My wife is tracking me ....

Well maybe she should have given you sex before. Now why all the concern? Before it did not matter.

I would tell her that you're not happy about the surveillance.

Sounds like a complete control issue. You don't control your bod. You can't have sexy and you have to account for your whereabouts. If it bothers you you can jury your phone off when you leave the houseor call the phone provider and turn that feature off. Turn the phone off and buy a burner phone.

Your options:

• Confront her, tell her it is unacceptable, ask her to stop; ask her to PROVE that she has stopped; if she can't to your satisfaction, get a new Apple ID or even a new cellphone plan where she does not have this sort of access.

• Let it go on, without her knowing you know. Just be where you say you are going to be. Reserve a discussion of this for later -- when she has N months or years of "non-evidence" -- THEN confront her.

• Actively subvert it without her knowledge: find apps that let you "pretend" to be somewhere you are not (faking out your phone's "Where's My Phone" reporting). Sometimes just set it to show you are someplace you are not. Maybe you are covering your tracks (hiding where you are) or just messing with her. Maybe sometime set it to be someplace implausible: saying you are in Saskatchewan, even though she knows you are just down the street at the store.  Maybe she'll give up on this as unreliable/broken.

NOTE: be especially careful of apps that let you -- and therefore possibly someone else -- track the HISTORY of where you've been. These are devious, as she could -- in principle -- look NOW at every place you've been to in the past 24 or 48 hours. THAT is much worse than her being able to snoop "where am I now".

One more option:

• Use this as a pivot to The Talk™: "It is clear you don't really trust me if you are snooping on me.  Let's just call it like it is: we're not having sex, and I hate that.  You apparently don't trust me enough to treat me like an adult.  That adds up to 'the marriage is too broken to fix'.  Let's agree that it is time to separate."

I think refusers just want to control their spouse, mine certainly does. She isn't as tech savvy as yours, but the minute I leave the house I'm on a timer.

Good advice... but iceman hasn't said he *wants* to be anonymous.

PS: you don't have to go without a cellphone to be anonymous. You just need to have a cellphone that no one knows about...

This is classic -

It seems to me that many of our "refusers" (for lack of a batter term) are master manipulators. Just spitballing here iceman, but this certainly meets the criteria as manipulation in order to gain or keep control over the situation - but really just control over you.

After learning about so many of our refusing spouses, it's become obvious to me that there are a few basic personality traits that many of them seem to share.

-Manipulative /controlling
-Dismissive /controlling
-Withholding /controlling

The list could go on and on -

As we all know, "a sm messes with your head and gets you thinking weird shit" to paraphrase our friend Baz. This is absolutely true. Tracking (i.e. stalking) you via your cell phone is a GAME to your wife - more than likely (may be entirely subconscious game on her part - but this is exactly what it is). Much like a sociopath (which some of our refusers are), life is basically a game. They have so little depth on the inside that they tend to play mind games with people. Many times, I don't even think they realize they're playing these games - however, many times they know exactly what they're doing.

Often times, from what I understand of this dynamic - when one spouse is constantly accusing the other of cheating, lying, etc, the spouse that is doing the accusing is often guilty of the very actions the innocent and manipulated spouse is being accused of. Maybe something to confront your wife about.

The innocent party (you in this case) is forced to attempt to justify yourself, your life, where you've been, what you've been doing, etc. etc. etc. Where there is no rational reason for this bizarre conversation in the first place. Leaving the innocent feeling confused, anxious, unheard, "guilty", etc.

This behavioral dynamic feeds the psyche of the manipulative, refusing spouse. The more we play it, the more we give our energy to them and lose our own.

Maybe you are covering up somethings - if you are, it's your business. I would highly suggest deleting the "find your phone" app - just don't lose your phone. Tell her to stop trying to track you.

If it is an Apple phone, make sure you have separate Apple IDs. You can also turn off Find My Phone, although that puts you at a disadvantage should you ever have your phone lost or stolen.

I used to work Apple support, and we would get calls from parents wanting to find their children via their phone. We wouldn't do it for them, but we showed them how to use the Find My Phone option.