|
|
Post by Dan on Jul 13, 2017 7:23:07 GMT -5
... This was literally the best sex that we had in the history of our marriage. I recall looking in her eyes and saying "This is what I need. This is what I want". Her response was "I know. I'm sorry". So since that time she has been very very flirtatious at every drop of the hat. So much so, that I wonder if my "threat" of separation and divorce has finally woken her up for good. I won't get my hopes up. ... I would never advise someone "just get smashed with your refuser-spouse, as that will probably lead to great sex and even might turn the corner toward reconciliation". But, hey, if that is what happened here, DON'T KNOCK IT. And: please post the brand of blender and the recipe/proportions you were using in the "Resources" board.... |
|
|
|
Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jul 13, 2017 7:42:14 GMT -5
as that will probably lead to great sex and even might turn the corner toward reconciliation" Is reconciliation the goal? Or is it the re-establishment of boundaries? To me, reconciliation has connotations of a continuation of the cycle. The reset sex. No? |
|
bigbossfan
Junior Member
Posts: 26 
Age Range: 51-55
|
Post by bigbossfan on Jul 13, 2017 10:35:15 GMT -5
as that will probably lead to great sex and even might turn the corner toward reconciliation" Is reconciliation the goal? Or is it the re-establishment of boundaries? To me, reconciliation has connotations of a continuation of the cycle. The reset sex. No? Not so sure if reconciliation is the goal. There is a TONNE of work to be done if that is the case. And absolutely, if it's a reconciliation with no change, it's a continuation of the cycle. A cycle that I will no longer prescribe to.
|
|
|
|
Post by orangepeel on Jul 13, 2017 11:03:46 GMT -5
Sex is sex, unless it's shit reset sex, in which case it doesn't count. This may or may not have been reset sex - I don't know, I wasn't there! - but if it wasn't shit, which it clearly wasn't, then it counts.
Fair play to you. Now see what she does next.
|
|
|
|
Post by McRoomMate on Jul 13, 2017 11:22:00 GMT -5
My thoughts on this: In regards to her text you did not stick up for yourself. You need to advocate for yourself. If you want to fix your marriage then the appropriate response is "Yes I'm in a bad mood. I've been in a bad mood for a long time because there is no sex, intimacy or passion in our relationship". Be honest see what she says. If you don't want sex with her then you are a counter refuser and your response was appropriately avoidant like a typical refuser. I hope this did not come across harsh it was not meant that way. It is meant with compassion and support. Harsh? The Subject Matter is unavoidably harsh. I always sense compassion and support from you - and we all got to have a certain "toughness" to survive. |
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Jul 13, 2017 11:33:47 GMT -5
My thoughts on this: In regards to her text you did not stick up for yourself. You need to advocate for yourself. If you want to fix your marriage then the appropriate response is "Yes I'm in a bad mood. I've been in a bad mood for a long time because there is no sex, intimacy or passion in our relationship". Be honest see what she says. If you don't want sex with her then you are a counter refuser and your response was appropriately avoidant like a typical refuser. I hope this did not come across harsh it was not meant that way. It is meant with compassion and support. Harsh? The Subject Matter is unavoidably harsh. I always sense compassion and support from you - and we all got to have a certain "toughness" to survive. Thank you I appreciate you telling me that. I'm a straight shooter but it's with a big heart and I did not have that heart for myself for so many years so now I want to help and encourage others to find that part of themselves and love themselves first. Yes it is harsh and very sad subject matter. Picture a newborn baby never held or loved and growing up never loved and nurtured, kissed, hugged, etc. My marriage was a newborn baby that got a bait and switch and I got robbed of intimacy from year one for 2 decades. That's a lot of damage. EP and this forum gave/give so much support those that find it are fortunate it helped me so much. |
|
bigbossfan
Junior Member
Posts: 26
Age Range: 51-55
|
Post by bigbossfan on Jul 13, 2017 11:42:55 GMT -5
Harsh? The Subject Matter is unavoidably harsh. I always sense compassion and support from you - and we all got to have a certain "toughness" to survive. Thank you I appreciate you telling me that. I'm a straight shooter but it's with a big heart and I did not have that heart for myself for so many years so now I want to help and encourage others to find that part of themselves and love themselves first. Yes it is harsh and very sad subject matter. Picture a newborn baby never held or loved and growing up never loved and nurtured, kissed, hugged, etc. My marriage was a newborn baby that got a bait and switch and I got robbed of intimacy from year one for 2 decades. That's a lot of damage. EP and this forum gave/give so much support those that find it are fortunate it helped me so much. Absolutely nothing that anyone has commented on my threads has come across as harsh. Not in the slightest. If anything, I agree with bballgirl. You can sense the compassion and caring not just behind her responses but everyone's so far. At least the ones I've come across and I've done a lot of reading since finding this forum! |
|
|
|
Post by beachguy on Jul 13, 2017 12:58:53 GMT -5
I hope your greatest fuck ever leads to many more. But if it doesn't, or it goes back to the status quo, sooner than later, then I hope you take the advice here and stand up for yourself and be authentic in your reply to her next "what's wrong" text. Better yet, don't wait for that, take decisive action.
