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Post by seabr33z3 on May 3, 2017 8:04:33 GMT -5
People saying about sex not being discussed in the home due to religious beliefs... Was sex discussed in the home 'back then' in homes without any religious affiliation? From my perspective coming from a very strict conservative ' religious ' background, it was taught that sex outside of marriage was a no no, but inside marriage was a wonderful thing( not just for procreation) Specifics of sexual acts were never discussed, but as the Bible doesn't express any acts to be wrong( homosexuality aside) Then one has to assume ( as the bible says, " all is honourable in the marriage bed". The naysayers conveniently forget about that verse AND song of Solomon. That was the point I was unsuccessfully trying to make. I (and many people I know) were raised in homes and churches where the "don't do it before marriage" was the ONLY message. There was no positive message about sex IN marriage. There was no mention of it at all in a positive way at home or from church teachings. Even in the lead up to our wedding, our pastor never said a single word about sex. It is the absence of any real positive talk about sexual​ issues that leads to the shame and avoidance. The "wonderful inside marriage" was from my mother rather than specific church teaching. I find it interesting because her upbringing was even more conservative than mine ( she tells of her own mother in labour asking " how is it going to get out?". These things just weren't talked about. Three generations ago children did not know a sibling was due until the birth. Plus from what I have observed and little things she has said, it seems like intimacy from my father was not forthcoming. I'm not sure how the church addresses these things with teens today, but if they are going to adhere to abstinence pre marriage,they should balance that with God's purpose for sex in a marriage and that is certainly not merely for pro creation. |
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Post by nolongerlonely on May 3, 2017 8:40:30 GMT -5
My wife is probably amongst the least religious people I have ever met. So I dont think religion has anything to do with it. I have never made my mind up about faith. I do like a nice gospel choir though, cant imagine how uplifting it must be going to church purely with a good sing-song at the root of it all.(I used to do that on Christmas Eve). History seems to suggest that some of the worst sexual deviants, are people of 'the cloth'.
Your husband needs to address his abusers. Whether its his family, or his faith. I suspect there must be more to it than that though. We are after all flesh and blood. If a red-blooded male fails to want sex with an attractive woman, especially if they love each other, then in my book there is something wrong with him, either mentally or physically. Please dont take offence by any of my words. I wish you all the success in the world. If he truly loves you, at your young ages, then you should be able to beat it together
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Post by seabr33z3 on May 3, 2017 10:07:05 GMT -5
History seems to suggest that some of the worst sexual deviants, are people of 'the cloth' Without wanting to minimise the abuses perpetrated and covered up by people of the cloth, I would strongly dispute this statement. |
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Post by nolongerlonely on May 3, 2017 10:14:04 GMT -5
Sorry seabr33z33, didnt mean to offend, did say that at the end of the post
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Post by seabr33z3 on May 3, 2017 10:27:54 GMT -5
Sorry seabr33z33, didnt mean to offend, did say that at the end of the post It's ok. I'm not offended. It's more about accuracy. The 'church' is guilty of vast numbers of abuses, sexual and otherwise. It's a disgrace, especially that due to inaction and cover up it was allowed to continue. What I am disputing is the " worst sexual deviants ' part. |
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Post by nolongerlonely on May 3, 2017 10:54:43 GMT -5
You're right, I should have omitted 'worst'. I knew it was a mistake to discuss religion. I'll keep off politics too
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Post by seabr33z3 on May 3, 2017 11:13:30 GMT -5
You're right, I should have omitted 'worst'. I knew it was a mistake to discuss religion. I'll keep off politics too 😂😂😂 |
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Post by h on May 3, 2017 11:39:22 GMT -5
