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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 30, 2017 11:50:05 GMT -5
Great communication, (I bet we could talk for hours LOL!) that's a useful, helpful explanation. Many a man would think the same thing. You could get it on the table, and off the table ASAP, and on to more important things! Exactly like each other. Getting to know each other better. Cultivating the possibility for a future relationship and figuring out if the two of you are compatible. Are you concerned that being Ms. single mom, gainfully employed, full time professional, paying your own way, providing for your family, raising teens on your own, calls for too much respect? That you would come across as one of these, "I am strong, independent, don't need a man, hear me roar, feminatzi's?" That you would drive off Mr. Right? I could understand that. Being concerned. It sure is different from dating out of H.S. "Where'd you go to school at? What sport? Where do you work? Your mom's a jerk too? Wan't to see a movie? " I mean.... that about covered it!! A lot more complicated now. |
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 30, 2017 12:14:17 GMT -5
Exactly like each other. Getting to know each other better. Cultivating the possibility for a future relationship and figuring out if the two of you are compatible. Are you concerned that being Ms. single mom, gainfully employed, full time professional, paying your own way, providing for your family, raising teens on your own, calls for too much respect? That you would come across as one of these, "I am strong, independent, don't need a man, hear me roar, feminatzi's?" That you would drive off Mr. Right? I could understand that. Being concerned. It sure is different from dating out of H.S. "Where'd you go to school at? What sport? Where do you work? Your mom's a jerk too? Wan't to see a movie? " I mean.... that about covered it!! A lot more complicated now. I don't worry about coming across that way because I'm very open about what I'm looking for. I tell men I'm not looking for a hook up. I'm looking for a man that wants to do things with me inside as well as outside the bedroom. Unfortunately most men I have met only want me in the bedroom and with enough questions I can usually tell who they are. The man I went out with on Tuesday and we are going out on Friday night, we discussed what he's looking for and he said to start slow, casual but he's open to a serious relationship. I liked his answer. It's basically where I'm at too. I don't worry about coming off as a feminazi because it's totally not me and I know you know that. While all that is true that I am strong and independent, I don't describe myself that way to men or anyone. I think this summarizes my perspective - I don't need or want a man to take me out to dinner and share intimacy with, I want a man that WANTS to take me to dinner and wants and desires to be with me. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Mar 30, 2017 12:29:34 GMT -5
While all that is true that I am strong and independent, I don't describe myself that way to men or anyone. I think this summarizes my perspective - I don't need or want a man to take me out to dinner and share intimacy with, I want a man that WANTS to take me to dinner and wants and desires to be with me. Do you want to take a man you desire out to dinner? |
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 30, 2017 13:03:15 GMT -5
While all that is true that I am strong and independent, I don't describe myself that way to men or anyone. I think this summarizes my perspective - I don't need or want a man to take me out to dinner and share intimacy with, I want a man that WANTS to take me to dinner and wants and desires to be with me. Do you want to take a man you desire out to dinner? Absolutely and cook for him. I don't think I could take a man out on a first date though - that's not me. I very very rarely message a man first. By the third date I would be comfortable with taking a man out. It seems a lot of men in Florida just want hook ups though. Very few are looking for a connection. |
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 30, 2017 13:14:55 GMT -5
While all that is true that I am strong and independent, I don't describe myself that way to men or anyone. I think this summarizes my perspective - I don't need or want a man to take me out to dinner and share intimacy with, I want a man that WANTS to take me to dinner and wants and desires to be with me. Do you want to take a man you desire out to dinner? I would love to take a man here on a third date. I just haven't made it to a third date yet. www.google.com/search?q=sex+dessert+orlando&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari |
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Post by Apocrypha on Mar 30, 2017 15:21:52 GMT -5
Love it! That's not an uncommon outcome, generally for men either. Which means that, effectively, isn't it just the same as preferring that a guy assumes the brunt of the risks of rejection, the work of courtship, and financial burden, pretty much all the time? Not picking on you specifically - I find that this is the norm even in 2017, and even among die hard self-described strong and independent women. But I don't see that habit as either particularly strong or independent (though I'm sure there are other wonderful traits). |
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 30, 2017 16:56:41 GMT -5
Love it! That's not an uncommon outcome, generally for men either. Which means that, effectively, isn't it just the same as preferring that a guy assumes the brunt of the risks of rejection, the work of courtship, and financial burden, pretty much all the time? Not picking on you specifically - I find that this is the norm even in 2017, and even among die hard self-described strong and independent women. But I don't see that habit as either particularly strong or independent (though I'm sure there are other wonderful traits). I'm all about fairness and reciprocity. I think initially there is an expectation that a man pays in general. I however do not suggest meeting for dinner or even an appetizer. I don't want a man to spend his money on me unless he wants to. The date I had Tuesday, I suggested Starbucks and he countered with a very nice restaurant. That was nice and he asked me out again for Friday - said he'll surprise me with the place. I usually meet at Starbucks and I will get there early and buy my own coffee sometimes. I've met at even a bookstore with a cafe. I prefer to keep it simple the first meeting and if he wants he can ask me out. Sometimes they do sometimes they don't. I think in today's day in age a woman especially one that works should want to take a man out too. Earlier this month I went out with FWB to a Spring Training game. I bought the tickets and he bought the hotel room afterwards. That was a fun day! |
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Post by obobfla on Mar 30, 2017 18:45:51 GMT -5
Back, back, back, back....it's over the wall....Home run! Talk about a seventh inning stretch! |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2017 20:30:50 GMT -5
All the guys who wear caps in their photos. Are they worried that they look worse without one? I know some men are self-conscious if they are balding, but I find bald/balding men attractive.
