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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2017 20:21:51 GMT -5
I hate that expression. It is just nasty on so many different levels. Can we call it something else? 'Hall pass' maybe? Rejected has some issues he is working out with that expression. Save |
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 12, 2017 2:41:57 GMT -5
I hate that expression. It is just nasty on so many different levels. Can we call it something else? 'Hall pass' maybe? Rejected has some issues he is working out with that expression. SaveIt's merely what I have heard referred to. Hall pass is the same thing from what I can see but worded much better. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2017 13:18:14 GMT -5
I have never heard of the 'Whore Card' in my life. Heard of an 'Open Relationship'. If, both agree on an 'Open Relationship', I do not see it as a bad thing. If it works for them. I know an 'Open Relationship' would NEVER work for me. I think there is a big difference between a hall pass and an open relationship. Wife wont have sex, so husband gets a hall pass to find some sex. That is the Hall Pass. With an open relationship both husband and wife can see other people. Big difference.. That is my way of looking at it........ I cant imagine any of us being able to deal with our spouse having sex with someone else when they wont have it with us. Save |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 12, 2017 13:28:57 GMT -5
I have never heard of the 'Whore Card' in my life. Heard of an 'Open Relationship'. If, both agree on an 'Open Relationship', I do not see it as a bad thing. If it works for them. I know an 'Open Relationship' would NEVER work for me. I think there is a big difference between a hall pass and an open relationship. Wife wont have sex, so husband gets a hall pass to find some sex. That is the Hall Pass. With an open relationship both husband and wife can see other people. Big difference.. That is my way of looking at it........ I cant imagine any of us being able to deal with our spouse having sex with someone else when they wont have it with us. SaveI like the phrase "whore card" as i recognize it not as a desription of anyone that I (as recipient of the card) might have sex with, but only as a designation of my having been granted permission to go a whoring, ie, behave like one in the context of the relationship in which i was given the card. Then again, i'm funny like that. Of course, i would not use the term to describe a card given by me to my partner as she would not see the humor. Actually, your last point is a good one. Personally, i could live with my partner having sex with someone else. I am not insecure in this regard. If i don't do it for her sexually then by all means she should be free to find someone who does (assuming due care and protection taken etc). Life is too damned short to live without intimacy. My partner and i are good friends, at least that is how i feel. Should she decide that she prefers someone else, sobeit to that as well. I want her to be happy and i want what she believes is best for her. That she may not feel the same way when it comes to me may be my problem, but it is not my responsibility. |
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Post by callisto on Jan 12, 2017 17:15:02 GMT -5
I think there is a big difference between a hall pass and an open relationship. Wife wont have sex, so husband gets a hall pass to find some sex. That is the Hall Pass. With an open relationship both husband and wife can see other people. Big difference.. That is my way of looking at it........ I cant imagine any of us being able to deal with our spouse having sex with someone else when they wont have it with us. SaveI like the phrase "whore card" as i recognize it not as a desription of anyone that I (as recipient of the card) might have sex with, but only as a designation of my having been granted permission to go a whoring, ie, behave like one in the context of the relationship in which i was given the card. Then again, i'm funny like that. Of course, i would not use the term to describe a card given by me to my partner as she would not see the humor. Actually, your last point is a good one. Personally, i could live with my partner having sex with someone else. I am not insecure in this regard. If i don't do it for her sexually then by all means she should be free to find someone who does (assuming due care and protection taken etc). Life is too damned short to live without intimacy. My partner and i are good friends, at least that is how i feel. Should she decide that she prefers someone else, sobeit to that as well. I want her to be happy and i want what she believes is best for her. That she may not feel the same way when it comes to me may be my problem, but it is not my responsibility. I agree entirely with you NCF. Exactly my thoughts. I feel no rancour towards my husband and, maybe because we are so far down the line I would actually feel happy for him if he found someone that, 'floated his boat' . He lack of physical interest in me no longer fills me with hurt, anger, hatred or bitterness. Hmmn- maybe this is a sign that I am wildly dysfunctional myself?! |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2017 18:32:58 GMT -5
I think there is a big difference between a hall pass and an open relationship. Wife wont have sex, so husband gets a hall pass to find some sex. That is the Hall Pass. With an open relationship both husband and wife can see other people. Big difference.. That is my way of looking at it........ I cant imagine any of us being able to deal with our spouse having sex with someone else when they wont have it with us. SaveI like the phrase "whore card" as i recognize it not as a desription of anyone that I (as recipient of the card) might have sex with, but only as a designation of my having been granted permission to go a whoring, ie, behave like one in the context of the relationship in which i was given the card. Then again, i'm funny like that. Of course, i would not use the term to describe a card given by me to my partner as she would not see the humor. Actually, your last point is a good one. Personally, i could live with my partner having sex with someone else. I am not insecure in this regard. If i don't do it for her sexually then by all means she should be free to find someone who does (assuming due care and protection taken etc). Life is too damned short to live without intimacy. My partner and i are good friends, at least that is how i feel. Should she decide that she prefers someone else, sobeit to that as well. I want her to be happy and i want what she believes is best for her. That she may not feel the same way when it comes to me may be my problem, but it is not my responsibility. I see some one having a hall pass and seeking another for sex and being wildly different from someone who is a whore, which is a prostitute. Save |
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Post by McRoomMate on Jan 13, 2017 21:52:55 GMT -5
Whore card? The Right to have Sex with Other People - after your husband/wife has lost all interest in having sex with you. Of course - A good friend of mine who is now happily divorced (good friends with his wife) and new girlfriend - wisely told me he had stopped having a normal relationship years before the divorce.
