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Post by Lithium92 on Jan 25, 2017 10:36:15 GMT -5
You are describing a normal experience that is common to being a human in the world. About 50% of AVEN is asexuals complaining about things common to everyone, or posting pictures of cake. |
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Post by Lithium92 on Jan 25, 2017 10:39:11 GMT -5
Apparently everyone should approach everyone on the assumption they might be asexual. To do otherwise is to make them feel invisible....
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 25, 2017 10:44:26 GMT -5
Apparently everyone should approach everyone on the assumption they might be asexual. To do otherwise is to make them feel invisible.... Exactly this. Apparently to assume that sex will form part of a relationship or marriage is disgraceful to some of them. Let me highlight it is to SOME of them and not all. |
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Post by Lithium92 on Jan 25, 2017 10:47:59 GMT -5
One poster said I had a rapist's mentality for assuming sex would be part of a relationship, and it was toddler-like neediness so anyone who did want to have sex with me would be a paedophile. I assumed it was a joke. Apparently it wasn't, and he repeated it.
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Post by Apocrypha on Jan 25, 2017 10:52:19 GMT -5
AVEN members are bigoteers who use the culture around "self-identification" to describe their personal habits and preferences as a marginalized "group". Participation in this low-cost ritual grants them good value in establishing the cred they need to feel that they have a right to speak within their ideological circles. It's not so much an information group as it is a kind of secular Sunday School.
Explaining to these people that this is a normal human experience disrupts the narrative that they are trying to create. It is not welcome because it is a threat to their real goal.
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Post by Lithium92 on Jan 25, 2017 10:57:27 GMT -5
I think there's a lot of that, yes. The whole special snowflake mentality. There are a *very* few people on there who I think genuinely don't want sex ever, with anyone, and have no diagnosable other issues, though.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2017 11:10:24 GMT -5
Let take this on face value then wouldn't anyone who is asexual seek out others rather than falsify themselves and spend their live pressuring and making their spouse unhappy conforming to their wishes. Therefore I suggest instead of calling asexual we call them amoral
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 25, 2017 11:13:35 GMT -5
I would be willing to bet a lot of money that if half (or more) of them could change their appearance to anything they wanted and be aesthetically pleasing to the eye, they would change. Why would there be any need to if you have no aspirations to attract anyone. I'd bet my plums on it!
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 25, 2017 11:20:13 GMT -5
I've also noticed a seemingly desperate need to 'recruit' more asexual people on that site.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 25, 2017 11:36:42 GMT -5
Let take this on face value then wouldn't anyone who is asexual seek out others rather than falsify themselves and spend their live pressuring and making their spouse unhappy conforming to their wishes. Therefore I suggest instead of calling asexual we call them amoral Just guessing here, if someone who is asexual was having sex once a week, that's a 1/2 an hour?. That could seem doable out of the other awake, 112 hrs of the week. Then think how quickly it becomes once a year or 1/2 hr. out of 5840 hrs. (like going to the dentist once a year, it's do-able) Then add both people working, children, hobbies, etc... Not to much of their time is spent pressuring, or living behind the mask. The longer they get away with it the easier it is for them, and the harder it gets for the unhappy spouse, who reluctantly gives in, more and more. Like they say, "it's no big deal, it's not that important, I don't see the need for it." |
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Post by Apocrypha on Jan 25, 2017 11:47:39 GMT -5
Like they say, "it's no big deal, it's not that important, I don't see the need for it." Of course not. Nobody finds it to be a priority to have sex with someone who they don't want to have sex with, unless that's either your job or your kink. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 25, 2017 11:56:17 GMT -5
Like they say, "it's no big deal, it's not that important, I don't see the need for it." Of course not. Nobody finds it to be a priority to have sex with someone who they don't want to have sex with, unless that's either your job or your kink. Let me add onto that. It's not just that one person, "the someone", it's "anyone "that they don't want to have sex with, but are willing to, with a certain amount of tolerance, long enough for the bait- and switch. That is their job, their kink, just long enough for their own selfish, controlling plan. |
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 25, 2017 12:10:42 GMT -5
One poster said I had a rapist's mentality for assuming sex would be part of a relationship, and it was toddler-like neediness so anyone who did want to have sex with me would be a paedophile. I assumed it was a joke. Apparently it wasn't, and he repeated it. This is pretty much the reason I have continued to visit and post on aven. If they want to assume the right to consider it a rapist mentality to expect sex in marriage, which by the way is normal (and yes I dare to say normal which is against their rules because the inference is that they are abnormal - which they are) I will reserve the right to consider anyone of them who enters or who has entered a relationship without full disclosure, a fraudster who steals people's lives. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Jan 25, 2017 12:14:39 GMT -5
Of course not. Nobody finds it to be a priority to have sex with someone who they don't want to have sex with, unless that's either your job or your kink. Let me add onto that. It's not just that one person, "the someone", it's "anyone "that they don't want to have sex with, but are willing to, with a certain amount of tolerance, long enough for the bait- and switch. That is their job, their kink, just long enough for their own selfish, controlling plan. I don't know about all that. Pretty much anyone is motivated to endure or enjoy a marriage for the same reasons: lifestyle, finances, a house, kids, companionship, someone to talk to, some who loves them, someone to witness life with. Every reason each of us has to hang on to a marriage also exists for spouses who finds themselves at a place in which they do not desire their partner. A bunch of people here come to a place of mutual sexual indifference or contempt and STILL hang on to the marriage. Control is given, not taken. Anyone can leave a marriage. The plan of a spouse who doesn't want to bang you, but likes the rest of the package, is to hang on to the rest of the package. It's the same package, the same plan. Except for one difference. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 25, 2017 12:47:01 GMT -5
I know all about that.
I've lived it and witnessed it, along with others. You leave out intimacy and sex in your list of reasons for marriage. When that "place in which they do not desire their partner" exposes itself as soon as the wedding takes place, or after the child is born, or after the house is purchased with their name on it, etc...That shows their true lack of desire from the beginning. The BEGINNING, not... a desire that fades with a LONG period of time.
A lot of people here come to the place of eventually realizing this ONE SIDED indifference, and are so crushed, defeated, that they end up STILL hanging on to the marriage.
Control IS taken through manipulation.
Anyone can leave a marriage. And it can also cost you your life. So please, don't just throw that out there, like a "have a nice day" comment.
A controller spouse's plan can very easily not be the same as yours, and there can be many differences. For example, once the last child is 18 yrs old, that spouses plan could be to dump you like an old rag, grab all their investments and run . You have served your purpose for them sexually, physically, spiritually, and financially.
While your plan was to retire with them ,to love and to cherish, to have and to hold, through sickness and through health till death do you part.
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