T-Minus

Hang in there! You are doing great!
Everything will fall into place.

T-Minus-1: Move out of house
T-Minus-11: Divorce Finalized
T-Minus-16: Move into new house

The bird has been moved to the launch pad. It is being fueled. I'm suited up. I've climbed into the capsule after doing the customary wave (just to get in on camera in case the thing explodes on the pad). I'm as prepared as I'm going to be and just wanting to get the show on the road.

Yesterday, my wife FINALLY found a job. It is a full time book keeping position. The hours are very reasonable. 9 to 4. Considered full time even though less than 40 hours, and the salary is being paid on 40 hours. It is about 30 minutes to/from the house which is very reasonable in Houston. I have no idea what the pay is. I'm kind of guessing crap since flexibility in hours and location are her primary consideration, but with an extra $22,500 coming in from me in child support, she should be OK.

My dad and I moved the last of the things that are going to his place there. I rode my motorcycle over to drop it off which was good since there has been so little time for that lately.

We loaded our marital bed into the trailer and he brought it home to deliver to my sister today sometime. Neither my wife of I wanted it, and my sister has plans to give it a good home.

I sat in the hot tub last night watching my son play with friends. He seemed to be having a blast even though tomorrow we will be moving. Granted, we are moving to my parents house which sits on 2 acres of land on a medium size lake. As far as places to hole up while our new places get ready, it ain't bad. Plus we will all still be together out there.

Everything is coming together perfect. Just as I planned.

So why, in the name of Zeus's bunghole was I absolutely depressed last night? I was not second-guessing my decision. This marriage was literally killing me. It was going to die or I would, and I choose to live.

After an hour or two, the reason became clear. It was the bed. The same bed that we shared for 19 of our 20 year marriage. The bed my son was conceived in (my daughter was hecho en Mexico). The bed with some good memories, but also almost two decades of constant rejection. That bed was no longer with us. You would think my feelings are "thank God" and celebrate. But feelings don't really work that way. Instead, its absence now reminded me of how much time I had wasted in that bed. Chasing "why". Wondering what the hell was the matter with ME that she didn't want me.  Was I completely unfuckable?  Would anyone every want me?  You guys know the drill. Many of us are still doing it.

I think that once I realized this last night I was able to let it go.  Or at least REALLY start the process for the first time.

In 24 hours, the movers come to pick up my wife's shit. I've already got almost all of my own stuff in storage.

And then we get to see how well this rocket actually flies...

Thanks, baz

There have been a few entries in this thread I was embarrassed to write (i.e. crying over a kitchen table going into storage).  But I don't think I will ever be tempted to delete this thread.  The only one that I have actually ever deleted was the letter to my wife asking for a divorce.  Upon reflection, that was something best left between her and I, and not really appropriate for public consumption.

But I do hope that maybe if people read what I'm writing here they might pick up a tidbit or two of "oh, I didn't think of that" or realize that as traumatic as this process is (and mine is pretty benign given the non contested nature), it is survivable, and hopefully, finds me in a better place in the end.

Thanks for the kind words.

T-Minus-0: Move out of house
T-Minus-10: Divorce Finalized
T-Minus-15: Move into new house

Primary engine initiation. Houston, we have liftoff!

I've been going hard for 14 hours straight and this is the first opportunity I've had to write down my thoughts. And when I say opportunity, I mean that I'm bone tired and ready for bed.

The original plan for today was that my wife would have movers who would bring mainly furniture and some other items to a climate controlled storage unit. In theory, everything else had already been moved to her non-climate controlled storage unit. Of course when I say "had already been moved" I am referring to me as the mover.

There has been a lot of water flowing down this particular duck's back.

Before the movers got here, I had the good fortune of my MIL coming by to tell me what I need to do. It's worth noting that my MIL and have always gotten along very well, but now that I'm leaving her daughter, she barely says a word to me except to make snide remarks. I totally get that, but it is also seems to be expected that I'll be doing all the same work I did when we were happily married. But I'm going to cut some slack there. If it were my daughter I'm not sure how happy I'd be at the guy divorcing her. Of course, if I knew what my MIL knows I'd put at least some of the blame at said daughter's feet. Oh, well. Quack.

So the movers came and picked up all of my wife's stuff (I pretty much moved most of my own stuff). They were fast, efficient, and friendly. They didn't do unhooks on the major appliances (washer/dryer/refrigerator), so that was apparently up to me to do. No worries. It's a wrench and a few minutes of effort. But still the assumption that I'm taking care of all this. It's a bit strange that she wants to assert her independence...when convenient. Quack.