That was the point I was unsuccessfully trying to make. I (and many people I know) were raised in homes and churches where the "don't do it before marriage" was the ONLY message. There was no positive message about sex IN marriage. There was no mention of it at all in a positive way at home or from church teachings. Even in the lead up to our wedding, our pastor never said a single word about sex. It is the absence of any real positive talk about sexual​ issues that leads to the shame and avoidance. The "wonderful inside marriage" was from my mother rather than specific church teaching. I find it interesting because her upbringing was even more conservative than mine ( she tells of her own mother in labour asking " how is it going to get out?". These things just weren't talked about. Three generations ago children did not know a sibling was due until the birth. Plus from what I have observed and little things she has said, it seems like intimacy from my father was not forthcoming. I'm not sure how the church addresses these things with teens today, but if they are going to adhere to abstinence pre marriage,they should balance that with God's purpose for sex in a marriage and that is certainly not merely for pro creation. I wish I had a family member who would have filled in the gaps like your mother did. Silence on the subject and uncomfortably changing the topic was all I got. I'm not sure how my wife's home and upbringing was. I would suspect worse since I have found myself here. |
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Post by ted on May 3, 2017 11:49:12 GMT -5
I'm not sure how the church addresses these things with teens today, but if they are going to adhere to abstinence pre marriage,they should balance that with God's purpose for sex in a marriage and that is certainly not merely for pro creation. My church (Evangelical in the US Midwest), when I was growing up 20 years ago, did a fair job of saying sex would be great in the context of marriage. Until then, it was debatable whether you should even be kissing. I recall outside views like living together to ensure compatibility being dismissed or even ridiculed as if that were just justification for pre-marital activities. What couple *wouldn't* be all over each other once God gave them the green light, right? Now, on the far side of a SM, I'm wondering what I'll teach my kids. Even if the save-sex-for-marriage morality Rightâ„¢, it didn't work out so well for me in practice. My refuser and I started dating at 15, and "saved ourselves for marriage" according to plan. What I now look back on as red flags were easily dismissed at the time---she's just waiting till we're married and I *should* be feeling this guilt about wanting more now. So I was eager to get married at 20; I was ready to get on with the real thing! Oops. That didn't happen on our wedding night, nor on the rest of our honeymoon, and the rest is history. So what my church shamed as the bad people trying to justify their sin now seems quite logical. How can you possibly commit your life to someone before you know whether you're sexually compatible? How do you avoid getting married at 20 because you're 4-years of pent up and eager to have sex with the person you love? I don't have the answers. I know many if not most of you had proven, pre-marital sexual compatibility and still ended up with a SM. I'm feeling awfully gun-shy about trusting my heart to someone again, and yet I don't want to be alone. Sometimes life just seems like a cruel trap. Thanks a lot, God. |
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Post by h on May 3, 2017 12:17:21 GMT -5
I'm not sure how the church addresses these things with teens today, but if they are going to adhere to abstinence pre marriage,they should balance that with God's purpose for sex in a marriage and that is certainly not merely for pro creation. My church (Evangelical in the US Midwest), when I was growing up 20 years ago, did a fair job of saying sex would be great in the context of marriage. Until then, it was debatable whether you should even be kissing. I recall outside views like living together to ensure compatibility being dismissed or even ridiculed as if that were just justification for pre-marital activities. What couple *wouldn't* be all over each other once God gave them the green light, right? Now, on the far side of a SM, I'm wondering what I'll teach my kids. Even if the save-sex-for-marriage morality Rightâ„¢, it didn't work out so well for me in practice. My refuser and I started dating at 15, and "saved ourselves for marriage" according to plan. What I now look back on as red flags were easily dismissed at the time---she's just waiting till we're married and I *should* be feeling this guilt about wanting more now. So I was eager to get married at 20; I was ready to get on with the real thing! Oops. That didn't happen on our wedding night, nor on the rest of our honeymoon, and the rest is history. So what my church shamed as the bad people trying to justify their sin now seems quite logical. How can you possibly commit your life to someone before you know whether you're sexually compatible? How do you avoid getting married at 20 because you're 4-years of pent up and eager to have sex with the person you love? I don't have the answers. I know many if not most of you had proven, pre-marital sexual compatibility and still ended up with a SM. I'm feeling awfully gun-shy about trusting my heart to someone again, and yet I don't want to be alone. Sometimes life just seems like a cruel trap. Thanks a lot, God. I'll second this. We waited like we were told to and I consider it the single greatest mistake of my life. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 3, 2017 12:59:45 GMT -5
Reminds of a sign I saw at my auto repair place.
