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Post by allworkandnoplay on Mar 25, 2017 18:15:32 GMT -5
I am so sorry, justjillian. Even if he is averse to sex because of your condition, it is unconscionable that he would treat you the way he does in everything else. I seem to recall something about "In sickness and in health" in our wedding vows. He should be the one insisting you get further medical opinions, doing the research himself, and boosting your self-esteem in any way he can think of. The floor of the nursery? He should never have even thought about agreeing to that. I have no words for him. Document all of this abuse for when you do consult a lawyer.
All of my best to you.
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Post by sweetplumeria on Mar 25, 2017 18:41:10 GMT -5
Gosh, 4 years is such a long time. I'm glad to hear you have others to turn to. I am really really frustrated after ONE year. The thought of going four years makes me want to cry. Probably the 5 years prior we had slowly dwindled down to 3 or 4 times a year. When i told him this he was stunned. He really thought that it hadnt been very long. After 22 years of marriage I think I want a divorce.
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justjillian
Junior Member
Mom of 2, married 7 years
Posts: 28
Age Range: 31-35
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Post by justjillian on Mar 25, 2017 18:58:52 GMT -5
I would just like to add that my sexless marriage got much worse after having my child. Between the stitches, the extended bleeding, the pelvic muscle tare and my abdominal muscles separating, things were painful, but I still wanted it. I was also told that intercourse would help, but he was not really interested. My situation did not become as severe as yours is, but I just wanted to reassure you that you are not alone much love your way, mommy life is hard when you don't feel like a woman. Also, if he is actually cheating on you, is that something you are okay with? Have you talked about an open marriage or is cheating a deal breaker for you? It is typically mentioned that there are three main options (and obviously each situation has its own set of choice and limitation) Leave Stay Cheat So I think it may be time to asked yourself some hard questions to. Do you want to live like you are, or do you think he is capable of change? Would you and your children be happy in the end for being away from him? Is there any way in your life where finding an understanding partner might interest you? Also, don't let his worry of child support control your decision. A marriage is not all about him, if he is okay with going and spending money on outside cooch he can spend money on the wife he is abandoning. End rant, sorry. I can't prove he is cheating, I am just suspicious. I don't want an open marriage, I have only thought of stepping out because of rejection, and I haven't actually done any cheating. I want my own apartment because it IS somewhat demoralizing to be sleeping in the baby's room. I know I would miss him if I moved out though. My overall preference would be to be with him like how we used to be. 6/7 years of our marriage were fulfilling and satisfying. I would like to make the marriage work, I mean, we have two kids and I still love him. A divorce or separation would spread us financially very thin and hurt our kids. And he says he doesn't want one. So maybe he can eventually accept this or maybe I will eventually get better? My preference would be to stay and try EVERYTHING to make it work before I leave or cheat. By everything I mean counseling, and I guess pursuing more medical solutions to my problem which seems to be the deal breaker for him. I do think this medical issue is the root of his problem, he always wanted me before. Hearing from several doctors, nurses, physical therapists that I had made as much improvement as I was going to made me feel like that was it, but I haven't even seen a continence specialist as someone on here suggested, so may that avenue needs to be explored before I give up. We had six years of happy marriage and three years of happy dating before all this. Part of me has to believe it can go back to that, though part of me is afraid this has gone on too long and our marriage isn't salvageable. I want my marriage, but I need it to go back to normal soon so I don't go crazy. Another year of this would be unbearable. And I definitely don't want to be sleeping in my daughter's room when she's in elementary school. Sounds like you had some pretty rough pregnancy/childbirth related issues yourself. I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. And I'm sorry to hear about the rejection you faced afterwards. For me the rejection has been the worst part.
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justjillian
Junior Member
Mom of 2, married 7 years
Posts: 28
Age Range: 31-35
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Post by justjillian on Mar 25, 2017 19:02:17 GMT -5
Gosh, 4 years is such a long time. I'm glad to hear you have others to turn to. I am really really frustrated after ONE year. The thought of going four years makes me want to cry. Probably the 5 years prior we had slowly dwindled down to 3 or 4 times a year. When i told him this he was stunned. He really thought that it hadnt been very long. After 22 years of marriage I think I want a divorce.
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justjillian
Junior Member
Mom of 2, married 7 years
Posts: 28
Age Range: 31-35
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Post by justjillian on Mar 25, 2017 19:03:59 GMT -5
I would certainly understand why if you did decide to go the divorce route, sweetplumeria. Nine years in all?! That is just too long to feel rejected.
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Post by shamwow on Mar 25, 2017 20:00:38 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, but know that you are among people who know what it is like to be rejected by the one you love.
Your husband sounds like such a serious asshole. It makes ME want to piss on him. Allowing you to sleep on the floor rather than researching, encouraging, and understanding?