Hm. Maybe I should put that in *my* dating profile.
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Post by jim44444 on Mar 31, 2017 21:08:30 GMT -5
All the guys who wear caps in their photos. Are they worried that they look worse without one? I know some men are self-conscious if they are balding, but I find bald/balding men attractive. Hm. Maybe I should put that in *my* dating profile. Oh good, there is hope for us hair challenged. |
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Post by JMX on Mar 31, 2017 21:33:59 GMT -5
I'm not there yet. A few more months before I have my freedom. The idea of dating is both exciting and intimidating after more than a quarter century with the STBX. Gotta be honest, a part of me is not looking forward to it, more specifically the potential of rejection. After so many years of rejection in a SM, not sure that I'm ready to be vulnerable just yet. Beautiful Indian woman at a client's site who is here on H1B visa and recently divorced. We get along well when I'm in the office. I've had a few fleeting thoughts of suggesting that we marry with no strings attached so she can get her citizenship and we can rock each other's world in the bedroom. She strikes me as being submissive. Plus I love Indian food! 😂 Having not read the rest of the comments, you are asking for SM #2. |
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Post by JMX on Mar 31, 2017 21:57:20 GMT -5
I believe the phrase "strong woman" evokes (or ismeant to) 2 things - no way of telling which is reality though. 1) I have actual opinions. I will not apologize for them. I have apologized my whole life for being female & having opinions & I am DONE with that crap. If you expect me to dress a certain way or act a certain way - save time & go to hell now. 2) I wish I was like number one above, so I'm going to keep repeating it until I believe it. I am codependent spineless jellyfish who will ingratiate myself in your life & then blame you for my unhappiness. Ok - it could really mean a lot more "shades" in between those extremes. People tell me all the time how "strong" I am but I find they usually mean resilient- that despite what troubles I've had or faced, I insist on keeping my joy, sharing it too, I try my best to not hold grudges or be bitter. I think a lot of women do find that owning their opinions results in taking crap off others. So I think MOST of the time, having this in a dating profile is a way to say "I am what I am & I won't change that" I disagree. I think this says: there is a reason I am single. I would bet dollars to donuts the people who admire that or call you (in general, not YOU) a "strong woman" are other females or male work colleagues that are married. It's a polite form of "you are messy" (southern slang). The first thing I think when I read that? No way! No one calls themselves strong - at least - it's those that are truly strong (and I can see right through #2) that always have something to say, apart from wisdom to impart on others about their "strength". Everyone does! I would say that actually speaking out loud that you are a "strong" woman means - you haven't had enough shit happen to you yet. At least not enough to NOT characterize yourself as a "strong woman". Were I a dude, I would stay far away. That chick has a ton of growth to do. I don't want that wake. |
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Post by JMX on Mar 31, 2017 22:26:13 GMT -5
Apocrypha and greatcoastal - women DO have to be a little more suspect of men curious about children, surely? While female pedo's exist, their numbers are far outweighed by "caught" males. I would think if you thought your ex or future ex were posting pictures of your kids Willy-Nilly, you might have a problem with it? It's not about hiding it, it's about safety.
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Post by worksforme2 on Apr 1, 2017 8:20:43 GMT -5
All the guys who wear caps in their photos. Are they worried that they look worse without one? I know some men are self-conscious if they are balding, but I find bald/balding men attractive. Hm. Maybe I should put that in *my* dating profile. Damn....now a full head of hair is working against me !! |
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Post by shamwow on Apr 2, 2017 11:26:55 GMT -5
I'm made anxious by the entire online dating thing I haven't even ventured there. I need someone else to write my profile!! Horny survivor of SM looking for stud muffin with an extraordinary sex drive. Must be employed and sentient. LOL Oh ya...with a sense of humour. Hmm.. Had me at Horny but was disqualified by that pesky sentient requirement... Oh well... |
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