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Post by DryCreek on May 10, 2016 23:41:16 GMT -5
Maybe in the land of Ashley Madison, it's easier, but let's bring this thing into the real world where women are looking for someone to have an actual relationship with, not just someone to hook up with for a night of sex. "Actual relationship." This is where the gap lies. Women looking for NSA sex? Not so easy to find. Guys looking for an actual relationship instead of NSA sex? Not so easy to find. To paraphrase Captain Obvious, a large percentage of men and women are looking for different things, leading to frustration on both sides. Might a guy be in the market for more than one thing? Yup. And if there is a shot at easy sex, will he make the play? Yup. Point being, guys aren't likely to put aside short-term sexual gratification to focus on long-term goals - it's not in our genetic wiring. So the challenge is in figuring out which of the perverts who want in your pants are also long-term prospects, and which ones are lying. |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 6:19:37 GMT -5
For the record, I wasn't glaring AT you, I was glaring WITH you wewbwb. So there!  |
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Post by samedeepwater on May 11, 2016 6:24:01 GMT -5
@mountainrunner, and anyone else looking over my shoulder. So, do you want to go for coffee? That makes 3. One of which I actually met. So, I can't actually say I haven't had a date in the last year. I do appreciate your honest thoughts. At the very least it makes me feel better that in that room of single males and females maybe the opposite sex has the same questions I do. No doubt some of my thoughts in my earlier post were due to my buying into the stereotypes. If you knew me, you would know I'm not the stereotypical male by any stretch. And no, that's not a come on, it's just partly an explanation of why I seem to be struggling with this dating thing. For you and any other woman out there who may share your same sentiments, we are here. Maybe we're just more reluctant to make the approach than some of our more stereotypical (but perhaps less desirable?) peers.
In some ways, we're all refugees as well. Shell-shocked, war-torn refugees of sexless marriages. It's a wonder we trust our own reflection after what we've been through. I had no idea how much a sexless marriage could fu$k with your self-esteem. Can you imagine (some of you can) your spouse telling you "A lot of times I didn't want you to touch me, but I let you do it anyway." WTF? Not to mention a lot of us have been carrying around baggage that we brought into the marriages in the first place. It's a wonder some of us even leave the house, much less try dating. Growing up in a household where you were made to feel you didn't matter, tends to stick with you. So I'm just a mass of self-confidence right now. (eye roll)
"It's not easy for any of us," you say. Indeed. Thank you. Oddly that makes me feel better. And as far as you being too tall, I've had a couple women tell me I was too nice. How the hell do I fix that? If I slap you around a little you'll sleep with me? Not my style, sorry.
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Post by wewbwb on May 11, 2016 6:35:07 GMT -5
For the record, I wasn't glaring AT you, I was glaring WITH you wewbwb . So there! I'm sorry - I was distracted my your cleavage.  |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 6:43:58 GMT -5
For the record, I wasn't glaring AT you, I was glaring WITH you wewbwb . So there! I'm sorry - I was distracted my your cleavage. My cleavage thanks you, therefore, you are forgiven. |
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Post by JMX on May 11, 2016 7:01:19 GMT -5
@helen _ I love what you wrote because it's true. Our heads aren't screwed on right! But are we over-thinking it? Please bear with me on this - I may be suffering from optimism right now - I totally concede that. This is a collective problem that we're all concerned about. It's valid. But life is full of all kinds of hardships and all kinds of beauty in all aspects. This just happens to be our particular shared issue, fear and concern. @mountainrunner - that guy, had he approached you first, would have made you miserable. I am thankful he tried to meet your 30 year old friend instead, he saved you from himself I feel like the "grand plan" swirling around us all, is putting us in the way of the things that will be good for us. Teaching us a couple of lessons along the way. We've just been patiently waiting for so long and feel it is our time. We want it NOW. NOW may not be the right time for the right person. I think about the women and their pictures (from the other thread) on this board. Each one of us is beautiful in our own way. And, we already know each other's hearts and personalities to boot. We're all pretty fantastic! @mountainrunner - Some day soon, some wonderful man will take notice of your beautiful curly black hair, notice the way you take care of your body. If he's lucky enough, he will get to talk to you, he will get to know your beautiful heart and get to experience what a true, loving relationship with you would be like. I cringe because I know instances like you described ARE going to suck and thank you for shedding light on them, but! I think it's only a matter of time when the pool of available men pushes the douchecanoes to the side and shows you the real deal awesome ones. And this is a little hokey - but if you are feeling powerful on a day - take advantage of it. Go to a social situation with tons of people. Power pose your way through the first 10 minutes and meet and talk to as many people as you can. Each person may only turn out to be a friend, but friends of friends could be awesome potential matches. What hurts if you put yourself out there? Nothing. We all know life and time is short (which is why we are or did get out of our marriages). Love is the only thing that matters. Love a hole host of people as friends, and the rest will come to you, I think. Pollyanna (or one of Sybil's personalities) signing off, JMX |
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Post by samedeepwater on May 11, 2016 7:25:33 GMT -5
Please don't. I really really mean that. I second that, @helentishappy . Do not become a nun, even though it does offer great travel to exotic places to meet new people. (Can you tell I've considered it?) I went to Italy recently, and I never considered being a nun. Just wanted to make sure you knew it could be done, without all that silly celibacy stuff. |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 8:11:23 GMT -5
JMX Thank you for your "Pollyanna" post - it made me smile and get a little teary eyed, too!
