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Post by shamwow on Jun 7, 2017 10:29:03 GMT -5
T-Minus-12: Move out of house
T-Minus-19: Divorce Finalized
T-Minus-24: Move into new house
- My calm has returned...
- So I'm looking for a car for my 16 year old daughter. My wife and I both agree that things will be amazingly easier if we have a third driver who can get herself to activities or get her brother to activities if we are not available. My wife had a job interview yesterday so my son had to miss baseball practice. Another car will make this much easier.
- Now that I've got my wife's final plan, I've started setting up the last parts of my own move. It really is easier now that I officially don't have to worry about my wife and her stuff. It wasn't that I was worried about HER, but until we close and move, we are still kind of joined at the hip. Now, I don't even have to worry about that. Relief.
- Once in our new house, I plan on instituting a new tradition with the kids. Thursday Night Dinner. I will have the kids every Thursday according to the custody plan. I will use those Thursdays to sit down together and we each take turns cooking dinner for our family (minus wife). It will teach the kids some needed "survival" skills, make sure that as a "team" we have a time we sit down every week, and also should be a hell of a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to it.
- Need to lock down the closing date on the house and get the payoff information to the title company. The check list for the house is starting to wind down other than some final items to move.
Pretty quiet day on the launch pad compared to yesterday. I like quiet days.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 7, 2017 12:57:54 GMT -5
It's a good tradition, shamwow. A friend of ours (the best man from the wedding) is a great cook and he always said the best way to impress the ladies was to be a man who knows how to REALLY cook. Your son will benefit from this and you & your daughter absolutely will also. Great job crossing off the checklist items! |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 7, 2017 13:56:02 GMT -5
It's a good tradition, shamwow . A friend of ours (the best man from the wedding) is a great cook and he always said the best way to impress the ladies was to be a man who knows how to REALLY cook. Your son will benefit from this and you & your daughter absolutely will also. Great job crossing off the checklist items! Oh, today I sent an email to get an update on the following "checklist" items: - Cell Phones (she needs to get her own account) - Car Insurance (I'm paying for me and kids, but she needs to find some) - Daughter's Car Registration / Inspection (I've got this) - Daughter's Car Maintenance (We split) - Daughter's Birth Control (She better get on this or I'm going to go to the obgyn with my daughter to get this done) - Son's Eventual Car (same basic set up as daughter's) - Cancelling Homeowner's Insurance (selling the house) - Medical Insurance (kids stay on mine...she falls off) - Kids "Allowance" (gonna make them work) - Credit Card Rewards (splitting airline miles) - XM Radio (need to split accounts) - EZ Tag (she needs to get one and transfer her car. I'll get the kids) - College (where we are at on saving and what we still need to do) I can't wait to see the shit storm this one raises....sigh |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 8, 2017 8:40:10 GMT -5
T-Minus-11: Move out of house
T-Minus-18: Divorce Finalized
T-Minus-23: Move into new house
Yesterday, I drove my 4th blue Hyundai Elantra in two days. My wife brought my daughter down to look at the car and test drive it. The car was OK, and the price was acceptable, so I bought it. Ok, I'm going to sound like an old man now, but when I got my first car, it was a piece of shit. And I was excited as hell. My daughter was happy, of course. She said "thank you", but it was a thanks that sounded expected...entitled. She complained the other day when I told her she would need to do her own laundry to earn money for gas. She has a sense of entitlement that I will need to work hard to get rid of. Being able to make my own mark on her will help tremendously, but I've only got 2 more years until she graduates high school. I am starting from behind here.
No reply on my checklist items. At the car dealership yesterday, she mentioned she had already gotten car insurance and cell phone accounts. Yes, it would be nice for her to tell me without me having to ask. But now that I understand how this works, I'll just keep asking until I can pin her down properly. It appears that me asking the questions will not raise a shit storm. It won't raise anything unless I follow up again and again. I can do that.
I'm getting some side work lined up for after the divorce is final. I make a good income already, but this will help me rebuild my cash reserves, and hopefully get back into consulting where the real money is at. The only problem with consulting is you HAVE to have a war chest for when times are slow or clients pay bills slowly. Side work will rebuild my war chest.
So far, pretty slow day. It seems as though this whole divorce thing is hurry up and wait....and wait...and some anger...and wait...and wait...and panic...and wait...and eager anticipation...and wait...etc...
