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Post by tamara68 on May 22, 2017 9:37:31 GMT -5
thistooshallpass I am trying to remind myself that things will get better. Past few days were bad. Even though I have expected it. Today I think I can handle it. At least next few days will be sunny and I will be wearing sandals lol It's amazing the difference that a sunny day and a pair of comfortable sandals can have on a person's emotional state. Sometimes, during the winter months here, I put on a pair of shorts and sandals (not as nice as yours) so that I can feel like it's a warmer season. If my mood is low, I don't like to feel like I'm being weighed down more with heavy clothes. Of course, I have to raise the heat up in the house so I don't freeze. But it makes me feel lighter, and gives me a sense that warmer weather is just around the corner. It's a state of mind. Anyway, my point is that it's good to do whatever you can to make yourself feel better, despite the situation. The weather there is very nice now. I hope that you can go out and enjoy it. Do something that helps to put you in a good state of mind. Even the little things can make a big difference. Your situation may seem hopeless at times, but dwelling too much on what is going on (which is to be expected) won't solve this problem for you and will only create more anxiety for you. I'm sure you know that already. I'm sure you have done all that you can do in your situation. Anyway, you're going to experience your ups and downs. And that's OK. You'll have your bad days. But they will pass. Let yourself feel what you feel, but don't keep it all inside. Let those feelings out in whatever way/s that you know how to. This is a great place to do that. You have many, many friends here that care so much about you. That's more than most people have in this world. The thing is, that you're not alone. Even though I don't know you, I think about you and your situation and I genuinely care about what happens to you in your life. I am that way with people. People need people during difficult times. Just so that you know, I can understand what you're going through, since I experienced a similar situation a long time ago. Not something that I would feel comfortable writing about here on open forum. Just want you to know that I can relate to your situation. I understand how it can be so emotionally (and physically) draining to be in a situation where you feel powerless. But the fact is, that you're not as powerless as you think. People say, "Think positively" and it sounds so much easier than it really is. But the mind is more powerful than many people can imagine; and your thoughts, whether positive or negative, can have such an incredible effect on your mind, body, and spirit. And believe it or not, on the outcome of many other things in your life. I'm glad the sunny day and sandals help to make you feel better. Anything that you can do to improve your mood is a step in the right direction. I do believe that when a person puts themselves in a "positive zone", it can have the effect of bringing more positive things into their life. It sounds magical, but it's true. The same is for the reverse. Negativity creates more negativity. Anyway, I believe that you're a very good person and what is happening to you is because of someone else's negative actions. It's not your fault. I used to have a friend in school that would always say, "What goes around comes around." I truly believe that. What he is doing to you is going to come around and bite him in the ass in a very serious way. And when it does, it's going to be something that he brought upon himself. I believe that we have to pay for our misdeeds, sooner or later; in one way or another. There's no way to get around it. I believe it's what people call Karma. The truth is, that you're a good woman, very deserving of so much better. And I believe that good things will come around to you and to those you love and care so much about. Sending my positive vibes your way. They travel fast. So you should be feeling them very soon. :-) TTSP Thank you so much. I have been trying to think positive. And I too believe the same about "What goes around comes around". I have felt that very strong ever since I started getting to know people on EP first and later on this forum. As well as in real life. At times I have felt liberated and optimistic and I could see the effect on others. And I was happy to spread positive feelings. But lately I have felt depressend and it is so hard to lift myself up to a better state of mind. And even worse, I have the feeling that I am losing a friend now because at the moment I am no fun to be with and I drag a lot of misery with me. I will try to do things that make me feel good. I know it will get better, it just doesn't always feel that way. Thanks for your positive vibes ! They have arrived  And so did the positive vibes of many others here. (But why are all of you so far away?!....) |
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Post by thistooshallpass on May 22, 2017 12:43:31 GMT -5
It's amazing the difference that a sunny day and a pair of comfortable sandals can have on a person's emotional state. Sometimes, during the winter months here, I put on a pair of shorts and sandals (not as nice as yours) so that I can feel like it's a warmer season. If my mood is low, I don't like to feel like I'm being weighed down more with heavy clothes. Of course, I have to raise the heat up in the house so I don't freeze. But it makes me feel lighter, and gives me a sense that warmer weather is just around the corner. It's a state of mind. Anyway, my point is that it's good to do whatever you can to make yourself feel better, despite the situation. The weather there is very nice now. I hope that you can go out and enjoy it. Do something that helps to put you in a good state of mind. Even the little things can make a big difference. Your situation may seem hopeless at times, but dwelling too much on what is going on (which is to be expected) won't solve this problem for you and will only create more anxiety for you. I'm sure you know that already. I'm sure you have done all that you can do in your situation. Anyway, you're going to experience your ups and downs. And that's OK. You'll have your bad days. But they will pass. Let yourself feel what you feel, but don't keep it all inside. Let those feelings out in whatever way/s that you know how to. This is a great place to do that. You have many, many friends here that care so much about you. That's more than most people have in this world. The thing is, that you're not alone. Even though I don't know you, I think about you and your situation and I genuinely care about what happens to you in your life. I am that way with people. People need people during difficult times. Just so that you know, I can understand what you're going through, since I experienced a similar situation