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 8:38:36 GMT -5
I second that, @helentishappy . Do not become a nun, even though it does offer great travel to exotic places to meet new people. (Can you tell I've considered it?) I went to Italy recently, and I never considered being a nun. Just wanted to make sure you knew it could be done, without all that silly celibacy stuff. Visiting Italy or being a nun? I'm pretty sure the vow of celibacy is still part of the Holy Orders. LOL |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 11:52:49 GMT -5
Really, the point of my post is that dating is hard for any of us. I get tired of hearing men complain that women have these giant pools of potential partners, while they can't get anyone to look their way. There is no mythical line of horny men panting to get in my pants. I have to do the same work that any man does - get someone's attention, get to know them, take the risk of letting them know I'm interested and possibly face rejection. Sometimes I think I can handle it and other days it scares the crap out of me. I don't think I have any huge advantage over men in the dating world purely because I'm a woman. greatcoastal - I'm divorcing. I consider myself single. When we have our event at some point, I want to be first in the horny man line!! I want to be in the Mythical Horny Man line. Like a Minotaur or something! I was going to post a picture, but they're beyond the pale. Search "Naked Minotaur". Filthy creatures. |
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2016 11:55:49 GMT -5
Who the hell wants a 20 or 30 yo ditzy scank tenny bopper flozzie stick figure no ass bitch who most likely says things like "yup" when you say "thank you". I don't know. Maybe I'm less judgemental? |
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Post by wewbwb on May 11, 2016 13:36:11 GMT -5
Who the hell wants a 20 or 30 yo ditzy scank tenny bopper flozzie stick figure no ass bitch who most likely says things like "yup" when you say "thank you". I don't know. Maybe I'm less judgemental? Could be..... |
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Post by deleted on May 11, 2016 14:36:38 GMT -5
Really, the point of my post is that dating is hard for any of us. I get tired of hearing men complain that women have these giant pools of potential partners, while they can't get anyone to look their way. There is no mythical line of horny men panting to get in my pants. I have to do the same work that any man does - get someone's attention, get to know them, take the risk of letting them know I'm interested and possibly face rejection. Sometimes I think I can handle it and other days it scares the crap out of me. I don't think I have any huge advantage over men in the dating world purely because I'm a woman It's not a mythical line. It's real and it starts behind me.  ? |
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Post by bballgirl on May 11, 2016 15:13:29 GMT -5
I'm posting this here because I don't want to jack someone's thread when this is a side issue, but I beyond sick of this idea that it's easier for women to find a lover. Maybe in the land of Ashley Madison, it's easier, but let's bring this thing into the real world where women are looking for someone to have an actual relationship with, not just someone to hook up with for a night of sex. One of the men posted: "If you take an average room of single men and women, it's a fair bet that 99% of the men would be ready and willing if a woman simply looked their way. On the other hand, it's typically the men who have to make the approach and women being the higher species are naturally more discerning and can pick and choose from among the horny bastards lined up waiting for their chance. Now granted it may be harder for women to find someone who bathes regularly and speaks in complete sentences, but am I wrong that you all have an unending line of applicants?"You are, indeed, wrong. There is no unending line of potential partners just because I happen to be female. Now if I was 25 and hot, maybe that would be true. How many average looking women in their 50s have you approached and asked out for coffee? Let me give you a little snapshot of what it's like to be 51, single and female. I have a very dear friend who happens to be 20 years younger than me. When the two of us join a group run, men my age will walk right past me to flirt with her, even though she is married. Women are held to an impossible standard of beauty - be thin, be curvy, have big boobs, have great hair, be sexy, be classy, stay young forever. Men at least are allowed to age. And believe me, it's not because these men are so physically perfect - all of them, average, good looking and not so good looking, will walk past me to talk to a woman who would never, ever have anything to do with them romantically. What am I supposed to do? Grab one of them by the arm and say, "Hey, talk to me, I might actually sleep