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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 27, 2017 1:42:30 GMT -5
I should have done that in November really GG but I got swept along into renewing for another year. Grr. I drove past last night when I was shopping but they were closed. I will go in though xx Too late for you, but just an idle thought... can you be forced, under legal duress, to renew the lease? Who bloody knows ha ha. I need to to stop procrastinating and get my wheels moving. Im hoping for some time alone this weekend to draft my letter. My hope is that things will go very calmly.... |
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Post by beachguy on Jan 27, 2017 2:20:35 GMT -5
Too late for you, but just an idle thought... can you be forced, under legal duress, to renew the lease? Who bloody knows ha ha. I need to to stop procrastinating and get my wheels moving. Im hoping for some time alone this weekend to draft my letter. My hope is that things will go very calmly.... In case it doesn't happen, and you're here next November, this is the convo to have with your husband: You: Well, sweetheart, I'm not going to renew the lease Him: You can't do that You: Why not? Him: I'll take you to court. That's abandonment (or whatever his argument) You: I'll explain to the judge that while theoretically I earn enough to support the lease, in practice I don't know that I can fulfill the lease obligation because my husband is constantly coercing money to buy illegal drugs from his dealer Him: (Crickets chirping) |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 27, 2017 2:46:03 GMT -5
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Post by tamara68 on Jan 27, 2017 3:01:54 GMT -5
"If" push had come to shove in my old deal and we'd ended up in front of the beak to duke it out in the courts, I would have brought to bear all the shit I had on my missus. Her mental state, the gambling, the drinking, the kleptomania, police records and all. Under such circumstances of a contested divorce I would want to put my best case forward. And whereas I wouldn't tell deliberate lies, I might not be all that forthcoming about my own role in the dynamic. I would certainly have been pushing the barrow that I was the reasonable party in the whole thing. Your spouses antics might not be terribly honourable, but they are predictable. It is in his interests to try and screw every Euro he can out of you. So you can pretty much rely on him to do whatever he can to achieve that. Hang in tamara. You have exhibited great tenacity thus far. The finishing line is near. His antics are predictable that's true. I knew something bad was going to emerge. Some of it is even worse than expected and it sounds quite convincing. I sound like a horrible person from his story. What I find most difficult is how to respond to accusations that are true. I have been very angry frequently and a few times I have lost it and crossed lines. That was after ongoing attacks and insults. I don't know if that is sufficient to say for my defense. The finish line is not near unfortunately. Coming court session will have the purpose to settle things until divorce in September. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 27, 2017 3:06:12 GMT -5
"If" push had come to shove in my old deal and we'd ended up in front of the beak to duke it out in the courts, I would have brought to bear all the shit I had on my missus. Her mental state, the gambling, the drinking, the kleptomania, police records and all. Under such circumstances of a contested divorce I would want to put my best case forward. And whereas I wouldn't tell deliberate lies, I might not be all that forthcoming about my own role in the dynamic. I would certainly have been pushing the barrow that I was the reasonable party in the whole thing. Your spouses antics might not be terribly honourable, but they are predictable. It is in his interests to try and screw every Euro he can out of you. So you can pretty much rely on him to do whatever he can to achieve that. Hang in tamara. You have exhibited great tenacity thus far. The finishing line is near. His antics are predictable that's true. I knew something bad was going to emerge. Some of it is even worse than expected and it sounds quite convincing. I sound like a horrible person from his story. What I find most difficult is how to respond to accusations that are true. I have been very angry frequently and a few times I have lost it and crossed lines. That was after ongoing attacks and insults. I don't know if that is sufficient to say for my defense. The finish line is not near unfortunately. Coming court session will have the purpose to settle things until divorce in September. Tamara. You know he is doing his specifically to upset you and to get that reaction. Let him play his games. Stand back, breathe, and let the lawyers do their stuff. It's comical really. You know how pathetic he is. He's only trying to get to YOU. Do not let him. You are a better person. Stronger than you know. Love to you xxxxx |
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Post by tamara68 on Jan 27, 2017 3:33:54 GMT -5
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jan 27, 2017 10:15:37 GMT -5
tamara68 - the assertion that you make more than you do and any assertion over how "large" your inheritance was are easy to disprove with financial documents. This means any judge looking at his statements will know that at least the two "most easy to get accurate" ones are being exaggerated. This casts doubt on the accuracy of ALL other statements. Amazing - simply amazing - that he would bother to deny the sexlessness. NO woman (or man) would make this up. That too casts doubt on his statements in total. You may have lost temper sometimes - yes, okay, even crossed a line a few times as you point out - your willingness to own up to the parts that are correct speak of YOUR character. I feel like some anger management issues in response to emotional abuse is perfectly acceptable (and even explainable). Please don't let this bastard get you down. Stay resilient!
