|
|
Post by tamara68 on Mar 26, 2017 7:23:11 GMT -5
Lord. This is just fucking terrible. I have a friend that also had a prolapse. Her uterus was coming out of her vagina and had to be (please excuse the following crude explanation) "stuffed" back in to have sex. She tried using a "donut" thingy to keep it up - she and her new husband were pregnant at the time of the prolapse. She did lose the baby. She eventually had a hysterectomy and never had a problem again. I know that's drastic, and maybe that's not a worthy "save" considering he is a bit of a dick, but maybe something to consider? I am just so, so sad, that you are a new mother sleeping in your baby's nursery. On the floor. I am so fucking mad at him!! I am so sorry. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's prolapse. That is just tragic about her baby. I am so grateful that my daughter made it through this unscathed. I asked about a hysterectomy but I was told that since my bladder is really the problem that wouldn't help very much. It would also induce menopause immediately, which could make my bladder prolapse worse. So, hysterectomy isn't really my solution but I'd totally consider another surgery if I thought it would work this time. I think I need to do better research, and find more helpful doctors and try to get a solution to this weather or not I end up making it work with my husband. I can't even imagine trying to explain this to a new partner when the partner who fathered my children reacted with such disgust. It is frustrating and I was ready to give up because all the doctors/nurses/therapists I've seen seem to think this can't be totally fixed. But I guess me giving up on finding a solution is as bad as him giving up on our sex life. I'm going to go the distance so that I'll know I tried everything to save my marriage. And if the marriage can't be saved at least I'll be better off without all of these issues. I don't know who told you that hysterectomy induces menopause. That's only the case if the ovaries are removed as well. And usually that is not necessary at all. You really need to find specialized health care. |
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Mar 26, 2017 7:37:43 GMT -5
Me again justjillian. I think the important thing for you is to sort out this ridiculous sleeping situ and your health. Take care of you first and foremost. The relationship issue is just awful. But until you can get some sleep and be well you won't be able to think straight about the best way forward with it. One step at a time. Get in the bed. That's mission 1. Sending you loads of strength and love girlfriend xxx I've got to agree with EO on this 110 percent! I think many of us have experienced losing sleep over our situations, and for most of us we are sleeping in a bed or at the worst, on a couch. If you can't sleep you can't think. If you can't think the emotional aspect is just going to spiral out of control. Like when on an airplane and the oxygen masks fall, you are told to take care of yourself first before helping others. Solid advice for an airplane going down or a marriage going down. |
|
|
|
Post by petrushka on Mar 26, 2017 9:17:13 GMT -5
I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but (totally apart from his abysmal behaviour with kicking his wife out of the marital bed, more or less) this prize
husband merely objects to a separation/divorce because IT WOULD COST HIM MONEY.
Well, that's how I read the original post here.
He also doesn't want to pay for counseling. Mr. Scrooge McDuck. Apart from that, he does not seem to be
invested in the relationship any more at all, Jillian, that's my impression. Instead he goes out and spends his money on himself or others, who knows ...
... I know, I am not pouring oil on the waves here (and has that ever saved a ship?). I also know that I have nowhere near enough data to realistically say this or that. But, you might want to carefully think this through and make plans just in case he's simply gone some day. He seems very selfish and inconsiderate of you.
|
|
justjillian
Junior Member
Mom of 2, married 7 years
Posts: 28 
Age Range: 31-35
|
Post by justjillian on Mar 26, 2017 10:39:11 GMT -5
Me again justjillian . I think the important thing for you is to sort out this ridiculous sleeping situ and your health. Take care of you first and foremost. The relationship issue is just awful. But until you can get some sleep and be well you won't be able to think straight about the best way forward with it. One step at a time. Get in the bed. That's mission 1. Sending you loads of strength and love girlfriend xxx Yes. Finding the right healthcare for this is my renewed mission. Thanks to you and everyone else for your encouragement in that regard. I had given up. As for sleeping in the bed with him, I don't think I'm really ready for that and neither is he. Maybe me and my baby need to go get our own bed we can co-sleep in. We need to work on our relationship before I go back to the bedroom though. |
|
justjillian
Junior Member
Mom of 2, married 7 years
Posts: 28
Age Range: 31-35
|
Post by justjillian on Mar 26, 2017 10:43:31 GMT -5
I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but (totally apart from his abysmal behaviour with kicking his wife out of the marital bed, more or less) this prize husband merely objects to a separation/divorce because IT WOULD COST HIM MONEY. Well, that's how I read the original post here. He also doesn't want to pay for counseling. Mr. Scrooge McDuck. Apart from that, he does not seem to be invested in the relationship any more at all, Jillian, that's my impression. Instead he goes out and spends his money on himself or others, who knows ... ... I know, I am not pouring oil on the waves here (and has that ever saved a ship?). I also know that I have nowhere near enough data to realistically say this or that. But, you might want to carefully think this through and make plans just in case he's simply gone some day. He seems very selfish and inconsiderate of you. It's hard to think about that. You might be right, he might be done. I hope not, but if we don't get counseling, we might not be able to fix this. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2017 10:44:14 GMT -5
Sadly your medical issue are just an excuse to abuse and control you and He obvious wasn't prepared to work with you to get you through this which is sort of the number one rule in marriage "in sickness and health". This is not your fault. You need to contact your family and leave asap
|
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Mar 26, 2017 10:57:05 GMT -5
