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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2017 15:46:18 GMT -5
tamara68 I am so sorry. But do your best not to worry, he is just digging a bigger hole for himself.
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Post by tamara68 on May 18, 2017 15:55:23 GMT -5
tamara68 I am so sorry. But do your best not to worry, he is just digging a bigger hole for himself. Thanks. You are right. But so far nobody has had good ideas to solve issues with my daughter. Everybody gets tired of stbx and leaves him alone eventually. All give up on him. |
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2017 16:00:26 GMT -5
tamara68 I am so sorry. But do your best not to worry, he is just digging a bigger hole for himself. Thanks. You are right. But so far nobody has had good ideas to solve issues with my daughter. Everybody gets tired of stbx and leaves him alone eventually. All give up on him. My guess is that eventually he will run out of money and not be able to support her. |
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Post by tamara68 on May 18, 2017 16:13:16 GMT -5
Thanks. You are right. But so far nobody has had good ideas to solve issues with my daughter. Everybody gets tired of stbx and leaves him alone eventually. All give up on him. My guess is that eventually he will run out of money and not be able to support her. He will get an allowance from the state there. It will be just about sufficient to live from. I pay a little for my daughter. Due to his low income, my daughter will be able to get several things with a discount. And for all extra costs for my daughter I will have to pay at least half of it. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 18, 2017 16:20:03 GMT -5
This is really beyond the pale tamara68. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Stay strong, it's probably going to take some time but this sort of action cannot serve him well in the long run. I think you are right. He is just sooo stupid. It could have been much better for everyone if he'd be willing to negotiate and compromise a little. He is making himself look bad constantly and he doesn't see it. This is his mental illness. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 18, 2017 16:25:29 GMT -5
I truly hope your daughter sees the truth, and soon.
I do not believe that he can keep her isolated to the point that she doesn't see that this isn't "normal"
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Post by tamara68 on May 18, 2017 16:30:14 GMT -5
I truly hope your daughter sees the truth, and soon. I do not believe that he can keep her isolated to the point that she doesn't see that this isn't "normal" She will see it isn't normal. But for the time being I think it is easiest for her to accept all his explanations. And he will try to make her belief that the three of us could have lived happily if I hadn't been such a devilish evil person. I have put them into trouble according to him. Which seems to be true if you don't look further than the surface. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 18, 2017 16:32:44 GMT -5
I truly hope your daughter sees the truth, and soon. I do not believe that he can keep her isolated to the point that she doesn't see that this isn't "normal" She will see it isn't normal. But for the time being I think it is easiest for her to accept all his explanations. And he will try to make her belief that the three of us could have lived happily if I hadn't been such a devilish evil person. I have put them into trouble according to him. Which seems to be true if you don't look further than the surface. Actually no. Even a "surface" look shows that he is "Fucked up" (that's a medical term) |
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2017 17:37:50 GMT -5
My guess is that eventually he will run out of money and not be able to support her. He will get an allowance from the state there. It will be just about sufficient to live from. I pay a little for my daughter. Due to his low income, my daughter will be able to get several things with a discount. And for all extra costs for my daughter I will have to pay at least half of it. Well, the lawyer in me wants to know how he can force you to pay anything if you are in another country. I would think that Belgium will not want to enforce judicial orders from the Netherlands if the Netherlands is ignoring the judicial orders of Belgium, specifically your right of custody or visitation with your daughter. |
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Post by JMX on May 18, 2017 21:01:57 GMT -5
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Post by baza on May 18, 2017 21:54:08 GMT -5
The great unknown in all this is your daughters frame of mind.
If she has been sufficiently brainwashed by her father, then she would not be thinking she's been kidnapped, or that his behaviour is illegal / immoral.
OTOH, she was presumably not dragged kicking and screaming over the border.
At some point, the kid may catch a clue, and that will hold the key to the resolution of this fuck up.
But it looks like (rightly or wrongly) she see's her present circumstances as either something she can't do anything about - or - something she does not want to do anything about.
