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Post by Lithium92 on Mar 6, 2017 15:29:37 GMT -5
Not to diagnose vicariously, but letting your extreme emotions define your reality is one of the core characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder. Just a thought.
As for the tracking - definitely fucking with head. You've earned it and the deep joy is she can't say anything about it without giving the game away, but you can watch her trying to deal with it. The best way is only to locate yourself in Saskatchewan or wherever *when you're right there with her*, so she can't interpret it as evidence you were up to anything. She'll know it's wrong, maybe even call Apple support and they'll tell her you're screwing with it but she can't call you on it. Great fun.
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 6, 2017 16:04:34 GMT -5
This is classic - Often times, from what I understand of this dynamic - when one spouse is constantly accusing the other of cheating, lying, etc, the spouse that is doing the accusing is often guilty of the very actions the innocent and manipulated spouse is being accused of. Maybe something to confront your wife about. This happened to me in my 1st marriage. Just before my 1st W decided to leave me she ask out of the blue if I was having an affair. It blew me away. Why would she ask that? After the divorce I was cleaning out old paperwork and saved tax stuff when I started looking at old phone records and credit card statements. We itemized so we saved anything that had taxes involved. Turns out she was calling motels and B&B's out of state when I was out of town. She was seeing someone else. Later my mom and sister both told me how she suddenly made the kids available for weekend sleepovers. It all made sense once I had all the info. |
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Post by wom360 on Mar 6, 2017 16:05:04 GMT -5
I've got $50 that says this is projection. Check the phone bill. And get a GPS tracker for her car. I bet you will be surprised at what you find.
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Post by baza on Mar 6, 2017 16:38:26 GMT -5
You "know" that she is tracking you.
Presumably, she does not know that you know.
That puts you in the drivers seat here.
I'd be inclined to say nothing.
Let the silly twat continue to chase shadows.
While she is occupied in this fruitless investigation, get on with what you want.
Addendum -
what she is essentially doing is "why chasing". Let her waste her time on this useless pursuit.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2017 16:39:08 GMT -5
This is great time for those magic words "if sex is so unimportant to you why are you so paranoid I might get it somewhere else" and if you are not doing anything wrong then forget about and let her track you at least she's focused on you. Don't buy into her game relax and enjoy life.
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Post by csl on Mar 6, 2017 17:19:12 GMT -5
I can relate. Once I went to get a sandwich. The place is 5 min away. Figure 5 min at least to get the sandwich so at a minimum it's a 15 min trip. It took me 20 min. There was a line. I was interrogated about the extra 5 min. I came home with the sandwich so she knows I went there. What did she think I was doing for the 'extra' 5 min? Getting a quick blowjob in the parking lot??? It was just absurd. For some reason, I think that the proper response to someone who is a Refuser should be, "None of your business. You're not my lover, so what do you care?" And of course, the response to "You're having an affair!" would be, "So? What does it matter to you?" |
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Post by Dan on Mar 6, 2017 18:01:01 GMT -5
Turning the phone off would cause problems and would just cause her to become more suspicious. There have been a few times when she's tried to call/text me and the calls/texts never showed on my phone. When I returned home she started interrogating me and I showed her that I never received the calls she started going off about how I was hiding something by turning my phone off. If I had somebody to call I'd get a burner. Advice from "Devious Dan": - Tell her you will give her full on-demand access to your phone and location.... IF she reciprocates. - When she does, PM me her number. I'll start sending salacious/suggestive texts from time to time (from a number close to you, geographically.) - Then ask to see her text messages... you will catch her "red handed" with incriminating texts on her phone! |
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Post by rejected101 on Mar 6, 2017 18:10:25 GMT -5
Isn't it simply amazing that people expend energy refusing to put out and expend further energy on fascinating over the idea that their partner is being unfaithful.
Anyway, change your apple account password and solve the surveillance issue or whack it on airplane mode and it can't be found.
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Post by shamwow on Mar 6, 2017 18:34:03 GMT -5
Maybe I'm just mentally disturbed, but I'd see this as a hell of an opportunity to have some FUN!
Establish a pattern of stopping by Goodwill, a local park, or a soup kitchen. Sit in the parking lot for an hour and read a book.
Leave your phone in HER car when you leave in the morning. Be interesting to see where SHE goes during the day.
Toss the phone deep in one of the kid's backpacks when they go to school. Let her figure THAT out.
If you have a lawyer, drop the phone off at their office for the afternoon. If she installed monitoring software on your phone without your permission? That's against the law.
If you have a sense of humor, this could provide hours of entertainment.
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Post by leifericson on Mar 6, 2017 19:14:52 GMT -5
You could just forget your phone at home everytime you go out.
