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Post by GeekGoddess on May 31, 2017 21:40:30 GMT -5
Because you're in Texas, this may be true.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 1, 2017 8:25:46 GMT -5
T-minus-25
- Lined up some side work this morning to help rebuild my cash reserves after the divorce is final. Easy work and good money.
- Moving yet more stuff into storage prior to the June 19th first move. Just a bit of advice, if you are going to get divorced and need to move, you are kind of on your own with this. Either try to get into shape or reestablish contact with long lost friends (preferably ones with strong backs). I'll get movers to get stuff from storage to my new place, but packing everything up and getting it to storage? Kind of needs to be done by me.
- Wife is scheduling the remaining repairs requested by the buyer. Once that is done, the house is ready for closing.
- Wife had a job interview yesterday...keeping fingers crossed. Getting her employed is the last piece of the puzzle for me. After that is done, I can leave guilt-free.
- Starting to get bills on my personal credit cards I'm going to need to pay. Wife always handled that, so I'll have to get into the habit.
- Set up custody calendar for her to review. Google Sheets comes in REALLY handy here. I can set up a spreadsheet under my Google account and give her read/write access. We've used this throughout the process to play with numbers, work through checklists, etc...I might do a post in the resources section about this. I've posted copies of some of my sheets to some people in the forum by request.
As I go through the remaining days, I might just keep posting on this thread like this. That way people can see what is going on day to day with the "logistics" on my end game.
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Post by WindSister on Jun 1, 2017 13:01:28 GMT -5
I so remember those days of leaving -- I posted it all pretty live at EP, too, but deleted it all (so wish I hadn't). It's a great way to sort yourself out along the way if writing helps you (which it seems it does for you) and it helps others in ways you may or may not ever know. Sending good thoughts as you embark on this journey.
Oh, I so remember the "I'm on my own" feeling with a lot of things, definitely to include moving, but man.. I was able to get a 46 inch flat screen tv (one of the first to come out, not the super light ones they make now) from our house, into my car and up stairs to my new digs all by myself. I think it was pure adrenaline.
Good luck!!
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Post by shamwow on Jun 1, 2017 13:34:42 GMT -5
I so remember those days of leaving -- I posted it all pretty live at EP, too, but deleted it all (so wish I hadn't). It's a great way to sort yourself out along the way if writing helps you (which it seems it does for you) and it helps others in ways you may or may not ever know. Sending good thoughts as you embark on this journey. Oh, I so remember the "I'm on my own" feeling with a lot of things, definitely to include moving, but man.. I was able to get a 46 inch flat screen tv (one of the first to come out, not the super light ones they make now) from our house, into my car and up stairs to my new digs all by myself. I think it was pure adrenaline. Good luck!! Yeah, there have been a number of times so far that I've started to ask my wife a question about something only to stop myself, realize I can find the information elsewhere, realize I NEED to find the information elsewhere, and go get it / do it. I think the writing will help, and honestly, I want to remember this journey. Although in my case, I will want to refer to all of these postings if I ever think of getting married again. I can't ever see that happening, but if it did? I want to review every post and PM I've gone through on this process. This has hurt me deeper than anything ever has. If I ever wanted to go down this road again, I want to drag up that pain all over again and make sure it is what I want...eyes wide open. |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 2, 2017 9:32:42 GMT -5
T-Minus-24 - Moved the patio furniture and bar stools to storage last night - Tried to get 13 year old son to help. He did try but isn't really that big yet. At the storage unit, he pulled a skateboard out of wife's unit next to mine and played around. Just happy to see him smiling. - On way from baseball, son noted that we were a month from moving to the new house and sounded excited about it. I confirmed and talked with him about how we would settle in and make the place ours. - One thing that is changing is that I'm being more assertive in my role as a parent. I have always been an extremely involved dad (coaching, teaching to drive, helping raise goats, etc...), but as the time gets closer, I realize that I now have the opportunity to put my own mark on the kid's upbringing. Some things that have been glossed over (kids "activities" rather than teaching the value of "work") will be addressed now. I'm starting to come up with ideas on how to teach these values while still teaching them how to LIVE. I think right now I'm going through some kind of transition phase. The "heavy lifting" of asking for divorce, telling kids, telling friends, getting ready to sell house, etc...are all in the past. I have a feeling that for the next couple weeks I'm in a no-man's land where it is just a waiting game. Sure, I'm moving furniture bit by bit, but the real show doesn't start until June 19. And then the roller coaster starts all over again until July 1. Yesterday marked 5 months sober for me as well. July 1, the day that I am divorced and moved out marks my 6 month milestone. Lots of changes going on, and I have optimism for the future. Now if my wife could just get a job and start moving her stuff to storage as well....  |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jun 3, 2017 9:06:30 GMT -5
