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Post by lakeside4003 on Jan 13, 2017 10:39:27 GMT -5
We've had the talk many times, but only since I suggested during therapy that I thought we should consider separating, did she suggest that I should sleep in the spare room. In a strange way, it's so much more comfortable - not wondering/hoping/fantasizing if she'll decide to wake we up with a naked nuzzle (which of course, never happens). There have also been too many times when I'm so horny that I can't help myself and roll over and try to spoon and cuddle and scratch her back...She either does nothing/zip/nada, or lets me know she only wants to cuddle.
So, for me the 'banishment room' is curiously more comfortable - not dealing with quashed hopes when the proximity of an attractive woman is so close and already in bed.
BTW, our children are all grown 2 already out of the house (one son remains, but he's pretty much aware of our impending separation), so kids and space are not an issue for us.
What do others do about this? what would you prefer?
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Post by tamara68 on Jan 13, 2017 10:59:49 GMT -5
We have slept in the same bed until I moved out. I have wished for a seperate bedroom for a long time, but we simply didn't have a spare room or bed.
It feels good to sleep without him now. The whole bed is free to use, no hostility anymore when I move to the other side.
Once when I was half awake, I had the creepy feeling that he was there beside me. It took a few seconds to realize that the coast was clear. Big relieve!
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 13, 2017 11:46:23 GMT -5
Same bed. No options for my own space in our house, as it is all about the kids. I really really hate sleeping alone, but I think I would prefer it to not even being able to sleep without clothing in our "marital" room. Also, no more fists, feet in the back, extra pillow shields lest i get the wrong idea, etc.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 13, 2017 12:09:30 GMT -5
Same bed. No options for my own space in our house, as it is all about the kids. I really really hate sleeping alone, but I think I would prefer it to not even being able to sleep without clothing in our "marital" room. Also, no more fists, feet in the back, extra pillow shields lest i get the wrong idea, etc. Pillow shield? Damn. Not exactly subtle, right? My wife and I pretty much stay on opposite sides of the bed. We have a "no man's land" of about 3-4 feet between us. Occasionally one of us brushes against the other upon which we pull back to our respective lines. Fortunately, now it is an almost autonomous reaction and doesn't really disturb our sleep. As for sleeping on the couch and such. If she wants to, be my guest. I've got to get to work in the morning to pay for the bed, house, food, etc... |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 13, 2017 12:17:48 GMT -5
We sleep in the same bed too.
I lie right on the edge with my back to him these days.
Up until recently he had me cuddle into him every night to massage his "aching"thighs.
No more.
I can't stand the smell of his sweat in the night and on his pillow. That's a really bad sign for the relationship isn't it.
Deffo time to call it quits!
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 13, 2017 12:22:35 GMT -5
Same bed. No options for my own space in our house, as it is all about the kids. I really really hate sleeping alone, but I think I would prefer it to not even being able to sleep without clothing in our "marital" room. Also, no more fists, feet in the back, extra pillow shields lest i get the wrong idea, etc. My ex put a pillow between us whenever he came to sleep in the bed. One time he told me to stay on my side of the bed. I said don't worry I will. What the hell was he thinking? |
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Post by shamwow on Jan 13, 2017 12:23:23 GMT -5
I guess one other question is what size bed everyone has. I've got a king which provides plenty of "demilitarized zone" between us.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 13, 2017 12:24:10 GMT -5
Same bed. No options for my own space in our house, as it is all about the kids. I really really hate sleeping alone, but I think I would prefer it to not even being able to sleep without clothing in our "marital" room. Also, no more fists, feet in the back, extra pillow shields lest i get the wrong idea, etc. My ex put a pillow between us whenever he came to sleep in the bed. One time he told me to stay on my side of the bed. I said don't worry I will. What the hell was he thinking? I would suspect he was simply thinking about his boyfriend. That is the most likely answer given the evidence. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 13, 2017 12:26:23 GMT -5
My ex put a pillow between us whenever he came to sleep in the bed. One time he told me to stay on my side of the bed. I said don't worry I will. What the hell was he thinking? I would suspect he was simply thinking about his boyfriend. That is the most likely answer given the evidence. I'm laughing sometimes I wondered if he wasn't a closet gay. A friend from EP and I always joked about it. |
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Post by shamwow on Jan 13, 2017 12:27:41 GMT -5
We've had the talk many times, but only since I suggested during therapy that I thought we should consider separating, did she suggest that I should sleep in the spare room. In a strange way, it's so much more comfortable - not wondering/hoping/fantasizing if she'll decide to wake we up with a naked nuzzle (which of course, never happens). There have also been too many times when I'm so horny that I can't help myself and roll over and try to spoon and cuddle and scratch her back...She either does nothing/zip/nada, or lets me know she only wants to cuddle. So, for me the 'banishment room' is curiously more comfortable - not dealing with quashed hopes when the proximity of an attractive woman is so close and already in bed. BTW, our children are all grown 2 already out of the house (one son remains, but he's pretty much aware of our impending separation), so kids and space are not an issue for us. What do others do about this? what would you prefer? Sleep with the dog...it's adorable! |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 13, 2017 12:28:58 GMT -5
My SM only lasted 6 yrs. Years 3 and 4 we were still in the same bed but I was often reminded in a # of ways I needed to stay on my side. Year 5 she slept in another room. Year 6 she slept in another house as we were separated and divorcing.
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Cass
Junior Member
Posts: 22 
Age Range: 31-35
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Post by Cass on Jan 13, 2017 12:36:18 GMT -5
Same bed, unfortunately. A full size bed too. Talk about space constraint. I wish I had the room to get another bed and sleep apart, I often will just get disgusted with his mere presence and sleep on the couch. He started letting our puppy sleep in our bed, between us. So...
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Post by shamwow on Jan 13, 2017 12:41:12 GMT -5
Same bed, unfortunately. A full size bed too. Talk about space constraint. I wish I had the room to get another bed and sleep apart, I often will just get disgusted with his mere presence and sleep on the couch. He started letting our puppy sleep in our bed, between us. So... At least you have some friendly companionship next to you. Our dog won't sleep in the same bed as us anymore come to think of it. I guess he feels the bad juju and would prefer the carpet. |
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Post by shamwow on Jan 13, 2017 12:43:01 GMT -5
I would suspect he was simply thinking about his boyfriend. That is the most likely answer given the evidence. I'm laughing sometimes I wondered if he wasn't a closet gay. A friend from EP and I always joked about it. Sounds like out of the closet and into the bed! |
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Cass
Junior Member
Posts: 22
Age Range: 31-35
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Post by Cass on Jan 13, 2017 12:44:04 GMT -5
Same bed, unfortunately. A full size bed too. Talk about space constraint. I wish I had the room to get another bed and sleep apart, I often will just get disgusted with his mere presence and sleep on the couch. He started letting our puppy sleep in our bed, between us. So... At least you have some friendly companionship next to you. Our dog won't sleep in the same bed as us anymore come to think of it. I guess he feels the bad juju and would prefer the carpet. Right? The dog is way more affectionate and at least will cuddle, lol! |
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