Post by justjillian on Mar 25, 2017 13:39:28 GMT -5
I posted this in the introductions thread, but then I noticed moderators advising people to re-post as a new thread due to posts being buried in there. I know this is long, but this is how I ended up in a sexless marriage.
I have been married for almost 7 years, and my marriage has been sexless for about a year now. I believe it is mostly due to having children. During my 2nd pregnancy, I started suffering from pelvic organ prolapse which caused an embarrassing incontinence problem (TMI but leaking urine during intercourse, throughout the day, when coughing sneezing, etc.) as well as painful intercourse.
I talked to my doctor, didn’t get much help (he said the urine leakage would get better after delivery and to use lubrication to help the painful intercourse, not very helpful).
We stopped having intercourse entirely because I was embarrassed and he wasn’t really thrilled about the prospect of getting urinated on, and I missed the sex but I just told myself that in a couple of months I would have the baby and we’d go back to normal.
Well, the pelvic organ prolapse got worse after delivery. Much worse. Much Much Much worse. The incontinence problem got so bad that leaks and odors were becoming an issue every night and my man expressed disgust/concern that our bed would be destroyed and out of embarrassment I offered to yield my spot in the marriage bed and sleep on the floor in the baby’s room until a solution was found.
I had surgery and it improved the problem but only a little. I have tried expensive bladder drugs and they only make my problem WORSE. I limit my fluids to 1 pint per day, which helps but I still have little leaks. I have been to physical therapy and learned techniques which help to some degree, but was told point blank that SOME leaking would probably always happen with intercourse. I was also told that the pain was something I’d have to work through and frequent intercourse will help it. My husband it still grossed out by the issue and wants to wait until I am “better” to resume intercourse and me sleeping in the same bed. My healthcare professionals have pretty much stated that this is as “better” as I’m going to get, and resuming intercourse will help. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me, but I know he is just grossed out and I don’t blame him. I can’t say that if the situation was flipped I’d let him leak urine on me either. The physical therapist didn’t seem to think it was unreasonable to expect one’s partner to agree to intercourse in this situation, but, I guess most of the clients she works with are not in their early 30’s.
Anyway. I am lonely. I’m in my early 30’s and sleeping on the floor in the nursery. We have definitely drifted apart in the last year. He goes out at night after our kids go to bed, he says he’s going to the gym. I suspect he has tinder on his phone, because he knows an awful lot about how it works for someone who was married before tinder existed. He may also be paying for sex, i don’t know, but he is always very short on money. Maybe he has a girlfriend on the side. I just don’t know.
I have no friends or family where we live, My friends and family live in a different region of the country from me and I rarely see them. I feel like I’m just a repulsive unwelcome presence in his home. I have no one I can really talk to about this. All of my friends are young and healthy and would probably be freaked out if I tried to talk to them about this.
I have asked him if he wants a divorce a few times, but he gets very mad and says I better not expect him to pay child support. He also says there’s no way he’s paying for counseling. I sometimes wish I had my own apartment, my own bed, my own space, but that is not realistic financially. Being around him hurts me so much because I just feel like he doesn’t love me anymore.
Any other mums get rejected after pregnancy/childbirth due to physical changes? Did it last forever? Did he eventually accept the changes and warm up to you again? (I guess you wouldn't be HERE though, would you?) Do you find other men interested in you despite these physical issues?
I have been married for almost 7 years, and my marriage has been sexless for about a year now. I believe it is mostly due to having children. During my 2nd pregnancy, I started suffering from pelvic organ prolapse which caused an embarrassing incontinence problem (TMI but leaking urine during intercourse, throughout the day, when coughing sneezing, etc.) as well as painful intercourse.
I talked to my doctor, didn’t get much help (he said the urine leakage would get better after delivery and to use lubrication to help the painful intercourse, not very helpful).
We stopped having intercourse entirely because I was embarrassed and he wasn’t really thrilled about the prospect of getting urinated on, and I missed the sex but I just told myself that in a couple of months I would have the baby and we’d go back to normal.
Well, the pelvic organ prolapse got worse after delivery. Much worse. Much Much Much worse. The incontinence problem got so bad that leaks and odors were becoming an issue every night and my man expressed disgust/concern that our bed would be destroyed and out of embarrassment I offered to yield my spot in the marriage bed and sleep on the floor in the baby’s room until a solution was found.
I had surgery and it improved the problem but only a little. I have tried expensive bladder drugs and they only make my problem WORSE. I limit my fluids to 1 pint per day, which helps but I still have little leaks. I have been to physical therapy and learned techniques which help to some degree, but was told point blank that SOME leaking would probably always happen with intercourse. I was also told that the pain was something I’d have to work through and frequent intercourse will help it. My husband it still grossed out by the issue and wants to wait until I am “better” to resume intercourse and me sleeping in the same bed. My healthcare professionals have pretty much stated that this is as “better” as I’m going to get, and resuming intercourse will help. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me, but I know he is just grossed out and I don’t blame him. I can’t say that if the situation was flipped I’d let him leak urine on me either. The physical therapist didn’t seem to think it was unreasonable to expect one’s partner to agree to intercourse in this situation, but, I guess most of the clients she works with are not in their early 30’s.
Anyway. I am lonely. I’m in my early 30’s and sleeping on the floor in the nursery. We have definitely drifted apart in the last year. He goes out at night after our kids go to bed, he says he’s going to the gym. I suspect he has tinder on his phone, because he knows an awful lot about how it works for someone who was married before tinder existed. He may also be paying for sex, i don’t know, but he is always very short on money. Maybe he has a girlfriend on the side. I just don’t know.
I have no friends or family where we live, My friends and family live in a different region of the country from me and I rarely see them. I feel like I’m just a repulsive unwelcome presence in his home. I have no one I can really talk to about this. All of my friends are young and healthy and would probably be freaked out if I tried to talk to them about this.
I have asked him if he wants a divorce a few times, but he gets very mad and says I better not expect him to pay child support. He also says there’s no way he’s paying for counseling. I sometimes wish I had my own apartment, my own bed, my own space, but that is not realistic financially. Being around him hurts me so much because I just feel like he doesn’t love me anymore.
Any other mums get rejected after pregnancy/childbirth due to physical changes? Did it last forever? Did he eventually accept the changes and warm up to you again? (I guess you wouldn't be HERE though, would you?) Do you find other men interested in you despite these physical issues?
much love your way, mommy life is hard when you don't feel like a woman.