T-Minus-24 - Moved the patio furniture and bar stools to storage last night - Tried to get 13 year old son to help. He did try but isn't really that big yet. At the storage unit, he pulled a skateboard out of wife's unit next to mine and played around. Just happy to see him smiling. - On way from baseball, son noted that we were a month from moving to the new house and sounded excited about it. I confirmed and talked with him about how we would settle in and make the place ours. - One thing that is changing is that I'm being more assertive in my role as a parent. I have always been an extremely involved dad (coaching, teaching to drive, helping raise goats, etc...), but as the time gets closer, I realize that I now have the opportunity to put my own mark on the kid's upbringing. Some things that have been glossed over (kids "activities" rather than teaching the value of "work") will be addressed now. I'm starting to come up with ideas on how to teach these values while still teaching them how to LIVE. I think right now I'm going through some kind of transition phase. The "heavy lifting" of asking for divorce, telling kids, telling friends, getting ready to sell house, etc...are all in the past. I have a feeling that for the next couple weeks I'm in a no-man's land where it is just a waiting game. Sure, I'm moving furniture bit by bit, but the real show doesn't start until June 19. And then the roller coaster starts all over again until July 1. Yesterday marked 5 months sober for me as well. July 1, the day that I am divorced and moved out marks my 6 month milestone. Lots of changes going on, and I have optimism for the future. Now if my wife could just get a job and start moving her stuff to storage as well.... You are doing an outstanding job with all of this. Your posts are inspirational. Congratulations on your sobriety as well. |
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Post by lyn on Jun 3, 2017 12:19:04 GMT -5
Congrats on the 5 months sober! That is HUGE!!!! Everything is falling into place shamwow.
I'm beyond happy for you 😊
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Post by shamwow on Jun 5, 2017 12:00:14 GMT -5
T-Minus-14: Move out of house
T-Minus-21: Divorce Finalized
T-Minus-26: Move into new house
So liftoff is fast approaching.
- This weekend, I got ALMOST all of the furniture I need to move out of the house. Well, at least the furniture I can't do by myself. There really only is one piece left. In doing so, I jacked my back up a little bit, so am taking it easy.
- Wife still hasn't filled me in on her moving plan, other than "well, if I run out of time, I'll get movers". Fair enough, but I did chat with our realtor today to ask him to "encourage" her to get her stuff out and packed ASAP. He called me because he was wondering exactly how "last minute" were going to be. I told him I could have all my stuff out tonight if I really HAD to. But until we move out, the wife and I are still tied at the hip.
- Getting wire information so we can get the funds transferred as soon as we close. The idea then is to cut checks to our separate bank accounts after paying everything off. We both leave with no debt and varying types of "goodies".
- Last week I informed her I was going to get a vasectomy on the 16th of this month. She flew off the handle and I decided to cancel the appointment. Honestly, a couple weeks makes no difference, and why rock the boat? In 3 weeks, I will be completely disembarked.
- She still doesn't have a job, but had a (hopefully) promising interview last week. She is looking for a high paying job that is close to home that has really flexible hours. Damn...why didn't I think of that for MY job? She will remember quickly that they call it "work" for a reason. But any guilt I have (in not waiting for sure until she has started a job) is assuaged with the $250,000 in cash she will be getting in the divorce.
God, just 3 more weeks? Just like mission control, I'm double checking everything and then checking it again. I need this bird to make it to orbit without exploding along the way. At that point? I imagine I may know what it feels to be weightless....
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Post by shamwow on Jun 6, 2017 10:45:53 GMT -5
T-Minus-13: Move out of house
T-Minus-20: Divorce Finalized
T-Minus-25: Move into new house
Ok, I'm pissed today.
I've been trying to get what her plans are out of her for weeks now. Crickets. Last night I was test driving cars with my daughter and she asked me a question about something next month. I respectfully told her that Mom hadn't finalized her plans yet, but she should know soon. My daughter informs me that my wife already has everything planned out, including taking the kids on a trip the weekend BEFORE the divorce is final. I'm like WTF?
- She is getting movers. Would have been nice to know on one of the 5 occasions I've asked already so that I plan my OWN move without having to worry about her.
