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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 23, 2017 20:00:51 GMT -5
That should tell you something, that she wouldn't even think or try to lure you back with sex. It shows were she places sex on her list. Wow!
The same day she told me she hadn't refilled her birth control prescription that sex was off the table for her anyway, because she "didn't feel sufficiently loved." True story. When we started dating, she wouldn't have sex with me until I was ready to tell her, "I love you." Red flags to pay attention to for next time. No sex, until you basically agree to - YOU WILL GIVE ME CONTROL WHILE I GIVE NOTHING BACK.
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Post by solodriver on Jan 23, 2017 20:12:23 GMT -5
The same day she told me she hadn't refilled her birth control prescription that sex was off the table for her anyway, because she "didn't feel sufficiently loved." True story. When we started dating, she wouldn't have sex with me until I was ready to tell her, "I love you." Red flags to pay attention to for next time. Between this crowd we have a veritable flag factory! We should write a book. Well we'll certainly keep the red flag factory in business!
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Post by cagedtiger on Jan 23, 2017 20:23:07 GMT -5
Yep. At some point in the future, when you are ready Brother CT (and that time is not now probably), it would be a good idea to conduct a full autopsy on wtf happened. Like what baggage you may have had that played a role in you getting hooked up with her in the first place. Like what additional baggage the exposure to your ILIASM deal added on to your load. As you say, "next time" is critical, and at your age, a "next time" is just about a lay down certainty. Yeah, my therapist is already looking forward to starting that process. He and his first wife only were married for a very short time (college romance, married right after, then realized they weren't right for each other), so he's speaking from experience here. But yeah, we've already briefly toyed with the fact that I've got a lot of work to do on my own once this mess is well at hand.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 23, 2017 20:30:37 GMT -5
TRUE MEANINGS IN CAPITALS This isn't right. - FOR ME THIS ISN'T RIGHT You can't leave. - IT WOULD BE BEST FOR ME IF YOU STAY You have to stay here with me. - I DEMAND YOU STAY AND USUALLY YOU DO AS I SAY This isn't you. - WHERE IS THE TOOTHLESS TIGER I LIKE DOMINATING This isn't your best self - I WILL NOW USE BLACKMAIL TO TRICK YOU IN TO THINKING YOU'RE A NASTY PERSON The Tiger I know wouldn't leave." - PLEASE BE A GOOD TIGER AND STAY SO I CAN CONTINUE TO PAT YOU ON THE HEAD. You have balls of steal tiger. You now have the upper hand to go and pursue the life you want. Good for you More DARVO. This isn't right. Denial- your wrong it's not me. You can't leave- Argue (avoid) change the subject. You have to stay hear with me- Reversal- the blame will be on you. This isn't your best self- Victim- look what your doing to me ,Your not doing what I want. The tiger I know wouldn't leave. Offender- your only thinking of yourself.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 23, 2017 20:33:25 GMT -5
Yep. At some point in the future, when you are ready Brother CT (and that time is not now probably), it would be a good idea to conduct a full autopsy on wtf happened. Like what baggage you may have had that played a role in you getting hooked up with her in the first place. Like what additional baggage the exposure to your ILIASM deal added on to your load. As you say, "next time" is critical, and at your age, a "next time" is just about a lay down certainty. Yeah, my therapist is already looking forward to starting that process. He and his first wife only were married for a very short time (college romance, married right after, then realized they weren't right for each other), so he's speaking from experience here. But yeah, we've already briefly toyed with the fact that I've got a lot of work to do on my own once this mess is well at hand. Sounds like a winner! Glad you've got a man (not another woman who leans toward the feminine agenda) with life experience.
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Post by cagedtiger on Jan 23, 2017 21:17:32 GMT -5
Yeah, my therapist is already looking forward to starting that process. He and his first wife only were married for a very short time (college romance, married right after, then realized they weren't right for each other), so he's speaking from experience here. But yeah, we've already briefly toyed with the fact that I've got a lot of work to do on my own once this mess is well at hand. Sounds like a winner! Glad you've got a man (not another woman who leans toward the feminine agenda) with life experience. I honestly don't think there's any sort of "agenda" that has to do with anything when it comes to any of my counseling. I think it's the fact that my wife has been very, very good at putting on a very different face when we've been in our couples sessions, and her inability to honestly see a lot of things that she's doing or not doing. Case in point: part of the conversation Saturday: "you know, I can track all this weight gain of mine from when we started dating. I stopped running because I wanted to spend more time with you!"
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Post by baza on Jan 23, 2017 21:37:01 GMT -5
"you know, I can track all this weight gain of mine from when we started dating. I stopped running because I wanted to spend more time with you!"
Your missus has quite a comedic element to her Brother CT.
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Post by pfviento on Jan 23, 2017 23:04:36 GMT -5
It will be interesting to see how she acts once the reality sets in.
Good job on remaining firm and handling the situation assertively. It is difficult to do things that you know cause pain to another. No matter how necessary they are.
Best of luck in the process. Stay on your toes.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2017 23:15:56 GMT -5
CT, good on you for getting through it. The Talk™ can be a rough experience. But now you have done it. You've gone through it.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 24, 2017 0:40:49 GMT -5
Look out world.... there's a Tiger letting himself out of his cage. very very impressed. Stay strong Tiger.
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Post by lyn on Jan 24, 2017 2:09:43 GMT -5
Laser focus cagedtiger. You shared with us a few days ago that you were done - and were going to end this on Saturday, after your test, and YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!!! Nothing worthwhile is ever easy - just keep that laser focus and try to ignore her texts and phone calls. If she's not harassing you yet, she will be soon. Just keep that focus - try to have some damn fun in the midst of all of this if you can. You sure as hell have earned it!
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Post by misssunnybunny on Jan 24, 2017 19:37:00 GMT -5
Such a tough conversation, but you got through it! Congrats to you on that most difficult of first steps. Sending positive energy your way to stay strong as you navigate the process of leaving.
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 24, 2017 19:56:20 GMT -5
Congrats!! I'm happy for you! Everything will be better!!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2017 21:18:26 GMT -5
Go CagedTiger! Grab your happy life! So proud of everyone here who is finding some resolution.
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Post by tamara68 on Jan 27, 2017 3:38:07 GMT -5
Look out world.... there's a Tiger letting himself out of his cage. very very impressed. Stay strong Tiger. What about a change of name: 'Tiger on the loose' or so?
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