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Post by baza on Oct 15, 2019 22:02:54 GMT -5
Yep.
Sort your own shit out.
That's the mission for everybody.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 2, 2020 22:26:01 GMT -5
T-Plus 935: Shammy's divorce finalizes
T-Plus 933: BOC flies to Houston to meet Shammy
T-Plus 33: "Operation Shackup" Begins
It's been a little over four months since I've provided an update, and as BOC and I sit in bed with each other, it seems to be a good time. On 12/31/2019, she left San Diego behind. She, her daughter, our pet fish Bonnie, and I, flew to our new home in Houston. I've been at this place for about a year and a half, but for all that time, it's been waiting to really be called our home.
Now, of course, since both BOC and I are amazing people, there has been complete harmony and bliss (i.e. unicorns farting rainbows). Oh, wait, I forgot the part about us being human beings who have been through a couple decades of shit. Even though we first met each other on this very forum about three years ago, we are still learning about each other (and ourselves). What's more, Shammy living with Whirly and BOC living with Ponzi is not remotely the same thing as Shammy living with BOC. Every day, we discover this is a completely new dynamic.
I guess what we're trying to say is that the story usually stops after the couple "lives happily after". And make no mistake, what we've done for the past couple years sure as hell has been a love story...and it still is. What we are doing is taking this to the next level. Beyond Spirit Airlines (fancy, right?) and romantic getaways every two weeks, and taking the same love story we've had and moving to the next chapter - the more mundane business of life. The point is that we are doing it in a way that includes her grabbing my ass while doing dishes and me pulling her aside for a quickie whenever we can...in a house with a couple teens running around. And to us, that sure as hell sounds like "happily ever after."
Many excuses provided by our ex-spouses seem laughable nowadays. "I'm too tired", "I've got a headache", "I've got a stomach ache", "I've got a backache", blah, blah, blah. We look forward to getting home each night, saying goodnight to the family, and crawling under the covers naked. It's kind of funny that for the most part we aren't too exhausted or too infirm to connect. Hell,
this weekend, it turns out we've been doing it so much that the skin on the tip of my cock had rubbed slightly raw...somewhat painful. Guess what...I have hands. I have a mouth. There are may ways to please someone you love if you simply give a damn.
BOC is what is known as a highly sensitive person (HSP). She is the one of the most empathetic people I've ever known. You may not know what she does for a living. She is an admissions representative at a career college. She is very very successful at it because she truly feels what her students need. It's an amazing gift (even if it emotionally drains her almost every day). The flip side of this is that when she get upset or I do something to make her feel sad, it is also amplified. I, on the other hand, tend to get very defensive. When someone points something out, I tend to try to rationalize my behavior and weave the narrative to whee I'm the innocent victim. These are traits both of us had since we were kids.
As BOC read this last paragraph, she said "whoo hoo...what a pair". And, yes, we are a hell of a pair. The challenge, now, is to reconcile the fact that we are two imperfect people trying to build a life together. As someone wiser than I once observed, we still need to sort out our own shit. And as it turns out, that's a hell of a lot easier to do with somebody you love and feel safe with at your side. Way better than continuing to build mountains of shit with someone who doesn't want you.
By the way, here is a nice tip that we've discovered. When we do argue, we have a code word that, when invoked by either of us, means that we need to pause the fight and get naked. This does seem to have a positive effect for immediately ending fights. When we are done, her feelings are usually no longer hurt and I no longer have anything to be defensive about. In fact, it usually turns out that whatever we were fighting about was pretty dumb in the first place. Afterglow is great for that LOL.
There are, and will continue to be mysteries and adventures to come (and a lot of sex, of course). Honestly, the ILIASM experience is starting to fade from our memories. We simply don't live in that shithole anymore (not even mentally). It's getting to the point where we read what we wrote three years ago when we joined this forum and look at it like it was a bad dream from which we still occasionally suffer aftereffects. But, it helps immensely that we both suffered a "similar situation" (the title to the first PM I sent her) and can use that shared background to support each other.
Anyway, we just wanted to give everyone an update. I think it's time we have some sex. BOC just laughed as she read this and said "um hum".
