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Post by tamara68 on May 19, 2017 14:33:54 GMT -5
What TMD said. I am furious on behalf of you and your daughter. Your STBX always sounded mentally ill, to me. Now, in addition to that, he's a criminal. But - I believe that someday in the future, you and your daughter will be able to resolve this period in your lives. I don't know when, but I believe this. The mother-child bond is very difficult to break. The police said it is not kidnapping because the judge has not given a verdict yet on custody for my daughter and I know where she lives and it is not the other end of the world (about 100 km away). I think the Belgians will be happy that all they need to do is call/write their Dutch colleagues and throw the shit over the fence. The Dutch ones will take their time and keep themselves occupied and write reports and bullshit, have meetings and eventually my daughter will be 18 and they will close the file without anything achieved. Feeling depressed and angry now. And stressed. So much to do and I am sick of it. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 19, 2017 14:36:06 GMT -5
Sounds like a really bad, corrupt system that you are a victim of (again) sorry to hear that. A shame his nauseousness gives him such power. In the USA he'd most likely be tazed and put behind bars.
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Post by wewbwb on May 19, 2017 14:36:26 GMT -5
Well, the lawyer in me wants to know how he can force you to pay anything if you are in another country. I would think that Belgium will not want to enforce judicial orders from the Netherlands if the Netherlands is ignoring the judicial orders of Belgium, specifically your right of custody or visitation with your daughter. I have to pay all the Belgian bills since my name is on the contract and husband has no cent. Now he is in an other country, all the more reason they'd come after me. I have discussed this several times with my lawyer and he seems to see no other options. I have paid more than 1300 euro's today on several bills and next will be the rent and termination of the contract of the family home. There is no chance of getting any sympathy. The judge in Belgium hasn't given a final decision on alimony yet. Just a temporary decision and that was mild for me. stbx might be going in appeal. Since I still live in Belgium and he in the Netherlands, the divorce could be handled in either of these countries. The procedure has already started in Belgium so it can just as well continue. There is a lot of cooperation between the Netherlands and Belgium, maybe also on enforcement on judicial orders. I don't know. About custody or visitation, I don't think it will make any difference whatever a judge says, and where ever that judge is. stbx won't agree and comply and will have lots of excuses for it, and everybody who has to deal with him gets nauseous and gives up. Very convenient for anyone involved to say that my daughter is 16 so nobody is going to put a lot of effort in it because she should make up her own mind. I have no faith in anyone who is involved anymore. They make a lot of money on us but don't accomplish anything. "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." Scary words indeed. I hope they do NOT let this issue go. I hope this gets resolved quickly and in your favor. Be well. |
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Post by tamara68 on May 19, 2017 14:42:37 GMT -5
Scary words indeed. I hope they do NOT let this issue go. I hope this gets resolved quickly and in your favor. Be well. They will probably follow procedures but get stuck with my non cooperative stbx. He simply won't open the door if he thinks he can get away with avoiding all unpleasant people. The only good thing is that the bills won't keep adding up any longer. Better he has left now than 3 months later. |
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Post by tamara68 on May 19, 2017 14:46:50 GMT -5
Today I have been to the empty family home. A lot of waste there and a few pieces of furniture left behind. So a lot of work to get it all cleared and cleaned. And a lot to arrange a way to get a few heavy cupboards away. is going to cost money as well.
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Post by TMD on May 19, 2017 15:12:26 GMT -5
Today I have been to the empty family home. A lot of waste there and a few pieces of furniture left behind. So a lot of work to get it all cleared and cleaned. And a lot to arrange a way to get a few heavy cupboards away. is going to cost money as well. Maybe those costs can be deducted from his alimony? |
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Post by merrygoround on May 20, 2017 0:19:24 GMT -5
Here a minor is considered under 18 and would need both parents to sign a declaration giving permission to leave the country - more so if the parents are in this position.
I'm so very sorry you are going through this Tamara.
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Post by tamara68 on May 20, 2017 15:52:00 GMT -5
Today I have been to the empty family home. A lot of waste there and a few pieces of furniture left behind. So a lot of work to get it all cleared and cleaned. And a lot to arrange a way to get a few heavy cupboards away. is going to cost money as well. Maybe those costs can be deducted from his alimony? At the moment I don't have to pay alimony anymore. But when it's time to finally divide assets (which is not a lot) than the costs I pay will be taken into account. That won't mean I will get any money back, but at least it will show that I don't owe him more money. (At least that is most likely). |
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Post by tamara68 on May 20, 2017 15:54:23 GMT -5
Here a minor is considered under 18 and would need both parents to sign a declaration giving permission to leave the country - more so if the parents are in this position. I'm so very sorry you are going through this Tamara. Here as well officially, but the borders between The Netherlands and Belgium are open. We are almost completely free to live where we want and they just don't do anything when a child is 16 years or older. |
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Post by Venus Erotes on May 20, 2017 16:16:12 GMT -5
OMG! What an ASS! So sorry he did this to you and to her. She needs her mom, whether she realizes it or not.
Shameful.
