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Post by wewbwb on May 10, 2016 16:34:09 GMT -5
Please don't. I really really mean that. I second that, @helentishappy . Do not become a nun, even though it does offer great travel to exotic places to meet new people. (Can you tell I've considered it?) Please Don't Z - I really really mean that. |
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 16:39:36 GMT -5
wewbwb Thank you. At this point it's moot as I'm not even thinking about dating (except in depressing threads like this). Some day I will switch to not not-thinking about dating and see for myself.
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 16:43:10 GMT -5
I second that, @helentishappy . Do not become a nun, even though it does offer great travel to exotic places to meet new people. (Can you tell I've considered it?) Please Don't Z - I really really mean that. But, black is sooooooo slimming. Are you kidding? I haven't looked into the requirements lately, but I'm pretty sure starting a thread entitled "Schlong McDong" and flirting with people, on a site for SM is NOT something the Church considers "nun worthy." LOL And, I'm pretty sure I would have to give up my collection of toys, which would be a NO.... |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 10, 2016 16:59:23 GMT -5
Sticking with the thread, there is a lot to be said about hooking up v's looking for real relationships. I can only speculate what my mind frame will be after a divorce verses 24 yrs in a SM and a strong desire for intimacy, respect, sex, and not being rejected. While not disrespecting or playing someone else.
I can't remember if Mountainrunner is still married,getting divorced or divorced?
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Post by JMX on May 10, 2016 17:14:02 GMT -5
Hmm... While I understand @mountainrunners post - I will admit it isn't something I think about all the time. Sure, I still have some lbs to lose and some things I am working on. I just think younger girls are so dumb that I (maybe) I have a shot?
Admittedly, there are tons of ladies in my profession that change their last names on the regular - seriously, sometimes it's hard to keep up. I will say it is a rather "cheerful" profession and maybe my POV is a little skewed here. I also live in a city full of introverts and wholly expect for me to have to put out much more blatant interest. I just hope those sweet, single engineers want to have fun every once in awhile and don't like video games.
Video games are seriously going to be the death of me.
My "practice run" on a gentleman 5 years older than me today was pretty eye-opening. It was an interesting exchange and even though I am "on" today and not every day - it gave me a little hope. Not that anything happened, but getting to know him was pretty easy. Were he single, I think I would have had a reasonable shot. Shrug.
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 17:29:25 GMT -5
@mountainrunner: BRAVO!
I think these middle aged men who do end up dating younger women are going to be disappointed. I remember my own 20s well. I had very little interest in men who were more than 5 years or so older than me.
I thought they looked old; and I also thought they would probably be bossy and no fun.
So, guys, if you get with a younger woman, she probably only wants your money. (I didn't even want money badly enough to go for an "old man.") Or, she's a trainwreck in some way (daddy issues, addiction, etc.)
I think a middle aged man could do a lot worse than me. I'm frequently mistaken for younger than I am; and I have no interest in a lot of the boring stuff that lots of middle aged and older people are into. I still want to see live bands, go to amusement parks, stuff like that. And - I'm still into sex.
The only thing about being middle aged that makes me different is that I put up with a lot less bullshit than I did in my 20s. Now, that might be the whole problem. Are middle aged men looking for younger women because they think younger women put up with more bullshit?
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 17:36:16 GMT -5
Sticking with the thread, there is a lot to be said about hooking up v's looking for real relationships. I can only speculate what my mind frame will be after a divorce verses 24 yrs in a SM and a strong desire for intimacy, respect, sex, and not being rejected. While not disrespecting or playing someone else. I can't remember if Mountainrunner is still married,getting divorced or divorced? I have a feeling those of us at the end of/newly out of a SM are kind of bad news until we get our heads screwed back on right. After I get to the point where I'm seriously not not-thinking about dating, I would like to do my part to avoid being played by someone, whether intentionally or unintentionally on his part. As a screening technique, to avoid men who only want sex, I think it might be a good plan to be chaste for a period of time, even if my hormones say differently (they will). I do think about dating in the abstract, when I am ready, how could I be most successful and minimize the potential downsides (like being used for sex). So where is the fine line between protecting my heart and frustrating a man who wants sex as part of his relationship? I'm going to guess it's after he shows genuine interest in going out and doing things which do not end up at "his place" or "my place." Of course we all want to end up at someone's place as that's the best part. Can we make out without going further? Is that ridiculous when you're two consenting experienced adults (it would feel kind ridiculous to get all excited and do nothing about it). Sigh, how to avoid allowing someone to use you without having the attempt to avoid being used screw up something potentially good? |
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 17:44:18 GMT -5
@mountainrunner : BRAVO! The only thing about being middle aged that makes me different is that I put up with a lot less bullshit than I did in my 20s. Now, that might be the whole problem. Are middle aged men looking for younger women because they think younger women put up with more bullshit? SK, I've said this to myself. I'm not putting up with any BS. But then it dawned on me: Relating to other human beings IS Putting up with BS. We have to make exceptions for the ones we're having relationships with -- any relationships. It's called getting along. That's when it dawned on me that I'm damaged goods. My "Sell By" date was a long time ago. |
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 18:01:08 GMT -5
Wrong Thread.
