|
|
Post by cagedtiger on Feb 5, 2017 23:59:56 GMT -5
(A) If that's why god put you together, she has failed terribly. (B) No dad, I don't think that's it. And I wouldn't presume to try to explain gods plan for me. I just know that god wants me to be happy & this loveless (also sexless) marriage is not what he had in mind for me. (C) Good thought dad, but here is the information you're missing <rest of what you haven't told him> (D) no god didn't put her in my life so she could isolate me from you & my family of origin & make me feel like I have to lie to cover why she hates spending time with us as a whole family I think I could keep going here. There's a lot you can say or not say to your father. I know his concern is truly for you, not wanting it to be an error in judgment, but he doesn't walk in your shoes. So he can't understand fully, completely & especially if you haven't told him most of the whole story. Hang in there, cagedtiger ! Your own spirit will thank you for it. Funny you mention these things. I sent a long email reply to my dad, basically outlining everything that I'd said to my sister, and providing I guess context that had been sorely missing based on what (I'm guessing) my wife had told my mom in their phone conversation. He emailed me back this evening, thanking me for so clearly describing my side of things, and telling me that his heart truly breaks for me, and for her, and that he's sorry for the brokenness and splintering of our marriage and relationship. So that went a bit better now, and I think he gets where I'm coming from a lot better. |
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Feb 6, 2017 9:05:28 GMT -5
I'm very glad to hear that, cagedtiger. From the outside, SMs look "not that bad" and sometimes even quite good to others. When we share what we can with the people who love us most, they usually DO understand why/how the rift has become irreconcilable. I am glad he has come to understand and now supports even though it is a sad thing. |
|
|
|
Post by cagedtiger on Feb 6, 2017 11:44:18 GMT -5
I'm very glad to hear that, cagedtiger. From the outside, SMs look "not that bad" and sometimes even quite good to others. When we share what we can with the people who love us most, they usually DO understand why/how the rift has become irreconcilable. I am glad he has come to understand and now supports even though it is a sad thing. The wife was also pretty much exactly what my parents would've chosen for me if arranged marriages were still a thing- good, sweet, churchgoing, family oriented girl who's mostly unassuming and fairly conservative in appearance and lifestyle. Somebody "grounded" to "tame" their eldest son's more "irresponsible" or "wild" impulses. Then again, I've lived on my own for a very long time, and there's a lot they really don't know about me any more, or have never really known about me. My siblings and I have talked, and this seems to be a common theme among all four of us. I've already shared this in a separate post, but I think this is worth posting again, as it illustrates the trap I fell into:  |
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Feb 6, 2017 12:28:32 GMT -5
It's really true. And it is okay to not divulge all to our parents while presenting them with the parts that fit or work for them. This is not deceit in a bad way. I get that "on the surface" she is what they would have picked. They would NOT, however, pick a girl for you who does not want you to maintain good, strong, vibrant connections to them and to your siblings. They would not pick a girl who wouldn't have grandbabies BECAUSE you have to have sex to have grandbabies. They would not have picked a tamer who would break you and make you cry yourself to sleep alone in a separate bedroom. I know this as much as I know anything about your family at all.
|
|
|
|
Post by cagedtiger on Feb 9, 2017 20:28:20 GMT -5
So, we were supposed to have our "check in" couples counseling session today (you know, the one that she barely was ok with because things couldn't get better if we didn't see each other), but she cancelled it on Monday.
And told me yesterday when I texted to ask about it.
Her reason?
"I was just so uncomfortable Sunday, and I've finally started feeling good about myself again, and I just don't want to put myself in a situation where I might not be able to keep that going."
I'd seen her in church, and sat in the same pew, though she didn't talk to me the entire time, or even look at me.
She also mentioned that my dad had emailed her the following quote:
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
- Maya Angelou
She asked if I knew what it meant, but I shrugged it off. But I think I know what he was trying to get at. Nice to know he's still "helping."
So, I'm off to the beach for the weekend with the dogs after work tomorrow. I know they've missed me almost as much as I've missed them, so that'll be a nice getaway.
|
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Feb 9, 2017 23:31:19 GMT -5
Right in the feels, cagedtiger - ENJOY your time with your dogs 🏃🏼♀️🌊 |
|