with you and she never will! I know I'm clearly below your standard in some way, but maybe if you get to know me you'll decide to give me a chance." And if I do strike up a conversation with one of them, I either get to watch their eyes follow around some younger woman or I get the "friendly" brush off. I am looking their way, and they don't even see me. So there's the flip side of your coin. Maybe it's true that men generally are expected to do the approaching, but I am perfectly willing to be the one to strike up a conversation. Too bad most men my age are too busy looking over my shoulder for someone with unlined skin and a body as yet unaffected by gravity. Even when I was young, it wasn't easy. I became friends with a guy I had once asked to go to a play with me (he turned me down) and later I asked him why he wasn't attracted to me. Get ready for this one - he said I was too tall. Add that to the list of qualifications - be short enough to make a man feel manly. Guys, just stop. Stop thinking it's easier for women. It's not easy for any of us, other than a few individuals blessed with charm and confidence that just mystifies the rest of us. And it's even harder for those of us, men and women, who have endured rejection over years and years. This is not some contest to see who has it worst - we're all struggling, we all have fears and insecurities, and a lot of us, myself included, are afraid we will never find a partner that will love us passionately and will build a life with us. Rant over. Let the slamming commence. THIS...is an excellent rant! Well done! You're right. It's not easy for any of us. I don't see where it's a gender thing...When It Comes To Finding Someone To Have An Actual Relationship With, Not Just Someone To Hook Up With For A Night Of Sex. Maybe that's the qualifier. Maybe it's just me (and wewbwb) but I've found myself to be in the minority of men. I have no interest in younger women, married or not. In your scenario of your young friend, I would be looking at you, not her. What do I want? I want a woman who is past the putting up with bullshit stage, mine, her's or anyone else's. Past all the "life lesson's" that I've gone thru as well. I want a woman with those beautiful lines on her face, curves in all the right AND wrong places and the look of "been there, done that" in her eyes. I want a woman that when I'm talking to her, I can see the depth of her past, the trials she's been thru, and a look of the experienced passion she has inside her. I am looking for a partner, an equal partner. A partner in life's everyday hassles, and a partner in crime.  I'm with ZumbaMami and Smartkat. I'm seeking the same things - fun, companionship, romance, passion, and sex - AND someone who knows what it's like to be an adult. I want to live! See bands, go out and do things I haven't done yet. Hell....I want to stay IN and do things I haven't done yet! The biggie? I want a woman that mystify's me. One that has the life experiences that are going to take years for me to figure out. That shows in her eyes. I won't find that in a "child". That's the kind of woman I'll ask out for coffee....if I get the nerve....I'm still a little rejection adverse....{sigh} That's where I'll be looking at you, not your young friend, and you might have to equally approach me....sorry...welcome to post-ILIASM, right? If I don't do something about that, I'll be like mountainrunner said. "Always afraid we will never find a partner that will love us passionately and will build a life with us." But moutainrunner is also right about other men. I've seen men my age do exactly what you've described. I come away thinking "Idiots, you'll have to teach her the reality's of life" and "Cool!! Leaves more real women for me!!" But maybe that's just me? (a side bar, one I'm sure I'll get slammed on. I honestly, truly, don't find stick figure, but busted, hour glass waist , great hair young women attractive. I'm just not a Barbie Doll kind of guy..I love a more "mature" figure...) You just wrote up a great piece for your dating profile. |
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Post by bballgirl on May 11, 2016 15:42:40 GMT -5
"Actual relationship." This is where the gap lies. Women looking for NSA sex? Not so easy to find. Guys looking for an actual relationship instead of NSA sex? Not so easy to find. This is it. DryCreek thank you! On top of that even if you meet someone that has been divorced awhile and is ready for a relationship and there's no gap, there still has to be chemistry and compatibility. So many layers and parts to finding the right one. |
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I'm with ZumbaMami and Smartkat. I'm seeking the same things - fun, companionship, romance, passion, and sex - AND someone who knows what it's like to be an adult. I want to live! See bands, go out and do things I haven't done yet. Hell....I want to stay IN and do things I haven't done yet! 
