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Post by baza on Jan 10, 2017 3:07:34 GMT -5
That's the thing.
*You* may well have the skills, the imagination, the creativity needed.
But that counts for jack shit if your spouse doesn't also have the skills, the imagination, the creativity needed.
You may as well not have these traits if you are not in an environment where they can be gainfully employed.
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Post by callisto on Jan 10, 2017 3:10:40 GMT -5
I am broken hearted and I failed to have a normal marriage and /or provide my parents with grandchildren to help make them happy in their old age.
Also I have left them with the worry of knowing whether their daughter will be financially secure or where the roof over her head will be.
In some ways I wish I had not told them I and caused them so much concern. They deserve better.
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Post by callisto on Jan 10, 2017 3:11:49 GMT -5
That's the thing. *You* may well have the skills, the imagination, the creativity needed. But that counts for jack shit if your spouse doesn't also have the skills, the imagination, the creativity needed. You may as well not have these traits if you are not in an environment where they can be gainfully employed. That could sum up my life Baz. |
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Post by baza on Jan 10, 2017 3:13:40 GMT -5
Maybe that needs an addition.
"That could sum up my life up until now".
The italics and bold I have added in.
But as ever, it's your call Sister callisto.
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Post by petrushka on Jan 10, 2017 6:03:41 GMT -5
I may be naive, optimistic and/ or really out of touch with human psyche but I do not see why it should not work being romantically AND physically attached to a third person provided that person doesn't necessarily want you to live with them or have financial commitments to you. For the refuser spouse I would have thought in some instances they should be relieved that they get, 'let off the hook' sexually and can no longer worry about their intimacy starved refused spouse leaving them entirely hence keeping the refuser's life as they like it- no sex and not loosing their spouse or security or social standing. Surely throughout history there have been such menages..? Leaving the whole refuser issue aside, it's worked for me in the dark dim past, and it's worked for some others that I knew and know. But, clearly, it doesn't work for everybody. Jealousy, or simply moral points of view or ideas of how a relationship should be run can get in the way. We hear a lot about controlling refusers being possessive for instance, and that would totally preclude any such arrangements. Yet occasionally we hear here of 'refusers' who would happily divest themselves of the whole issue by having their spouse enter a relationship with a third person. The relationship with my wife has long since left the realm of 'eros'. It has moved into 'storge' or 'philia'. What romance there is, is a one way street. And, let's be honest about this: people CAN love several parents, several siblings, several friends, (even cats!). So why should that kind of love prevent me in any way from entering in to a romantic relationship with someone else? In fact, I can go further and say that for me it is entirely possible to have several romantic relationships at the same time, just as I can have several platonic or familial relationships simultaneously. It is, in the end, merely a matter of transcending one's own cultural background. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 10, 2017 8:21:41 GMT -5
Leaving the whole refuser issue aside, it's worked for me in the dark dim past, and it's worked for some others that I knew and know. But, clearly, it doesn't work for everybody. Jealousy, or simply moral points of view or ideas of how a relationship should be run can get in the way. We hear a lot about controlling refusers being possessive for instance, and that would totally preclude any such arrangements. Yet occasionally we hear here of 'refusers' who would happily divest themselves of the whole issue by having their spouse enter a relationship with a third person. The relationship with my wife has long since left the realm of 'eros'. It has moved into 'storge' or 'philia'. What romance there is, is a one way street. And, let's be honest about this: people CAN love several parents, several siblings, several friends, (even cats!). So why should that kind of love prevent me in any way from entering in to a romantic relationship with someone else? In fact, I can go further and say that for me it is entirely possible to have several romantic relationships at the same time, just as I can have several platonic or familial relationships simultaneously. It is, in the end, merely a matter of transcending one's own cultural background. Amen brother. |
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Post by thefullmoon on Jan 10, 2017 8:23:17 GMT -5
The whore card was brought up in a reply to one of my previous posts. I'll assume that everyone is of the same understanding with regards to what this is! A green light to go and screw other people whilst married. I've never had a whore card, I've never wanted one. I have a view on a whore cards but many may not share it. Whore cards (unless dished out by someone who is medically unfit to participate/perform) are a quick fix, lazy, selfish and rediculous solution to a complex problem. Did I just say selfish? Yes I did! I don't want a whore card because it not just a lack of sex that bothers me. It's the lack of sex (which includes body to body, skin to skin closeness) with my spouse. Whore cards do nothing for the growing feeling of undesirability to the person I love. I' genuinely believe that many people (the rejectors) don't appreciate, simply can't comprehend the emotion we feel when we are repeatedly rejected over a sustained period of time. No whore cards for me thanks Mrs, try making an effort to have sex for 15 minutes. Never heard this expression before... I do not need permission from sexless husband... You can't be unfaithfull if you are not intimately close... |
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Post by sunniedays on Jan 10, 2017 10:52:50 GMT -5
Can a "Whore Card" only be redeemed in a marriage/relationship which is 100% sexless? Or is it acceptable to cash in one's WC when there is inconsistent sex? What if there is sex, but not as often as one person in the relationship wants it?
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 10, 2017 11:32:41 GMT -5
Can a "Whore Card" only be redeemed in a marriage/relationship which is 100% sexless? Or is it acceptable to cash in one's WC when there is inconsistent sex? What if there is sex, but not as often as one person in the relationship wants it? From my perspective only, if the card is dealt it can be used. I would assume (and would go out of my way to make absolutely sure) that the context has been worked out prior to its having been dealt. |
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 10, 2017 11:42:22 GMT -5
Can a "Whore Card" only be redeemed in a marriage/relationship which is 100% sexless? Or is it acceptable to cash in one's WC when there is inconsistent sex? What if there is sex, but not as often as one person in the relationship wants it? I have no experience with them but I would have to say it would surely be 100% sexless. Surely no one wants to be touched by someone who may have had sex a couple of nights or weeks ago by another person. |
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Post by sunniedays on Jan 10, 2017 11:52:32 GMT -5
Can a "Whore Card" only be redeemed in a marriage/relationship which is 100% sexless? Or is it acceptable to cash in one's WC when there is inconsistent sex? What if there is sex, but not as often as one person in the relationship wants it? I have no experience with them but I would have to say it would surely be 100% sexless. Surely no one wants to be touched by someone who may have had sex a couple of nights or weeks ago by another person. Absolutely. I neglected to consider the fact that a "whore card" is something, by definition, that someone else "gives" to someone else. (as in, permission) |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2017 13:09:49 GMT -5
My marriage is fine except for the sex so I'd love a "whore card" I certainly gave my wife one after years of therapy failed hoping she would reciprocate but instead she refused dooming us both to a lifetime of sexlessness.
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Post by richfairy72 on Jan 10, 2017 14:13:15 GMT -5
If he actually said that, it's over. He's gay. I have wondered. But then why stay with me - I have given him an exit card so many times. I think he is confused. That makes 2 of us..... |
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Post by unmatched on Jan 10, 2017 18:48:29 GMT -5
I hate that expression. It is just nasty on so many different levels. Can we call it something else? 'Hall pass' maybe?
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Post by baza on Jan 10, 2017 20:20:17 GMT -5
unmatched . Must admit, I find the term demeaning too. Rooting (be it marital, extra marital, commercial, opportunistic or whatever) involves two people, and to brand one of the participants with an unsavoury descriptive demeans everyone involved.
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