I hope he gets what he deserves. (((HUGS)))
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Post by snowman12345 on May 20, 2017 16:30:43 GMT -5
Hoping there is enough of a trail for the authorities. Your STBX may think he's clever, but this does not sound like something he has experience in. The hard part will be the worrying, and the waiting. lets look at the positives, You definitely need those right now!! YOU did all the right things. YOU followed the law. YOU have the law on your side. YOU will not be the one who will end up on the street or behind bars. You will not be paying his rent, ever again. You will no longer be married. You still have a career, a job, an income, an apartment, food and shelter, (and sexy sandals). You have a shot at re-establishing your credit. You have hope of seeing your daughter in the future and building a much better future for her. YOU have all of us here, to support you and back you! (I'm sure their are many more that others can think of) All this - and possibly a sex life too! I really hope things work out for you - NO ONE deserves to be treated like this!
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Post by nancyb on May 20, 2017 18:11:51 GMT -5
Tamara68: So sorry to hear about your ongoing problems. *hugs* Take care.
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Post by thistooshallpass on May 21, 2017 16:20:51 GMT -5
I knew he was going to do it, and now he did it. When I came home today I found a letter from my stbx. Apparently he moved back to the Netherlands with my daughter a few days ago. Without my permission. According to him I have forced him to do it and he had no choice because I have been so cruel to him. He couldn't get welfare money in Belgium, so he had no choice but to go back to the Netherlands. The option of getting a job was not a serious option for him. He cleverly had made an appointment with the youth care lady for the day after they moved out. So she would be satisfied with a successfully made appointment and not bother him until it was too late. Since my daughter has turned 16 a few months ago, they will probably not force her to go back. I don't know what is going to happen there. Dutch authorities will be involved and they too will find themselves for a closed door. I don't know what will happen. It will definitely not be good for my daughter. I have called the social police officer who knows the situation. He is going to put things in motion. The prosecutor will probably contact Dutch authorities. He won't have given notice, so the landlord will demand as much from me as possible. I hope the apartment isn't damaged. I will need to see how stbx has left the apartment. Will be a mess most likely, for me to clean up. And also all bills are there for me. Tomorrow I need to make several calls to start solving things. I am sick of it but I hope that eventually something good will happen. If I may quote you ... "If it can't get worse, it can only get better." If I may quote myself ... "This too shall pass". I just hope that things will get better sooner than later, for both you and your daughter. Please try to take care of your health as much as possible. This is a very stressful situation, to say the least, and none of us here want what's happening to impact your overall health in a negative way. Stay strong and healthy. Your daughter needs you. |
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Post by tamara68 on May 22, 2017 4:12:21 GMT -5
thistooshallpass I am trying to remind myself that things will get better. Past few days were bad. Even though I have expected it. Today I think I can handle it. At least next few days will be sunny and I will be wearing sandals lol
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Post by thistooshallpass on May 22, 2017 8:10:52 GMT -5
thistooshallpass I am trying to remind myself that things will get better. Past few days were bad. Even though I have expected it. Today I think I can handle it. At least next few days will be sunny and I will be wearing sandals lol It's amazing the difference that a sunny day and a pair of comfortable sandals can have on a person's emotional state. Sometimes, during the winter months here, I put on a pair of shorts and sandals (not as nice as yours) so that I can feel like it's a warmer season. If my mood is low, I don't like to feel like I'm being weighed down more with heavy clothes. Of course, I have to raise the heat up in the house so I don't freeze. But it makes me feel lighter, and gives me a sense that warmer weather is just around the corner. It's a state of mind. Anyway, my point is that it's good to do whatever you can to make yourself feel better, despite the situation. The weather there is very nice now. I hope that you can go out and enjoy it. Do something that helps to put you in a good state of mind. Even the little things can make a big difference. Your situation may seem hopeless at times, but dwelling too much on what is going on (which is to be expected) won't solve this problem for you and will only create more anxiety for you. I'm sure you know that already. I'm sure you have done all that you can do in your situation. Anyway, you're going to experience your ups and downs. And that's OK. You'll have your bad days. But they will pass. Let yourself feel what you feel, but don't keep it all inside. Let those feelings out in whatever way/s that you know how to. This is a great place to do that. You have many, many friends here that care so much about you. That's more than most people have in this world. The thing is, that you're not alone. Even though I don't know you, I think about you and your situation and I genuinely care about what happens to you in your life. I am that way with people. People need people during difficult times. Just so that you know, I can understand what you're going through, since I experienced a similar situation a long time ago. Not something that I would feel comfortable writing about here on open forum. Just want you to know that I can relate to your situation. I understand how it can be so emotionally (and physically) draining to be in a situation where you feel powerless. But the fact is, that you're not as powerless as you think. People say, "Think positively" and it sounds so much easier than it really is. But the mind is more powerful than many people can imagine; and your thoughts, whether positive or negative, can have such an incredible effect on your mind, body, and spirit. And believe it or not, on the outcome of many other things in your life. I'm glad the sunny day and sandals help to make you feel better. Anything that you can do to improve your mood is a step in the right direction. I do believe that when a person puts themselves in a "positive zone", it can have the effect of bringing more positive things into their life. It sounds magical, but it's true. The same is for the reverse. Negativity creates more negativity. Anyway, I believe that you're a very good person and what is happening to you is because of someone else's negative actions. It's not your fault. I used to have a friend in school that would always say, "What goes around comes around." I truly believe that. What he is doing to you is going to come around and bite him in the ass in a very serious way. And when it does, it's going to be something that he brought upon himself. I believe that we have to pay for our misdeeds, sooner or later; in one way or another. There's no way to get around it. I believe it's what people call Karma. The truth is, that you're a good woman, very deserving of so much better. And I believe that good things will come around to you and to those you love and care so much about. Sending my positive vibes your way. They travel fast. So you should be feeling them very soon. :-) TTSP |
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