I believe every marriage experiences a very few very critical points where decisive action is necessary but we fucked that up, and that is why we are here on this SM board. You are surely at one of those critical decision points where decisive action is necessary. I hope you don't squander it, whichever way it goes.
|
|
bigbossfan
Junior Member
Posts: 26
Age Range: 51-55
|
Post by bigbossfan on Jul 13, 2017 13:10:38 GMT -5
I hope your greatest fuck ever leads to many more. But if it doesn't, or it goes back to the status quo, sooner than later, then I hope you take the advice here and stand up for yourself and be authentic in your reply to her next "what's wrong" text. Better yet, don't wait for that, take decisive action. I believe every marriage experiences a very few very critical points where decisive action is necessary but we fucked that up, and that is why we are here on this SM board. You are surely at one of those critical decision points where decisive action is necessary. I hope you don't squander it, whichever way it goes. There will be no squandering. This is it. The proverbial straw that broke the camels back. She is quite aware of this, thus I'm sure the precursor to her sudden shift.
Will this shift last?? Only time will tell. If it doesn't, game over.
|
|
|
|
Post by Dan on Jul 13, 2017 13:51:03 GMT -5
Is reconciliation the goal? Or is it the re-establishment of boundaries? To me, reconciliation has connotations of a continuation of the cycle. The reset sex. No? Not so sure if reconciliation is the goal. There is a TONNE of work to be done if that is the case. And absolutely, if it's a reconciliation with no change, it's a continuation of the cycle. A cycle that I will no longer prescribe to. Apparently, you each interpret "reconciliation" much differently that I do. It is not just an apology or an acknowledgement of prior pain. Reset sex is not a reconciliation... it is a fraud! In my usage, a "reconciled" marriage would be "all the problems have been addressed to both parties' satisfaction". |
|
|
|
Post by McRoomMate on Jul 18, 2017 4:22:08 GMT -5
Not so sure if reconciliation is the goal. There is a TONNE of work to be done if that is the case. And absolutely, if it's a reconciliation with no change, it's a continuation of the cycle. A cycle that I will no longer prescribe to. Apparently, you each interpret "reconciliation" much differently that I do. It is not just an apology or an acknowledgement of prior pain. Reset sex is not a reconciliation... it is a fraud! In my usage, a "reconciled" marriage would be "all the problems have been addressed to both parties' satisfaction". And that Mr. @dan is as we know a TALL ORDER to fill, but yes it is IS within the realm of POSSIBILITIES if TWO are willing and make efforts. Amen. |
|
bigbossfan
Junior Member
Posts: 26
Age Range: 51-55
|
Post by bigbossfan on Aug 8, 2017 18:26:44 GMT -5
Been a while since I posted. I thought I would give an update. She's holding true to her word. Sex life has been great since the "talk". I hope it will continue but only time will tell!
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on Aug 8, 2017 18:44:54 GMT -5
It is round about a month now Brother bigbossfan . *Re-set sex* typically peters out after a few weeks so you appear to be ahead of the game here. Might be an idea to take a review of your deal as of today. Given that today would see you rating the sexual aspect of your deal as "great since the talk", how do the other aspects of the dynamic look ? |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2017 11:27:12 GMT -5
Been a while since I posted. I thought I would give an update. She's holding true to her word. Sex life has been great since the "talk". I hope it will continue but only time will tell! I hope it continues, my friend. |
|
|
|
Post by brian on Aug 9, 2017 11:46:05 GMT -5
Been a while since I posted. I thought I would give an update. She's holding true to her word. Sex life has been great since the "talk". I hope it will continue but only time will tell! I hope it continues, my friend. I agree. Great news! Just remember that the sex is really for the relationship and that you need to be as sensitive to her feelings and desires as she has been to yours. |
|
