fgb
Junior Member
Posts: 21 
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Post by fgb on May 1, 2017 18:06:12 GMT -5
My husband was raised Mormon - as far as I'm concerned this "religion" is a cult. The body shaming, moral strictness, ingnoring of the self and the identity and the general idea that sex is dirty and bad did a BIG number on him. My apologies if this view of the LDS church is offensive to anyone....
He stopped believing as a preteen and left the church as a young adult but I am convinced that he was already sufficiently brainwashed enough to have a really damaged, sad (and boring) view of sexuality. I am 7 years into a mostly sexless marriage. We only have sex maybe once every 6-8 weeks. He never touches me, not even cuddles an snuggles, is uncomfortable with intimacy and is incredibly closed down. I still do love him dearly - he is my best friend. However, it's all coming to a head. Has anyone else dealt with a spouse's sexually dysfunction caused by a cult or religion?
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Post by h on May 1, 2017 18:32:56 GMT -5
Honestly, I can see this being a problem for anyone raised in a religious household. I was raised in a conservative Christian home. Sex was NEVER discussed. It wasn't until I was in college that I finally got past the taboo feeling and felt comfortable talking about sex. Our church only ever had the message "don't do it" and never prepared young people for pre-marriage discussion about sex. That is part of the reason why I have a hard time being angry at my W. Religion can really mess up a person's sexuality.
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Post by cagedtiger on May 1, 2017 19:23:40 GMT -5
Honestly, I can see this being a problem for anyone raised in a religious household. I was raised in a conservative Christian home. Sex was NEVER discussed. It wasn't until I was in college that I finally got past the taboo feeling and felt comfortable talking about sex. Our church only ever had the message "don't do it" and never prepared young people for pre-marriage discussion about sex. That is part of the reason why I have a hard time being angry at my W. Religion can really mess up a person's sexuality. I'll +1 this. My wife was raised in a very conservative church (that was literally across the street from her childhood home), and in that particular denomination, sex is a very, very taboo topic of conversation. Fairly early on in our dating relationship, she expressed a good bit of shame and regret for her sexual history before we dated. Since then, she has the vast majority of the time been really uncomfortable talking about sex, if not refusing to, and got incredibly embarrassed when it came up in our couples counseling. I have no doubt her early church roots are to blame for this. |
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fgb
Junior Member
Posts: 21
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Post by fgb on May 1, 2017 19:35:31 GMT -5
Honestly, I can see this being a problem for anyone raised in a religious household. I was raised in a conservative Christian home. Sex was NEVER discussed. It wasn't until I was in college that I finally got past the taboo feeling and felt comfortable talking about sex. Our church only ever had the message "don't do it" and never prepared young people for pre-marriage discussion about sex. That is part of the reason why I have a hard time being angry at my W. Religion can really mess up a person's sexuality. I'll +1 this. My wife was raised in a very conservative church (that was literally across the street from her childhood home), and in that particular denomination, sex is a very, very taboo topic of conversation. Fairly early on in our dating relationship, she expressed a good bit of shame and regret for her sexual history before we dated. Since then, she has the vast majority of the time been really uncomfortable talking about sex, if not refusing to, and got incredibly embarrassed when it came up in our couples counseling. I have no doubt her early church roots are to blame for this. I get all of this! The LDS church does take it to a whole new level. The many rules and regulations regarding gender, power, the body, relationships, sexuality, being submissive (they call it obedience and service, I call it bullshit), are pure brainwashing techniques and function as a way to control the "flock." There is so much shame! The cult practices of a church like the Mormon church make it especially tricky and difficult to untangle. |
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Post by cagedtiger on May 1, 2017 19:43:04 GMT -5
I'll +1 this. My wife was raised in a very conservative church (that was literally across the street from her childhood home), and in that particular denomination, sex is a very, very taboo topic of conversation. Fairly early on in our dating relationship, she expressed a good bit of shame and regret for her sexual history before we dated. Since then, she has the vast majority of the time been really uncomfortable talking about sex, if not refusing to, and got incredibly embarrassed when it came up in our couples counseling. I have no doubt her early church roots are to blame for this. I get all of this! The LDS church does take it to a whole new level. The many rules and regulations regarding gender, power, the body, relationships, sexuality, being submissive (they call it obedience and service, I call it bullshit), are pure brainwashing techniques and function as a way to control the "flock." There is so much shame! The cult practices of a church like the Mormon church make it especially tricky and difficult to untangle. Years of therapy. Provided, of course, one is willing to put in all the work. |
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Post by h on May 1, 2017 20:58:05 GMT -5
I wouldn't limit it to the Mormons though. Any religious group can teach that kind of junk depending on how the leadership interprets their particular holy book. Catholics still consider birth control and (including some Protestant denominations) oral sex and masturbating a sin. Nevermind that there's a whole book of the Bible about passionate sex with even a few veiled references to oral.
No knowledge of practices in other religions but I assume there are just as many issues.
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Post by csl on May 1, 2017 21:32:42 GMT -5
I wouldn't limit it to the Mormons though. Any religious group can teach that kind of junk depending on how the leadership interprets their particular holy book. Catholics still consider birth control and (including some Protestant denominations ) oral sex and masturbating a sin. Nevermind that there's a whole book of the Bible about passionate sex with even a few veiled references to oral. No knowledge of practices in other religions but I assume there are just as many issues. Oh joy, another thread on how bad religious folk are. |
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Post by lyn on May 1, 2017 21:42:36 GMT -5
I went to Catholic school for 9 years, yes, 9 years.
