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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Jun 15, 2017 11:59:18 GMT -5
Any ideas on a reply other than "lol"? 😗😙😚😛😮🥒🤤😋😊 Or you can say Writing has me thinking far too much about you today... I am getting really distracted thinking about your (insert sexy body part on him, or cock, that's always a winner)... When you get home tonight I want you to strip naked before you come find me in the bedroom. |
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Post by h on Jun 15, 2017 12:04:15 GMT -5
Any ideas on a reply other than "lol"? 😗😙😚😛😮🥒🤤😋😊 Or you can say Writing has me thinking far too much about you today... I am getting really distracted thinking about your (insert sexy body part on him, or cock, that's always a winner)... When you get home tonight I want you to strip naked before you come find me in the bedroom. This^^^^^^^^^^^ would get the point across! |
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Jun 15, 2017 12:08:22 GMT -5
😗😙😚😛😮🥒🤤😋😊 Or you can say Writing has me thinking far too much about you today... I am getting really distracted thinking about your (insert sexy body part on him, or cock, that's always a winner)... When you get home tonight I want you to strip naked before you come find me in the bedroom. This^^^^^^^^^^^ would get the point across! Oh oh! Also, send him a picture of three pieces of sexy clothing (bra panty set, lingerie, or just the panties) and tell him to choose what he would like you to be wearing when he arrives. *Insert pic* I want you throbbing before you get to me, your choice: A, B or C? 😘 I would like to add, you MUST follow through with this, if you don't it will be a serious blow to him Now that being said, give yourself some chore-play before he arrives. Undress yourself, strip in front of the mirror, touch all over while you get ready for him. Make yourself aroused by the feel and look of yourself, that way not only do you boost yourself up but you are also preparing your body for him to be ready to f**k hard! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 15, 2017 12:12:13 GMT -5
You will now (most likely ) get better answers from others. I would like to say that I went through some episodes similar to this with my wife. She would occasionally ask me to "hold her hand when we walked from the car to church. Open the car door for her when we were going to a movie. Pull her chair our for her at a restaurant, etc... I would then have to explain to her. We sit at a booth at a restaurant, there is no chair, or your daddy is with us he sits next to you, I don't even get to reach the chair. You get out of the car before I have a chance to even get to the other side. You also said, over 12 years ago, "we can't afford to eat out anymore". We've been pushing strollers, walking kids by the hands for years, we now ride in separate cars, you also walk way to slow for me, and THE MOST IMPORTANT, when we are together at home, when was the last time you came to bed naked? Gave me a passionate kiss, ever touched my dick? So....Hell no I don't want to hold your hand. It's all about control, and denial and reversing the blame. Let me throw this out there. Is your H used to following orders? Are they very specific? Do you give him specifics or generalities? Do you give him examples? Like, "take me here for dinner tonight, and when we get home I will make it worth your while" you light the candles, you put on the music, you make a hotel reservation, you send the kids to a friends house, you redirect his hands to your hair, Hand him a hair brush, your face, ask him to kiss it all over, you ask for longer kisses, you ask him to stroke your back first, then take your clothes off, ask him to kiss your whole body, tell him not to fall asleep directly afterwards, lets sit on the couch naked together afterwards wrapped in a blanket, lets go out and look at the stars after having sex etc... (I offered all these things to my W. Only to be rejected) Yes my husband follows direction, hell he was a Marine plus he's also used to giving them having been in a Boss position in both the Marines and his current job. Yes I have been specific in what I want. Telling him I want him to just hold me. That I like when he does this or that during sex and I want more of that or more of this. As for us doing things just us, that's not easy. We live in a small town no where near family. Yes our kids are 14 & 12 and can stay by themselves should we want to go out to dinner, but the town we live in has NO nightlife. There are more Mexican restaurants than anything else and only two are worth going out to. Believe me, I would love to have an actual DATE night. Go somewhere, talk, laugh, eat. Then come home, cuddle, touch, tease, then either make love or have hot sweaty monkey sex. I've told him this. He treats it like a chore rather than having fun with it. I've even gone as far as trying to do this at home with the kids there! Make his favorite meal, put on a little black dress, after dinner I did the dishes then curled up on his lap. What did I get? A thanks for dinner and a few minutes of holding. And this was BEFORE I started struggling with my sex drive. Some questions, and I hope they are helpful, that's my whole reason in responding to you in the first place! From a man's point of view " I tell him to just hold me, that's what I want". Well okay, got it. That means holding, close? distant? a little? a lot?, it doesn't matter, it will not lead to sex. So know it becomes a duty, a requirement, more of an order. Just taking, no receiving. Then you say " I put on a little black dress, I curl up on his lap, what did I get? A thanks for dinner and a few minutes of holding." Again a man's perspective. Here we go again , more taking and no giving. Holding cuddling and no return. You can rub a tiger and it will sit there and purr.... but be careful it will also turn and eat your arm off! So what that means is, "does he even have a clue that what he just did was acceptable? Are there any words of affirmation given in return, is there any touch that he wants in return? ( I don't know these answers I am just talking from my own experiences) Three last comments. The book about 5 Love languages, he may not read it, he may not take the test. My wife read it ,and as usual ,used it for her self gain and nothing else. You can answer the questions the way you think he would, and get an understanding of where he's coming from. The bottom line is how well both of you are wanting to drop the finger pointing, and cherish each other. 2nd. The fact that there is nothing to do in your little town, the kids are in the house, no relatives near by is not his fault, it's not your fault, it is what it is. People live that way all the time and have intimacy/sex in there marriage. Your kids are old enough. Tell them " Dad and I need some alone time, It might get noisy, leave us alone. They are probably to wrapped up on their computer games or phones to care. 3rd. From an outside point of view, when I do the math, the drive and passion ended two years into the marriage, your oldest is 14 yrs old. Once kids come into the equation marriage gets pushed to the back burner. By both parties. Especially woman. It becomes their whole identity. The husband is treated as "you are an adult, you can fend for yourself." |