a long time ago. Not something that I would feel comfortable writing about here on open forum. Just want you to know that I can relate to your situation. I understand how it can be so emotionally (and physically) draining to be in a situation where you feel powerless. But the fact is, that you're not as powerless as you think. People say, "Think positively" and it sounds so much easier than it really is. But the mind is more powerful than many people can imagine; and your thoughts, whether positive or negative, can have such an incredible effect on your mind, body, and spirit. And believe it or not, on the outcome of many other things in your life. I'm glad the sunny day and sandals help to make you feel better. Anything that you can do to improve your mood is a step in the right direction. I do believe that when a person puts themselves in a "positive zone", it can have the effect of bringing more positive things into their life. It sounds magical, but it's true. The same is for the reverse. Negativity creates more negativity. Anyway, I believe that you're a very good person and what is happening to you is because of someone else's negative actions. It's not your fault. I used to have a friend in school that would always say, "What goes around comes around." I truly believe that. What he is doing to you is going to come around and bite him in the ass in a very serious way. And when it does, it's going to be something that he brought upon himself. I believe that we have to pay for our misdeeds, sooner or later; in one way or another. There's no way to get around it. I believe it's what people call Karma. The truth is, that you're a good woman, very deserving of so much better. And I believe that good things will come around to you and to those you love and care so much about. Sending my positive vibes your way. They travel fast. So you should be feeling them very soon. :-) TTSP Thank you so much. I have been trying to think positive. And I too believe the same about "What goes around comes around". I have felt that very strong ever since I started getting to know people on EP first and later on this forum. As well as in real life. At times I have felt liberated and optimistic and I could see the effect on others. And I was happy to spread positive feelings. But lately I have felt depressend and it is so hard to lift myself up to a better state of mind. And even worse, I have the feeling that I am losing a friend now because at the moment I am no fun to be with and I drag a lot of misery with me. I will try to do things that make me feel good. I know it will get better, it just doesn't always feel that way. Thanks for your positive vibes ! They have arrived And so did the positive vibes of many others here. (But why are all of you so far away?!....) There are times when those furthest away from you in distance are those closest to you in spirit. This is one of those times. {{{Hug}}} |
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Post by lyn on May 22, 2017 14:22:25 GMT -5
Oh tamara68 - god I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Absolutely unfair is an understatement. Your daughter will eventually see the truth about your stbx (she probably already sees it to a degree). Soon she will be an adult - more capable of expressing herself. That old saying, "what doesn't kill us makes stronger", well, if it's true then you are one tough cookie - or becoming one! Please just remind yourself that this is a temporary situation. I know that you can't get this actual time back (while your daughter is away), but, you will have many more beautiful opportunities to grow your bond and create new mother - daughter memories. It may take some time but it will happen! Enjoy the sunshine ☀️ Hugs |
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Post by tamara68 on May 22, 2017 15:34:15 GMT -5
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Post by tamara68 on May 22, 2017 15:37:15 GMT -5
Oh tamara68 - god I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Absolutely unfair is an understatement. Your daughter will eventually see the truth about your stbx (she probably already sees it to a degree). Soon she will be an adult - more capable of expressing herself. That old saying, "what doesn't kill us makes stronger", well, if it's true then you are one tough cookie - or becoming one! Please just remind yourself that this is a temporary situation. I know that you can't get this actual time back (while your daughter is away), but, you will have many more beautiful opportunities to grow your bond and create new mother - daughter memories. It may take some time but it will happen! Enjoy the sunshine ☀️ Hugs I hope it is temporary, I am so sorry I didn't manage to get out when she was a lot younger. All of her childhood is ruined. |
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Post by tamara68 on May 24, 2017 12:09:51 GMT -5
The fucking landlady still doesn't acknowledge the giving notice of the rent. stbx said in an e-mail that he gave notice, landlady knows nothing. Miserable bitch wants to claim as much money as possible.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 24, 2017 16:17:28 GMT -5
The fucking landlady still doesn't acknowledge the giving notice of the rent. stbx said in an e-mail that he gave notice, landlady knows nothing. Miserable bitch wants to claim as much money as possible. Do you have a copy of that e-mail? You will need it. Is an e-mail sufficient? Does it have to be in writing? If things where done legally, and you have proof, I would only pay what is legally owed to her. The rest is up to her to prove. |
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Post by tamara68 on May 24, 2017 16:27:40 GMT -5
The fucking landlady still doesn't acknowledge the giving notice of the rent. stbx said in an e-mail that he gave notice, landlady knows nothing. Miserable bitch wants to claim as much money as possible. Do you have a copy of that e-mail? You will need it. Is an e-mail sufficient? Does it have to be in writing? If things where done legally, and you have proof, I would only pay what is legally owed to her. The rest is up to her to prove. I have sent that e-mail to my lawyer. He contacted the landlady's lawyer. Officially the giving notice needs to be done by stbx and myself by registered letter. If they are really evil, they will hold on to that to make a claim as big as possible. I don't think I will get any benefit of not paying everything. The judge will agree with the landlady. I will speak with my lawyer as soon as possible. Again. I think it is very unfair. In Belgium the law is very much in favor of landlords/landladies. Tenants don't have many rights. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on May 24, 2017 22:10:59 GMT -5
Shit. I'm so sorry that he ran off with your daughter in tow, left the place a shambles AND is sticking you with even more fucking rent payments!