Be careful though for years I just went out and had "Sex" (lust, animalistic satisfaction with some cuddling /intimacy) and then BAM - My Mistress and I just fell MADLY in love with each other. I mean big time. Now I am madly in Love with Another Woman and still in my sexless / loveless /passionless marriage. We have 2 children and do not want to see them suffer - the only reason I am still in this marriage is for my children. At home it is peaceful and healthy environment for my children - But I do not know how long this can continue. The passionate love I now have for another women just keeps getting bigger and deeper.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jan 14, 2017 15:12:50 GMT -5
"Whore card" is presumably the Refuser term for this and I think it would be intended as demeaning because the refuser assumes anyone who would fuck their partner (when they won't) must be a whore.
Hall Pass and whore card, to me, both denote a Don't Ask Don't Tell policy.
A true "Open Relationship" is more ... well... open. The only person I've spoken to that has much experience with one communicated about who else they dated and each partner had an influence on who their mate was shagging. Open was the communication about it all (not just the legs open, LOL).
I don't like the term whore card but - I don't get offended by it really because it is that hurt & insecure refusers way of acting like "they are better than some HO who would have sex" - when really that is just false bravado. I believe our refusers are "broken" in some way - emotional and spiritual midgets, so to speak, and this is the childish way of throwing mud on the intimate physical connection which we seek and that they don't even comprehend (so they call it names).
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Post by petrushka on Jan 15, 2017 8:14:59 GMT -5
I cant imagine any of us being able to deal with our spouse having sex with someone else when they wont have it with us. SaveThat would be a bit of a pisser, to be sure. Talk about rejection ... It would sure take the relationship down several levels to what, exactly? I think it would make that hypothetical spouse a USER of the 'finest water'. Well I've never been refused by a spouse/partner/s.o. who had sex with other people (and that's happened quite a few times) and I think it is kind of obvious, why - they're not asexual, they don't resent sex. In fact, for the most part, I've felt it did enhance my sex life when it happened, inject ardor -- be it to make up for guilt or be it because they got extra stimulation; in the end that is another case of 'why chasing' and who cares: if it's good, it's good. If it's better, that's better  Afraid I feel entirely different about the matter than rejected101 . I wish my wife had the impetus to sleep with others, because that would mean she'd want to with me, as well. |
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Post by petrushka on Jan 15, 2017 8:17:40 GMT -5
I hate that expression. It is just nasty on so many different levels. Can we call it something else? 'Hall pass' maybe? Totally agree. It's so loaded with negativity and nasty innuendo, I find it to be a metaphoric emetic.  |
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Post by petrushka on Jan 15, 2017 8:24:56 GMT -5
I agree entirely with you NCF. Exactly my thoughts. I feel no rancour towards my husband and, maybe because we are so far down the line I would actually feel happy for him if he found someone that, 'floated his boat' . He lack of physical interest in me no longer fills me with hurt, anger, hatred or bitterness. Hmmn- maybe this is a sign that I am wildly dysfunctional myself?! I think it means you have moved on from looking at it with first sight (seeing what you want to see) to second sight (seeing what's really there) . A metaphor I stole from Terry Pratchett.
You see what's really there, and you cannot help but accept it for what it is, or walk away if you dislike it sufficiently. That is my take, exactly. Rather than rile at the unfairness of it all, or rant about her unwillingness to be what I desire -- I accept her for what she is, and move on -- that is, I don't even think about wanting to do it with her, since that's obviously notgoing to happen in the way we'd like it to (i.e. passionately, with intent and joy). So. Does that make us dysfunctional? I don't think so. I think it makes us out to be level headed, rational, emotionally mature and clear eyed. So there. |
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