We were taught sex-ed by our school Prrincipal, Sister Claude. Apparently, the educator's handbook was very short. Strict warnings of abstinence at the forefront - graphic stories of girl's becoming pregnant from sitting on a boy's lap - unless - of course one slipped a newspaper onto the boys lap before sitting. Masterbation? Your hands would surely turn black if you engaged at all.
I do remember something about "making Jesus cry" and even "going straight to hell" if pre-marital sex was entertained at all.
Nope. Not just the LDS.
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Post by cagedtiger on May 1, 2017 21:45:39 GMT -5
I went to Catholic school for 9 years, yes, 9 years. We were taught sex-ed by our school Prrincipal, Sister Claude. Apparently, the educator's handbook was very short. Strict warnings of abstinence at the forefront - graphic stories of girl's becoming pregnant from sitting on a boy's lap - unless - of course one slipped a newspaper onto the boys lap before sitting. Masterbation? Your hands would surely turn black if you engaged at all. I do remember something about "making Jesus cry" and even "going straight to hell" if pre-marital sex was entertained at all. Nope. Not just the LDS. Most of my best sex partners went to Catholic schools. I've always figured there had to be some sort of correlation there, honestly. |
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Post by lyn on May 1, 2017 21:59:21 GMT -5
I went to Catholic school for 9 years, yes, 9 years. We were taught sex-ed by our school Prrincipal, Sister Claude. Apparently, the educator's handbook was very short. Strict warnings of abstinence at the forefront - graphic stories of girl's becoming pregnant from sitting on a boy's lap - unless - of course one slipped a newspaper onto the boys lap before sitting. Masterbation? Your hands would surely turn black if you engaged at all. I do remember something about "making Jesus cry" and even "going straight to hell" if pre-marital sex was entertained at all. Nope. Not just the LDS. Most of my best sex partners went to Catholic schools. I've always figured there had to be some sort of correlation there, honestly. I really think it's as simple as the old "reverse psychology" concept. Tell anyone NOT to do something often enough (prob especially during formative years) and odds are they're going to want to do "it" more than if nobody said anything in the first place. Most people love having sex, regardless of religious proclivities. We all just got stuck with the duds in that department. 🙄 |
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Post by snowman12345 on May 1, 2017 22:01:57 GMT -5
I wouldn't limit it to the Mormons though. Any religious group can teach that kind of junk depending on how the leadership interprets their particular holy book. Catholics still consider birth control and (including some Protestant denominations ) oral sex and masturbating a sin. Nevermind that there's a whole book of the Bible about passionate sex with even a few veiled references to oral. No knowledge of practices in other religions but I assume there are just as many issues. Oh joy, another thread on how bad religious folk are. Well the Mormons do have a great choir! |
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Post by cagedtiger on May 1, 2017 22:06:48 GMT -5
Most of my best sex partners went to Catholic schools. I've always figured there had to be some sort of correlation there, honestly. I really think it's as simple as the old "reverse psychology" concept. Tell anyone NOT to do something often enough (prob especially during formative years) and odds are they're going to want to do "it" more than if nobody said anything in the first place. Most people love having sex, regardless of religious proclivities. We all just got stuck with the duds in that department. 🙄 You're right, obviously, but I think there's a bit more than that. Back in high school, we used to LOVE when we had soccer or Lacrosse matches at the Catholic school down the road. By the time we got into the parking lot, all the upperclassmen girls knew our names, our heights, our eye colors, whether or not we had a girlfriend, and what positions we played. Ah, good times...  OK, I'm good now. I'll be in my bunk... |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 1, 2017 22:17:19 GMT -5
I wouldn't limit it to the Mormons though. Any religious group can teach that kind of junk depending on how the leadership interprets their particular holy book. Catholics still consider birth control and (including some Protestant denominations ) oral sex and masturbating a sin. Nevermind that there's a whole book of the Bible about passionate sex with even a few veiled references to oral. No knowledge of practices in other religions but I assume there are just as many issues. Oh joy, another thread on how bad religious folk are. I relate to your concern. You can probably name a few "bad religious folk" you have dealt with in your time. Fortunately there are many a good, helpful, mentoring religious folk in our lives as well. Yet I think about the woman at the well, where the religious leaders were bent upon exacting punishment, while Jesus was concerned about enacting forgiveness to the woman. What I see here sets an example of how we can look at other people's mistakes and how God deals with those mistakes. Jesus did not penalize the woman. He forgave her and encouraged her to begin living a new kind of life. This is what fgb and her husband are looking for? fgb is looking for answers to help her husband ,and herself. Since I have no experience with something defined as a "cult" I will button my lip. |
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Post by csl on May 1, 2017 23:34:13 GMT -5
Oh joy, another thread on how bad religious folk are. Well the Mormons do have a great choir! Fo' sho'! I've created an MTC channel on Pandora, and when I'm by myself writing on my blogs, I have them singing around me. |
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Post by csl on May 1, 2017 23:38:13 GMT -5
Oh joy, another thread on how bad religious folk are. I relate to your concern. You can probably name a few "bad religious folk" you have dealt with in your time. Fortunately there are many a good, helpful, mentoring religious folk in our lives as well. Yet I think about the woman at the well, where the religious leaders were bent upon exacting punishment, while Jesus was concerned about enacting forgiveness to the woman. What I see here sets an example of how we can look at other people's mistakes and how God deals with those mistakes. Jesus did not penalize the woman. He forgave her and encouraged her to begin living a new kind of life. This is what fgb and her husband are looking for? fgb is looking for answers to help her husband ,and herself. Since I have no experience with something defined as a "cult" I will button my lip. You had me confused for a moment, and then I realized that you meant the woman taken in adultery (Jn.8) and not the woman at the well (Jn. 4). |
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