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 8, 2017 8:57:07 GMT -5
shamwow - and then POOF - with the stroke of a pen, the universe changes quickly too. The wait, wait, wait seemed forever but at certain steps, I also often had the thought "wow so fast?!" - - these were the final signature on the decree, my last name changing back to maiden, and the actual house sale (which took hardly any time at all). The process has both extremes - don't let yourself get whiplash from any of it. Yeah on the sense of entitlement from a 16-yr old. You will work it out of her a little bit at a time - some may remain. There is something positive in a person who believes they deserve the best - so don't train ALL of it away. Challenge her. She will come through it a really cool woman. Somehow, I just feel that from hearing your dad/daughter dynamics in your posts. You will raise a class act, dude. I'm sure of it.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 8, 2017 9:11:08 GMT -5
shamwow - and then POOF - with the stroke of a pen, the universe changes quickly too. The wait, wait, wait seemed forever but at certain steps, I also often had the thought "wow so fast?!" - - these were the final signature on the decree, my last name changing back to maiden, and the actual house sale (which took hardly any time at all). The process has both extremes - don't let yourself get whiplash from any of it. Yeah on the sense of entitlement from a 16-yr old. You will work it out of her a little bit at a time - some may remain. There is something positive in a person who believes they deserve the best - so don't train ALL of it away. Challenge her. She will come through it a really cool woman. Somehow, I just feel that from hearing your dad/daughter dynamics in your posts. You will raise a class act, dude. I'm sure of it. Excellent points. Nothing screams "class act" like me and my profile pic.  |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 9, 2017 7:43:07 GMT -5
Hello friend, my mediation has been bumped up to June 25th, and my court date is July 19th. Things are getting closer and closer to coming to an end.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 9, 2017 8:37:44 GMT -5
Hello friend, my mediation has been bumped up to June 25th, and my court date is July 19th. Things are getting closer and closer to coming to an end. Welcome to the graduating class of 2017! |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 9, 2017 8:46:11 GMT -5
T-Minus-10: Move out of house
T-Minus-17: Divorce Finalized
T-Minus-22: Move into new house
The first of my items has reached T-Minus-10! This weekend I plan on getting all of my stuff minus one couch and my air bed out of the house. I'm picking up some side work to replenish my cash once out. Even though I'm starting over again, I have no debt and will probably have 30-40k in cash. But I really want to rebuild my cash reserves, and I'll have some time to fill. Best to do so productively.
Wife and I had a GREAT talk this morning, basically hammering out more of the "fine details" of the next few weeks. There had been a bit of "fuzziness" in regards to the week between when the house closes and the divorce goes final. We reiterated the basic plan: Close on the house, pay off all bills (those that aren't due, split later), divide money as agreed, get final balances on retirement accounts, and divide those based on balances. Then get all those numbers to my attorney, send it to hers, and have all paperwork ready for court on the 26th.
Basically, today with the wife this morning was like a scene out of mission control before the final countdown begins with everyone saying "go.go.go"
On the 26th, I go to court with my attorney and a divorce decree signed by all four of us. We don't even need an appointment. Judge makes sure everything is in order and smacks that gavel down.
At this point, I will reach into my briefcase, apply the Mel Gibson blue war paint and scream into the air....FREEDOM!
Hopefully they don't confiscate my Claymore sword at the courthouse. I'd like to throw it in the air like Mel did....pretty cool scene.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 9, 2017 11:03:33 GMT -5
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T-Minus
Jun 9, 2017 11:17:44 GMT -5
Post by shamwow on Jun 9, 2017 11:17:44 GMT -5
Hello friend, my mediation has been bumped up to June 25th, and my court date is July 19th. Things are getting closer and closer to coming to an end. Hey GC, Feel free to post your own T-Minus events on this thread. I am recording my own experience for anyone else who is going through this. My process is pretty straightforward, but it is amazing all the little things I am having to do that I never thought of. Your experience is different (mediation), and others might benefit from your insight into that process as you go through it. Different flavors of divorce. |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 12, 2017 12:10:21 GMT -5
T-Minus-4: Move out of house (that date just got bumped up)
T-Minus-14: Divorce Finalized
T-Minus-19: Move into new house
So the move out date got bumped up a bit. Closing is the 19th, but we need to be out on the 16th...so I just spent my last weekend in my home and didn't realize it at the time. At this point, I just want to get it over with. I will miss the house, but want everything packed and moved into storage. Right now most everything is already there and the house is just a shell of the home it was. Kind of sad.