So the movers leave and I go upstairs. Box after box of stuff. When she gets home I ask where all that is supposed to go. She says to outside storage. Why the fuck she didn't get the 3 dudes with "3 guy movers" to either move it to that storage or to at least move it downstairs, I have no idea. But again, I'm the beast of burden. I brought the boxes down and got them to storage for her. These are not MY boxes. They are HERS. And she didn't ask the movers to move them. Quack.

With my Dad's help (thank God for him), I was able to get all of the items we NEEDED to move done today. He is in his 70's, so I did most of the heavy lifting. I may have mentioned it before, but if you're going to go through a divorce, make sure you're in at least passable shape. I'm in pretty damn good shape and this kicked my ass.

So after we get everything where it needed to be my wife is passing messages of what "the plan" is for the evening through my son. That's parenting no-no in my book. If we need to coordinate, she needs to text ME, not my 13 year old son who may or may not get it right. Even if he does, I do NOT want my kids acting as an intermediary. Once the divorce is final, I'm not going to tolerate that shit. But for right now, the best outcome is that we get through this divorce process amicably. This is not worth blowing it up NOW. But after we are out, I'm going to have to train her that passing messages to each other THROUGH the kids is unacceptable. Quack.

As we get back to the house from storage, she turns and says to me "I don't really want anything else. You can have anything else you want or just trash it." What a jackass thing to say. Basically, I've got everything I want...now you clean up the rest of the mess. This is compounded by the fact she is just telling me today what she wants and what she doesn't. So all day, it's "do you want this" or "do you want that". But that is pretty much behind me now, so fuck it. Annoying as hell at first but kind of expected. Quack.

So now it's almost 10PM here. My wife, my kids, and I are staying with my parents. They have tons of room and have been very generous offering it. I will be staying until July 1 when my place is ready. My wife will be staying until the end of July. So she will be staying here even after I move out. Nice parents, right? I'm a little curious if she truly expresses thanks when she is here without me here. It doesn't matter in the end, but for now....Quack.

Tomorrow, we go back to the house and do the finishing touches. I need to seriously decompress. But there is still a lot I need to do.

For the moment, the time has come for me to give up the ghost. I'll write more when I'm rested.

More moving during the day.

Main thing of note is I took a minute to speak with my wife. I apologized for snapping at her yesterday. It was a stressful and exhausting day for both of us. She apologized for same. We are back on the same page again.

Looking back over 20 years of marriage I dint think she has ever apologized first for anything first. I really cannot think of a single example. It is always me. So I guess that's just part of our "dynamic".

It does keep the peace but the always apologizing whether right or wrong is something I will have to get a handle on.

But spending evening with my family and even taking with kids on how we want to decorate the new place.

Things are quiet for the moment.

T-Plus-2: Move out of house
T-Minus-8: Divorce Finalized
T-Minus-13: Move into new house

Tomorrow we close on our house. On the day we moved, we were kind of snappy at each other, but since then we have apologized to each other and things are back to the same "normal" that they have been since I announced I wanted a divorce. Hell, they are pretty much the same (roommates who get along) as it has been for at least the past 10 years.

I've got to say, it's a bit surreal. We are both staying at my parent's house, and my cousin, her husband and her four kids are all staying here (vacation). My sister and her two kids are coming over to stay tonight. It is going to be one FULL house and we are getting along pretty well. You would think there would be a giant elephant in the corner, but there isn't. Last night, my cousin and I were chatting maybe 15 feet from my wife discussing who was moving where and when. At this point, it's kind of gotten to be no big deal. Everything has been agreed to, and we both seem to be waiting out the 61 day clock as mandated by the state of Texas.

Today, the plan is to go back to the house. We will take separate cars, and get the remaining "stuff", give the pool a final cleaning, and give the house a final cleaning. Tomorrow morning at 8AM we close. The we both go to work (her second day on her new job) and after work return back to my parent's house. Wash, rinse, repeat for a week, then the divorce goes in effect.

Last night, the kids and I sat down near the lake and just shot the shit for a while. We talked about how we wanted to decorate the house, what our plans should be for the 4th of July (spoiler alert, we are going to blow a bunch of shit up), and how we should handle where the dog goes when it isn't "my weekend". So far....the kids are taking this pretty well. The subject is no longer taboo or even uncomfortable. That may change when the custody arrangement actually goes into effect, but if my wife and I can remain calm (and THAT is the main reason I apologized to her), the kids seem to be doing OK.

Just taking this one day at a time, but so far, things seem to be going OK.