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Post by h on Jun 15, 2017 12:19:50 GMT -5
This^^^^^^^^^^^ would get the point across! Oh oh! Also, send him a picture of three pieces of sexy clothing (bra panty set, lingerie, or just the panties) and tell him to choose what he would like you to be wearing when he arrives. *Insert pic* I want you throbbing before you get to me, your choice: A, B or C? 😘 I would like to add, you MUST follow through with this, if you don't it will be a serious blow to him Now that being said, give yourself some chore-play before he arrives. Undress yourself, strip in front of the mirror, touch all over while you get ready for him. Make yourself aroused by the feel and look of yourself, that way not only do you boost yourself up but you are also preparing your body for him to be ready to f**k hard! I soooooo wish my W would do this ^^^^^^^ |
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 15, 2017 12:31:57 GMT -5
Yes my husband follows direction, hell he was a Marine plus he's also used to giving them having been in a Boss position in both the Marines and his current job. Yes I have been specific in what I want. Telling him I want him to just hold me. That I like when he does this or that during sex and I want more of that or more of this. As for us doing things just us, that's not easy. We live in a small town no where near family. Yes our kids are 14 & 12 and can stay by themselves should we want to go out to dinner, but the town we live in has NO nightlife. There are more Mexican restaurants than anything else and only two are worth going out to. Believe me, I would love to have an actual DATE night. Go somewhere, talk, laugh, eat. Then come home, cuddle, touch, tease, then either make love or have hot sweaty monkey sex. I've told him this. He treats it like a chore rather than having fun with it. I've even gone as far as trying to do this at home with the kids there! Make his favorite meal, put on a little black dress, after dinner I did the dishes then curled up on his lap. What did I get? A thanks for dinner and a few minutes of holding. And this was BEFORE I started struggling with my sex drive. Some questions, and I hope they are helpful, that's my whole reason in responding to you in the first place! From a man's point of view " I tell him to just hold me, that's what I want". Well okay, got it. That means holding, close? distant? a little? a lot?, it doesn't matter, it will not lead to sex. So know it becomes a duty, a requirement, more of an order. Just taking, no receiving. Then you say " I put on a little black dress, I curl up on his lap, what did I get? A thanks for dinner and a few minutes of holding." Again a man's perspective. Here we go again , more taking and no giving. Holding cuddling and no return. You can rub a tiger and it will sit there and purr.... but be careful it will also turn and eat your arm off! So what that means is, "does he even have a clue that what he just did was acceptable? Are there any words of affirmation given in return, is there any touch that he wants in return? ( I don't know these answers I am just talking from my own experiences) Three last comments. The book about 5 Love languages, he may not read it, he may not take the test. My wife read it ,and as usual ,used it for her self gain and nothing else. You can answer the questions the way you think he would, and get an understanding of where he's coming from. The bottom line is how well both of you are wanting to drop the finger pointing, and cherish each other. 2nd. The fact that there is nothing to do in your little town, the kids are in the house, no relatives near by is not his fault, it's not your fault, it is what it is. People live that way all the time and have intimacy/sex in there marriage. Your kids are old enough. Tell them " Dad and I need some alone time, It might get noisy, leave us alone. They are probably to wrapped up on their computer games or phones to care. 3rd. From an outside point of view, when I do the math, the drive and passion ended two years into the marriage, your oldest is 14 yrs old. Once kids come into the equation marriage gets pushed to the back burner. By both parties. Especially woman. It becomes their whole identity. The husband is treated as "you are an adult, you can fend for yourself." I might do the quiz for him and see what I get. I know he won't read it even if I asked. When I mentioned the black dress and stuff, the answer is yes he knew I liked as I had said it was nice. But he seemed uninterested in trying to go further. At that point I was giving a lot more than I am now so he had no reason to think I would "put out". I do touch him, running my hands over him. He seems to like it judging how he reacts. When the kids came he wasn't here for the birth of either. Japan with the oldest Iraq with the youngest. When he would come home from deployments or ops, or such he just wanted to jump right into the sex. Yes that first night home, sometimes the second I was just as antsy, but then that was how he stayed even when I would tell him I wanted more foreplay before the act. Yes he's gotten a bit better since leaving the Marines, but not by much. I know there are people all over the country and the world how live in similar towns like us and I never said it was his fault there. But it would be nice if at least ONCE a YEAR we could have a date night or SOMETHING. As for telling our kids that we need quiet time...🙄please. With our kids that works for all of maybe ten minutes. Then it's doors opening and closing as they go in and out to play or ride their bike or when we're done suddenly discover oh crap, didn't know you invited your friend in. Yeah, my kids are that sneaky. |
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Post by h on Jun 15, 2017 12:37:48 GMT -5
tiffanyc your kids need boundaries. If my parents said to be quiet or get scarce, I didn't hesitate. I was gone as fast as possible and didn't come home until dinner time!