On Saturday, I was moving things. One of those things was a cheap kitchen table we bought at Sam's about 19 years ago. It isn't anything fancy. But it has memories. Memories of happier times, memories of babies, kids, dogs grabbing food off of it. When we moved to our current house 6 years ago, my parents refinished this poor, sorry table. They did a great job and I really liked the way it looks. My wife didn't want it, so I can take it with me. As I put that table in storage and put the blanked over it, I broke down crying. I'm a grown ass man. Before the divorce, I had cried 4 times in my adult life. Only one of those times in sadness. Since I asked for a divorce, I've cried more times than I can count. Packing a storage unit has a unique finality to it that filing paperwork and discussions with lawyers does not. For me, it has been a solitary activity. I still have no doubt that I am doing the right thing. It is a necessary thing. But it is an amazingly fucking painful thing.
Last night, I went out with some old friends to see Metallica in Houston (opening acts Avenged Sevenfold and Volbeat). The show was great, and it was also good spending time with old friends. They think it is strange I'm not drinking, but let them think what they want. The last thing I need is to break over 5 months of sobriety because they are perplexed. Concert was great (first time in Houston since 2008), and the place was packed. Something REALLY weird happened during the concert. At one point, when I was in my aisle seat, I felt a thud hit next to me and something struck my leg. I was a piece of wood. A log of firewood. I have NOT idea how it got there, where it came from, or who brought it. But I took it home, and going to sand it down, burn Metallica into the wood with a soldering iron, carve a spot for my guitar picks and use it as a decoration in my new place as I pick up guitar again. Wood falling from the heavens...WTF?
I also did jack up my back again yesterday moving a basketball goal on a trailer. We have most of the stuff moved, so I called it quits for the day. The wife asked why I hadn't move the gun case yet as I'm sprawled on my back in agony. I just let it slide. 14 more days and I'll be free. Just 14 more days.....
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 12, 2017 18:38:43 GMT -5
Hello friend, my mediation has been bumped up to June 25th, and my court date is July 19th. Things are getting closer and closer to coming to an end. Hey GC, Feel free to post your own T-Minus events on this thread. I am recording my own experience for anyone else who is going through this. My process is pretty straightforward, but it is amazing all the little things I am having to do that I never thought of. Your experience is different (mediation), and others might benefit from your insight into that process as you go through it. Different flavors of divorce. Thanks . My STBX (I know you don't like that term, but I am training myself to no longer call her my wife) couldn't make our mediation ,so it's re-scheduled for June the 19th. Both attorneys believe we can "settle all this" before the court date. I'm not holding my breath. |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 12, 2017 18:59:29 GMT -5
Hey GC, Feel free to post your own T-Minus events on this thread. I am recording my own experience for anyone else who is going through this. My process is pretty straightforward, but it is amazing all the little things I am having to do that I never thought of. Your experience is different (mediation), and others might benefit from your insight into that process as you go through it. Different flavors of divorce. Thanks . My STBX (I know you don't like that term, but I am training myself to no longer call her my wife) couldn't make our mediation ,so it's re-scheduled for June the 19th. Both attorneys believe we can "settle all this" before the court date. I'm not holding my breath. I'm with you on the training. Might be smarter to use STBX but in my case we are talking 14 more days, so I'll stick with wife for the duration. It is a bit more respectful and since we are trying to be amicable, respect goes hand in hand. I'm hoping you guys make it through mediation too but given your wife's past history I also am not holding my breath either. Here's hoping we are wrong. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 12, 2017 19:50:46 GMT -5
Another WTF??? In our upcoming mediation. My STBX refused to meet at my attorneys office and want's to meet at the mediators office instead. Both attorneys agreed. The offices are 3 minutes from each other.
Our last mediation was at my attorneys office. What office ,building, desks, chairs, color of the floor, it all doesn't matter, or change anything! No one has an advantage or a disadvantage.
The only advantage is to my attorney. She now has to travel. More of OUR money goes to her. A loose, loose for my STBX and myself.
It makes no sense.
At least it backs my stance of what a controller we are dealing with. Maybe that's a good thing.
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