"In GOD we trust--All others pay cash!"
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Post by Dan on May 3, 2017 13:27:42 GMT -5
That was the point I was unsuccessfully trying to make. I (and many people I know) were raised in homes and churches where the "don't do it before marriage" was the ONLY message. There was no positive message about sex IN marriage. There was no mention of it at all in a positive way at home or from church teachings. Even in the lead up to our wedding, our pastor never said a single word about sex. It is the absence of any real positive talk about sexual​ issues that leads to the shame and avoidance. Yup. This is my experience. Raised Roman Catholic. Was very active as a teen in the church. Bought the whole deal hook, line, and sinker. In college I converted to a different religion (in which I remain very active), but by then my Catholic upbringing was DEEPLY imprinted on me: Premarital sex: bad, bad, bad. Marital sex: the point of it is to have children. Extramarital sex: not even discussed with us as teens, but "obviously" it was bad, bad, bad, too. Let's say you are given the chance to go back in time an talk to yourself... or "go forward in time" by talking to your kids NOW. Check out this thread from a while back: What would you tell your younger self... or your kids?Sometime after I started it, I was able to say this to my 18 year old son. |
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Post by baza on May 3, 2017 22:33:52 GMT -5
Disclaimer - I ain't religious.
But on my (limited) knowledge, religion per se doesn't seem to be anti-sex to me, although there are some lamentable sects in assorted religions.
In any event, I reckon the majority if not all the membership here are of adult age and of at least average intelligence. And as such, quite capable of making up their own (adult) minds about sex. And religion for that matter.
Further, if they have been indoctrinated into something that they no longer believe in, they are quite entitled to challenge those views and form their own moral framework.
The premise in this post is that the mormons fucked this husband over in his thinking.
That may - or may not - be true, but let's assume that it IS true.
He is entitled to challenge those beliefs now, as an adult (if he wants to).
or
He is entitled to stick to what he was taught if he prefers.
But to "hide behind it" and / or "play the victim" is just bullshit.
Is there any evidence, any evidence at all, that the adult husband here has taken any steps whatsoever to deal with what he was indoctrinated into as a minor ?
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Post by novembercomingfire on May 4, 2017 7:21:11 GMT -5
Does my wife's "cult of herself" count? Cause that's her religion. If so, then yes, the consequences to me are deep and unkind.
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Post by jim44444 on Jun 5, 2017 3:05:40 GMT -5
My husband was raised Mormon - as far as I'm concerned this "religion" is a cult. The body shaming, moral strictness, ingnoring of the self and the identity and the general idea that sex is dirty and bad did a BIG number on him. My apologies if this view of the LDS church is offensive to anyone.... He stopped believing as a preteen and left the church as a young adult but I am convinced that he was already sufficiently brainwashed enough to have a really damaged, sad (and boring) view of sexuality. I am 7 years into a mostly sexless marriage. We only have sex maybe once every 6-8 weeks. He never touches me, not even cuddles an snuggles, is uncomfortable with intimacy and is incredibly closed down. I still do love him dearly - he is my best friend. However, it's all coming to a head. Has anyone else dealt with a spouse's sexually dysfunction caused by a cult or religion? I just read through this thread and it seems that the answer to fgb is - No, no one has dealt with religion caused sexual dysfunction. Many have been negatively affected by religious sexual dysfunction but have not found a way to deal with it. Not surprising though in that we cannot change our partners, they must change themselves, they must be the one's to have dealt with their demons. Yes, I did connect religions and demons. |
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