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Post by tamara68 on Jan 27, 2017 16:19:26 GMT -5
GeekGoddess I think you are right about the statements being not accurate cousing doubt on accuracy on other statements. I hope so at least. about the sexlessness, after a second reading I think he didn't deny the sexlessness but he denied that he is the one withholding sex. Wouldn't surprise me if he is going to turn that around too and point me out as a refuser! one of endless frustrations. I have been looking on sites about DARVO, because that twisting Victim/Offender is exactly what he does. I thought that could come in handy for court. But when I read descriptions, It could just as easily be said about me. I find that confusing. That statement written by the lawyer of my psycho stbx is causing a renewed fog. I hate it. It says I appear so kind but for real I am so mean and making my poor abandoned victim husband look bad. I am trying to shake it off, I hope they will understand that I am still the most normal one and the only one who wants a normal life for my daughter.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 27, 2017 19:40:32 GMT -5
Please don't fall for that manipulative spin. It's all about control.Labeling you" mean" is manipulating the fact that you set boundaries. Boundaries built on morals ,principles, and fairness. Do not let the fact that you had to do all the tough love for the both of you, fool you into thinking you were mean. It's love.
Love involves sacrifice. You sacrificed by setting boundaries where they were needed. He took the cowards approach, the path of no resistance. Hard work, choices that don't make you Miss popularity, are difficult but give the best rewards, in time.
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Post by tamara68 on Jan 28, 2017 12:33:26 GMT -5
Please don't fall for that manipulative spin. It's all about control.Labeling you" mean" is manipulating the fact that you set boundaries. Boundaries built on morals ,principles, and fairness. Do not let the fact that you had to do all the tough love for the both of you, fool you into thinking you were mean. It's love. Love involves sacrifice. You sacrificed by setting boundaries where they were needed. He took the cowards approach, the path of no resistance. Hard work, choices that don't make you Miss popularity, are difficult but give the best rewards, in time. I don't think what I did was out of love for him. I don't love him at all. I resent him but I do wish him well. I just wish I wouldn't have to have any responsibility for him anymore. He will definitely not see any sacrifice from me. on the contrary. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 28, 2017 12:41:23 GMT -5
Please don't fall for that manipulative spin. It's all about control.Labeling you" mean" is manipulating the fact that you set boundaries. Boundaries built on morals ,principles, and fairness. Do not let the fact that you had to do all the tough love for the both of you, fool you into thinking you were mean. It's love. Love involves sacrifice. You sacrificed by setting boundaries where they were needed. He took the cowards approach, the path of no resistance. Hard work, choices that don't make you Miss popularity, are difficult but give the best rewards, in time. I don't think what I did was out of love for him. I don't love him at all. I resent him but I do wish him well. I just wish I wouldn't have to have any responsibility for him anymore. He will definitely not see any sacrifice from me. on the contrary. That's a wonderful attitude! Keep up that strength as you gain ground. YOU DESERVE IT, ALWAYS HAVE! I was thinking of your past, as well. Which he will most likely try to manipulate you with. |
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Post by tamara68 on Jan 28, 2017 18:00:56 GMT -5
greatcoastal, thanks! I am sure he will continue to manipulate me.
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Post by lakeside4003 on Jan 28, 2017 19:10:24 GMT -5
u be u! stay true to your feelings
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 3, 2017 15:56:19 GMT -5
I have been feeling enormously stressed for the past few weeks. First the court meeting about the due rent and than preparing for the next court session about finances and my daughter. I have felt very bad because I feel responsible for the risk stbx is going to become homeless. And also feeling very indecisive. Nearly two weeks ago My lawyer has sent papers to court. And last friday I received the papers from stbx's lawyer. I knew something bad was going to come up but it was even worse than I expected. My lawyer told me that he and the opponent had agreed for an other round of responses. So that gave me the chance to respond to all accusations. And I have written a lot of examples on stbx's hygiene obsession. And about his antisocial behavior. I expect that the final response on that from the opponent will come early next week. I can hardly read anything from stbx anymore. Everything he writes fills me with stress, disgust and sadness.
The only advantage of his horrible writings is that I feel less guilty on doing him harm.
Next week Friday court... It is totally unpredictable what is going to be decided. Financially they demand absurd amounts. I can't imagine a judge would do what stbx wants.
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Post by wewbwb on Feb 3, 2017 16:34:10 GMT -5
 Easy to say. Difficult to live. May you live it. When you feel the fear just remember that you are an amazing, strong and wonderful woman.  |
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