Good night from Texas, ya'll
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Post by sadkat on Feb 2, 2020 23:12:59 GMT -5
Thank you for the update shamwow. I’m very happy that you and BOC are happily working on your own version of “ever after”. |
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Post by saarinista on Feb 3, 2020 1:07:11 GMT -5
So glad to hear it, shamwow and ballofconfusion.. May the happiness continue. By the way, I flew Spirit a couple times and I didn't think it was so bad. We sprung for the bigger seats in front and they were very luxe-at least to me-and not that pricey. As for food, I recommend springing for the Snickers bar. 😁🙄😊 |
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Post by angeleyes65 on Feb 3, 2020 8:28:25 GMT -5
So happy for both of you shamwow and ballofconfusion you put in the work and made it. The long distance made it even more challenging. You deserve the happy ever after! You give so many hope that are try ing to get out. We didn't have the long distance to deal with or minor children but still the road was long. And you are right you go from every time you are together is a honeymoon of sorts to every day Life, juggling work schedules, home duties and family obligations but it is so much more exciting when you are in a loving sex filled relationship! 🥂 Here's a toast wishing you many more blissful years of playing grabass in the kitchen! |
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Post by workingonit on Feb 3, 2020 10:24:30 GMT -5
Love this update!
The concept of 'happily ever after' is, I belive, the #1 reason people stop working on their relationship after marriage. It is a death concept!! We are all always a work in progress and every relationship needs ongoing work to continue to be awesome. You need to keep reaching for each other. This is what I have gotten out of my 19 years in sm hell. Keep reaching for each other!!
And you 2 are way ahead of the game. And having great sex so win win all around. If there were no growing pains in your relationship, there would be no growing!!
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Post by ggold on Feb 4, 2020 22:06:15 GMT -5
Wishing you both the happiness you deserve.
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Post by Handy on Feb 4, 2020 22:34:02 GMT -5
WTG, shamwow and ballofconfusion!
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Post by shamwow on Aug 5, 2023 17:18:13 GMT -5
T-Plus 2115 - Shammy's Divorce Finalized T-Plus 2113 - ballofconfusion First Flies to Shammy T-Plus 1313 - BOC Moves to Houston T-Minus 588ish - Operation Run Amuck Begins Wow...it's been a while since I've looked at this thread (3 1/2 years) and thought it could use a bit of an update. All too often, I see people on this forum who break the bonds of their enforced celibacy and we never hear from them again. As part of the "support group," we have become personally invested in their story, and never hear from them again. We hope that they are doing well, but have no way to tell. So since it's been a few years since I provided an update, it seems like it would be a good moment to do so. Where to begin? Well, let me start off by saying that BOC and I are not only still together, but are doing better than ever. That doesn't mean we haven't had challenges (every couple does), but with each challenge we really have grown closer (and yes, I completely understand that is a cliche). So let me give you a quick update on several different fronts: Sex life - Ok, let's hit this one right away. We have been together for 6 years now and our sex life is better than ever. For number-oriented people, we typically have sex 1-2 times per day (when we wake up and when we settle down for the night). To my surprise (after being in a sexless marriage for 20 years), our frequency has remained quite constant even after the "honeymoon phase" passed. Really, the only interruption to our sex life is if one of us is seriously sick. I got COVID in 2020 and was sick for 6 weeks. Even during this, we still managed to connect. Basically, if one of us wants it, the other is in. Even if not 100% in the mood, once responsive desire kicks in, we are off to the races. A more perfect union - BOC and I have kept to our "no bullshit" policy. Literally EVERYTHING is on the table. Looking back at the last post, BOC and I were starting to butt heads when we first moved in together. That lasted a couple weeks and, frankly, was scary. Our no bullshit policy helped steamroll over problems. We also "learned how to fight" which means that when we do fight, it's not an existential crisis. Pro tip: regular sex smooths out just about any disagreement. Dealing with crisis - In February of this year, BOC's son lost his 5 year fight with cancer. He fought as hard as he could, but his illness was just fucking mean. It was all hands-on-deck navigating his early illness, caring for him when he couldn't care for himself, and eventually coming together during hospice. Of course, as anyone who has lost someone knows, it isn't over after the