Speak to your lawyer. Yes, this may be as good of a fuck as you'll ever get from him. That rat-bastard!
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Post by McRoomMate on May 25, 2017 1:04:44 GMT -5
What a rat bastard. This is an Act of War.
I am over in Europe. Good that you called the police.
Have you had a chance to speak with your daughter?
You might think about suing him for his share of the rent?
Can you cut him off your joint bank account? Or open up a new bank account and move all money and anything else you can moved to things in your name?
In terms of managing the debt piling up - a couple of options - go for "small claims court" before Justice of the Peace or work out a payment plan for the Land lady / creditors?
My STBX has played hardball with me too and our children but it calmed down after a month and I think it will continue to calm down, but anything is possible.
Courage and Strength and you are NOT alone ! ! !
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Post by tamara68 on May 25, 2017 2:27:15 GMT -5
What a rat bastard. This is an Act of War. I am over in Europe. Good that you called the police. Have you had a chance to speak with your daughter? You might think about suing him for his share of the rent? Can you cut him off your joint bank account? Or open up a new bank account and move all money and anything else you can moved to things in your name? In terms of managing the debt piling up - a couple of options - go for "small claims court" before Justice of the Peace or work out a payment plan for the Land lady / creditors? My STBX has played hardball with me too and our children but it calmed down after a month and I think it will continue to calm down, but anything is possible. Courage and Strength and you are NOT alone ! ! ! yes. Bastard indeed! I have spoken with my daughter a week before they went away. So that was lucky that I met her just in time. She didn't feel free to speak, that was obvious. I will hold him responsible, but he has no money at all, so there is not much to be expected. It will only help to make it clear. We had 2 joint bank accounts. They aren't used anymore. One is terminated the other one is empty. So not much to gain from accounts. tenants don't have many rights here. The justice of peace will confirm that I have to pay the rent. The land lady demands even more than she is entitled to, so nothing good to expect from her. She just seems to enjoy the chance of getting some extra money. My stbx is extremely stubborn. Not likely he will cooperate with anything. I need to get it over with as quickly as possible. I don't think I can get out of paying the bills. My lawyer's bills are going to be a problem. Especially if it is going to drag along even more. |
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Post by McRoomMate on May 25, 2017 4:11:18 GMT -5
How can your STBX have custody of your daughter if he has no income?
Is there a way for you to go visit your daughter or communicate with her?
The financial quagmire sounds like it is what it is and will be expensive - maybe think of a way to mitigate this - maybe scaring your STBX in submitting and cooperating? Maybe cut a deal that his share of rent and bills can be reduced if he is nice. I am just trying to think of "bargaining chips".
The MOST IMPORTANT thing of course is minimizing all this trauma on your daughter. My gut reaction is see how you can speak or maybe even visit your daughter and at least let her know you love her and all will be OK.
Courage and Strength and . . . Clever like a Fox and Mighty like a Lioness - sounds like there is a War on and the most clever generals win wars by minimizing confrontation and getting the enemy to submit to peace with the least cost and effort.
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Post by tamara68 on May 25, 2017 4:40:57 GMT -5
He doesn't have custody. We still have custody together. In March the judge has ordered that there should be done an investigation of what is best for my daughter. But he left before that investigation even started. So I expect that it will be at the next planned court meeting in september when a decision will be made about custody. Or maybe before then something else is going to happen. I don't know. It could be possible that stbx starts something in the Netherlands. Or maybe youth care in the Netherlands is going to start some kind of procedure. I will have to wait and see. Hard to predict.
I can go visit my daughter, but if they are at home they most likely will not open the door for me. I have been at the door a few times when they were still living here, and they didn't open the door. Once I have my permanent drivers'licence, I will be able to drive to the Netherlands. At the moment I am only allowed to drive within Belgium. That will make it easier to go there. With public transport it is nearly 4 hours travel but by car only 1.5 hours.
I have sent a short e-mail to my daughter. But don't know when she will read it. They may not have internet in the house yet so they will have to go to the library for that. I will try to get contact with her, but it is very difficult. At least I have told her I love her shortly before they went away.
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Post by wewbwb on May 25, 2017 5:22:04 GMT -5
My heart goes out to you . Stay strong and wonderful . You can handle this.
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Post by tamara68 on May 25, 2017 5:56:16 GMT -5
My heart goes out to you . Stay strong and wonderful . You can handle this. Thanks wewbwb! I think I can manage, but I sure could use a hug  |
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