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Post by Apocrypha on Mar 29, 2017 14:23:50 GMT -5
In my post separation dating tenure, I've seen a number of women posting inexplicably bad or incoherent things on their online dating profiles, as well as a number of complaints about what men post.
Some of the most common examples:
1. "The strong women":
I'm not really sure what this is intended to mean, but the result is that I see a person who is concerned that strangers might not see her as being strong. Strong compared to what? I don't imagine a lot of guys describe themselves as "strong", in fact I don't particularly feel "strong" a lot of the time. Is it an expectation that women have of each other, to tell each other and themselves that they are strong?
Does it refer to endurance? productivity? intensity? how much they have survived and how they think of themselves for having gotten that far? how willing to take responsibility they are? how assertive they are? physical strength? how thick her skin is? Not sure really - but it's one of the most common traits I see among women defining themselves - but generally to each other, for each other.
2. "I don't need a man - my life is complete":
Not sure what the purpose of this statement is when creating a profile on a dating website, ostensibly for the purpose of finding a man - and very often specifically seeking a long term relationship with one. It is clearly establishing their ambivalence or discomfort with the emotional risk of being in a relationship.
3. Snapchat Dogfilter: How to make your selfie the equivalent of Croc shoes. Literally, depicting yourself as a dog with your tongue hanging out. It's not that clever or interesting - seems a full quarter of women do it, and it is a total turnoff.
New daters, what do you see out there that baffles you?
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 29, 2017 15:05:03 GMT -5
Baffles me that men post pics of themselves with their young children.
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Post by nancyb on Mar 29, 2017 16:45:18 GMT -5
I'm made anxious by the entire online dating thing I haven't even ventured there. I need someone else to write my profile!! Horny survivor of SM looking for stud muffin with an extraordinary sex drive. Must be employed and sentient. LOL Oh ya...with a sense of humour.
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Post by Apocrypha on Mar 29, 2017 19:29:04 GMT -5
Baffles me that men post pics of themselves with their young children. Women frequently do that as well. I assume it is to establish themselves in a context that includes their role as a parent. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 29, 2017 19:34:09 GMT -5
I don't know if I am a new dater, having more or less done some over the last 1 and 1/2 yrs. What baffles me is why so many women in their 60's post pictures of themselves at age 30 or perhaps 40. But mostly what baffles me is why a lot of women are on a dating site at all when they really have little intention of actually dating. Oh I almost forgot....women who state they "live life to the fullest". This is pretty a common statement. If they are already living life to the fullest, I don't see how there would be much room for anything else.
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Post by nancyb on Mar 29, 2017 19:38:43 GMT -5
Worksforme2: I have always thought it foolish to portray yourself to be anything other than what and who you are. My biggest fear would be meeting someone and having them ask 'where's your sister?'
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Post by nancyb on Mar 29, 2017 19:40:31 GMT -5
Or worse...where's your daughter! LOL Stupid stuff really.
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Post by JonDoe on Mar 29, 2017 23:28:42 GMT -5
I'm not there yet. A few more months before I have my freedom. The idea of dating is both exciting and intimidating after more than a quarter century with the STBX. Gotta be honest, a part of me is not looking forward to it, more specifically the potential of rejection. After so many years of rejection in a SM, not sure that I'm ready to be vulnerable just yet.
Beautiful Indian woman at a client's site who is here on H1B visa and recently divorced. We get along well when I'm in the office. I've had a few fleeting thoughts of suggesting that we marry with no strings attached so she can get her citizenship and we can rock each other's world in the bedroom. She strikes me as being submissive. Plus I love Indian food! 😂
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 29, 2017 23:35:48 GMT -5
Baffles me that men post pics of themselves with their young children. I would say it is to show themselves as normal adult males that should not give any cause for worry. A lot of the women my age on POF post shots of themselves with their grandchildren. |
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Post by baza on Mar 30, 2017 0:03:04 GMT -5
Apply big discounts to this comment as I have no direct experience in this internet hook up caper.
But it seems that people who DO use this medium to try and get a root need a translator to sort through the bullshit.
Perhaps some of these translations might help.
"Mature Gent" = dirty old bastard
"Looking to share a life" = has no money but hoping you do
"Love to travel" = bail absconder
"OK if you have Kids" = registered sex offender
"Well rounded" = morbidly obese
"Former Cheer Leader" = (well, back when Hoover was president)
"Man of leisure" = leech
"Innovative thinker" = mad as a hatter
"Loyal to a fault" = stalker
"Strong silent type" = dumb as a box of rocks
I hope this proves *helpful*
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 30, 2017 0:42:45 GMT -5
Worksforme2: I have always thought it foolish to portray yourself to be anything other than what and who you are. My biggest fear would be meeting someone and having them ask 'where's your sister?' It makes for an awkward 1st meet. When they come up to introduce themselves or speak my name and I don't recognize them because they are 30 yrs. older and 40 pounds heavier. It's a step back from where you were before meeting. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Mar 30, 2017 6:40:08 GMT -5
I believe the phrase "strong woman" evokes (or ismeant to) 2 things - no way of telling which is reality though.