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 18:04:18 GMT -5
Wrong thread!
The foursome has me confused.
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 18:52:29 GMT -5
Really, the point of my post is that dating is hard for any of us. I get tired of hearing men complain that women have these giant pools of potential partners, while they can't get anyone to look their way. There is no mythical line of horny men panting to get in my pants. I have to do the same work that any man does - get someone's attention, get to know them, take the risk of letting them know I'm interested and possibly face rejection. Sometimes I think I can handle it and other days it scares the crap out of me. I don't think I have any huge advantage over men in the dating world purely because I'm a woman. greatcoastal - I'm divorcing. I consider myself single. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 10, 2016 18:55:24 GMT -5
I'm posting this here because I don't want to jack someone's thread when this is a side issue, but I beyond sick of this idea that it's easier for women to find a lover. Maybe in the land of Ashley Madison, it's easier, but let's bring this thing into the real world where women are looking for someone to have an actual relationship with, not just someone to hook up with for a night of sex. One of the men posted: "If you take an average room of single men and women, it's a fair bet that 99% of the men would be ready and willing if a woman simply looked their way. On the other hand, it's typically the men who have to make the approach and women being the higher species are naturally more discerning and can pick and choose from among the horny bastards lined up waiting for their chance. Now granted it may be harder for women to find someone who bathes regularly and speaks in complete sentences, but am I wrong that you all have an unending line of applicants?"You are, indeed, wrong. There is no unending line of potential partners just because I happen to be female. Now if I was 25 and hot, maybe that would be true. How many average looking women in their 50s have you approached and asked out for coffee? Let me give you a little snapshot of what it's like to be 51, single and female. I have a very dear friend who happens to be 20 years younger than me. When the two of us join a group run, men my age will walk right past me to flirt with her, even though she is married. Women are held to an impossible standard of beauty - be thin, be curvy, have big boobs, have great hair, be sexy, be classy, stay young forever. Men at least are allowed to age. And believe me, it's not because these men are so physically perfect - all of them, average, good looking and not so good looking, will walk past me to talk to a woman who would never, ever have anything to do with them romantically. What am I supposed to do? Grab one of them by the arm and say, "Hey, talk to me, I might actually sleep with you and she never will! I know I'm clearly below your standard in some way, but maybe if you get to know me you'll decide to give me a chance." And if I do strike up a conversation with one of them, I either get to watch their eyes follow around some younger woman or I get the "friendly" brush off. I am looking their way, and they don't even see me. So there's the flip side of your coin. Maybe it's true that men generally are expected to do the approaching, but I am perfectly willing to be the one to strike up a conversation. Too bad most men my age are too busy looking over my shoulder for someone with unlined skin and a body as yet unaffected by gravity. Even when I was young, it wasn't easy. I became friends with a guy I had once asked to go to a play with me (he turned me down) and later I asked him why he wasn't attracted to me. Get ready for this one - he said I was too tall. Add that to the list of qualifications - be short enough to make a man feel manly. Guys, just stop. Stop thinking it's easier for women. It's not easy for any of us, other than a few individuals blessed with charm and confidence that just mystifies the rest of us. And it's even harder for those of us, men and women, who have endured rejection over years and years. This is not some contest to see who has it worst - we're all struggling, we all have fears and insecurities, and a lot of us, myself included, are afraid we will never find a partner that will love us passionately and will build a life with us. Rant over. Let the slamming commence. THIS...is an excellent rant! Well done! You're right. It's not easy for any of us. I don't see where it's a gender thing...When It Comes To Finding Someone To Have An Actual Relationship With, Not Just Someone To Hook Up With For A Night Of Sex. Maybe that's the qualifier. Maybe it's just me (and wewbwb) but I've found myself to be in the minority of men. I have no interest in younger women, married or not. In your scenario of your young friend, I would be looking at you, not her. What do I want? I want a woman who is past the putting up with bullshit stage, mine, her's or anyone else's. Past all the "life lesson's" that I've gone thru as well. I want a woman with those beautiful lines on her face, curves in all the right AND wrong places and the look of "been there, done that" in her eyes. I want a woman that when I'm talking to her, I can see the depth of her past, the trials she's been thru, and a look of the experienced passion she has inside her. I am looking for a partner, an equal partner. A partner in life's everyday hassles, and a partner in crime.  