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Post by cagedtiger on Feb 3, 2017 16:56:16 GMT -5
...and email from my dad this afternoon:
"Just thinking... do you think God may have put you two together, so that he could heal you both by helping you heal each other?"
Ugh. Just, stop.
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 3, 2017 17:05:52 GMT -5
...and email from my dad this afternoon: "Just thinking... do you think God may have put you two together, so that he could heal you both by helping you heal each other?" Ugh. Just, stop. Geez! With all due respect to your dad my only response to him would be a simple "no". To you my response is the following link because if God does put people together, you and your wife have clearly tried to make it work and I just don't see that you are compatible. If God played a hand this link popped right into my head, I'm sure you've seen it before: storiesforpreaching.com/i-sent-you-a-rowboat/ |
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Post by cagedtiger on Feb 3, 2017 17:22:30 GMT -5
...and email from my dad this afternoon: "Just thinking... do you think God may have put you two together, so that he could heal you both by helping you heal each other?" Ugh. Just, stop. Geez! With all due respect to your dad my only response to him would be a simple "no". To you my response is the following link because if God does put people together, you and your wife have clearly tried to make it work and I just don't see that you are compatible. If God played a hand this link popped right into my head, I'm sure you've seen it before: storiesforpreaching.com/i-sent-you-a-rowboat/I really, really like that. Thing is, that's definitely my dad to a 'T'. Especially since my folks are still operating off whatever narrative my wife has given them. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2017 17:28:33 GMT -5
...and email from my dad this afternoon: "Just thinking... do you think God may have put you two together, so that he could heal you both by helping you heal each other?" Ugh. Just, stop. Or God is saying, "How shitty does this bitch have to treat you before you use the brain I gave you to get the hell out!!" |
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 4, 2017 1:12:52 GMT -5
Or, cagedtiger, it was so you would value your next relationship so much more, having been through this "test". bballgirl, love the rowboat story! |
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Post by shamwow on Feb 4, 2017 10:07:53 GMT -5
Unless you are an Aztec, your God most likely does not demand human sacrifice.
Perhaps you should ask Dad which god he believes in that his own son should offer himself upon the altar.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 4, 2017 10:56:25 GMT -5
If you believe in one true God, you also believe in the devil. You also believe that a loving God gives you the freedom to fail, and make choices. We all learn from our mistakes, even your dad. I would recommend you communicate your side of things, and put your whole family on notice of her manipulative, controlling, tactics. Stick with your support network.
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Post by baza on Feb 4, 2017 18:25:50 GMT -5
Reads like your missus has been angling for any cracks in the fortifications, probing for a weak spot to exploit to halt / derail the runaway train.
And came up with "Dad" as a method worth a shot.
In turn, Dads email doesn't read as making a terribly convincing case to halt / derail the train either.
Expect your missus to keep probing for a crack to worm her way in and subvert the process. Keep your distance (you are still out of the house are you ?)
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2017 19:05:25 GMT -5
CT,
Stay strong and realize that you're already free. No reason to walk back into that mess. I'm proud of you for having the courage to go through with it. My heart was breaking for you having to live with that kind of person.
Soon, you'll be dating women who are normal and caring. My only suggestion is to figure out how you got yourself into a bad marriage to begin with. Don't make the same mistake.
I'm wishing you all the best through these difficult times. Your sister sounds like a good support system and family member to talk to.