Her choices at this point are awfully similar to those you faced in the midst of your ILIASM shithole with this bloke Sister tamara68
And you eventually cut the loser loose.
I would be pretty confident that your daughter will end up making the same choice you did.
But like you / me / nearly all of us in here - that will take time.
And apart from chasing the legalities up as well as you can, you can do little else but wait with your door open.
Feeling for you at this difficult time tamara.
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Post by skguy on May 18, 2017 22:28:22 GMT -5
I knew he was going to do it, and now he did it. When I came home today I found a letter from my stbx. Apparently he moved back to the Netherlands with my daughter a few days ago. Without my permission. According to him I have forced him to do it and he had no choice because I have been so cruel to him. He couldn't get welfare money in Belgium, so he had no choice but to go back to the Netherlands. The option of getting a job was not a serious option for him. He cleverly had made an appointment with the youth care lady for the day after they moved out. So she would be satisfied with a successfully made appointment and not bother him until it was too late. Since my daughter has turned 16 a few months ago, they will probably not force her to go back. I don't know what is going to happen there. Dutch authorities will be involved and they too will find themselves for a closed door. I don't know what will happen. It will definitely not be good for my daughter. I have called the social police officer who knows the situation. He is going to put things in motion. The prosecutor will probably contact Dutch authorities. He won't have given notice, so the landlord will demand as much from me as possible. I hope the apartment isn't damaged. I will need to see how stbx has left the apartment. Will be a mess most likely, for me to clean up. And also all bills are there for me. Tomorrow I need to make several calls to start solving things. I am sick of it but I hope that eventually something good will happen. I'm so sorry, Tamara. Sending positive thoughts and hoping for the best for you. |
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Post by TMD on May 18, 2017 23:47:34 GMT -5
I am so angry on your behalf right now.
He is a terrible, deplorable, rotten human being.
Your daughter is NOT a pawn in his ridiculous game. He is using her and abusing her. This is awful.
I hope your daughter sees the truth and makes choices to get herself away from him.
Sending you big hugs.
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2017 11:56:21 GMT -5
What TMD said. I am furious on behalf of you and your daughter. Your STBX always sounded mentally ill, to me. Now, in addition to that, he's a criminal. But - I believe that someday in the future, you and your daughter will be able to resolve this period in your lives. I don't know when, but I believe this. The mother-child bond is very difficult to break. |
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Post by tamara68 on May 19, 2017 14:27:52 GMT -5
He will get an allowance from the state there. It will be just about sufficient to live from. I pay a little for my daughter. Due to his low income, my daughter will be able to get several things with a discount. And for all extra costs for my daughter I will have to pay at least half of it. Well, the lawyer in me wants to know how he can force you to pay anything if you are in another country. I would think that Belgium will not want to enforce judicial orders from the Netherlands if the Netherlands is ignoring the judicial orders of Belgium, specifically your right of custody or visitation with your daughter. I have to pay all the Belgian bills since my name is on the contract and husband has no cent. Now he is in an other country, all the more reason they'd come after me. I have discussed this several times with my lawyer and he seems to see no other options. I have paid more than 1300 euro's today on several bills and next will be the rent and termination of the contract of the family home. There is no chance of getting any sympathy. The judge in Belgium hasn't given a final decision on alimony yet. Just a temporary decision and that was mild for me. stbx might be going in appeal. Since I still live in Belgium and he in the Netherlands, the divorce could be handled in either of these countries. The procedure has already started in Belgium so it can just as well continue. There is a lot of cooperation between the Netherlands and Belgium, maybe also on enforcement on judicial orders. I don't know. About custody or visitation, I don't think it will make any difference whatever a judge says, and where ever that judge is. stbx won't agree and comply and will have lots of excuses for it, and everybody who has to deal with him gets nauseous and gives up. Very convenient for anyone involved to say that my daughter is 16 so nobody is going to put a lot of effort in it because she should make up her own mind. I have no faith in anyone who is involved anymore. They make a lot of money on us but don't accomplish anything. |
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