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 15, 2017 12:47:32 GMT -5
Some questions, and I hope they are helpful, that's my whole reason in responding to you in the first place! From a man's point of view " I tell him to just hold me, that's what I want". Well okay, got it. That means holding, close? distant? a little? a lot?, it doesn't matter, it will not lead to sex. So know it becomes a duty, a requirement, more of an order. Just taking, no receiving. Then you say " I put on a little black dress, I curl up on his lap, what did I get? A thanks for dinner and a few minutes of holding." Again a man's perspective. Here we go again , more taking and no giving. Holding cuddling and no return. You can rub a tiger and it will sit there and purr.... but be careful it will also turn and eat your arm off! So what that means is, "does he even have a clue that what he just did was acceptable? Are there any words of affirmation given in return, is there any touch that he wants in return? ( I don't know these answers I am just talking from my own experiences) Three last comments. The book about 5 Love languages, he may not read it, he may not take the test. My wife read it ,and as usual ,used it for her self gain and nothing else. You can answer the questions the way you think he would, and get an understanding of where he's coming from. The bottom line is how well both of you are wanting to drop the finger pointing, and cherish each other. 2nd. The fact that there is nothing to do in your little town, the kids are in the house, no relatives near by is not his fault, it's not your fault, it is what it is. People live that way all the time and have intimacy/sex in there marriage. Your kids are old enough. Tell them " Dad and I need some alone time, It might get noisy, leave us alone. They are probably to wrapped up on their computer games or phones to care. 3rd. From an outside point of view, when I do the math, the drive and passion ended two years into the marriage, your oldest is 14 yrs old. Once kids come into the equation marriage gets pushed to the back burner. By both parties. Especially woman. It becomes their whole identity. The husband is treated as "you are an adult, you can fend for yourself." I might do the quiz for him and see what I get. I know he won't read it even if I asked. When I mentioned the black dress and stuff, the answer is yes he knew I liked as I had said it was nice. But he seemed uninterested in trying to go further. At that point I was giving a lot more than I am now so he had no reason to think I would "put out". I do touch him, running my hands over him. He seems to like it judging how he reacts. When the kids came he wasn't here for the birth of either. Japan with the oldest Iraq with the youngest. When he would come home from deployments or ops, or such he just wanted to jump right into the sex. Yes that first night home, sometimes the second I was just as antsy, but then that was how he stayed even when I would tell him I wanted more foreplay before the act. Yes he's gotten a bit better since leaving the Marines, but not by much. I know there are people all over the country and the world how live in similar towns like us and I never said it was his fault there. But it would be nice if at least ONCE a YEAR we could have a date night or SOMETHING. As for telling our kids that we need quiet time...🙄please. With our kids that works for all of maybe ten minutes. Then it's doors opening and closing as they go in and out to play or ride their bike or when we're done suddenly discover oh crap, didn't know you invited your friend in. Yeah, my kids are that sneaky. Date night should be at least once a month. If the two of you can't both want that for and with each other then what's the point? Kids in the house - who cares? As long as your bedroom door is locked. Honestly it's a good example for your kids to know that mommy and daddy still are in love and want to get it on. My kids don't know that I get it on with FWB but my neighbors do! (I live in a townhouse so walls are joined) |
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 15, 2017 12:49:45 GMT -5
I haven't had a chance to read the other responses yet, but as the one in my SM who is being refused, I actually do feel the same way as your H sometimes. He has refused me for so long that resentment has built up for me and even though I want sex and intimacy I think it's more to a point now where I wish our sex life was different - or had BEEN different all these years - more so than just wanting sex with him and I don't know now how to bridge the gap we have. I am not as open to him as I used to be, I have built up a wall after being refused so much and developing depression and negative self image as a result of it. And it's his fault. It makes me mad. So even though I want an active sex life it would be hard for me to just be open and passionate at the drop of a hat with the man who has made me feel so badly about myself for years.