I'm with ZumbaMami and Smartkat. I'm seeking the same things - fun, companionship, romance, passion, and sex - AND someone who knows what it's like to be an adult. I want to live! See bands, go out and do things I haven't done yet. Hell....I want to stay IN and do things I haven't done yet! The biggie? I want a woman that mystify's me. One that has the life experiences that are going to take years for me to figure out. That shows in her eyes. I won't find that in a "child". That's the kind of woman I'll ask out for coffee....if I get the nerve....I'm still a little rejection adverse....{sigh} That's where I'll be looking at you, not your young friend, and you might have to equally approach me....sorry...welcome to post-ILIASM, right? If I don't do something about that, I'll be like mountainrunner said. "Always afraid we will never find a partner that will love us passionately and will build a life with us." But moutainrunner is also right about other men. I've seen men my age do exactly what you've described. I come away thinking "Idiots, you'll have to teach her the reality's of life" and "Cool!! Leaves more real women for me!!" But maybe that's just me? (a side bar, one I'm sure I'll get slammed on. I honestly, truly, don't find stick figure, but busted, hour glass waist , great hair young women attractive. I'm just not a Barbie Doll kind of guy..I love a more "mature" figure...) |
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 19:09:19 GMT -5
Really, the point of my post is that dating is hard for any of us. I get tired of hearing men complain that women have these giant pools of potential partners, while they can't get anyone to look their way. There is no mythical line of horny men panting to get in my pants. I have to do the same work that any man does - get someone's attention, get to know them, take the risk of letting them know I'm interested and possibly face rejection. Sometimes I think I can handle it and other days it scares the crap out of me. I don't think I have any huge advantage over men in the dating world purely because I'm a woman. greatcoastal - I'm divorcing. I consider myself single. When we have our event at some point, I want to be first in the horny man line!! |
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Post by wewbwb on May 10, 2016 21:56:57 GMT -5
It's not mystical this line of horny men. It's real.
I'm one of them.
And also, if a woman doesn't have "laugh lines"she doesn't laugh. I want a woman who has lived and saw the best and worst in people. I want a woman who has thought and made hard decisions. Made mistakes and learned from them Experience counts in life. Show the scars of living.
Who the hell wants a 20 or 30 yo ditzy scank tenny bopper flozzie stick figure no ass bitch who most likely says things like "yup" when you say "thank you".
ok sorry. I got carried away.
Again i am Not dismissing your feelings mountainrunner or any woman's. (Z- stop glaring at me) all I'm saying is that please don't think all men are like this and please don't stop being the smart sexy well rounded beautiful women you ALL are.
But feel free to kick those creepy old guys in nuts for hitting on a girl half is age because he thinks she is easier to"deal" with and doesn't have "baggage". Baggage really? An opinion is baggage you f-ing spineless tool! Maybe the Issue is the men and not the women
Sorry i got carried away again. I'll stop now.
All I'm saying is please dont group us all together.
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Post by deleted on May 10, 2016 22:14:08 GMT -5
Really, the point of my post is that dating is hard for any of us. I get tired of hearing men complain that women have these giant pools of potential partners, while they can't get anyone to look their way. There is no mythical line of horny men panting to get in my pants. I have to do the same work that any man does - get someone's attention, get to know them, take the risk of letting them know I'm interested and possibly face rejection. Sometimes I think I can handle it and other days it scares the crap out of me. I don't think I have any huge advantage over men in the dating world purely because I'm a woman. greatcoastal - I'm divorcing. I consider myself single. FWIW, If I thought you would be a fun hang, I would ask you out for drinks and flirt incessantly with you. I don't discriminate based on age. I'm an equal opportunity creep. All kidding aside, if a person is cool, I don't give a rip about their age. |
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I'm with ZumbaMami and Smartkat. I'm seeking the same things - fun, companionship, romance, passion, and sex - AND someone who knows what it's like to be an adult. I want to live! See bands, go out and do things I haven't done yet. Hell....I want to stay IN and do things I haven't done yet! 