I don't know if there is a medical solution or not, but regardless, his response is neither caring nor compassionate. He should be ashamed.
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Post by wom360 on Mar 25, 2017 20:18:21 GMT -5
Can't say that a little pee would slow me down. I've felt the flooding before and it can be highly erotic. Your husband needs to get his head on straight. Maybe watch some porn or something and grow up.
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Post by hopingforachange on Mar 25, 2017 20:26:59 GMT -5
WTF! Don't sleep on the nursery floor, kick he ass out onto the couch and take the bed. All of this is happening to your body not his. Put a waterproof mattress cover on it and sleep comfortably! The bed can be easily replaced.
I agree with trying other Drs. Or PT to see if there is a specialist that can helps.
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Post by JMX on Mar 25, 2017 21:40:06 GMT -5
Lord. This is just fucking terrible.
I have a friend that also had a prolapse. Her uterus was coming out of her vagina and had to be (please excuse the following crude explanation) "stuffed" back in to have sex. She tried using a "donut" thingy to keep it up - she and her new husband were pregnant at the time of the prolapse. She did lose the baby.
She eventually had a hysterectomy and never had a problem again. I know that's drastic, and maybe that's not a worthy "save" considering he is a bit of a dick, but maybe something to consider?
I am just so, so sad, that you are a new mother sleeping in your baby's nursery. On the floor. I am so fucking mad at him!! I am so sorry.
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justjillian
Junior Member
Mom of 2, married 7 years
Posts: 28
Age Range: 31-35
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Post by justjillian on Mar 25, 2017 22:09:59 GMT -5
Lord. This is just fucking terrible. I have a friend that also had a prolapse. Her uterus was coming out of her vagina and had to be (please excuse the following crude explanation) "stuffed" back in to have sex. She tried using a "donut" thingy to keep it up - she and her new husband were pregnant at the time of the prolapse. She did lose the baby. She eventually had a hysterectomy and never had a problem again. I know that's drastic, and maybe that's not a worthy "save" considering he is a bit of a dick, but maybe something to consider? I am just so, so sad, that you are a new mother sleeping in your baby's nursery. On the floor. I am so fucking mad at him!! I am so sorry. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's prolapse. That is just tragic about her baby. I am so grateful that my daughter made it through this unscathed. I asked about a hysterectomy but I was told that since my bladder is really the problem that wouldn't help very much. It would also induce menopause immediately, which could make my bladder prolapse worse. So, hysterectomy isn't really my solution but I'd totally consider another surgery if I thought it would work this time. I think I need to do better research, and find more helpful doctors and try to get a solution to this weather or not I end up making it work with my husband. I can't even imagine trying to explain this to a new partner when the partner who fathered my children reacted with such disgust. It is frustrating and I was ready to give up because all the doctors/nurses/therapists I've seen seem to think this can't be totally fixed. But I guess me giving up on finding a solution is as bad as him giving up on our sex life. I'm going to go the distance so that I'll know I tried everything to save my marriage. And if the marriage can't be saved at least I'll be better off without all of these issues.
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Post by JMX on Mar 25, 2017 22:16:49 GMT -5
Goodness - you have such an amazingly strong attitude about this. That sounds condescending, I am sorry if it does - but you are awesome!!! I think you will have this figured out with a second, third and fourth opinion! This WILL get fixed!!!
Sending you love from Alabama!
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justjillian
Junior Member
Mom of 2, married 7 years
Posts: 28
Age Range: 31-35
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Post by justjillian on Mar 25, 2017 22:21:58 GMT -5
Goodness - you have such an amazingly strong attitude about this. That sounds condescending, I am sorry if it does - but you are awesome!!! I think you will have this figured out with a second, third and fourth opinion! This WILL get fixed!!! Sending you love from Alabama! Thank you for your support and your kind words.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Mar 26, 2017 3:01:57 GMT -5
Me again justjillian. I think the important thing for you is to sort out this ridiculous sleeping situ and your health. Take care of you first and foremost. The relationship issue is just awful. But until you can get some sleep and be well you won't be able to think straight about the best way forward with it. One step at a time. Get in the bed. That's mission 1. Sending you loads of strength and love girlfriend xxx
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Post by snowman12345 on Mar 26, 2017 6:57:15 GMT -5
I am also a healthcare provider justjullian. You need to be seen by a continence specialist...often specially trained nurses who are very knowledgable about your issues. Oh nancyb we should study anatomy together!
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Post by nancyb on Mar 26, 2017 7:11:01 GMT -5
Hehe...the head bones connected to the boner...no wait. Your trying to fool me. I'm pretty sure that cocks don't have bones. I graduated first in my class. xo
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