I don't know if this is what he feels too since you have refused him but that's my experience now whenever the hint of intimacy with him comes up. It's like I don't know how to be intimate with him anymore. So although I desire it, it's soooo much more loaded now.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 15, 2017 13:12:09 GMT -5
Lol and the peach made what you sent seem snarky, not sexy.
Here's an example of what I send to my guy, " I miss you. I can't wait to come home" accompanied by a pix of me with an unbuttoned shirt showing most of my tits. I am smiling sexily.
In your case, you could say, " I was thinking today about how much I appreciate your suggesting that I leave that job that I hated. I appreciate how you have been picking up the financial load. Let me show my appreciation tonight by giving you a bj." Then follow through!
Btw, the love languages book is discussed a lot here and virtually all of the refused have touch as their first or second love language. Even when the refused have spouses that cuddle, the refused tend not to feel loved if sex rarely occurs. Cuddling is torture if one is longing for sex but never gets it. It's like getting to smell but not eat food when you are starving.
The refused' spouses usually have acts of service as their love language. Acts of service don't register on many refused.
Your husband seriously may not understand what you mean by cuddling. My post sm lover is a great lover, and we usually communicate well. Still, a couple of weeks ago, we got into an argument in bed because I wanted him to "stroke" my back and he really didn't get it. I thought he was passively aggressively doing the wrong thing but it ended up that what I call stroking is what he considered massaging. I would never have known our language interpretation differences if we hadn't cared enough to keep talking about it, and we talked it through without name calling or insults
Or giving the silent treatment.
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 15, 2017 13:12:35 GMT -5
tiffanyc your kids need boundaries. If my parents said to be quiet or get scarce, I didn't hesitate. I was gone as fast as possible and didn't come home until dinner time! Oh they have boundaries but sometimes, especially during the summer they forget or get excited and well, there ya go. Plus they're close in age and they argue. Ugh, two teenage girls. |
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 15, 2017 13:16:13 GMT -5
Lol and the peach made what you sent seem snarky, not sexy. Here's an example of what I send to my guy, " I miss you. I can't wait to come home" accompanied by a pix of me with an unbuttoned shirt showing most of my tits. I am smiling sexily. In your case, you could say, " I was thinking today about how much I appreciate your suggesting that I leave that job that I hated. I appreciate how you have been picking up the financial load. Let me show my appreciation tonight by giving you a bj." Then follow through! Btw, the love languages book is discussed a lot here and virtually all of the refused have touch as their first or second love language. Even when the refused have spouses that cuddle, the refused tend not to feel loved if sex rarely occurs. Cuddling is torture if one is longing for sex but never gets it. It's like getting to smell but not eat food when you are starving. The refused' spouses usually have acts of service as their love language. Acts of service don't register on many refused. Your husband seriously may not understand what you mean by cuddling. My post sm lover is a great lover, and we usually communicate well. Still, a couple of weeks ago, we got into an argument in bed because I wanted him to "stroke" my back and he really didn't get it. I thought he was passively aggressively doing the wrong thing but it ended up that what I call stroking is what he considered massaging. I would never have known our language interpretation differences if we hadn't cared enough to keep talking about it, and we talked it through without name calling or insults Or giving the silent treatment. Ok. By the way, the 🍑? That was his reply to mine: "💋just want to say thanks for working so hard" |
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 15, 2017 13:20:29 GMT -5
Tiffany, you have lots of reasons for not doing things. If you don't like the town's restaurants, send your teens away for the night, and cook a great dinner and serve it while wearing something sexy or while nude.
Get a lock for your bedroom door. So what if your kids figure out that when the door Is locked, you are having sex? Great if they learn that sex is normal and is part of marriage.
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Post by tiffanyc on Jun 15, 2017 13:22:34 GMT -5
Tiffany, you have lots of reasons for not doing things. If you don't like the town's restaurants, send your teens away for the night, and cook a great dinner and serve it while wearing something sexy or while nude. Get a lock for your bedroom door. So what if your kids figure out that when the door Is locked, you are having sex? Great if they learn that sex is normal and is part of marriage. Oh we lock the door and when we can get one or both out that's usually when we take advantage |
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 15, 2017 13:28:27 GMT -5
So, follow up his peach (I have no idea what he meant by it) by sending the kind of note I suggested. Be clear. He really may have thought you were making fun of him. one can't hear tone in a text or emoji.and if you promise sex, do what you promised. Don't use something like the girls' behavior as an excuse to avoid sex.
You have the ability to set boundaries today just as you could have on your anniversary when you chose to host a sleepover.
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