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Post by iceman on Mar 6, 2017 21:47:33 GMT -5
Turning the phone off would cause problems and would just cause her to become more suspicious. There have been a few times when she's tried to call/text me and the calls/texts never showed on my phone. When I returned home she started interrogating me and I showed her that I never received the calls she started going off about how I was hiding something by turning my phone off. If I had somebody to call I'd get a burner. Advice from "Devious Dan": - Tell her you will give her full on-demand access to your phone and location.... IF she reciprocates. - When she does, PM me her number. I'll start sending salacious/suggestive texts from time to time (from a number close to you, geographically.) - Then ask to see her text messages... you will catch her "red handed" with incriminating texts on her phone! Nice idea !!!! |
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Post by randy53 on Mar 6, 2017 21:59:30 GMT -5
Your options: • Confront her, tell her it is unacceptable, ask her to stop; ask her to PROVE that she has stopped; if she can't to your satisfaction, get a new Apple ID or even a new cellphone plan where she does not have this sort of access. • Let it go on, without her knowing you know. Just be where you say you are going to be. Reserve a discussion of this for later -- when she has N months or years of "non-evidence" -- THEN confront her. • Actively subvert it without her knowledge: find apps that let you "pretend" to be somewhere you are not (faking out your phone's "Where's My Phone" reporting). Sometimes just set it to show you are someplace you are not. Maybe you are covering your tracks (hiding where you are) or just messing with her. Maybe sometime set it to be someplace implausible: saying you are in Saskatchewan, even though she knows you are just down the street at the store. Maybe she'll give up on this as unreliable/broken. NOTE: be especially careful of apps that let you -- and therefore possibly someone else -- track the HISTORY of where you've been. These are devious, as she could -- in principle -- look NOW at every place you've been to in the past 24 or 48 hours. THAT is much worse than her being able to snoop "where am I now". One more option: • Use this as a pivot to The Talk™: "It is clear you don't really trust me if you are snooping on me. Let's just call it like it is: we're not having sex, and I hate that. You apparently don't trust me enough to treat me like an adult. That adds up to 'the marriage is too broken to fix'. Let's agree that it is time to separate." I'm going to just let it lie. I don't think she knows that I know. It might be useful later. And you're right, it's a good talking point for the 'Talk'. If she has questions about where I've been I'd be happy to answer them but she won't ask. She just makes assumptions and comes up with scenarios that match her warped thoughts and down the rabbit hole she goes. I've thought about messing with her to see if I can get her to confront me openly. Maybe go see my ex and accidentally leave the phone at her place for a few hours. But as satisfying as that might be in the short term it's probably not worth the inevitable shit storm that would ensue. All refuser seem to have the same behavior, I wonder if there is a clinical name for their disorder |
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Post by seabr33z3 on Mar 7, 2017 0:02:58 GMT -5
My suggestion would be to say nothing and start ' forgetting' to bring ypur phone with you occasionally. It'll drive her nuts and you can have some smug satisfaction of one upmanship. Sorry, my passive aggressiveness getting the better of me again.
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Post by seabr33z3 on Mar 7, 2017 0:05:35 GMT -5
Here's a different take: Let it happen! If your like me, you have nothing to hide, and never will! So who comes out smelling like a dead fish? The manipulative controller! An attorney will have a field day with it. It also brings up the ugly question, "what else does she have to hide from you?" Many times what a narc. accuses you of doing, they are doing it themselves. A year ago I discovered that my W. was tracking all my phone calls and computer use, along with the children's. I got to see my daily use of both on a pie chart. This was brought up in therapy with 3 questions. Why is my name included in this? why isn't her name on there? Why is she able to see all my emails, and hers weren't on there? So, for about two months I was able to see her emails and go back about 2 yrs. I discovered "interesting advice" being given to her from her relatives. (we will leave it at that). Ironically it didn't last long. She stopped using that email and switched accounts to her work computer, so I have no access. I later went out and purchased my own computer, with my own passwords,and I carry it with me everywhere. WOW! Piecharts???!! |
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Post by McRoomMate on Mar 7, 2017 2:35:12 GMT -5
I've got $50 that says this is projection. Check the phone bill. And get a GPS tracker for her car. I bet you will be surprised at what you find. Not sure I would bet $50 but odds are wom360 being correct. Per my experience people see other people as they see themselves. I know paranoid folks who think everyone is out to get them, and yes, they are actually the ones out to get them. I see people so trusting and innocent towards others and they are the ones trusting and innocent. PROJECTION is a HIGH POSSIBILITY. I can even speak of my own experience . . . yes projection is a real thing and often (but not always) the case. |
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