1) I have actual opinions. I will not apologize for them. I have apologized my whole life for being female & having opinions & I am DONE with that crap. If you expect me to dress a certain way or act a certain way - save time & go to hell now.
2) I wish I was like number one above, so I'm going to keep repeating it until I believe it. I am codependent spineless jellyfish who will ingratiate myself in your life & then blame you for my unhappiness.
Ok - it could really mean a lot more "shades" in between those extremes. People tell me all the time how "strong" I am but I find they usually mean resilient- that despite what troubles I've had or faced, I insist on keeping my joy, sharing it too, I try my best to not hold grudges or be bitter.
I think a lot of women do find that owning their opinions results in taking crap off others. So I think MOST of the time, having this in a dating profile is a way to say "I am what I am & I won't change that"
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 30, 2017 7:19:24 GMT -5
Baffles me that men post pics of themselves with their young children. I would say it is to show themselves as normal adult males that should not give any cause for worry. A lot of the women my age on POF post shots of themselves with their grandchildren. It doesn't worry me but it baffles me just because I feel like it's a violation of the child's rights to be on an app that is not for children and anyone in the world can see them that is using the app. I'm probably just an overprotective mother. I don't mind a man that asks if I have children or how old they are or what weekends I have them. But some men have been creepy and said things like "I hope I can care about your kids and you some day" and they didn't even meet me yet. Needless to say they never did meet me. I will tell them straight up that I don't discuss my kids if they get too nosy. It's just weird. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 30, 2017 7:33:56 GMT -5
I would say it is to show themselves as normal adult males that should not give any cause for worry. A lot of the women my age on POF post shots of themselves with their grandchildren. It doesn't worry me but it baffles me just because I feel like it's a violation of the child's rights to be on an app that is not for children and anyone in the world can see them that is using the app. I'm probably just an overprotective mother. I don't mind a man that asks if I have children or how old they are or what weekends I have them. But some men have been creepy and said things like "I hope I can care about your kids and you some day" and they didn't even meet me yet. Needless to say they never did meet me. I will tell them straight up that I don't discuss my kids if they get too nosy. It's just weird. Friend, perhaps it is an issue that does need more open communication? I can see where someone could get confused in your previous statement. On one side, your an overprotective mother, who cares about the well being of children. Then on the other, I don't discuss my kids, that's too nosy. Someone could easily mis-communicate that to mean, klds are a hastle, I never wanted them, I am a terrible mother,and don't like any responsability, and I will discard you as quickly as I discard them, so lets have sex only, and fill my needs only. Fortunately many of us on here know better about you, due to more communication! All said with love and respect. |
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 30, 2017 8:22:10 GMT -5
It doesn't worry me but it baffles me just because I feel like it's a violation of the child's rights to be on an app that is not for children and anyone in the world can see them that is using the app. I'm probably just an overprotective mother. I don't mind a man that asks if I have children or how old they are or what weekends I have them. But some men have been creepy and said things like "I hope I can care about your kids and you some day" and they didn't even meet me yet. Needless to say they never did meet me. I will tell them straight up that I don't discuss my kids if they get too nosy. It's just weird. Friend, perhaps it is an issue that does need more open communication? I can see where someone could get confused in your previous statement. On one side, your an overprotective mother, who cares about the well being of children. Then on the other, I don't discuss my kids, that's too nosy. Â Someone could easily mis-communicate that to mean, klds are a hastle, I never wanted them, I am a terrible mother,and don't like any responsability, and I will discard you as quickly as I discard them, so lets have sex only, and fill my needs only. Fortunately many of us on here know better about you, due to more communication! All said with love and respect. I understand your point but I don't tell them I think they are being nosy. I just say that I don't discuss my children with strangers. That's what these men are - strangers. When we first start communicating we are strangers. We have not even met. What's the point in asking about someone's kids if you don't even know each other. It's almost like a gut feeling I get that they have a hidden agenda. Even on a first date I don't want to share much information about my kids other than ages, and schedules because the person should want to get to know about me. I had a date this past Tuesday night. We went to a nice restaurant, drank wine, had appetizers, talked for a couple of hours. He asked me out for this Friday. We talked about history, art, music, movies, our careers, traveling. Asked each other lots of questions to get to know each other better. The only question I asked him about his son was his age. |
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