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Post by ggold on Feb 4, 2017 19:15:58 GMT -5
...and email from my dad this afternoon: "Just thinking... do you think God may have put you two together, so that he could heal you both by helping you heal each other?" Ugh. Just, stop. UGH!! My mom and I had a talk awhile back. She said she believed we should stay together for the kids, just as she did with my dad. That didn't turn out too well. My sister is divorced now (she married a sociopath) and I'm in the process. My mom knows we are in divorce mediation. She has been supportive so far (since that talk) but who knows what is going through her mind and what she's telling my sister. There was another time she said she was praying to St. Michael the Archangel to intervene! Dear Lord! Stay strong CT!! I know how hard this is. xo |
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 4, 2017 19:53:16 GMT -5
I had a long talk last night with my younger sister. We're the farthest apart in terms of age and birth order, but we've always been very close, and have similar personalities, passions, and interests. She'd gotten a brief rundown of what had happened from the point of view of my parents, based on what they'd been told by my darling wife, but I haven't told them everything, as I was really, really hoping this wouldn't turn into a he said- she said affair. However, knowing how very desperately she's wanted a sister for so long, I knew I owed her an explanation as to what's really going on. When we started talking, she told me, "please please don't leave her." An hour and a half later, after telling her about the long term lack of sex and affection, the nights crying myself to sleep, the list of excuses I'd given everybody for the last couple of years as to why my wife never came out to events, all the concerts and shows and events I'd attended alone, she told me, "...you should move back home. I could be your roommate and your wingman!" It felt good letting her know what's really going on, and she told me that I really should tell my folks the rest of my side, just so they can get a better idea of the full picture. After all, lord only knows exactly what the wife's said to them. Wow - Me too, my wife NEVER comes with me anymore - when confronted tonight she said because I am not respectful enough with her and make her feel alone. Sorry to hear "crying yourself to sleep" at night. Very good to hear you are getting the whole story to your family - they should be loyal to you no matter what. No one is perfect - I know there are a lot of fault on me in our relationship - and so does everyone else - Loyalty counts period so you won their support still good. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 4, 2017 19:56:57 GMT -5
...and email from my dad this afternoon: "Just thinking... do you think God may have put you two together, so that he could heal you both by helping you heal each other?" Ugh. Just, stop. Full support to you cagedtiger of course NO in this case - I do though believe if two people are willing to nurture, cherish, and love each other (including sex as a key part ! ! !) that of course a Loving Couple is healthy and healing but not when out of wack (controlling, manipulating, etc.). Heard it a 100 times already here - "Love" is about getting into a marriage, but "Control" is the key to getting out of one. My heart goes out to you dealing with your "supportive" family here. Loyalty should be there period - even if you might have some blame (Lord knows I got buckets of blame but at least my family supports me - just literally to be there for me). |
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Post by shamwow on Feb 4, 2017 19:59:42 GMT -5
I had a long talk last night with my younger sister. We're the farthest apart in terms of age and birth order, but we've always been very close, and have similar personalities, passions, and interests. She'd gotten a brief rundown of what had happened from the point of view of my parents, based on what they'd been told by my darling wife, but I haven't told them everything, as I was really, really hoping this wouldn't turn into a he said- she said affair. However, knowing how very desperately she's wanted a sister for so long, I knew I owed her an explanation as to what's really going on. When we started talking, she told me, "please please don't leave her." An hour and a half later, after telling her about the long term lack of sex and affection, the nights crying myself to sleep, the list of excuses I'd given everybody for the last couple of years as to why my wife never came out to events, all the concerts and shows and events I'd attended alone, she told me, "...you should move back home. I could be your roommate and your wingman!" It felt good letting her know what's really going on, and she told me that I really should tell my folks the rest of my side, just so they can get a better idea of the full picture. After all, lord only knows exactly what the wife's said to them. Wow - Me too, my wife NEVER comes with me anymore - when confronted tonight she said because I am not respectful enough with her and make her feel alone. Sorry to hear "crying yourself to sleep" at night. Very good to hear you are getting the whole story to your family - they should be loyal to you no matter what. No one is perfect - I know there are a lot of fault on me in our relationship - and so does everyone else - Loyalty counts period so you won their support still good. The trouble with it is that over the course of decades the refuser BECOMES part of the family. Parents would prefer resolution especially if they don't understand the situation. That's why sometimes parents try so hard for reconciliation even when they are clueles. That is especially true if they are religious. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 4, 2017 20:16:42 GMT -5
Just to chime in here, If my parents were still alive I would be receiving the same advice. I can't blame them. It's how they were raised and programmed. Fortunately we live in the age of communication. Divorce is as normal as not coming to a full stop at a stop sign! Send your kids to school, and more than half their class mates will be living in separate homes. Mention divorce at work and find out how many of your fellow employees have a story. As I have posted in the past, the research is there that people and kids,after a divorce,
are rebounding, learning, recovering, and society in general takes a different, more open, compassionate, understanding attitude towards a family that gets divorced.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Feb 5, 2017 23:06:13 GMT -5
(A) If that's why god put you together, she has failed terribly. (B) No dad, I don't think that's it. And I wouldn't presume to try to explain gods plan for me. I just know that god wants me to be happy & this loveless (also sexless) marriage is not what he had in mind for me. (C) Good thought dad, but here is the information you're missing <rest of what you haven't told him> (D) no god didn't put her in my life so she could isolate me from you & my family of origin & make me feel like I have to lie to cover why she hates spending time with us as a whole family I think I could keep going here. There's a lot you can say or not say to your father. I know his concern is truly for you, not wanting it to be an error in judgment, but he doesn't walk in your shoes. So he can't understand fully, completely & especially if you haven't told him most of the whole story. Hang in there, cagedtiger! Your own spirit will thank you for it. |
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