funeral. Some days are damn hard, but both BOC and I are so glad we had each other. When BOC's son died, we abruptly became empty nesters. It has been tricky to navigate between grief and relief (for everyone including BOC's son - he was no longer suffering) Blending of families - Between BOC and I, we have 6 kids. We made a deliberate and concentrated effort to blend these two "tribes" every chance we got. Over time, that meant blending graduations, holidays, and any other event we could think of. COVID turned out to be a blessing in disguise since it required us to all be under one roof (the kids all had to come back from college). The house we live in was never intended to have the entire tribe under one roof, and for several months we had 4/6 kids living with us. That forced blending turned a household of strangers into a family. We even have a 102 lb "fur baby" (a rescue Great Pyrenees) Expect the unexpected - BOC never actually got divorced. Well, she tried for 2 1/2 years, but one day we received a call from BOC's son. He had just heard from a police detective who had found Ponzi (BOC's husband) naked and in a bathtub in Washington DC from a meth overdose. If you don't recall, BOC's husband came out as gay after she left. He went off the deep end in the gay lifestyle. We found out later his life completely spiraled down the toilet. He was deeply in debt, addicted to multiple drugs, had multiple STDs, and died alone. BOC's divorce trial was scheduled a few months later, so she actually died as a widow. It saved us probably an additional $20k in attorney fees to get the divorce over the finish line, so I can't say I'm overly saddened by his passing. It is strange, though. I have become the unofficial ambassador to Ponzi's side of the family, especially his father. Blended families, indeed! Where we are - When Ponzi died, he had not paid on child / spousal support in arrears for quite some time. To cover the gap, BOC borrowed a very large sum of money to "keep the lights on" in San Diego. When she moved to Houston, we had maxxed out this resource and started the process of paying it back. I estimate that we should be free and clear sometime in the next year and a half. At the same time, we are building up our savings. We have a very specific savings goal that we are well on the way to reaching. Speaking of which.... Where we are Going - Everywhere. Well, not everywhere, but we are saving for our around the world trip. The idea here is that we will quit our jobs, sell our cars and everything that isn't nailed down, and start our grand adventure. We have already done enough traveling ourselves to know we travel well together. We have different and very complimentary styles and that has served us well. After we finish our adventure, we plan on settling down outside the US. Right now, the "smart money" is in Europe (Portugal, Spain, Italy, Greece, Croatia, etc..). But the trip could change our perspective to other areas such as Southeast Asia. After everything we have been through (SM, divorce, death of a child, etc...), we are going to pursue this burning desire with gusto. The other half of moving abroad is to take advantage of cost of living differences while still making close to US wages. I'm pretty good on the financial side and have a solid plan. |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Aug 6, 2023 8:32:17 GMT -5
Its not the years we live, its the living in our years or something, something...
What an update. You've both been through a heck of a lot of living. I think its wonderful that you've found each other. Thanks for making that post!
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Post by ggold on Aug 6, 2023 10:26:16 GMT -5
shamwow Thank you for the update. Life is a roller coaster, but you and BOC are riding it together. Happy for you both.
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Post by hopingforachange on Aug 12, 2023 1:20:49 GMT -5
That's one heck of an update
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 2, 2024 16:10:05 GMT -5
Hey Shammers!
Man, thank you for this update, unbelievable amount of news there, alllllll the emotions.
I'm sending so much love and best wishes to you and Ball of Confusion. You guys deserve this trip...would love to catch you both somewhere on this amazing globe at some point! I'm also geting close to upping and offing to expolre the world....but not the cold bits, theyre not for me ha haaaaa!
xoxoxo
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Post by jim44444 on Jun 4, 2024 14:45:17 GMT -5
Hey Shammers! Man, thank you for this update, unbelievable amount of news there, alllllll the emotions. I'm sending so much love and best wishes to you and Ball of Confusion. You guys deserve this trip...would love to catch you both somewhere on this amazing globe at some point! I'm also geting close to upping and offing to expolre the world....but not the cold bits, theyre not for me ha haaaaa! xoxoxo Hey no fair. You pop in after years away without an update. |
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