- She is taking the kids on a weekend trip alone...again. Where? No idea. Still married so I'm assuming I'm paying for it as usual. I hope she has fun. It will be the last such trip.
- My parents have extended the offer for her to stay with them after we close on the house. This is so that she doesn't have to spend tons of money on hotel rooms while she stays in town to look for a job. Very nice of them and not prompted by me, but because she is the mother of their grand kids. She still hadn't given them any feedback even while in her own plans she assumed she was staying some day, and not staying others.
- I have no idea when her $280,000 house will be finished being built, but at this point, I really don't care. As long as my kids have a safe and relatively comfortable roof over their heads during the construction / closing process? I'm cool.
- She will be staying at her mom's house for the rest of the time in a town over an hour away. No problem there...but would be nice to know what city the kids are in without having to ask them.
- What really irks me is that my daughter had been briefed on all of this but I have no idea. Now, I know that a HUGE thing to avoid as divorced parents is communicating through the kids. I mean, is it a big deal to TELL me what you are planning on doing (especially during the week we are still married)? She doesn't need my permission, but she knows my plans are pretty simple...Move out. Stay with folks for 11 days until house is ready. Move in. I just want to be in the loop.
So I'm pissed off. But the rocket is still on the pad, fueled and ready to go. Once it takes off? I really don't give a flying fuck about her schedule / plans except where they involve the kids. I'd love for them to include getting a job at some point, but leaving the marriage with $300k in goodies and another $100k in child support over the next 5 years pretty much takes care of any guilt I may have on that front..
So, boys and girls watching from the cheap seats...I have what has to be one of the smoothest divorces I've ever heard of (certainly really smooth for here). And even with that, getting extremely pissed off is going to happen. The divorce process really sucks, but I'm keeping my eyes on the prize at the end. It better be worth it.
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Post by WindSister on Jun 6, 2017 11:12:57 GMT -5
It is. Okay, that might be bold of me to say, but I do believe it's worth it. All her actions are a blessing -- you see those true colors and it's easier to walk away. I think it happens/happened to all of us. |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 6, 2017 11:23:21 GMT -5
It is. Okay, that might be bold of me to say, but I do believe it's worth it. All her actions are a blessing -- you see those true colors and it's easier to walk away. I think it happens/happened to all of us. You're probably right, but it is really hard trying to do everything right and still getting kicked in the teeth. Hell, just stupid stuff like her asking me "hey, can you get the basketball goal in your storage unit?" Well, if I had known she was going to ask me to do that I would have packed it differently. As of now? I'm not going to re-pack my entire storage unit because she is just now realizing that she has a 12 foot tall basketball goal she needs to fit somewhere after I've asked 5 times if she needed help. So I'll let her figure it out. I do think that you're right that once I calm the fuck down I will see it as a blessing that will help me walk away. And, God, I hope you're right about this being worth it. My marriage sure as hell hasn't been worth it (other than the kids of course). Look, right now I'm pissed. I need to meditate and let that go. Right now, this is a bit like a 50 mile race I ran one time. 48 miles in and only a few hundred yards from the finish, I realized I had missed a 2 mile loop. Nobody would know if I skipped it but me. I could tell people I ran 50 miles and they would have no way to know I'd only ran 48. But I would know. This is actually emotionally harder than the 50 mile race. But I need to run it well until I've crossed the finish line. I need to complete this with my honor and dignity intact and walk out with my head held high. T-minus- 20. |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 6, 2017 15:11:21 GMT -5
My calm has returned.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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T-Minus
Jun 6, 2017 17:15:12 GMT -5
lyn likes this
Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2017 17:15:12 GMT -5
T-minus-26 So I received some good decorating advice today. Since the fireplace mantle is already taken with the samurai swords, I was thinking this would go better framed in an art niche at the new house. Basically, the suggestion was the used targets from the gun range I tear up from time to time. Nothing says class and eloquence than a collection of thoroughly perforated gun range targets. I think most women would find a good head shot grouping alluring. Shows accuracy, patience, and control. Thoughts? Well, there may be some women who like this, but not many. That might be better in your man cave. |
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Post by lyn on Jun 6, 2017 22:23:00 GMT -5
Quack 🐥
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T-Minus
Jun 7, 2017 0:28:33 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by shamwow on Jun 7, 2017 0:28:33 GMT -5
Truer word (not words) of wisdom have never been spoken. |
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