Me again justjillian . I think the important thing for you is to sort out this ridiculous sleeping situ and your health. Take care of you first and foremost. The relationship issue is just awful. But until you can get some sleep and be well you won't be able to think straight about the best way forward with it. One step at a time. Get in the bed. That's mission 1. Sending you loads of strength and love girlfriend xxx Yes. Finding the right healthcare for this is my renewed mission. Thanks to you and everyone else for your encouragement in that regard. I had given up. As for sleeping in the bed with him, I don't think I'm really ready for that and neither is he. Maybe me and my baby need to go get our own bed we can co-sleep in. We need to work on our relationship before I go back to the bedroom though. Just be aware if you go that route that situation may become permanent. I'm sure many here will back me up. If you want to work on your relationship, it is hard to do that from different room. |
|
|
|
Post by hopingforachange on Mar 26, 2017 11:27:19 GMT -5
Yes. Finding the right healthcare for this is my renewed mission. Thanks to you and everyone else for your encouragement in that regard. I had given up. As for sleeping in the bed with him, I don't think I'm really ready for that and neither is he. Maybe me and my baby need to go get our own bed we can co-sleep in. We need to work on our relationship before I go back to the bedroom though. Just be aware if you go that route that situation may become permanent. I'm sure many here will back me up. If you want to work on your relationship, it is hard to do that from different room. I agree with shamwow. It sounds like he is using the bed to control you. Aka, you can only come back when he deems you worthy. This is why you need to take back the bed to assert that you will not be pushed around or have your body shamed, that both of you are on even footing. |
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Mar 26, 2017 12:19:41 GMT -5
I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but (totally apart from his abysmal behaviour with kicking his wife out of the marital bed, more or less) this prize husband merely objects to a separation/divorce because IT WOULD COST HIM MONEY. Well, that's how I read the original post here. He also doesn't want to pay for counseling. Mr. Scrooge McDuck. Apart from that, he does not seem to be invested in the relationship any more at all, Jillian, that's my impression. Instead he goes out and spends his money on himself or others, who knows ... ... I know, I am not pouring oil on the waves here (and has that ever saved a ship?). I also know that I have nowhere near enough data to realistically say this or that. But, you might want to carefully think this through and make plans just in case he's simply gone some day. He seems very selfish and inconsiderate of you. It's hard to think about that. You might be right, he might be done. I hope not, but if we don't get counseling, we might not be able to fix this. Counseling is not the fix. It can open the opportunity to honest conversation. That takes two. Fixing" this" takes two. Fixing yourself will come easier once you see his selfish desires. Then you will gain immensely from individual counselling. That may be your best choice from the start since he is refusing to give any effort to saving the relationship. |
|
|
|
Post by lyn on Mar 26, 2017 12:22:10 GMT -5
justjillian First I just want to express to you how sorry I am that you're being treated this way by your husband. I'm just sitting here shaking my little head. Your medical condition is not WHO YOU ARE. He certainly seems to equate your worth with the viability of a leak-proof vagina. You are separate from this condition. Absolutely please continue to seek medical advice elsewhere - I would also consider picking yourself up off the floor and heading to a family member's home, with your baby(s),if you can. It might take some actual distance for you to realize just exactly how he's treating you - like a broken object. I am sorry if I sound brash - it's not my intention. Please know that i care and empathize with what you're going through. Your H just makes me so mad - absolutely unacceptable behavior - insisting you sleep outside of your bed - him heading out at all hours of the night - It's not your job to snoop - look for proof that he's engaging in illicit activities. It's your job to be loved and honoured by him- it's a two way street. It will only work if you're both on the same street, loving and honouring each other. Hugs
|
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Mar 26, 2017 13:34:32 GMT -5
lyn I think going to a relative is an outstanding idea.
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Mar 26, 2017 14:16:45 GMT -5
Not as much advice here, but encouragement! If my wife needed "special attention, extra hands on cleaning" I would be a fool not to oblidge. What an opportunity to show love. Touch, words of encouragement, gifts, and acts of service.
(Sorry if I get to graphic) I would be so turned on helping my wife as much as possible! I would have my hands all over her offering help, while helping myself! Like you mentioned, there are other "hands on" ways to continue the sex and intimacy that you can return to him.
Sadly your marriage (your Husband) has deeper, darker issues. Fortunately it's more blatant and obvious than other manipulative tactics, others endure. Some good news to it! He will receive zero sympathy for his selfish , arrogant attitude.
If you don't quit, you can't loose.
Two things happen in the storms of life:
We get bitter and run, or
We get better and get going.
|
|
|
|
Post by sweetplumeria on Mar 26, 2017 16:42:46 GMT -5
I would certainly understand why if you did decide to go the divorce route, sweetplumeria. Nine years in all?! That is just too long to feel rejected. It started when my 21 year old was born... so more than 9 years. 9 years is the trackable part. The part when I began to quit carrying the marriage. |
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Mar 26, 2017 19:27:12 GMT -5
I would certainly understand why if you did decide to go the divorce route, sweetplumeria. Nine years in all?! That is just too long to feel rejected. It started when my 21 year old was born... so more than 9 years. 9 years is the trackable part. The part when I began to quit carrying the marriage. I believe that I once read the average murderer only serves 7. I'm at almost 3 and will be out soon. |
|
|
|
Post by sweetplumeria on Mar 26, 2017 19:59:02 GMT -5
Shamwow your a riot! I must be serving life. I am trying to get out on parole but i will be dammed if i can find a good lawyer from jail.
|
|
