They are getting to old for that" I call that her, " old school ways of thinking" i told the guys, " yea, my wife has my daughters giving her a good night kiss and a hug, while they wave at me from across the room and say goodnight" . " then my daughter feels like she can hug me in private, when mom's not around" SICK ISN't it! One of the guys said," ask your wife who she would rather have hugging your daughter, you or some 15 yr old boy?" A book that was recommended for me is titled, " She Calls Me Daddy" I plan on reading it. All thoughts, comments, advise, are welcome. ( except for any shallow comments about bible study) Geez GC, your wife really PISSES me off. I have a 15 year old daughter, and I give her big snugs nearly every night. Sure things change as daughters get older, but not hugs and kisses. Heck, I hug and kiss my son all the time -- sometimes as punishment -- but everyone needs these things. I'd say they're even more important for teen aged girls than they are for boys. When my daughter gets dressed up or fixes her hair, I fawn all over her, and she still lights up (the fact that she does just slays me). Sometimes I'll come home from work all anxious, mad or otherwise preoccupied, and I notice her looking at me out of the corner of her eye or walking around more than normal as if to get noticed. When I see that, I have learned to look for what changed: Hair, nails, new shoes, etc., and make sure I make a big deal over it. She'll even ask me which nail polish I like best. These are special relationships. |
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Post by JMX on May 11, 2016 14:21:58 GMT -5
Awe - @creelunion - such a good daddy. She will grow up to be an amazing woman! Well done!
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Post by wewbwb on May 11, 2016 14:24:34 GMT -5
This morning at my men's bible study someone brought up all the problems they were having with raising their stepdaughters. Several of the men said, " puberty is the time when they need there dad the most. You should be hugging your daughter, because if you don't there are plenty of 14 yr old boys waiting to dump there testosterone on them! I chimed in with, " my controlling spouse informed me two years ago, not to hug or kiss my daughters anymore, that was wrong. They are getting to old for that" I call that her, " old school ways of thinking" i told the guys, " yea, my wife has my daughters giving her a good night kiss and a hug, while they wave at me from across the room and say goodnight" . " then my daughter feels like she can hug me in private, when mom's not around" SICK ISN't it! One of the guys said," ask your wife who she would rather have hugging your daughter, you or some 15 yr old boy?" A book that was recommended for me is titled, " She Calls Me Daddy" I plan on reading it. All thoughts, comments, advise, are welcome. ( except for any shallow comments about bible study) Geez GC, your wife really PISSES me off. I have a 15 year old daughter, and I give her big snugs nearly every night. Sure things change as daughters get older, but not hugs and kisses. Heck, I hug and kiss my son all the time -- sometimes as punishment -- but everyone needs these things. I'd say they're even more important for teen aged girls than they are for boys. When my daughter gets dressed up or fixes her hair, I fawn all over her, and she still lights up (the fact that she does just slays me). Sometimes I'll come home from work all anxious, mad or otherwise preoccupied, and I notice her looking at me out of the corner of her eye or walking around more than normal as if to get noticed. When I see that, I have learned to look for what changed: Hair, nails, new shoes, etc., and make sure I make a big deal over it. She'll even ask me which nail polish I like best. These are special relationships. CreelUnion - you sound like an awesome dad. I think that is the relationship that they will remember when they gets older. |
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Post by JMX on May 11, 2016 14:26:13 GMT -5
One of the cutest things I have ever heard a celebrity say - Gwenyth Paltrow (I know, eye roll) was in an interview talking about her father. He took her to Paris - the city of love - as a teenager. He told her no other man would love her as much as he did, so that's why it was a daddy/daughter trip.
I bet an impression like that keeps you on the lookout for w man that really loves you.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 14:28:12 GMT -5
My MiL thought it strange when my sister and I (after a raucous family Christmas party) climbed up into our daddy's lap and snuggled him. We were in our 20s. None of us hold back affection and are all rather touchy-feely. My dad hugs his brothers, friends too. My mom is a hugger. She never told me this - she told my BIL who told me. His response - "well, mom, welcome to the nuclear family we never had." I say something is wrong with my MIL. Something is wrong with your wife. I'm getting sick of folks making normal healthy behavior perverted and perverted behavior common place. JMX, I have to say that a woman's relationship with her father -- or more accurately her father's relationship to her -- is the single best determining factor I've noticed in the healthy development of a woman. Good for you. You sound like you have a great dad. I'll rail against my wife in these forums from dawn till dusk with regard to the sexlessness, her objectives when she married me, and how she treats me sometimes, but she's not a perv, she loves her kids genuinely, and she's kind to animals. I guess she has some good traits. |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 14:30:58 GMT -5
Awe - @creelunion - such a good daddy. She will grow up to be an amazing woman! Well done! One of our night time conversations is "How much longer will we be able to snuggle like this?" She keeps telling me "Only one more year. Next year we'll have to stop." When she was little, we made a rule that when she's 26, this snuggling will have to stop. It just won't be right then. |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 14:37:09 GMT -5
One of the cutest things I have ever heard a celebrity say - Gwenyth Paltrow (I know, eye roll) was in an interview talking about her father. He took her to Paris - the city of love - as a teenager. He told her no other man would love her as much as he did, so that's why it was a daddy/daughter trip. I bet an impression like that keeps you on the lookout for w man that really loves you. Those times give you lots of opportunities to have those conversations about men, proper behavior, marriage, and respect. My daughter likes to ride dirt bikes, and we make sure that just the two of us do that as much as we can, including going out to dinner afterwards. A fit 15 year old girl on a dirt bike garners a lot of attention, and gives me lots of opportunity to make points. Lots of boys are always asking her to go riding with them. Because we have pretty strict safety rules that a lot of boys cannot be trusted to adhere to on their own, the rule is that I drive and they go with me. That gives me the opportunity to spend a lot of quality time with these boys. They all know I love my daughter and I don't mind going back to prison. |
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Post by JMX on May 11, 2016 14:42:00 GMT -5
Ha! Creel - do tell about your first time in prison  |
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Post by SweepyBear on May 11, 2016 14:45:28 GMT -5
Our twins will be 21 this Sept, they still get hugs , both Son and Daughter, they'd actually be pissed off if they didn't get one. Though I'm still waiting for them to take their poor old Dad out for a pint  |
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